by Shey Stahl
Red hands me a repair order for a Dodge Durango in my stall as I’m stirring my cup of coffee. “What’s wrong with you?”
Drawing in a deep breath, I set the repair order on my toolbox. “Rough night.” I hate being hungover. I welcome the numbness, but the hangovers, I can go without. So it surprises me that I’ve been drinking so much lately.
Truth is, after I left the bar with them, I finished off a bottle of whiskey on Sunday. In my head, it was better to be drunk than deal with my own shit.
He shrugs and makes his way toward Lenny, hip checking her and handing her a repair order of her own. She laughs and takes it from him.
The morning starts off slow. I spend most of my time doing an alignment on the Durango and then timing chain on a van.
Nova stops by with Mia at lunch time. I guess she had a field trip this morning and worked her way out of not going back to school for the rest of the day. Red’s definitely going to have his hands full with her. She’s only in kindergarten and already looking for ways to get out of going every day.
“Uncle Ty!” She runs up to me immediately hugging my legs.
I look down and smile as I lift her up and set her on my tool box. “Hey princess. How was your—”
“I’m not here to talk about stupid school.” She points to the van in my stall. “What are you working on?”
“Timing chain.”
She leans to the side to peek around me at the van, her brow scrunched in concentration and then hands me a torque wrench next to her. “Here. This should fix it.”
Her face is beaming and I can see that she believes she’s solved my problem. So proud of herself for helping.
I laugh and when she joins me, it’s the sound of her laughter that sends a punch to my chest, so potent I almost hear the shards of it clatter against my ribs. I stop and look at her and I see so much of both Red and Nevaeh in this little girl.
This is what I struggle with. This right here is why I push Raven away. I will never have this moment. Standing at work, laughing with my son or daughter while I look at their laughing face and see my eyes and Raven’s smile.
How can I ask her for forever when I can’t even give her something as simple as having our own child visit me at work?
BY LUNCH TIME, I’m eating a burger on a crate and staring at my cell phone. The bay doors are open to the crisp afternoon and it’s actually nice out. The sun’s shining, it’s beautiful but the wind is cool. I want to kick the leaves blowing inside the shop away because it makes me think of Raven and her brown eyes.
Scrolling through Facebook, I check her page to see if she’s posted anything this weekend. I stalk her on social media when I don’t have the balls to send her a message. She hasn’t posted anything since last week and even then, it was just her complaining about needing caffeine before her class. I even scroll through the comments from her friends at school to see if any are guys. None seem to be but you can never tell these days. I eye the one from Taylor Hunt. He seems harmless but I don’t like his comment of: Help me study and I’ll bring you some.
It’s followed by a wink.
What a fucking loser.
I don’t bother clicking on his profile because I know it’s going to piss me off.
Setting my phone aside on my toolbox, Daniel sits next to me, an energy drink in his hand. He gives a nod to Red, who’s in the parking lot talking to Amber, the chick with the Lexus who thinks Red’s her own personal mechanic and will drop everything when she shows up. When he first took over ownership of the shop, he used to cater to customers, but he’s been holding back lately and making them actually schedule appointments.
This naturally pisses Amber off because who wouldn’t give her everything she wants? Her husband owns half the goddamn town.
“What I wouldn’t give to get a hold of her carburetor,” Daniel says, pointing to the lady standing next to Amber with the skin-tight jeans on. She looks like she’s fucking forty years old.
I shake my head, kinda disgusted with him. “I bet.” I don’t even know why I’m surprised by his comment either. Daniel pops off with some of the most random shit.
Daniel eyes me seriously. “No really. Her car runs like shit.”
I let out a laugh knowing he’s lying. “Dude, she’s like forty. You’re twenty. You don’t find that weird at all?”
I know where he’s going with his next comment before he makes it. “Raven’s six years younger than you.”
He leaves his remark at that. Stupid move on his part.
Standing, I toss my burger in the garbage and knock his drink out of his hand. It goes flying right into Rawley who’s lying on the ground for God knows what reason.
Whoops.
Rawley grabs the side of his head. “You fuckin’ asshole, knock it off.”
“Shut up,” I grumble, walking away toward the bathrooms. It’s then I see Red walking back into the shop, heading for Lenny, who’s face is red with either anger or embarrassment.
“You need to fix this, Red,” Amber yells after him, following him inside the shop. “My check engine light is on.”
Red ignores her, his gaze on Lenny as he whispers in her ear something only she can hear. She seems relieved by it, but still, something is bothering her.
I stop and wait, wondering if she needs anything. She won’t look at me and pushes past me inside the bathroom, looking like she’s going to burst into tears.
“Find someone else,” he barks over his shoulder, slamming his hip into the drawer to close it. “We’re not doing it.”
Amber places her hands on her hips. She’s used to getting what she wants by this move right here, guaranteed. “So you’re not going to fix what your little bitch over there broke?”
Whoa. I can’t believe she said that to him.
“Nope.” Red shakes his head. “You never treat my employees like that. She left a fucking vacuum hose loose. It wasn’t that big of a deal. Take it up to Portland where you should be taking this car and they’ll fix it. I’ll refund your money for the valve cover gasket.” Red glares, a sweeping glance right past her as he points outside. “Get the fuck out.”
Amber doesn’t stop there and stands her ground, heaving in a heavy breath. “Okay, so because you’re sleeping with her you’re going to let this place go to shit? You do realize who my husband is, right? I can have this entire shop shutdown. You’re actually willing to lose it all for her?”
Lenny’s returned from the bathroom, just behind me when Red takes the hammer on the top of his toolbox, he picks it up and tosses it at the wall. Amber jumps, as does Lenny when it crashes to the ground. “I’d burn this motherfucking place to the ground for her. So yeah, go tell your fucking husband what a no good piece of shit I am because I refuse to work on your car after you called my girlfriend a bitch to her face and accused her of breaking your car because she’s jealous she’d never be able to afford it!”
I’m actually shocked myself Amber said that to Lenny. But then again, I’m not. Turning around, I look at Lenny and I can tell right then it’s not what Amber said, it’s the fact she fucked up on a car. It doesn’t happen often but it happens to even the best mechanics. We’ve all done it. Only Lenny’s way harder on herself then any man would be because she thinks she has to prove herself constantly.
“You okay?” Red asks Lenny when Amber leaves, the tires of her Lexus squealing through the parking lot.
He’s pulling her in his arms, trying to wrap his arms around her when she stops him. “I’m fine, Red. You should have let me fix that. All I had to do was tighten the vacuum hose.”
He takes a step back and then picks up the hammer he threw, tossing it on top of his toolbox. “She wasn’t going to let you fix it. She just came back here to treat you like shit because I won’t fuck her.” He gives a careless shrug, seeming unbothered by it. “So don’t worry about it.”
“She’s never going to come back here. Why would you do that?”
Red moves toward her again and tak
es her face in his hands. “I want loyal customers not ones who are looking to break this place apart.”
I know what he means and I hope Lenny does too. This place was Lyric’s. To understand him, all you had to do was step foot inside those bay doors and know him. His blood, sweat and tears went into running Walker Automotive and it was built on principals and good business. He did things right and never let customers walk all over him. If he didn’t want to work on your car because you were a shady piece of shit, he didn’t.
Red didn’t always see it that way. He looked at it as a business and one he needed to keep afloat. So he took anything people came by with, even if they were only showing up for him. Like in Amber’s case.
Since he was shot, his outlook on life and the way he runs Walker Automotive is slowly becoming more of Lyric’s way of doing business. Can’t say I don’t appreciate it because I absolutely loved working for Lyric, and enjoy working for Red too, now that he’s not giving me all the shit jobs.
THE ATMOSPHERE IN the shop calms down since everyone’s gone home for the night. It’s not unusual for me to work late and close up the shop for Red. Mostly because I live upstairs and it’s easy for me to do it. I also get more done at night than I do with Daniel working right beside me. I’m sure you can understand why.
I’m still working on a van, a beer in one hand as I ask the engine why it’s leaking oil. I have a tendency to talk to vehicles. If only they answered me. It’d make my job a lot easier.
As I’m having a conversation with the van, I hear gravel crunching and dust rising up from the parking lot.
It’s Berkley. She’s been texting me for a goddamn week and apparently ignoring her texts isn’t working. She’s another one like Amber, and I’m sure in some way they must be related. Either that or they’re taking pointers from one another.
First thing she does when she walks over to me is touch my tools on my tool cart. I do not like anyone touching my tools. It’s just one of those things. I have them where I want them and I don’t need someone fucking with them.
“Don’t touch that.” I rip the screwdriver in her hand away and toss it back on the tool cart.
“Geez, you’re testy today.”
“What are you even doing here? We’re closed.”
Berkley shrugs. “Saw the doors open and you were here. Thought I could catch you alone.”
Downing the rest of my beer, I point to the van. “I’m not alone. There’s a van here needing my attention.”
“Can you just fix my brakes, please?” She gives a flip of her hand over her shoulder at her Honda Civic parked in front of my open bay door. “I don’t have anyone else to work on my car.”
Tossing my empty beer away, I consider it only because maybe she’ll stop showing up if I do. Maybe I can finally get her out of my life. Not likely but I can at least try. “I’ll do it this one time but stop coming by here. You need to find a new mechanic.”
She gives me pouty lips that never work. “You’ve always worked on my car.”
“I can’t do it anymore. This is the last time.” Letting the van down from the lift, I give a nod. “Move your car so I can pull this one out.” I still haven’t found the leak but she won’t leave so it’s better I get this out of the way.
When the van’s on the ground, I kick the arms of the lift out of the way so I can back it up. I don’t say anything to her for five minutes and she’s handing me her keys. “Give me an hour and it’ll be done.”
Berkley’s eyes drop to our hands when she drops the key in my palm. “I don’t have anywhere to go. Can I just watch?”
She doesn’t want to watch. She wants to try to get me to reconsider.
“Whatever, but no talking.” My shoulder bumps hers as I walk by and open the door to her car. It smells like her, lilies and fruit. It’s some kind of body spray she wears and I remember loving it when we were together. Now I hate it. I even went to Bath and Body Works after we broke up and asked them to stop selling it.
Imagine their expression. It was one of shock that I would do such a thing but I was also fairly drunk. I proceeded to spend $300 and bought the entire stock they had and then dumped every bottle out.
It made me feel better for about an hour.
When I have the car inside on the lift, Berkley won’t stop talking and I’m regretting telling her she could stay. Another thing I hate, besides people touching my tools, is Berkley’s endless chatter about nothing. As shitty as it sounds, I get why Rawley jokes that he only gets blow jobs from her. She talks too fucking much. If your dick’s in her mouth, at least she can’t talk.
I used to think her talking was cute but then it just got on my nerves.
Like now.
Why couldn’t she just listen when I told her not to talk?
“Listen.” I take the used brake pad in my hand, warning her. “You have to stop talking or I’m going to throw this at you.”
I wouldn’t. I’m not that much of a dick, but she laughs it off as if it meant nothing and continues. For an entire hour. Couldn’t tell you anything she said either.
She did need rear brakes and luckily we had some in the back for her car. It takes me another thirty minutes to get both the rear brakes changed and I’m lowering the car down from the lift.
I hand her keys back to her. “You really do need to find someone else to work on your car. It’s for the best.” We’re standing close, about a foot apart and I can smell that body spray. Instantly I’m reminded of our breakup and why she left. I’m also reminded of the fact she cheated on me.
Berkley licks her lips and my gaze follows. I don’t know why, but it does. Sensing her opportunity, she places her hand on my chest. “How much do I owe you?”
It’s not that I want to do anything for free for her, mostly because I still owe so much on that fucking credit card and she should be paying that motherfucker off. But if I do this, maybe she’ll leave and stay out of my life. Maybe. So I try it out and tell her, “It’s on me.”
“I’ll pay you,” she breathes out, suggestively. I know exactly what kind of paying she has in mind. Before I can step back, she leans in and kisses me.
I react immediately.
“Leave,” I tell her, twisting my head away so she can’t do it again. My stomach lurches at the thought of her lips on mine. Mostly because I’m immediately reminded of the fact that she’s not Raven.
She doesn’t lower her hands so I take them from my chest, gathering them in one of mine and letting them fall at her side.
She smiles. She thinks that’ll work.
Raising my hand to her hair, I take a fistful of her hair.
“I like that,” she breaths, slouching toward me. “You know how rough I like it.”
I pull tighter to the point she winces. “I said leave. This isn’t happening between us.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
Her brow knits as she searches my face for the answer. She’s playing dumb but deep down, she has to fucking know where she went wrong. She knows.
Swallowing hard, I step away, creating distance, my back hitting the edge of my toolbox. Maybe then she’ll see it as my shoulders sag on a sigh and I nod my chin in the direction of the door. “I don’t want you here.”
I don’t care that my words will hurt her. I want her to feel the pain I had when I realized I wasn’t the father of the baby we lost. I want that devastating reality crashing on her.
“It’s really over between us, isn’t it?”
Closing my eyes, I pinch the bridge of my nose as I talk. “It is.”
“Seriously?”
I don’t understand why she doesn’t get it. “Yes. Go home.”
She chews on her bottom lip, playing with her keys in her hand as she steps back. “If I leave, that’s it. I’m not coming back again.”
Our gaze meets. I’m hoping she finally sees it was over for me a long time ago. I made the mistake of sleeping with her a couple weeks after we broke up and I think sh
e thought I’d always be there if she needed some. I’m not that guy, which is why it only happened once. Hypercritical of me considering my relationship with Raven? Yeah. Probably.
“That’s exactly what I want,” I tell her.
There’s hurt in her expression, a deep hurt because she knows it’s finally over. It’s been over for a while but she’s finally fucking getting it for once. “I can’t believe you’re ending us like this.”
“No.” I shake my head adamantly. “You ended us. You did that. I’m just sticking to the new plan.”
“With everything we’ve been through, I can’t believe you’re going to walk away from our history.”
I lose all dignity and control I have. “You fucking cheated on me, Berkley! You told me you were pregnant with my baby.”
That same shocked expression she wore in the bar that night I hinted at this marks her face. “It was your baby.”
“See, that’s how I know you’re lying.” I wait for her eyes to meet mine. When they do, I can’t help the sarcastic smile. “I can’t have kids.”
“What?”
Resentment punches my chest. “I. Can’t. Have. Kids. The medication I’m on made me sterile when I was a kid. Don’t blame me for ending us. You did that.”
For a moment, she’s speechless. It’s a goddamn miracle.
“Nothing to say now? I guess being called out on what a lying bitch you are is the only thing that can make you fucking speechless. I’ll have to remember that one.” Her breath hitches and for a moment, I think I might need to stop, but no, that’s not fair to me. Never once has she considered me in any of this. She’s always made the decision and I let her, not anymore. “Maybe I’ll pass it along to Rawley?”
I’ve never seen such agony on her face as I do right then. I hurt her bad with that one. She blinks three times, my words hitting her heart. “Fuck you, Tyler.”
She walks away from me, leaving me standing alone in the shop like I wanted.
“Fuck,” I curse, wiping blood off the repair order on my toolbox.
It’s Tuesday afternoon and we’re swamped, my hands bleeding from the cuts on my knuckles and fingers. You’d be amazed how many sharp parts are under the dashboards of cars and seats. I just fixed a seat where the wiring control went out so it was stuck in the recline position. I had to laugh when I was fixing it because there’s only one reason why cars come in with the passenger seat reclined all the way and it’s a teenage boy who’s brought it in hoping his dad doesn’t find out he took his Mustang for a ride with his girlfriend.
