I don’t answer him - my attention has been caught by Alex. Deciding he has achieved maximum damage, he shrugs his shoulders, then tosses his keys in the air and deftly catches them in the other hand. ‘I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it, shall I?’
I feel a whoosh of cold air as the front door opens and then slams shut. Then the roar of Alex’s car engine as it springs into life. I stand at the top of the stairs, the moments ticking on and on for what seem like forever. My awareness slows down. I can feel a raised nail in the floorboard pressing into the sole of my foot and I want to move but my legs refuse to work.
‘Babe, honestly it’s not like it seems,’ James says, advancing up the first few stairs. ‘Come and sit down with me and let me explain.’ He holds out his hand to me, his face softening.
‘Just go, James,’ I say, I don’t know what I want, but I don’t want to sit with him and listen to his lies and excuses.
‘No, babe, we need to talk this through,’ he says, impatiently thrusting his hand for me to take.
‘I said go, James. Get out. Now.’ I haven’t got the strength to fight him or argue.
‘Come on, Lola, you’re being unreasonable. You only heard half the conversation.’ He comes up another stair, nearly touching me now.
‘I heard enough, now you need to leave. Right now.’ I take a step backwards, I don’t want his skin on mine. ‘Now is not the time, James.’
He hesitates, not sure whether to stay and fight his corner or take the easy route and leave. He chooses the latter. ‘I’ll come back tomorrow when you’ve had chance to calm down, shall I?’
I already feel calm. Very calm.
I feel a whoosh of cold air again as the front door closes. I sit down where I am on the stairs and lean my head against the cool wall. It feels really good, seeping into my brain, cooling my senses. Too much has happened this evening for my mind to process logically. I feel worn down, like I’ve lost the battle and I just need to sleep and let my mind rest. I smile to myself as I start to grow weary.
My eyes flutter to a close and I drift off into blackness.
When I awake, a blue dawn lights the stairway. Still sat on my stair, I shiver with cold, my body aching from being stuck in the same position for too long. As I stretch myself, the events of last night start to filter into my brain and I groan inwardly, and get up from my makeshift bed.
In the bathroom I run a hot bath, gently slipping into it, glad of the warmth. The water eases the aching in my body and I top the bath up with more hot water until my skin turns pink. My muscles relax and my bones heave a grateful sigh. I lie back in the water and let my mind think back to James’ surprise appearance at the pub all those months ago and how he was keen for us to get back together. And then his proposal after what seemed to me like five minutes.
I think about all the times I have called him and his phone has been switched off while he claimed to be in meetings, even late at night. He has always been shifty and vague about his business, so I never really knew what he did in London or where he stayed. Thinking about it now, I don’t know a lot of things about him, about the person he has become over the last twelve months.
I don’t know exactly what scheme he has been plotting with my devious brother either, but I do know it ends now.
As for his infidelity, I’m not really shocked by it. It’s as if a part of me already knew he couldn’t be trusted. I’d suspected him of deceit the first time we had been together, but never had any real evidence to base it on. But now I know the truth, it has left a bitter taste in my mouth.
Taking a deep breath, I plunge my head under the water to rid myself of any thoughts of James. There’s no place for him any longer in either my mind or my heart.
I get out the bath and towel off - I need to keep my mind busy today. I don’t want to sit at home and feel sorry for myself. Half heartedly, I get ready for work, slipping on black trousers and a red silk blouse.
As I’m putting on my shoes I spot a pair of James’s trainers flung on the floor, with a discarded pair of sports socks rolled in a ball next to them, and I know immediately that I want rid of every trace of him. I go downstairs and fetch a roll of bin liners, then slowly and methodically collect every single item of his I can find. Suits from Paul Smith and Armani, Pinks’ shirts, leather soled shoes, silk ties, cufflinks, and bottles of expensive cologne. Regardless of what it is, it all goes into the bags.
Eventually I stop and look around. Pushing back my hair I smile, satisfied every piece of him has been removed. I grab my bag and jacket in one hand and drag the bulging bin liners behind me, bouncing them down the stairs. Outside on the driveway, I heave them up and dump them in the skip, just as Ned’s van pulls in.
‘Morning, missus, nice day,’ he says, as he climbs down from the van and tugs his trousers up.
‘Good morning, Ned, it is a nice day,’ I say, breathing in the fresh air and smiling up at him. ‘Could you change the locks today please?’
‘Yes, missus.’ His wrinkled face furrows even further in confusion. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘Great, Ned, thanks. Could you drop the new keys off at the shop for me please?’ I say, ‘but under no circumstances give them to anyone else.’ I add, remembering James has a habit of going to Ned for my house keys.
‘What about Robert?’ he says, his eyebrows raised.
‘I’m afraid Robert has found somewhere else to live so he won’t need one.’
‘Oh,’ he says, momentarily stunned, ‘and James?’
‘James won’t be coming back if he has any sense. If however he does, his belongings are there in the skip,’ I say, opening the car door ready to go and then turn to him matter of factly. ‘Have you got much else on today, Ned?’
‘We’re starting on the windows, but I’ll do your locks first shall I?’ He looks into the skip, slightly stunned at this new development and coughs to recover himself. ‘And you’re sure I shouldn’t give a key to anyone else, missus?’
‘No one, apart from me. I’ll catch you later, Ned.’ He stands on the drive, scratching his head and watches as I reverse the car out into the road.
Chapter Twenty Three
I need sustenance, so I call into the coffee shop on the way to work and buy bacon rolls, pain au chocolat and strong coffees. When I get to the shop Muriel is already there, busily cleaning surfaces and removing the last few glass rings from last night.
I put the bag from the coffee shop on the counter as Muriel replenishes the carrier bags.
‘Great night, I can’t believe it went so well,’ she says, giving the counter an extra wipe over it doesn’t need. She peers at me more closely. ‘You’re looking really peaky, Lola, didn’t you get much sleep last night? Although I think we were all a little hyped up on it all, it took me ages to nod off even though I felt worn out.’
‘I slept on the stairs, Muriel,’ I say, as my bottom lip quivers, and finally I let my emotions escape.
‘What, why?’ she says, coming to my side.
The whole story comes gushing out. Muriel makes all the right noises, in all the right places, she holds my hand and rubs my back. Hugging me fiercely she says. ‘I think you need to go home, Lola.’
‘No, that’s the worse place for me to be at the moment. I want to keep busy and I can’t face being there alone,’ I say, wiping the last of my tears from my face.
‘Well, we’ll see.’ She pushes a coffee cup into my hand, biting her lip. ‘I’ll give Chrissie a ring shall I? How do you feel about that?’
‘Okay,’ I say meekly, sipping at the coffee. The strong bitter taste is a shock to my taste buds and catches in my throat.
‘If James turns up here I’ll send him packing, don’t you worry,’ she says. From what I know about Muriel she will have no trouble doing that.
‘But I’ll have to speak to him at some point, Muriel.’ I don’t want to see him at any point ever, but I know this isn’t going to happen. I know he won’t be happy until he has tried to talk me round, tr
ied to use his charms on me, convince me it’s all some big misunderstanding and I’ve have it all wrong.
‘Well, we’ll see about that too,’ she says, bustling off into the back room and I hear her on the phone.
I feel like I should be doing something useful so I start to sift through the rails to check what had been sold last night, but my heart just isn’t in it so I sit back down again and watch the world walking past the window. It’s unlikely I’m going to be of much use in the shop today while I feel like I do, but I just need to be with people who care for me.
Half an hour later, Chrissie barges through the door like a hurricane, sending the bell above into a clanging frenzy. ‘I’m going to kill him,’ she says, her face like thunder.
I look up. ‘Chrissie, calm down, it’s okay honestly.’
‘Okay? I don’t think so. I just knew he couldn’t be trusted,’ she says, enveloping me in a suffocating hug. ‘How are you doing?’
‘I’m okay, a little shell shocked, but I’m keeping busy,’ I say, still sitting behind the counter watching the world go by.
‘Good job, but coming on the heels of such a brilliant party,’ she says, shaking her head. ‘He could have picked a better moment.’
‘He didn’t exactly volunteer the information,’ I say, thinking back to last night.
‘How do you mean?’
So for the second time that day I run through the events from the previous evening after we had left the party and she visibly pales.
‘Oh my god, Robert’s gone too?’ She seems more shocked at this little piece of news than she had about James’ cheating.
‘Yes, I’m afraid so. James made sure of it - he was quite pleased with himself for getting rid of him. And now Robert will think I wanted shut of him which just isn’t true,’ I say, my heart feels heavy knowing that Robert has gone in the belief I didn’t want him around.
‘Why don’t you go to the pub and see if Mike knows where he is?’ she says, her face brightening.
‘Oh, I don’t know whether that’s a good idea, perhaps it’s better just to let it go.’ I shake my head.
‘For goodness sake, Lola, seize the day. You’re single now, go find him,’ she says, almost bursting with optimism.
‘I just need some time to get my head clear, I’ll think about it.’ I turn my attention back to watching people through the window.
Chrissie tuts and shakes her head and I see her exchange a glance with Muriel over my head.
‘I can see you two you know so don’t try and pressure me into anything. Besides he’s already started dating someone before he left so it’s unlikely anything will come of it, you’re wasting your time,’ I say. I don’t know why they can’t just let it rest. What’s done is done. It was probably for the best anyway.
‘Well, we’ll see.’ Muriel mutters and disappears into the back room.
Later that evening I’m sitting in Chrissie’s kitchen sipping a nice glass of red. I had protested I was fine to go home after work but Chrissie was having none of it. So, just to make her feel better, I agree to crash out at hers for the night, so I don’t have to go home alone. Unfortunately, I had to send Chrissie round to my place to pick up the new keys from Ned, and as I had given him strict instructions not to pass them on to anyone but me she had quite a battle to get him to part with them. I was more surprised he was actually doing what he’d been told for once. There was a first for everything.
‘Okay, lovely, I’ve ordered a humungous pizza which will be here within the hour,’ she says, topping up my glass again. ‘Get your lips round that and I’ll be back in two ticks, just going to get changed and then we can watch something suitably girly on TV.’
I really don’t feel the need to get drunk but this wine is slipping down remarkably easily, and who am I to argue. Chrissie is falling over herself to try and take my mind off everything – its times like these I am thankful for such good friends, so I settle down on my stool, while she flitters around me, and I flick through some magazines.
I look up as the intercom buzzes and Chrissie shouts from the bedroom. ‘That’s probably the pizza guy, money’s on the table in the hall - can you sort him out, Lola?’
‘Will do,’ I call back, and still reading the magazine, I buzz the downstairs lock open and leave the flat door ajar, while I wait for the pizza man to come up the stairs. As I missed lunch my stomach is now growling and I desperately need to line it before I fill it with wine. A tap at the door and I put down the magazine ready to pay. I stop in my tracks. Not the pizza guy, but James. I try to shut the door but he pushes his arm through the gap and as much as I would like to crush it with the door, I hold that part of me back.
‘I’m sorry, babe, but I really need to speak to you,’ he says, desperately trying to look through the gap in the door.
‘Not now, James, call me tomorrow.’ I push the door again but he wedges his foot in the gap.
‘Come on, Lola. At least give me five minutes, please?’ he says, his eyes pleading.
I look down at my watch. ‘You’ve got two so you had better talk really fast,’ I say, folding my arms to put a barrier between us.
‘Can I come in?’ he says, pushing his hand through his hair nervously. He looks as if he had less sleep than I did last night.
‘No. How did you know I was here?’ I purse my lips to keep my resolve.
‘I followed you from the shop,’ he says, shrugging apologetically. ‘How else was I to talk to you? You’ve changed the bloody locks and told Ned not to let me in the house, what else was I to do?’
Shrugging nonchalantly, I look back down at my watch. ‘One minute and thirty seconds.’
‘Give me a chance, babe, everything is a mess, at least let me tell you my side,’ he says, pausing to gather himself, before launching into his speech, which he has probably rehearsed on the way here. ‘I never meant for things to turn out like this, babe, and I certainly never set out to hurt you. Your brother asked me to encourage you to sell the house. He said you were struggling with it but too stubborn to ask for help. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing.’
I open my mouth to speak but he puts his hand up. ‘I know how crazy you are about that house - I thought I could help you see alternatives, maybe get rid of the burden, take some of the weight off your shoulders. You’ve been mad busy with the shop and the renovations lately, it was all getting too much for you. I could see that and I didn’t want you killing yourself for the sake of a house,’ he says, and I can almost believe he has my best interests at heart.
Almost, but not quite.
‘Well thanks for that, James. But I never wanted an alternative. What I really wanted was someone who believed in me enough to support me.’
‘I did believe in you, Lola. I still do, please give me another chance and I’ll prove it to you.’ He puts his hand onto my arm and squeezes gently, his eye imploring me. He has always been persuasive, always managed to talk me round to his way of thinking. Made me believe everything he did was in my best interest.
But not this time. I pull my arm from his grasp. ‘Too little, too late, James. What about the piece you have been busy shagging in London?’
He blushes. ‘I’d already ended that before we got back together, I told her it was over, but she was so upset, she wouldn’t leave me alone. She kept calling me and saying she would hurt herself if I didn’t come round, what else could I do? I really did try to put a stop to it but she just wouldn’t get the message.’
‘That’s probably because you were spending most of your time lying naked on top of her - it does tend to give out the wrong message,’ I say with a sneer. I really don’t feel proud of myself, I have never liked confrontations.
‘It wasn’t like that, Lola. I did try to end it.’ His face hardens.
‘Strange you found it so difficult really, you managed to get rid of Robert easily enough.’
‘Is that what this is all about? Your precious Robert?’ he says, standing back with his hands on
his hips.
‘No, James. It’s about you deceiving me by shagging around while at the same time trying to coerce me into selling my house against my will,’ I say, my anger boiling over.
Chrissie appears behind me, now dressed in a bathrobe. ‘What’s going on?’ She spots James on the doorstep and her face hardens. ‘You’ve got a bloody nerve, sunshine.’
‘It’s okay Chrissie.’ I turn and put a calming hand on her shoulder and she stands back. But just having her near me makes me feel better. ‘Look, James. I can’t do this.’
‘Okay, how about I give you a few days, let everything settle down and we’ll talk again, in private,’ he says, eyeing Chrissie.
‘No, James. I can’t do this ever. It’s finished. I’ll never be able to trust you again,’ I say, my face expressionless.
‘Please, Lola, just give me a proper chance to explain,’ he says, pleading.
I glance over James’ shoulder and notice the old guy from the flat opposite fumbling with his keys, probably stalling for time to hear more.
‘There’s nothing more to say, James. Just go.’ I shut the door on him and turn to Chrissie, feeling my knees go weak.
‘Cheeky bastard,’ she says, pulling me into a hug. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I think I am, Chrissie. I’ve done all the crying I’ll ever do over him. Now it’s finished. New start.’ I know, without a shadow of a doubt, there will never be any more reconciliation’s with James. That part of my life is well and truly over. Now I have to look to the future and see what I can make of it. I bite my lip nervously.
Back at home on Saturday night after work, I enter the house and it feels empty and cavernous. I dump my bags in the bedroom, take off the clothes I had borrowed from Chrissie that morning, and take a very long hot shower. Having wrapped my hair in a towel, I throw on some comfy pyjamas and gather up various items for the washing machine, all the time asking myself where my life will go from here.
Lola's House (Lola Series) Page 19
