“No, baby, I’ll be with Pappy and Nana,” she says to him, referring to her parents. “But I’ll see you the very next day.”
“But you’re always here when I open my Santa gifts,” he whines.
“You’ll have Daddy and Grandpa and Grandma and all your unkies and aunties and your friend Callie,” Ashleigh points out, and I feel uncomfortable that she calls Rose and Jessie Conner’s aunties but Callie is just Callie. If only she knew how much more Callie really is. She should know.
“I’ll walk you out,” I suggest and shove my feet into what I think are Jordan’s boots at the door. I grab my coat out of the closet and as I meet her on the porch, I glance back and see Callie looking at me nervously. Outside, the air is freezing but the sun is out and glinting off all the piles of pristine white snow. It makes my eyes instantly water. I lift a hand to shield them so I can look at Ashleigh.
“He’ll be fine,” Ashleigh assures me, talking about Conner. “If he really freaks out, just call me and maybe I can come by and hang out for a little bit until he calms down. I don’t want you to have to bring him back to me.”
I nod. “Listen…”
She looks at me intently, waiting, but I have nothing to say. How do I start this conversation? I scratch my head and realize I probably have fuck-me hair from the night before. Callie and I hadn’t been able to stop ourselves the minute we got in the door. We fucked on the stairs, with her riding me. We got to the bedroom and fucked in the shower, doggie style. And then when we finally hit the bed, still damp from the shower, she sucked me off. Half an hour later, just before she succumbed to sleep, I went down on her and made her scream so loud I think she might have woken up the neighbors. Why do I feel guilty? Maybe I should have told Ashleigh about Callie as soon as we decided this was a relationship, but the last four weeks have been perfect and I didn’t want anything to wreck that. I’m fairly certain Ashleigh won’t be happy about this. Not to mention I know Callie is still skittish—I can feel it and see it on her face. She wants me—she wants this—but she’s still terrified. I wanted to keep things smooth and simple.
“Have you talked to Andrew?” I ask, hating the fact that I have to say his name. “Is he here for the holidays?”
She shakes her head. “We’re…not talking right now. I don’t know if I want to work it out.”
“Why?”
She hesitates, biting her thin bottom lip for a second. “The relationship started in lies. I lied to you. I lied to myself. I just…I regret it.”
I swallow. Hard. She looks at me with tears in her eyes. “I should have tried harder with you. I should have worked at my marriage.”
“Ashleigh…” I sigh. “Yes. You should have. But…you can’t undo what you did. Or where it’s landed us now.”
“I know. But maybe we can move on.”
“I did. I—”
“I mean move on together,” she interrupts.
Her blue eyes are hopeful. I feel like I might throw up. She takes my hand in hers. Her fingers are cold. I guess mine are too. I don’t know. I can’t seem to feel my body at this point. I think I may be in shock.
“I don’t want you to answer me. I know you’ll tell me it’s over. It’s because you’re hurt. I did something horrible to you. I get it.” She takes a big breath and purses her lips for a second before carrying on. “But Conner deserves two parents who love each other. We were that. And I still love you, Devin. I know if you let me, I can make you forgive me. I can. Please think about it.”
I open my mouth. I want to speak. I just…can’t. She kisses my cheek, squeezes my hand and disappears down the icy walkway to her car in the driveway.
Chapter 49
Devin
Five hours later, I’ve just flipped on the gas fireplace and am alone in the living room when I hear the front door open and close. I smile and dart out into the front hall. I can’t help but chuckle at how bundled up Callie is as she peels out of her big parka, mitts, scarf and hat. She hears me, turns around and smiles sheepishly. “You know I hate winter here.”
“I know.” I watch her hang her coat.
I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her neck. I pull her to me and kiss her.
“Didn’t you get my text? I wanted naked Devin,” she whines with a smile.
“Conner is napping upstairs but could wake up any minute,” I reply apologetically. “Or else I would be naked and you would be too.”
She smiles into the kiss and it makes my heart sing and ache at the same time. She is not going to be smiling when I tell her about Ashleigh. I’ve spent all day thinking about what Ashleigh said. It was impossible not to. Now I wish I could just shut my brain off—by losing myself in Callie—but I have to tell her. She deserves to know.
“How was the mall with your sisters?” I ask as we walk back into the living room and sit on the couch.
“Cold. I almost killed myself on the ice in the parking lot.”
We say nothing for a long minute and I just wrap my arm around her and enjoy the feel of her up against me as we both watch the gas flames dance behind the glass of the fireplace. The sun has started to set for the night and the room is in shadows.
“What time do we have to be at your parents’?” she asks softly.
“In about an hour,” I respond and take a deep breath. “So…Ashleigh is having a hard time.”
She doesn’t say anything for a second and I can’t see her face to tell how she is reacting. Her body doesn’t go slack or get tense. “A hard time with what?”
“That douche she cheated with, I guess.” I’m trying so hard to sound casual so it’s coming out forced. Great. “And the divorce.”
“Does she not like the settlement you’re offering?” Callie asks. “Does she…not like the idea of living in New York?”
I pause. “No. I guess maybe she doesn’t. She wants me back, I think.”
“What?”
And there’s the reaction I knew was coming. Her voice is pitchy. Her body tenses. Her eyes dart sideways up to mine and she looks completely rattled. She cares. Callie Caplan cares about me. It’s written all over her face—finally!
“She asked me to give her another chance,” I say, feeling sick.
“I see.” Callie’s face suddenly slips into a neutral expression. She pulls herself off me and slowly slides over to the other side of the couch. “Okay.”
“Okay?” I repeat, confused. “Okay what?”
“Devin, she’s your wife. She’s the mother of your child. She’s still in love with you.” Callie’s voice is weird. It’s vacant of the usual warm tone and strong emotion it normally holds. It’s almost robotic. And gone is any trace she cares about me—or anything else, for that matter.
“I didn’t say she was still in love with me,” I reply tersely and run a hand through my hair in annoyance. “I said she wanted me back.”
“Same difference.”
“Not really.”
Conner’s little voice calls for me from upstairs and the conversation ends there. I get up but hesitate. He calls out “Daddy” again and this time it’s strained.
“Go to him,” she urges. “I have to get ready for dinner at your parents’ anyway.”
“We’ll talk more later,” I say, and she just looks away.
I turn and take the stairs two at a time as Conner’s call develops into a near wail. When I get to his room, I try to smile reassuringly at him. It’s hard because I’m so incredibly tense from that conversation downstairs.
“Daddy!” Conner says and reaches for me.
I sit on the edge of his bed and hug him. “You okay, Con?”
“I was comfused,” he says. He still gets his m’s and n’s mixed up. “I thought I was at Pappy’s and Nana’s.”
“No, Mommy brought you here, remember?”
He nods. “Is Mommy here?”
“No, Conner. I don’t live with Mommy anymore, remember?” I say. He hesitates, then nods. I pause and make a split-second decision. “I
live with Callie now.”
“Callie!” He sings her name and claps his hands. “Is Callie here?”
“Yep. She’s getting ready to go to Grandma and Grandpa’s house with us,” I say cheerfully.
“I love Callie,” he tells me as he untangles himself from his sheets and starts to climb from his toddler bed.
“I love Callie too,” I tell him and grab his hand so he can’t run to his toys and get distracted. “I love Callie so much she’s going to live with me for a long time.”
“For how long?” he wants to know, blinking curiously. “For a billion years?”
I chuckle. “I hope she lives with me forever. Is that okay? How would you feel if Mommy lives somewhere else and Callie lives with Daddy forever?”
He thinks about that, scrunching up his tiny little perfect face. “I wish we could all live together forever.”
“Unfortunately, that can’t happen, son,” I say calmly and give him a small smile. “But you’ll always get to live with me and Mommy, just on different days.”
“When I live with you, I get to live with Callie too?” he asks hopefully.
“Yes. You definitely do.”
“Yay!” He claps his hands and jumps.
I laugh and feel relieved. Callie has been so good to him—so loving and so thoughtful—of course he’s okay with her being with me. That’s all I can ask right now.
Now that Conner knows, I have no choice but to tell Ashleigh the next chance I get. That will put delusional reconciliation thoughts out of her head and hopefully change Callie back from the robot she just morphed into downstairs.
Chapter 50
Callie
The ride to Donna and Wyatt’s place for Christmas Eve dinner is blissfully taken over by Conner, who is chattering excitedly about Santa and Christmas and Rudolph. I keep silent in the passenger seat and listen as he begins his own rendition of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” It hits me like a ton of bricks how much I am going to miss hearing his little voice on a regular basis. The snow is falling slowly in big, fat flakes outside. Not a storm, just a picturesque sprinkle to make it even more festive. I wish my heart wasn’t breaking and I could enjoy this.
We open the front door to the Garrison house without knocking.
“We’re here!” Devin calls out, and bends to help me get Conner out of his snow gear. I unzip the tot’s jacket while Devin tugs off his boots. When we stand up and Conner is left in just his jeans, socks and flannel shirt, Donna is standing in the entrance to the kitchen beaming at us.
“Come on up here and let me hug you all!” she demands, and we climb the three stairs up from the entrance landing to her. She hugs Devin and then me, squeezing me tightly. For a second I wonder if it’s wrong to think she’s on Ashleigh’s side. Conner hugs her tightly and then runs into the adjacent living room, where all the Garrison men are hanging out with beers in their hands and glued to the television as Wyatt shows them all the highlights he’s kept on the DVR from the season so far. They’re all joking and insulting each other’s clips. Wyatt looks overjoyed. All the boys are having great seasons, even Luc since he was traded, and Wyatt is beaming with pride.
For the first time in my life, I feel like an intruder being a part of this. I’m not their friend anymore. I moved past that when I started dating Devin. And I’m not his wife. He has one of those and she wants him back. So now…I’m nothing. At least that’s how it feels.
Wyatt jumps up as we enter the room. Conner runs to him and hugs him before running over to the couch and climbing all over Cole and Jordan, who are sitting side by side.
Wyatt grins at Devin. “Get yourself a beer and join us.”
Devin nods and heads for the beer fridge in the garage. I turn to wander into the kitchen but Wyatt grabs me into a big hug first. “I’m always glad to have you here, Callie. And it’s even more special this year.”
I pull back and catch his eye. He looks so…happy. He clearly has no idea Ashleigh and Devin are getting back together. I feel an overwhelming need to cry but I fight it off. I just give him a tight smile and nod and head for the kitchen. Leah is hovering over a serving tray she’s filling with steaming hot green beans. Rose is at the stove making gravy. Donna is peering into the slightly ajar oven door.
“Roast is almost done,” she announces happily.
I glance through the opening off the left side of the kitchen and see Jessie setting the table in the dining room. I wander over to her. She smiles happily as I walk up beside her and take the pile of forks from her hand and begin to lay them out. She kisses my cheek and grabs a pile of napkins and begins folding them, placing them next to the plates. I notice we’re using Donna and Wyatt’s good wedding china.
“Are you and Jordan going to get wedding china?” I ask absently.
“Are you kidding?” Jessie asks back, laughing lightly. “He breaks at least one dish a week. He’s a klutz. Besides, all our big family dinners will likely be here anyway.”
I nod. That makes sense.
“What about you and Devin?”
I snap my head up and catch her eye. She’s smiling lightly but I can tell she’s fucking serious.
“Devin and I will never be married, Jessie,” I respond in a quiet, deathly serious voice, and busy myself laying out the cutlery.
“Callie.” She puts down the pile of napkins and reaches for my hand. “Talk to me.”
I shake my head, refusing to look up from the pretty plates and glasses decorating the table. “It’s not the time.”
“Screw that. Something is wrong,” she replies in a heated whisper. “Tell me.”
I finally put the last fork in place and look up into her pretty green eyes. I’ve always envied that she ended up with our dad’s eyes. They’re this unique, beautiful mossy green color. I got my mom’s brown ones and Rosie got an even darker version of that. At least Rosie’s look exotic. Mine are just plain old cow-shit brown.
“Nothing is wrong,” I say firmly because it’s the truth. A wife wanting her husband back isn’t wrong. It’s right. The vows finally mean something to Ashleigh and she wants to fix her mess. That’s what she should have done months ago. “It’s fine. But you know me—I’m not the marrying type.”
She isn’t buying it. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so close to my sisters. It would make lying easier. She won’t let go of my hand.
“This afternoon at the mall you would have been okay with that china joke. So what is going on?”
“I’m never going to marry Devin,” I repeat and the words feel like razor blades slicing through the center of my heart as I speak them. “He’s married and he’s going to stay married and that’s okay. That’s how it should be.”
She stares at me in complete stunned silence for a long minute.
“Are you drunk?” she says finally, her voice dripping sarcasm.
Before I can answer, Donna calls out that dinner is ready. The boys jump up from the living room and scurry toward us like starving wildlife. Jessie and I jump back to let them push and shove for places at the table.
I feel a tug on my pant leg and look down. Conner is peering up at me. “Can I sit next to you, Callie?”
I should say no. I have to say no. He has to detach himself from me. I’m not going to be around like I was before. I glance at the table. Devin has left two spots next to him open. I pick Conner up and carry him around the table.
“How about you sit next to Daddy and I sit on the other side next to Daddy?” I ask as Leah and Rose start placing piping hot bowls of green beans and roasted potatoes and baby carrots with dill on the table.
Wyatt is in the other room carving the roast beef under Donna’s watchful eye. I plop Conner down in the chair to the left of Devin, who has already put his booster seat on it. He looks up at me and scrunches his perfect little face in disappointment.
“You don’t want to sit next to me?”
“Of course I do, but you should sit next to Daddy and Unkie Jordy,” I say. “They’re your
family.”
Devin shoots me a strange look at that and I see Jordan’s blue eyes glance up too. Jessie is flat-out glaring at me as she slips into the chair at the end of the table next to Jordan.
“Hey, Con, if you sit next to me, I’ll eat your carrots for you,” Jordan promises in a low but totally audible whisper.
“Okay. I hate carwits,” he announces firmly in his baby accent.
Everyone chuckles as Wyatt brings a platter full of perfectly cooked roast beef into the dining room. I slip into the seat next to Devin and take the bowl of green beans from him, using the serving fork to place a few on my plate before passing the dish on to Wyatt, who is sitting at the end beside me.
“You’re family too,” Devin says in a soft whisper as he hands me the dish of carrots.
I say nothing.
Dinner is upbeat for the most part. Devin keeps staring at me, though, and every glance makes it harder and harder to breathe. As soon as we start clearing the plates after dinner, I excuse myself to use the bathroom. I pace the small room for a moment before splashing some water on my face.
When I pull the door open, Devin is standing in the hallway waiting for me.
“I told him,” Devin says flatly. “Earlier today. I explained to Conner that you’re going to be with me. Living with me. Forever.”
“What?!” I feel like he’s suddenly the biggest idiot in the universe. “Are you trying to fuck your kid up? Because if so, good job!”
He shakes his head and points down the hall. Conner’s giggles can be heard clearly from here. “Does that sound traumatized to you?”
“You’re going to confuse him, Devin!” I blurt out.
“So you’re not in this forever?” he questions, his eyes narrowing accusingly. “What’s going on, Callie?”
“Your wife wants you back,” I remind him. “That’s what’s going on.”
“Here’s a news flash that shouldn’t be a news flash,” he snaps, and I can literally see the anger bubbling up in him. “I don’t care what my wife wants.”
The Final Move Page 20
