“What do you want, Matt?” I snarled out.
“Thank God, you answered. I just wanna talk, Daze. Why won’t you answer any of my texts?”
I hated how his voice still affected me. His pleading tone dug at those wounded parts of my heart that he left behind. Parts that unfortunately still cared about him even with how badly I wanted to hate him.
“Because Matthew!” I went for the pissed off route, needing to assert myself or risk falling for his toxic charm once again. This was why answering was usually bad. “You cheated on me with your bimbo of a colleague just before our damn wedding! Why are you suddenly wanting to talk when it’s been a year?”
He sighed heavily. “Because I’m an idiot and it took me a while to figure out how much of one I was for letting you go. I needed to get some space and think about what I’d done to you. I’ve had my space, and now, I want you back.”
I guffawed, not feeling as effected by his words now. The nerve of him at playing the victim made my blood boil.
“You didn’t let me go! You pushed me out the fucking door then slammed it in my face! You needed space? Ha! What you need is therapy, Matt! For you to really think I’d ever consider taking your pretentious, cheating ass back, is seriously laughable!”
“Come on, Daze. Don’t be like that. I know what I did was wrong, but you know me. I messed up and I paid the price. But I still love you. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
I jolted up and started pacing furiously, trying my hardest not to smash my phone with how much he was pissing me off. “You love me? Oh yeah! You really showed me how much you loved me when you were balls deep in the slut on top of your desk. That showed me just how much you loved me!”
I was so done. It took a year of space, some failed dates, and a hell of a lot of alcohol to try and forget him. It never worked. This was what I needed, though. I needed to hear his voice again, so I could see without the rose-colored glasses how much of a complete piece of shit the manipulating bastard was. I felt all that care I’d been harboring in my broken heart, melt away, taking with it all that bottled up pain and self-doubt that just piled up.
This was me finally setting myself free.
“Daisy, let me make it up to you. Please. I promise I’ll—”
“No!” I interrupted him. “You’re done talking and making empty promises. We are so damn over you could fit a fucking mountain under us. We’ve been over, Matt! Lose my number and don’t you dare ever try calling me again! If you do, I will file a restraining order so hard on your ass, your mother would feel it!”
He tried to respond, but I punched the end button with my thumb and threw my phone onto the bed. I took deep breaths in and out, over and over. My heart raced with exhilaration at finally standing up to him. I shook out my hands, waving off the tingles that had spread there from my elevated temper.
A slow clapping at my doorway had me spinning in place. Hannah leaned against it, her proud smile so broad, the corners almost reached her ears.
“That was the best shit I’ve ever heard!” She rushed over and enveloped me in a bear hug, crushing my ribs and depriving me of oxygen. “I’m so fucking proud of you!”
I laughed shakily and pried off her death grip. “That felt really good to do.”
“I’ll say!” She praised. “It’s a good thing Auntie Em brought over some wine, cause we are celebrating tonight!” She jumped up and down with excitement.
“Okay, but only a little,” I said seriously, not exactly wanting to get plastered.
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” she grabbed my hand and tugged me out of the room. “There’s a really hot neighbor currently outside fixing our porch. Let’s not miss the perfect opportunity to admire his amazing backside.”
I laughed at her antics as we walked down the steps, not exactly willing to pass up this opportunity.
Who would?
Six
Bastian
I am completely out of my element! I thought to myself vehemently as I collected the stuff I needed to fix the porch.
I dropped my tools several times, stubbed my foot on my work bench, and hit my head on the overhead lamp; all within the span of ten minutes after I came into my shed.
Daisy had me all wound up and out of sorts. The second I got a closer look at her, smelled her perfume, touched her hand, I was immediately putting all my will power into not giving over to my more primitive side. Everything about her drew me in like a moth to a flame. She was even more beautiful up close than what I thought; the way her light brown curls fell around her shoulders in soft waves. The way she smelled like her namesake, yet far more tantalizing. Those adorable fucking freckles across her nose. And even her eyes. God, her eyes hooked me like a spear gun, gutting my soul as I pried my own eyes away. I wanted her. Badly.
What the hell was wrong with me? Why was this tiny woman gripping my racing heart like a vice? I had loved my wife more than any woman in this world, save for Addy. But even she never hooked me like this. I was told by the shifters who raised me that even though regular polar bears only mated to procreate, polar bear shifters tended to mate for life. Yet somehow, the way Daisy could hinder me with just a glance was making me question if that was what I ever truly had with Evelyn.
No! She was your mate! You don’t get to question that!
I slammed my hands down hard on my work bench, bending down to place my forehead on my fisted hands. I needed to shift. I needed to get out and run, shaking away whatever bullshit was messing with my mind right now.
You can’t shift. Not yet. You need to wait for Addy and you promised to fix the damn porch.
The war waged inside me as I picked myself up and finished collecting my things. My inner bear was grating at me hard. His animalistic instincts wanted me closer to Daisy. But my human side wasn’t agreeing.
You can do this, I told myself. Just take deep breaths, fix the porch, and leave. No big deal.
I nodded my head in determination and took those breaths, hoping I could fool myself into thinking this wasn’t going to be too much trouble for me.
Fake it til you make it. That’s it, I pep talked myself. I just hoped my bear would settle down and let me take the lead.
I slung my saw horse over my shoulder, locked up my shed, and headed back over. I was thankful that the girls were inside when I got there. It would make it easier to do this without the distraction.
I got to work, prying the rotted boards up before measuring out the sizes I needed to with my tape measurer. As I was setting the saw horse down and marking on the wooden planks where I needed to cut, I heard shouting coming from the upstairs bedroom right above where I stood.
I stopped moving my pencil and listened, hearing it was Daisy that was shouting. Some of the words were a bit muffled by the sound-resistant logs that lined the outside of the cabin. I could only make out things like, ‘you showed me!’ and ‘don’t you dare call me again’ or something of that nature.
Whoever it was, she was not happy with them in the least bit. I shook my head, realizing it was none of my business, then continued marking the spots. I ignored whatever else was going on as I started cutting, making sure my lines were even.
After about ten more minutes, I heard footsteps trampling down the stairs. I tried to calm my heart as the anxiety of talking to Daisy flooded through me.
You can do this, I said to myself again. However, my bear was rose up at her smell getting closer.
I continued with my work, grateful when neither of them came out during the next hour as I measured, cut, and smoothed out the wood for the steps. Though, my luck ran out when the door finally opened. I knew it was Daisy without even looking up. Her euphoric, floral scent enveloped me, making it hard to concentrate the second she stepped out.
You so can’t do this, I internally grumbled.
“I brought you some hot coffee,” I heard her melodic voice say timidly.
I glanced up to see her holding out a steaming mug, her bottom lip wedged between her te
eth as she bit down on it, obviously nervous to talk to me.
That made two of us.
I set my sandpaper down and accepted the cup; my fingertips brushed hers the tiniest amount when I did.
“Thank you,” was all I could think to say as I took a sip. The bitter sweet flavor of the coffee hit my tongue. I tried not to groan with bliss. She made damn good coffee.
She nodded with a soft smile. “I figured with this weather getting cooler, the least you deserved for helping us out was something to keep you warm. I usually have a lot brewed all throughout the day. It’s kind of sad, really,” she said shyly, going over and sitting on the swing with her own cup.
It was kind that she thought of me. My body temperature being so high kept me from ever really feeling the cold, though. Perk of being a shifter, I supposed. I wore jackets just to keep up the pretense that I was cold like everyone else.
“Why is it sad?” I asked, not able to help myself.
“Because I drink way too much of it, yet still seem to always have too much left over at the end of the day.” She said as she began swinging; her curls shifted with the cold breeze that blew through. It sent more of her scent in my direction.
Why did she have to smell so damn good?
My heart still raced at her presence, but somehow, I started feeling a little more at ease as she sat there. I didn’t know why. I guessed it was the calming vibe I got from her. When we’d spoken a bit earlier, she practically radiated tenseness and worry. Yet now, she was serene and relaxed, her entire posture looked as if a weight had been lifted. Maybe it was because of the conversation she had on the phone that I’d overheard?
“I don’t think that’s sad. I probably drink way too much myself,” I set my cup down on the saw horse and went back to smoothing out the wood. I was worried if I kept talking to her, my anxiety would rise back up. But the curiosity of why she was here and who she was, was killing me.
“What brings you to White Hemlock? I know you are visiting Emery, but what brought the surprise visit on?” I asked her, blowing the dust from the finished wood before moving onto the next piece. I watched her out of peripheral vision, waiting for a response.
She stayed silent for a minute, looking down at her cup and picking at some non-existent lint on her leggings.
“Peace,” she finally answered, looking up at me then taking a sip of her coffee. “It’s been rough the last year, moving from somewhere I’ve lived my whole life to a big city I don’t truly feel like I belong in. Things were getting overwhelming and I just needed an escape,” she continued, gazing off into the trees. “I’ve known Hannah almost my entire life. Her family has been my family for a long time. So, when she suggested we make a trip here to visit Aunt Em and just get away … well, I couldn’t say no.”
I bobbed my head absently as I finished the last piece of wood, understanding that feeling more than she knew.
“This is a great place to get away,” I said, keeping as much sadness out of my tone as possible. “You get so over stimulated and spaced out by something, so you just need some quiet and some nature to bring you back down to earth.” I glanced up at her as I knelt and set the wood on the ground.
She gave me a soft smile, pushing her hair behind her ear. “Yes. Exactly.”
Her smile was so infectious; for the first time since Evelyn died, I smiled the first genuine smile that wasn’t aimed at Addy. It felt good to do that.
We stayed in a comfortable silence after that; me nailing down the new steps, and her just swinging. Sometimes she would just stare off into the distance with a contemplative look. Other times, she’d start humming this quiet tune softly with her head leaned back on the swing, her eyes closed, and a warm smile on her face as she swung.
Both of us were just here, not needing unnecessary words. I barely just met her, and yet she embodied everything I wasn’t; calm, amiable, thoughtful, gentle.
And above all else – beautiful.
I was in so much trouble.
“Emery said you both were from Pennsylvania. What’s it like there?” I questioned, breaking the silence.
She smiled and nodded. “It’s beautiful and probably the only place I really feel at home. We don’t live there now, though. We live in Chicago, but I was born and raised in Pennsylvania.
“What about Chicago? Do you not like it?” I asked her, curios.
Her nose scrunched, and she bobbed her head side-to-side. “I don’t exactly hate it, but it feels almost alien to me. I went from having a perfect mixture of quiet from nature and the noise and hustle of a city, to just noise and hustle. I lost that peaceful vibe I crave.”
A city sounded awful. I’d never lived in one, and was now inclined to never visit if I could help it. I was born for nature.
“What do you miss most about Pennsylvania?”
Without hesitation she smiled and said, “My dad. I miss him more than anything.”
Just her dad?
“And your mom?” I asked her as I set the wood on the step to start hammering it down.
She was quiet for a moment before answering softly, “She died when I was a kid. It’s just me and my dad. Well, and his wife Lindsay.”
I had been about to hammer down the first nail, but stopped to look up at her. Her smile had faded. I wanted to hit myself for asking. I knew that look all too well from Addy.
I averted my eyes and scratched the side of my head with the side of the hammer. “I’m sorry to hear that,” I responded sadly. “Do you not like your step-mom?” I asked, changing the subject.
She shrugged a shoulder, gazing off into the distance again. “I do, we just aren’t close. She’s not much of a talker. She cares about me and has always been kind, but we just never had any similarities to grow a relationship from. She took care of me with my dad and makes him happy. I couldn’t ask for more from her than that.”
I had to stop and stare at her again for a moment. I admired her for how she looked at things. Just from that answer, I knew without a doubt she was the type of girl who would sacrifice her own happiness at the expense of someone else’s. When she turned her eyes back to me, I quickly went back to work.
“What about your parents? Do they live anywhere nearby?” She added.
“They’ve been gone for a long time.” I hammered down the step, hoping to cut off any talk of my parents. I didn’t remember them, since they died when I was a baby, and the couple who raised me died just before I turned sixteen. They had sensed I was a shifter before they adopted me, then brought me to Alaska where I met Evelyn.
Maybe it was selfish of me not to offer up more about my parents. Then again, I couldn’t give her a full explanation without telling her a lie, or telling her what I was. I didn’t want to lie to her.
Thankfully, my answer seemed enough. From how she reacted talking about her mom, odds were she knew what I was feeling and decided not to press on about it.
I hammered down the last nail then stood and stepped up on it, testing my weight. “There. All done. These should hold up for a long time.”
She stood from the swing and walked to the edge of the porch, leaning against the railing. “It looks awesome. Thank you for doing this. God knows, I don’t need to fall through anymore steps.”
I chuckled, glad to have gotten away from the heavy conversation. “You fall through steps often?” I asked with amusement.
“You’d be surprised. I have horrible luck when it comes to walking, running, climbing … pretty much anything that involves movement actually,” she laughed.
I grinned at her, completely able to imagine all the above. “Well, you’ll be good the rest of your stay. How long will you be staying anyway?”
I had to ask this. I needed to know more about her and figure out why exactly my bear reacted in such strong ways around her.
“I’m not too sure. Hannah is only here for another week and a half, but I think I’ll stay longer. I needed to get away from Chicago and I have a feeling two weeks just won’t be
enough.”
I internally sighed in relief. If she had no clue when she was leaving, then at least I knew I had time to figure out the mystery of Daisy.
I picked up my mug and handed it to her, then slung my tool bag over my shoulder. “Well, if you need anything, I only live next door. Feel free to come by whenever.”
Shit. I just had to open my mouth. Why did I offer that?
“Thank you, Bastian. I really appreciate it.”
A shiver raced up my spine at the sound of my name rolling off her tongue. I hid the shiver by rubbing my arms to pretend it was just the cold. “You’re welcome, Daisy,” I said a little softer than I intended to. I rubbed the back of my neck. “I’ll see you around?”
She bobbed her head. “Absolutely. See ya,” she gave a little wave and slowly turned and walked inside. She stopped to give me one last smile before closing the door.
I exhaled heavily, not realizing I’d been holding my breath, and turned back toward my cabin. I replayed every word of our conversation as I walked, kicking the snow with my boots in frustration.
My body was completely betraying me to her. I had talked myself into staying cool before coming here and probably did a poor job of it. Why did I even bother pep talking myself anymore? I knew when I left my shed that she’d unwind me in every way. It was just driving me crazy on why.
Who was Daisy, and why couldn’t I stop thinking about her?
Seven
Daisy
The rest of the day went by in a blur after Bastian finished fixing the steps on the porch.
I enjoyed his company while we sat. He seemed like the type of person who didn’t need words or noises to just be there. Sitting in silence with me seemed like it was enough for him. It had gotten a bit more on the heavy side when talking about our parents, but he pushed right through the tension. I couldn’t stop looking at him while he worked. It was mesmerizing to watch him do something as simple as fixing steps. His face would fall into a determined expression when he was lost in it. When he was concentrating hard, his brows would push together, and his mouth would tilt to the side. I didn’t know why I loved that face, but now I couldn’t get it out of my head.
Polarity of Us Page 5
