“Fuck,” I said again.
“Calm down, brother.”
“Did she have any relationships with other men while I was gone?” I said. I was sure I knew the answer, but my heart was pounding so fast in my chest I had to stall.
“We’ve been over this, Jackson.”
“Don’t fuck with me. Has she been with other men?”
Grant looked over at the women. They were sitting at their table, waiting for service.
“I don’t think a single guy got past the first date with her. And there wasn’t many of those either. She just couldn’t get over you, Jackson. She waited for you. And now you’re back and you won’t go talk to her? How unfair is that?”
“Shit,” I said. “Grant, what am I supposed to do? I never even felt this nervous when I had to kill people.”
“Jackson. You’re really worked up.”
“Of course I am. Look at her. You ever seen a lady like that before in your life? She’s the love of my life, Grant. She gave me a son. I walked out on her twelve years ago and she doesn’t even know I’m back in town. You’d be shitting yourself too if you were in my position.”
Grant looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “You want me to go over? Break it to her gently that you’re back.”
I shook my head. I’d been waiting so long for this moment. I’d played it over in my mind a million times. The moment I revealed myself to Faith had to be special. It had to be perfect. After waiting so long, she deserved at least that much.
From behind my beer I glanced over at her—her light brown hair, her big, dark eyes like pools of water, her knockout body. She still had all the right curves in all the right places.
I got up from my seat.
“You’re going over already?” Grant said.
“I don’t have time to play games any more,” I said. And I wasn’t kidding. Just looking at her made my dick hard. I had to get her back. But first, I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. I looked down at my jeans to see if there was a bulge. There was. I was so hot for Faith I could hardly contain myself.
I downed my beer.
I couldn’t believe I hadn’t said anything to her when we were in her car that night. I’d been feeling strange. I’d been off my game. I’d given her the necklace. She must have put it together after that. I was glad. If she at least knew I was still alive, if she suspected I might be back in town, then it would be less of a shock to her now when I showed up out of nowhere.
The adrenaline started pumping through my veins. I focused on the task at hand. I’d always been good at focusing my will, building the confidence I needed to go through with a deed.
After all this time, I was going to reclaim what was mine. I was going to reclaim my woman and my child. She’d drop her panties for me again, bend over, take what I gave her, and beg for more. I knew I could win her back. This was my natural habitat, my hunting ground. She was in my territory now, and she wouldn’t escape. I’d show her that I’d been faithful to her. I’d show her I’d been true. I’d show her that I loved her.
I put ten bucks on the bar. “Have yourself a beer on me, buddy. I’ll be occupied for a while.”
Grant shook his head.
“You seem real cocky all of a sudden,” he said.
“You’ve got to be the man you choose to be,” I said.
What if Faith slapped me in the face? What if she burst out crying and ran out of the bar? I could take it. I could take whatever came. Like Grant had said, she deserved this much. If she was angry at me, that was fair enough. She had every right. But the very least I could do was pay her the courtesy of allowing her to be angry. Of allowing her to lash out.
“Sue,” I said, speaking to the waitress, “what’s the nicest wine you’ve got in this place?”
Lacey told me about the business she’d started with Faith and I knew she’d appreciate a good vintage.
Sue shook her head, as if to say don’t order the wine.
“Listen,” I said to her. “I’ve got some of ours in the back of the truck. Would you mind if I brought in a bottle?”
She shrugged. She didn’t care what I did. She was annoyed that another woman had caught my attention. I didn’t care if she was disappointed. I didn’t care about anything except Faith.
I slipped out to the truck through the back door of the bar and grabbed a bottle of the pinot noir Grant had been perfecting. It came from my father’s vineyard. Grant had worked it during my years of absence and he’d done a good job. He said he’d wanted to slash the vines at one point, because the grapes were bitter, but he’d decided to give them a second chance and was glad he did. It was a fine wine. Grant had a gift for developing subtle, complex flavors. In the glovebox was a pocket knife with a corkscrew on it. I grabbed that too.
When I got back into the bar, Faith was still sitting there with Lacey. Sue hadn’t gone near them, which I was thankful for. I approached decisively. This was one of the moments in my life I had to act with confidence or not at all.
“Have you ladies tried the second chance Pinot Noir from Socorro Valley?” I said.
Faith looked up at me and the blood drained from her face. The entire world froze. The music in the bar disappeared, all the sounds died. My vision narrowed and faded so that the only thing I could see was her face. My heart pounded in my chest.
She looked at me like she was seeing someone she’d thought had died a long time ago. Tears filled her eyes.
“Faith,” I said.
Goddamn it. She was even more stunning than I remembered. Her eyes were like sapphires, deep blue sparkling inside them like jewels. Her make up was smokey. She was wearing a low-cut, black dress that made her look like she knew what she was doing. I could see just enough cleavage. Fuck me, I couldn’t have been more stunned if she’d pointed a gun at me and pulled the trigger.
“Jackson?” she said.
The tears spilled from her eyes and fell over her cheeks. She couldn’t believe what was happening. She was in shock. She put her hand over her mouth and stared into my eyes, drinking me in. Drinking in the twelve years of age and scars that had appeared on my face.
“Faith,” I said again. It was the only word that would come to my lips.
“What’s going on?” she said, unable to believe what she was seeing.
“I know it’s been too long,” I said.
Faith looked at Lacey. “Did you know about this?” she said.
Lacey nodded.
Faith just stared at me as if I’d risen from the dead.
“Is it too late for us to have a second chance?” I said.
There was complete silence.
Faith took a long look at me, taking in all the details. I was a mess. Unshaved. Fresh scars since she’d last seen me. My white shirt had dust stains on it. My jeans were worn out.
Finally, Faith spoke. “I waited,” she said, and then her words trailed off.
“I know you did,” I said helplessly.
She couldn’t take it. It was too much of a shock. After all the time I’d been away, I couldn’t just walk up to her like this, as if nothing had happened.
“I waited through everything,” she said.
“I know, Faith.”
“I thought you were dead, I waited. I thought you weren’t coming back, I waited. I thought you’d forgotten about me, I waited.”
She was shaking her head. I didn’t know if she was happy to see me or mad. I didn’t have a clue what she was thinking. All I knew was that I loved her. I loved that woman like an animal loves it’s life mate. There are animals in nature that mate for life. If their mate dies, they’ll wail over the body till they die themselves. That’s the way I loved Faith.
“You were in my car,” she said. “Last week. That was you.”
“Yes, that was me.”
“I felt as if I’d seen a ghost after you left,” she said. “You used my name. You left the necklace.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Why did you return it?”
&nb
sp; “You asked me to.”
“No I didn’t.”
“The very first time I met you, in the Los Lobos bar in Reno, you asked for it back.”
She cast her mind back. Her eyes lit up when she remembered the moment. “That’s right,” she said.
“I said I’d give it back to you when you forgot I had it.”
“You did.”
“I kept my promise.”
“You didn’t want it anymore?”
“Didn’t want it? No. Of course I wanted it. I treasured it every single day.”
“Then why return it?”
“Faith, I waited twelve years to come back to you. I’ve thought about you every single day.”
Faith looked at Lacey then back at me. I needed her to know that much. If she hated me that was fine, but I needed her to know the truth—I’d kept my word.
I’d been hers the entire time—hers and no one else’s.
“It was you assassinating Los Lobos members these past years, wasn’t it?”
I nodded.
“So you’re a killer.”
There was nothing I could say.
“Do you even know you have a son?” she said.
“Of course I know. That’s why I’m here, Faith. For you, and the boy. That’s why I came back.”
“You were gone so long.”
“I should never have left you, Faith.”
She was crying. Tears were falling down my face too.
“No, you shouldn’t have.”
“I had no idea it would take so long to make things safe.”
“Don’t talk to me about it.”
“I wanted to come back to you every single day. All I thought about was you.”
“Then why didn’t you come back?”
I looked from her to Lacey.
Faith got up.
“Don’t leave,” I said, desperately.
She walked straight for the door of the bar.
I watched her go.
“What the hell are you waiting for?” Lacey said.
I ran after her, catching up in the parking lot.
“Please don’t leave,” I said. “We’ve got so much to say to each other.”
Her eyes were filled with tears. She was still looking at me incredulously, as if asking how all of this was possible.
“And how can we say it?” she said. “How can we say twelve years of pain? Of loneliness? Of heartbreak? How can we put that into words?”
“Perhaps we’ll never be able,” I said.
“Are you even the man who left me?” she stammered.
I took a step toward her, I wanted to hold her, but she drew back from me as if I was a dangerous animal.
“Faith, I was doing what I thought I had to do. I was taking out the men who were a threat to both of us, to our son.”
“Our son?” she gasped.
“Yes, he’s ours, and I’m going to prove it to you, Faith. I swear to God I am.”
“You’ve never even seen him.”
“Faith,” I said, desperately.
“I don’t think I can take this,” she said. “Go inside and tell Lacey to come out. I need to go home.”
“I’ll take you home,” I said, taking another step toward her.
Again she backed away. “No, you stay the hell away from me.”
Chapter 29
Faith
WHAT WAS I DOING?
Jackson was back.
I’d been waiting so long for him and he was back. It was overwhelming. It was unbelievable. He’d returned after all his years of absence. He’d finally come home to me.
And I was acting cold as ice.
I didn’t mean to. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly it was pure agony. I wanted him to touch me, to wrap his arms around me, to put his tongue inside my mouth, and more. I wanted all of him, and I wanted him so much the longing was going to kill me. Fuck, I wanted every bit of him. I wanted his cock inside me. I wanted him to come in my womb again, just like he had when he’d made Sam. I wanted to feel the pulse of his orgasm inside me like an explosion. I’d been dreaming about it for so long it was like a memory from a past life.
But I was pushing him away. The more I wanted him, the harder I pushed.
What was I doing?
He was still standing there, looking at me. I’d told him to leave me alone, but my eyes were begging him to stay.
Don’t leave, my heart was crying. Don’t leave.
My lips were telling him to go, but my eyes were begging him to stay.
It’s difficult for me to put in words the way I felt. I had a million emotions rushing through me at once.
I was relieved. So relieved. I’d been afraid ever since he’d left the pendant in my car that he didn’t want me anymore. I’d refused to think about it, I’d refused to even admit to myself that it had been him, but it had scared me. Now that I knew he hadn’t been throwing it back in my face, he still wanted me. I was so relieved.
He still wanted me.
He still wanted me.
That had been my single, biggest fear for twelve years, and it had gotten worse as more time passed. Now he was back, and he still wanted me. It filled my heart with such joy it was almost unbearable.
But I was terrified. What if I wasn’t as good as he remembered? The last time he’d fucked me I was twenty years old. Now I was in my thirties. What if he didn’t like me the same way?
What if he didn’t love Sam? How would I live?
How could it work? What about the details? Where would we live? Would Sam accept Jackson as a father?
Good God, it was so scary it made me tremble. There were a million things that could go wrong. For so long, all I’d thought about was Jackson coming back. Now he was back, and it opened up so many dangers I could hardly breathe.
There was so much fear. So many questions.
And yet, there he was, standing in front of me.
I was hurt, too. I was angry. It was because of him that I had to go through all this uncertainty. All this fear. I’d been alone for years. I’d raised his son alone. Sam had grown up without knowing the security and comfort of a father. I’d received just three days of love from Jackson, and then years of silence.
He was about to leave, to go back into the bar and send Lacey out to me. I had to stop him.
“I’m afraid,” I said.
“Faith,” he said again.
It melted my heart a little bit more every time he said my name.
“What are you afraid of?” he said.
“So many things. What if you don’t love me anymore?”
He shook his head. He took a step toward me and I let him. I wanted to run toward him but I stopped myself.
“I’ve loved you every second,” he said. “I loved you in my sleep. I loved you when I lay awake in the middle of the night. I loved you when I killed those men who posed a threat to you and Sam.”
Sam. It was the first time I’d heard him say his son’s name. I was crying, ruining my makeup, but I didn’t care.
“What if you don’t love Sam?” I said.
“I love you both,” he said. He was crying now too. “I love you both, Faith. I always have. I’d give my life for you.”
“How do you know?”
“You weren’t the only one who was waiting, Faith. I was waiting too. Those twelve years were so painful I thought they’d kill me. I didn’t let other women touch me in the entire time I was gone. I waited for you. I was true to you, Faith. I swear it.”
I looked at him and I knew it was true. It was as true as the stars in the sky above us. I believed him. I took a step toward him. He came to me and wrapped me up in his powerful arms. When he lifted me into the air I felt like I was flying. I felt like I was in the clouds.
“Jackson,” I cried.
“Faith,” he cried. “I missed you so much, Faith.”
He was so strong he lifted me like a doll. He held me in his arms and brought his lips to mine, pressing them against me in a
n embrace that melted away all my fears. His face was scarred, his body was hardened from years of violence and hard living, but his lips were soft.
“Have these lips kissed another woman?” I said.
“Not one,” he said.
He didn’t ask about mine. He must have known I was faithful.
He was back. Jackson was back. And he was still mine.
I was still his.
His tongue slid into my mouth and I sucked it softly before meeting it with my own tongue. He lowered me till my feet reached the ground. Then he pulled me against him in an embrace that encompassed our entire bodies. I could feel the bulge in his crotch as it pressed against me.
He wanted me.
He wanted me so badly he was practically bursting out of his jeans. I felt a throb of desire inside me. I remembered just how badly I wanted to feel the length of his cock slide into me. I wanted orgasms, and I wanted to give him orgasms. I wanted him to fuck my brains out mercilessly.
“I need you, Faith,” he said, and I knew he wasn’t kidding. “I need to fuck you. I need to be inside you again. My cock needs to pump my seed deep inside you.”
I laughed. “Slow down, cowboy.”
He squeezed me so tight I felt I could burst. “I’m never letting you go again,” he said. “From now on, I’m keeping you so close no one will be able to threaten you ever again. You’re mine. You’re protected now. All you’ll have to do is spread your legs and let me orgasm inside you. For ever, and ever, and ever.”
I was laughing. He was being funny but he wasn’t kidding. I could tell.
“Thank you,” I found myself saying. “Thank you for protecting me. For protecting both of us. Me and Sam.”
He kissed me again and my heart melted. I burned with passion and desire. I couldn’t believe I had Jackson back. I felt like I was dreaming. Despite everything that had happened, all the time that had passed, he was still the same Jackson I’d known all along.
He lifted me up off my feet again and held me like a husband holding his new bride.
“Where are you taking me?” I said.
“I want to show Lacey and Grant that I have you back.”
“Put me down,” I said, laughing and crying at the same time, but he didn’t.
He held me in his arms as he carried me across the threshold of the Rusty Nail.
Heart of the Hunter Page 35
