But that had been weeks ago, and she’d mostly gotten over it. It didn’t explain why she was so upset now. Something bad had definitely happened on this date.
I’ll admit, it might not have been as serious as I was thinking. It could have been something perfectly normal. A difference of opinion, a simple argument, any one of the million things that can go wrong on a normal date between two nice people. But if I found even a hint that this guy she’d met up with had done something untoward, I’d cut his fucking cock off and feed it back to him.
“Did something happen last night, Lacey?”
“Oh, so now you’re interested?”
“Come on, Lacey. I’m just trying to look out for you.”
“Oh, really. By prying into my love life? You know, Grant, if you hadn’t fucked me so recently, I might believe that you were just looking out for me. But now I know better. You’re just like all the rest of them. All you want is a taste of pussy, and nothing else. No strings attached. They should tattoo it on men when they’re babies, just so that there’s no confusion later on in life.”
Shit. She was really mad. Maybe it was just me she was mad at, and not her date? One thing was clear, I wasn’t going to get anything even remotely resembling an honest answer from her. She was so mad at me she could hardly stand to be in the same room.
“I just wanted to make sure the guy you met up with was okay. I didn’t know you were planning on staying out all night.”
“Oh, excuse me, Grant. I didn’t realize I needed your permission. You want to know the truth? You want to know where I was all night? I was having the night of my life. Rob fucked me so hard, in so many ways, that I can’t even remember any of the other fucks I’ve had in my life, including yours. Rob is all I can remember. He erased the memory of you.”
I slammed my coffee on the counter and made to leave the room.
“That’s right,” she called out after me. “Run off, just like you did last time. Just know this. Rob’s cock is twice as big as yours, and I let him come everywhere. I mean, everywhere, Grant. He fucked me so hard in the ass I won’t be able to walk straight for a month.”
As I left the room, Grady and Forrester passed me. They were both wearing the wife beaters they’d slept in, rubbing their eyes, surprised to have been woken up by a fight in the kitchen.
“Glad you had a fun night,” Grady said.
“Maybe we don’t need all the gory details, Lacey,” Forrester said.
I turned back to look at Lacey. I felt so bad about the way things had turned out. I’d messed up, I’d hurt her, and there was nothing I could do about it. She was so mad she looked like she was about to burst out crying.
Chapter 14
Lacey
THE NEXT DAY, MY EMOTIONS were in a complete tailspin. I decided the best thing to do was use my anger for something useful, so I went to the gym to work out the tension. I had the most vigorous workout of my life, and afterwards I stayed in the sauna for a full thirty minutes. I must have lost ten pounds. On the way home, I stopped by the Starbucks close to Faith’s old place to pick up a latte. I hated that I’d allowed Rob to make me feel fat, and I told myself that I hadn’t been affected by his words, but if you knew how much I hated the gym, it was obvious he’d struck a chord. As I waited for my coffee, my phone vibrated.
I shuddered when I saw that it was Rob. I felt like dropping my phone in the trash, just so that I could avoid reading his message. I thought things were well and truly over between us. It had been the worst first date in the history of first dates. Every time I remembered myself sitting on his bed while he masturbated to porn, I wanted to burst into tears. It was the most humiliating thing of my life.
But of course, despite my best intentions, I grabbed a seat and opened his message.
“Lacey, I’m so sorry about last night. I don’t know what came over me. Please forgive me.”
I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my drink. The barista had written my name on the cup but had spelled it wrong. I didn’t care.
I opened the message again and clicked reply. I typed the letters F - U - C - K - Y - O - U in block capitals but I couldn’t hit send.
I should have. I knew I should. It wasn’t like I ever wanted to see him again. I couldn’t lose anything by telling him how I felt. He’d humiliated me. I’d laid myself out on a platter for him, practically begged him, and he’d been incapable of taking on the role of a man and fucking me. He didn’t even deserve a response.
Fuck it. I hit send.
Then I threw my phone into my purse so hard it was as if I wanted to break it.
I was determined to forget about Rob and move on with my life. He didn’t deserve me. If he couldn’t get it up for me, he could go to hell.
But when the phone vibrated inside my purse I found myself reaching for it immediately.
“I deserve that,” the message said.
I stared at it. Why was I engaging with him again? Why was I even reading his messages? I should have just blocked him. But something about what had happened the night before made me feel the need to prove myself. It was as if I was the one who had something to redeem, even though he’d been the one that was a complete failure.
I started typing but then I stopped myself and deleted everything. Why was it so hard for me to just forget about him and move on?
I took a long sip of my coffee and watched the customers and staff. Everyone was busy. Everyone was preoccupied. They were completely oblivious to the situation I was in. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, one bad date wasn’t exactly the end of the world. People had been through much worse. Maybe I was overreacting.
I started typing again.
“You chose to watch porn instead of having sex with me.”
“I know. I’m screwed up.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I watch too much porn. Sometimes I get addicted.”
I rolled my eyes. Was porn addiction even a thing? Or was it just an excuse for not being attracted to me?
“Well, have a good life, loser.”
I pressed send and threw my phone back in my purse. I was really determined not to read any more of his messages. I was so ashamed of what had happened that I wasn’t even going to tell Faith about it. I couldn’t tell anyone. I just had to suck it up on my own.
There was a vibration in my purse. I had no willpower. I read the message immediately.
“Give me one more chance. You won’t regret it.”
*
AND THAT IS HOW, six hours later, I found myself driving back into the city to meet Rob for the second time. Judge me if you want. I know if I heard from one of my friends that she was meeting up with a guy like Rob for a second time, I’d want to slap some sense into her. I know I should have had more self-respect than that, but the truth is, I didn’t. I didn’t have any self-respect. I didn’t have any sense of self-worth. My confidence was at an all-time low.
I don’t even know how it happened. When I was a little girl, the apple of my daddy’s eye, I felt as if I could take over the whole world. I was sure I’d be a force to be reckoned with. But somehow, things didn’t turn out that way. I often thought of the seven year old Lacey, the little girl I’d been, and whether or not she’d be proud of the woman she’d grown up to become. I was certain she’d be dismayed if she knew the truth.
Rob was just the latest in a long line of guys who had completely and utterly let me down. My last real relationship had been with a guy named Matt. Most girls think the worst thing in the world is to find out that their husband is cheating on them. Well, I’m here to tell them, there’s one thing that’s a whole lot worse. Imagine finding out that you’re actually the woman that he’s cheating with. I’d dated Matt for two years. I’d committed everything I had to that relationship. I’d believed we were working toward building a life together.
And then I found out he was already happily married and I was just his bit on the side.
Yup.
Plus, as stupid as
it sounds, I didn’t want to give Grant the satisfaction of knowing that I wasn’t seeing Rob again. I wanted him to think things were going great, that I had a new boyfriend, and that he’d royally screwed up when he let me go.
Chapter 15
Lacey
ROB ASKED ME TO MEET him at his clinic. He wanted to go out for dinner right after he was done, and he was really adamant that he was going to make the entire evening about me this time. He called me while I was in the car and spent about twenty minutes apologizing for his behavior the night before.
I finally told him to forget about it. We all had our little hang-ups and quirks and I was willing to move forward if he was. I was really glad I hadn’t spilled the entire story to Faith the night before, because I knew if I’d told her how he’d treated me, she’d have completely forbidden me from ever seeing him again.
Naturally, his clinic was in the fanciest part of the city, and as I drove through the security gate into the parking lot, I felt as if I was entering a top secret government research lab. People sure did take their cosmetic surgery seriously around there. The building was all glass and steel, and the sign on the side read Crawford Beauty Technology.
Rob met me at the door. I was a little awkward, but when he leaned in to kiss me, I allowed him to give me a little peck on the cheek. It was seven-thirty but the place was still open for business.
“I’m really sorry about this, but my last appointment of the evening is running a little long,” he said. “Would you mind waiting out here in the reception for a little while? I really didn’t expect this to happen.”
He was so apologetic that I couldn’t hold it against him.
“Don’t worry about it, Rob. It happens. I’ll be comfortable out here.”
“Oh, I’ve got a client reception upstairs,” he said. “It’s much nicer.”
He led me through the lobby, past the desk where a security guard in a brown uniform nodded at us. There was a glass elevator and we took it up one floor to another lobby overlooking the first.
There was another desk, and this one was manned by a stunningly beautiful blonde woman. She must have been in her early twenties, and I’m not kidding when I say I had to check twice to make sure I wasn’t looking at a life-sized barbie doll.
“This is Cassie,” he said.
I smiled at the receptionist and took a seat on a white, leather couch. There was a table of magazines, all about fashion, and a fancy cappuccino machine.
“All right,” Rob said. “I’ll be done as soon as I can. I really wouldn’t make you wait, but it’s a surgery and there’s no way we can leave it to my assistants. The client’s been under for three hours and we’re almost done.”
I smiled and watched him hurry down the corridor through a set of glass swing doors. I picked up the latest edition of Cosmo and began flicking through the pages.
Cassie cleared her throat before interrupting my reading. Her voice was high-pitched and a little on the bimbo side, just like you’d imagine from her appearance.
“You must be Rob’s date,” she said.
I wondered dryly if she had a team of detectives under the desk, helping her figure that out.
“That’s right,” I said, with a smile that was warmer than I felt.
“You’re a very beautiful woman,” she said.
I fixed her in my gaze. Was she being sarcastic? I mean, I’m not bad, but this girl had every single cosmetic enhancement known to man and she blew me out of the water. Her breasts were pert and as large as melons. Her skin was like a makeup commercial. Her lips were so full of collagen she might as well have written Blow Job Station on her chin. Even her eyes looked larger and brighter than was natural.
“Thanks,” I said, purposely sounding as bitchy and fake as I felt.
“No,” Cassie said, genuinely dismayed by my tone, “I mean it. You have perfect bone structure. Perfect skin tone. Beautiful hair. If I looked as good as you in my natural state, I wouldn’t have had half the work I’ve had done.”
I looked at her again, more closely, and something about her made me feel like she was being honest. She wasn’t just doing her job of flattering clients.
“Well,” I said, “that’s very kind of you to say. I should also say that you’re very beautiful yourself. I’d kill for your makeup skills.”
“You have to really make an effort working in a place like this,” she said. “It’s no cake walk.”
“I can imagine.”
“But I really love doing makeup. I’m actually saving up to go to school for it.”
“Oh, where are you thinking of going?”
“Bay College.”
“No kidding? I know the dean there. I supply wine to his wife’s restaurant.”
“Maybe you could put in a word for me.”
I laughed. “I’m sure you’ll get in on merit,” I said, “especially after working somewhere as prestigious as this.”
She smiled. “I hope so.”
I glanced at the cappuccino machine and Cassie jumped up. “Oh gosh, where are my manners? Do you want a coffee? I should have offered you one as soon as you got here.”
“Actually, I would,” I said. “I usually don’t drink coffee in the evening but I’m going on a date so the energy might come in handy.”
She brought me over a perfect cappuccino and I thanked her. Then, to my surprise, she sat down next to me.
“Do you mind if I ask you something personal?” she said.
I was a little taken aback but I was enjoying her company and she seemed like a genuinely nice girl, even if she looked like something out of a porno movie.
“Go ahead,” I said, “but I won’t promise I’ll answer truthfully.”
She smiled. “Do you have any advice for a girl my age?”
“Advice?”
“You know? On how to find a man, and have a happy life? I see women like you come in here all the time. You look wealthy, and put together, like you know what you’re doing. All the women in my family have struggled. My mother raised me alone. I’ve got a two-year-old daughter and the father’s out of the picture. I don’t mean to criticize my mother, because she gave up everything to give me the best she could, but I want better for my daughter. I want to become someone like you.”
“I’m not sure I’m what you should be aspiring to.”
“Why not? Your clothes are expensive. Your watch is worth more than my car. You drove in here in a Mercedes.”
“My father left me with money,” I said. “Nothing I’ve done got me to where I am.”
Cassie nodded. She looked so eager, so sincere. I knew what she was asking me. She was asking what she had to do, what would it take, to make something of her life. The only problem was, I didn’t know the answer. I was in the same boat as she was.
“I’ll tell you what,” I said. “I think your plan of going to school is a good one. You should follow through with that. Don’t get sidetracked. It won’t be easy with a little daughter to support, but she’ll give you the focus and drive to succeed, because you’ll be doing it for her as well as for yourself.”
Cassie smiled. “And do you think I’ll ever find a man? A mean a good man, who’ll be willing to make me his wife even though I come with baggage.”
“Your daughter’s not baggage, Cassie. She’s a gift. And a real man will recognize that.”
“I hope so.”
I took her hand and squeezed it. “Me too,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
I shrugged. “It may look to you like I’m all set, because I have a nice watch and a nice car,” I said, “but the truth is, Cassie, I want what you want. I’m searching, just like you are, for a good man who’ll give me the love and care that I know I deserve. I want a husband. I want a husband so badly.”
“But you won’t settle, right?”
I thought about the humiliation I’d gone through with Rob the night before, but I pushed it from my mind. “I hope I never settle,” I said. “I hope I end up
with the man of my dreams. But to be honest, a good man would be enough, Cassie. A man who believed in the sanctity of marriage, and the importance of family, and commitment, and love.”
Cassie nodded. “Come here,” she said, standing up. “Follow me.”
“Where?”
“You’ll see.”
I followed her through the swinging doors Rob had passed through, into one of the rooms off the corridor.
“This is one of our makeup studios,” she said. “We use them to show women who are considering surgery what’s possible.”
“What do you mean?”
“We give you the best makeover possible without surgery. Really sexy makeup and hair. We make you look stunning.”
“I see.”
“I’m not qualified, but I’ve watched them do it a million times.”
I nodded, not sure where Cassie was going with this.
“Let me do your makeup for your date with Doctor Crawford tonight,” she said. “I can amp you up, Lacey. I’m not saying you need it, but we all know that makeup can be a girl’s best weapon against a man’s heart.”
I looked at her and felt a sudden wave of emotion hit me. I wasn’t sure where it came from. I felt sad, all of a sudden. It was as if all girls had been completely conditioned into thinking they had to look unnaturally beautiful to get a man to fall in love with them. When had society changed so drastically? When had professional cosmetics become a necessary part of the dating game?
And at the same time as I was thinking that, there was another part of my mind that was thinking back to what had happened the night before. Rob hadn’t wanted me. He wasn’t attracted to me. He’d only been attracted to those bimbos in the porno movie.
I took a deep breath. I felt as if somehow, the decision I made right then would have a big impact on my life. Like I was in some strange way deciding what sort of woman I was going to be. Up until that point, I’d always tried to attract men with my personality, my sense of humor, and my intelligence. I felt that if I let Cassie amp me up, as she put it, I’d be taking on a different strategy. I’d be using sex to get a man to fall for me, rather than my personality. It felt like a big difference.
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