Until Then

by McLaughlin, Heidi

  Graham put his fork down, finished chewing, and used his napkin to wipe his lips. “Nothing happened. I fell in love with someone, Austin died, and then she left me because I felt I had a duty to come home and help Grady and my dad. It was like some perverse life cycle I couldn’t control.”

  They were only halfway through their salads when dinner arrived. Graham seemed lost in thought each time Rennie would glance at him. They made small talk, mostly about the area they were in and how long they were going to stay.

  “My vacation is over on the third,” she told him. She needed to talk to distract herself from her thoughts.

  “I don’t know if I can be gone that long, but I’ll check with Krista.”

  “Ask her if it’s okay if you’re gone until the first. I do feel bad keeping you away from work. We can go back tomorrow, if you want. I know you have a life, and I’ve completely interrupted it. I’m sorry, Graham.”

  “I’ll call her tomorrow and see how she feels working through the holiday.”

  “You need more staff.”

  Graham chuckled. “We need more people in Cape Harbor. There are times when I look at the books and ask myself how the bar has stayed open as long as it has, and then I remember the regulars. They come in every day or every other day because they’re loyal. Things are great in the summer, but winter hits us hard.”

  “If Krista is okay with you being gone, I can come work at the bar for a few days before I have to head back to Seattle.”

  “You want to work in the bar?”

  Rennie shrugged and smiled brightly. “Why not? I had a lot of fun when I did it earlier.” She stuck her lower lip out in a pout.

  Graham shook his head slowly and started to laugh. “You’re crazy, but if you want to work, you can. I just don’t want to hear you complain about your feet hurting or the lousy tips you’re getting.”

  She clapped her hands in delight. “Perfect. Now I feel like I’m not hogging all your time.”

  “Why’d you throw your phone in the water?” Graham asked, breaking the silence between them.

  Rennie set her fork down and pushed her plate away. “Because the only person I wanted to speak with was with me. Everyone else, including Brooklyn, would coddle me, treat me like I’m fragile. I didn’t want to answer a million texts asking how I’m doing or see Theo’s name pop up on the screen. I know I could’ve blocked him, but he’d just call from a different number, and I didn’t want to deal with it. I’m also on vacation and shouldn’t have to deal with work.”

  “You only wanted to be with me?”

  “When that shit went down, you were the only person I wanted to come to my rescue.”

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Graham, it’s like you make breathing easy for me. When I’m around you, I can be myself. I’m not Renee, but Rennie, and it doesn’t matter what’s going on in my life—you’re not going to make me feel like I’m less of a person or force an opinion. You listen to what I have to say. You respect my feelings. You care about me in a way no one else ever has. You’re my best friend, and there isn’t any place I’d rather be right now other than here with you, enjoying a delicious dinner and exploring a place I’ve never been.”

  She wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw Graham grimace. When the waiter walked by, he asked for the check.

  “No dessert?”

  “We still need to go to the grocery store,” he reminded her. “We can get some ice cream or whatever it is you want there.”

  “Booze,” she said. “Lots and lots of booze.”

  “No booze,” Graham told her. “We’re docked, and the boat will sway more. I don’t want you getting seasick.”

  “Graham Cracker, you’re such a buzzkill.”

  He laughed. “You whine enough as is, Ren. I’m not going to hold your hair back because you decided to drink yourself into a stupor. Believe me; you’ll thank me later.”

  When the check came, Graham threw down a wad of cash and got up from the table. He reached for Rennie’s hand, and their fingers intertwined. “Come on—let’s go get gallons of ice cream and tell stories all night long.”

  Rennie slapped his chest, and he recoiled. “Only if I can paint your toes and do your hair.”

  He shook his head. “Never gonna happen. I will sit outside with you, though, and watch the stars.”

  She liked that idea, mostly because that was how they spent their first night together when they were teens, under the stars.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Graham rolled onto his side, wrapped himself up in his weighted blanket, and readjusted his pillow to cover his ear. Whatever animal had decided to take refuge on the dock after nightfall moaned incredibly loud. Coupled with the constant sway of the boat from the choppy water, Graham was restless. There wasn’t much he could do about the boat, but in the morning, he would talk to the marina manager and see if the animal could find a new place to serenade. Although, that was unlikely as well.

  He sighed heavily and rolled onto his back and spread his arms out wide. All he wanted was a couple hours of sleep, but no matter how hard he tried, it wasn’t going to happen. There was too much going on for his mind to shut off, and when it finally started to, images of Rennie popped up, keeping him wide awake.

  “Rennie,” he said her name aloud and sat up straight in his bed. The lights from the docks crept through his curtains, giving his room a natural night-light. His heart raced as the sound of the animal grew closer. Only, it wasn’t some sea creature taking refuge on the dock or on the boat; it was Rennie. Graham listened for a moment before getting out of bed. He dressed quickly in sweats and a long-sleeved T-shirt and sweatshirt and pulled his weighted blanket off his bed. When he stepped out into the small hallway, he noticed her door was open. He didn’t need to peer in to verify she wasn’t in her room. Her cries were enough to tell him where she was.

  On the deck, Rennie sat at the bow, with her back facing the helm. As Graham approached, the sounds that had kept him awake came from her. His steps faltered as he heard his friend wail. He walked faster along the starboard side of the yacht, and when he reached her, Graham draped his blanket over the front of her. He sat down and pulled her between his legs.

  “I’ve got you, Ren,” he whispered into her ear. He should’ve been concerned for the few other boats docked, but no one seemed to be awake. Maybe they, too, thought an animal had beached itself. He warned her about the grief earlier but couldn’t predict it would hit her in the middle of the night. It all made sense, though. She was alone with her thoughts, and there wasn’t anyone in her room, once they went to bed, to keep her mind from drifting.

  She clutched at his arms, her nails digging into the fabric of his sweatshirt. Rennie sobbed. Her body shook. With each new wave of emotion, Graham held her tighter. He hated what she was going through, and he himself wanted to hunt Theo down and pummel him for what he had done to Rennie. He couldn’t fathom what was going on in Theo’s mind when he decided to cheat on his wife or lie to Rennie. Graham would never be that type of man.

  “I hate him,” she mumbled. Her words were garbled.

  “I know you do, and you have every right to. I’m not judging you.” He would never judge her. She hadn’t judged him or his family when everything went down with Grady.

  “Why did he do this to me?”

  “I don’t know,” he said to her. “I was just asking myself the same thing.”

  Rennie turned slightly in his arms. “Would you ever do something like this?”

  Graham studied her red-rimmed eyes and smeared makeup. He didn’t care what she looked like—she would always be one of the most beautiful women he had ever known. She had strands of hair stuck to her face. Graham tucked them behind her ear and brought his hand down slowly from her ear to her neck.

  “No, I would never do that to you.” He paused and wondered if she noticed how he singled her out. When she didn’t turn away, he added, “If I were lucky enough to find a woman who wanted to be with me, marry
me, I’d do everything I could to make her the happiest woman alive, and if I wasn’t happy, I’d tell her. No one deserves to be cheated on.”

  Graham felt this deep in his heart. Back in college, when he met Monica, he was torn in half by this growing love for her and his undying love for Rennie. He had to draw the line, decide on his future. As much as he wanted one with Rennie, he didn’t see it happening any time in the near future. Monica was there and present. He chose her, and while his heart ached for Rennie, he didn’t regret his decision. He and Rennie were as close as ever but miles apart when it came to life. He made a vow to Monica as her boyfriend and kept it. If things had been different, he likely would’ve asked Monica to marry him. He would’ve asked her if she’d moved with him as well, but they weren’t meant to be.

  Rennie snuggled into Graham’s chest. He didn’t care that his sweatshirt would likely be covered with tearstains and makeup. All Graham cared about was Rennie. If this was what she needed, he would give it to her.

  “You’re a good guy, Graham Cracker.”

  Being a good guy was a great quality to have, but where did it get him? Apparently, on a boat in the middle of winter, holding a brokenhearted woman. He should be bothered. Incensed, really, that she expected him to drop everything for her. He was, in a sense, but it was how they worked—coming to each other’s aid—no questions asked.

  Graham inhaled deeply, taking in the sea salt air. He looked out over the harbor, in the darkness, and wondered what was out there. They were close to where Austin’s boat capsized, and that got his mind wondering. Austin’s body had never been recovered. Was he out there? Did he have amnesia? Or had he been buried at sea? These were questions that also plagued Grady and yet were never answered.

  Rennie shivered and brought Graham’s attention back to the forefront. He pulled her deeper into his hold to try and warm her. “We can go inside if you want,” he suggested.

  “I don’t want to be alone.”

  He nodded and stood. Once he had his sea legs, he helped Rennie up. “Come on.” Graham held her hand as they walked back into the galley. He locked up while she waited for him with his blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Graham motioned for her to go down the stairs, and he followed her to her bedroom. They both crawled under the covers, clothes and all, and he held her until they both fell asleep.

  Graham stretched and opened his eyes to sunlight streaming through the room. He felt for Rennie, only to find her spot vacant and cold. He listened intently for her and could hear her shuffling around in the galley. She wasn’t crying—at least that was what he deduced—so he decided to close his eyes for another few minutes. He was on the cusp of falling back into a deep slumber when the smell of bacon made his stomach growl.

  He sat up and moved until his feet were on the ground. He glanced at his attire, and his heart sank at the sight of the black smudges on his shirt. His friend was going through something terrible, and he didn’t know how to help her. Holding her while she cried didn’t seem like enough. Brooklyn would know, but Rennie didn’t want her. She wanted him. And Graham would give her anything she wanted.

  What he wanted was a second chance with Rennie, but the timing wasn’t right. That was the only thing they ever got wrong when it came to their lives together—their timing sucked. He would wait.

  What wasn’t waiting was his stomach, and as soon as the second wave of bacon permeated the air, he felt the hunger pangs kick in. Graham stopped by his room, used the bathroom, and changed quickly before making his way up the stairs. He found Rennie in the galley kitchen. She hadn’t heard him come up the stairs, so he watched her bob her head to whatever beat played in her head, because the radio wasn’t on, nor the television. She danced, shaking her hips as she worked in the small space, making breakfast.

  He cleared his throat and said, “Good morning.”

  Rennie startled and looked at him over her shoulder. She smiled. “Morning. How’d you sleep?” she asked, but before he could even respond, she started talking. “I slept like a log once you brought me back to bed. I can’t believe how soothing it is to sleep on a boat. It’s like I was rocked to sleep. No wonder you live on the water.”

  “It’s not really the same,” he said. He had no idea why he replied with such a statement. Was he trying to discourage her from staying longer, or was there a hint of encouragement in his tone?

  “What do you mean?”

  “Nothing, just that the house doesn’t really move like a boat, unless there’s a storm, and then I adjust the mooring, and everything is back to normal.”

  “Oh.” Rennie went back to cooking, and Graham felt like an idiot for the way he responded.

  “Sorry, Ren.”

  “For what?” she asked without looking at him. Graham went to her and placed his hand on her hip to gently turn her toward him.

  “I just made what looks to be a perfectly good morning really awkward with my mundane answers. You’re happy, and I don’t want to dampen your mood.”

  “You’re fine. I’m fine, Graham Cracker. I should be the one apologizing for last night. I don’t know what came over me.”

  “Grief,” he told her.

  She shook her head. “It’s like I had to have that meltdown to exorcise the demon or something. Believe me when I tell you I’m relieved.”

  Graham wanted to believe her—he did—but he had dealt with enough heartbreak between the accident and his breakup with Monica to suspect Rennie might be hiding her true feelings.

  “Do you need any help?” he asked to change the subject.

  “No, I’m almost done. Go ahead and sit down; I’ll make you a plate.” He did as she suggested and turned on the small television Bowie had installed in the corner and flipped through the few channels the satellite was able to pick up. He found a news program and left it on even though he wasn’t interested. The background noise should keep his mind from wandering to places it shouldn’t. He imagined Rennie cooking breakfast at his house, wearing nothing more than his T-shirt, and groaned. These thoughts needed to stay in his reserve bank and not at the forefront of his mind.

  His thoughts had to change, because they were only going to get him into trouble. He reached for the folded paper and noticed the date was current. “Did you leave the boat this morning?” he asked without looking at her.

  “I did. I went for a walk. This town is the cutest, Graham. I’m totally kicking my ass for not visiting earlier.” She came over and set a handful of pamphlets down on the table and returned to the stove. “Look at those. I thought maybe we could check out the town, visit the shops.”

  “We can go to the lavender fields today if you want.”

  “How?” She came to the table with his plate and a cup of coffee.

  “Thank you, Ren,” he said as they made eye contact. For some reason, at that moment, the desire to pull her toward him, to feel her body pressed against his, overwhelmed him. He resigned his mentality to refer to her as a friend, nothing more, because that was all she could handle right now. She needed him as a friend. Graham shook his head slightly, needing to clear his dreams, but the action failed.

  Rennie’s hips sauntered back and forth seductively as she approached the table. She sat next to him. Not across, but right next to him, with her knee touching his. The zing his body felt from having her so close was almost too much to bear, but he knew if he moved away, she would be hurt, and he couldn’t do that to her. He refused to hurt her.

  “How will we see the fields?” she asked, reminding him of her earlier question.

  “Well, I thought since we’re on a minivacation, we should rent a scooter and cruise around the island.”

  “I love your enthusiasm and your attempt to make this a minivacation, but it’s way too cold to ride around on a scooter.”

  “We can rent a car instead. I just thought . . .” What he thought was she’d snuggle into him, that she’d need him for warmth. “A car is probably better.”

  “We’ll have to come back this s
ummer and do the scooter thing. I think that would be fun.”

  He nodded. “It’s really fun here in the summer. Maybe we can get the Bs to come over too.”

  “I called Brooklyn this morning from the pay phone,” she said, much to his surprise. “I know she was worried. I would be too. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

  “Everyone understands, Ren. And if you need to use my phone, just ask. You can use it whenever you want.”

  Rennie smiled. “Thank you. Now back to what we are going to do today. What do you think about checking out the shops? I saw a couple on my walk. They all look so cute and charming.”

  “Eh, not really my thing. I think there’s a game on or something.” He flinched before she could even slap him. He started to laugh at the mean face she glared at him with. “Okay, fine. Shopping it is.” Graham picked up his fork and started to eat.

  “And . . .” She paused, which was a clear indication she was up to no good. She grabbed ahold of Graham’s arm and tugged slightly. “When I was out earlier, I saw this bar. They’re having a New Year’s Eve party tonight. We should go.”

  “Ren?” Her name came out of his mouth like a warning. He wanted to take her out. They had always had a good time when they were together, but a bar meant drinking, which meant their inhibitions would be lowered. Screw it. He wanted to take her out.

  Rennie batted her eyelashes at Graham and jutted her lip out. He was a sucker for a cute-and-sexy pout. He relented quickly. “You’ll be the death of me, woman.”

  “Ha,” she laughed. “If we were in Cape Harbor, you’d beg me to come down to the Whale Spout.”

  Graham sighed. “You’re not wrong.”

  They finished breakfast. He got up and started cleaning the galley. It was the least he could do, considering Rennie had made breakfast. He topped off her coffee and took the empty pot to the sink. Graham plugged the drain, added a couple drops of dish soap, and filled the sink about halfway. He didn’t want to run out of water for the showers, and he wasn’t sure exactly how Bowie had everything pumped. He washed quickly and set the dishes out to air-dry.