by M. J. Haag
“Oh. Thanks.”
The light from outside still made it easy to see, though, and I watched him walk into the room. He took his shirt off, tossed it aside, then started toward me.
“What are you doing?”
“Going to sleep.” He lowered himself on the mattress beside me.
“I thought you slept in the big room.”
“I did. But if you like this one better, that’s okay.”
He reached an arm over me in a familiar move. I rolled away, not wanting to get pulled into Ghua snuggle time.
However, instead of escaping, I rolled my chest right into his palm. We both froze. His fingers moved, gently squeezing my breast, then slowly lifting away. A fingertip dragged against my nipple. It didn’t feel wrong at all. In fact, it felt so right a sound escaped me.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked.
“No.”
His hand immediately returned and stroked my nipple again. The heat of his fingers branded my skin and started a slow burn in my middle. I groaned and quickly turned toward him, dislodging his touch. This connection between us felt too new and unsure—especially given my recent discovery—to jump into something physical, no matter what my body was telling me.
Looking up, I opened my mouth to try to explain. I never got the chance to utter a word.
Ghua’s fingers curled around the back of my neck a moment before his mouth covered mine in a searing kiss so hot it made my toes curl. Every reason why I should say no fled my mind with the swipe of his tongue against mine. I lifted my hands and buried my fingers in his hair.
He growled into my mouth, and his hand stroked up my side, unerringly finding my breast again. His fingers played with my hard nipple. I pulled away with a gasp.
Undeterred, he trailed kisses along my throat.
“My Eden,” he whispered. “My perfect Eden.”
Julie’s warning and Mya’s words circled in my mind.
“Ghua, stop,” I panted.
He lifted his head and looked at me, his pupils very large in the dim light.
“This is going too fast. I didn’t mean to lead you on or make you think I’m ready for sex. I liked kissing you, but I’m terrified of more. I don’t want what you’ve seen in those magazines. Honestly, I don’t know what I do want.”
He reached up and smoothed a hand over my hair.
“You liked kissing me?” he asked quietly.
“Yes.”
“Your heart is racing. Did my touch scare you?”
“No.” I swallowed hard and forced the truth out. “It’s racing because the way you touched me felt really good.”
He grabbed my shoulders and flipped us so I was laying under him. Before I could panic, he looked me in the eyes.
“Tell me how old you are, Eden.”
Heart still pounding and my breast tingling from where he’d touched it, I stared up at him. My stomach went hot and cold as I realized what he was asking.
“I don’t know,” I whispered, fighting the fear creeping up my spine.
He leaned forward and brushed his nose against mine.
“You do know. Stop being afraid, Eden. Trust me to care for you.”
Could I trust him? Maybe. Because right now, when he so easily could, he wasn’t taking or forcing; he was letting me choose.
I closed my eyes and whispered the words that would seal my fate.
“I’m nineteen.”
Sixteen
Ghua rolled us to our sides and wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me flush with his chest. I forced myself to relax and waited for what he’d do next. The gentle brush of his nose against mine surprised me. As did the fingers running through my hair. I’d thought he would go back to my chest, or worse, under my shirt to discover I wasn’t wearing any underwear.
He held me close and placed small kisses on my temple and brow. Then he exhaled in his contented way, and the movement of his fingers began to slow. He was falling asleep. What I felt for the man holding me intensified, and I grinned.
Warm, safe, and comfortable, it didn’t take me long to fall asleep, too.
Before meeting Ghua, most of my nights were spent sleeping in short bursts, waking from dreams filled with my struggles to kill infected before I became one myself. Those dreams had faded, replaced with real sleep and dreams I never remembered when waking.
Until now.
I’d been dreaming of Ghua kissing his way up from my bellybutton when the ache he’d created became real. Opening my eyes, I blinked at the wall of chiseled chest inches from my face.
The stroke of Ghua’s thumb over my nipple kindled the already slow burn between my legs, and I fought not to arch into his hand. I could only guess how long he’d been touching me. The thought had barely surfaced before another took its place. His thumb was directly caressing skin. No shirt barrier.
That meant he knew I had nothing else on. The ache turned into a throb.
I tilted my head to meet his gaze.
“Is it time to wake up?” I asked, struggling to distract myself.
“Almost.” The sound of his husky voice made the heat in my middle climb higher.
His nose nuzzled mine, and he pressed a light kiss on my upper lip.
“We should get up.” I sounded breathless and unsure. Damn.
“Just a few more minutes.”
He flattened his palm over my breast and began to gently knead it. I gave in and arched into his touch with a groan.
He growled, set his forehead to mine, and continued his exploration of the size and feel of my left breast. And it didn’t scare me in the least. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment, taking it for myself like the first time I’d slept next to him.
It felt good to be touched. To not be afraid. To think of something other than the world outside.
I put my hand on his side, letting my fingers learn the smooth, hard texture of his skin. Unable to resist, I trailed them to his stomach and traced each defined ab. He twitched under my touch, and his breathing grew ragged.
I opened my eyes and met his hot stare.
“I think we should stop,” I said softly.
His hand stilled.
“Will you touch me again?” His voice was hoarse with need.
“Maybe. If you don’t get mad that I want to stop now.”
He placed a kiss on the corner of my mouth then the tip of my nose.
“I am grateful for what you’ve given me. I would never be angry.”
I’d let him cop a feel. While I didn’t think it was much, he obviously did.
He moved his hand and reverently tugged my shirt back into place. I watched him for a moment, my head wrestling with my heart. My heart was winning big time.
“Thank you, Ghua.”
“For what?”
“For listening when I said stop. For not being angry. For helping me feel safe.”
“I told you, I will protect you.”
And now I understood what he meant. He’d protect me from everything, even himself. I sat up, my heart melting a good deal as I studied him.
“You were purposely looking for me. Why? What is it you want from me?” I asked.
“Mya said that people who are married have given a promise to never leave each other. I want you to promise to stay with me, Eden.”
I could only stare at him. Had he just proposed to me? The complete devotion in his eyes and the way he gently reached out to stroke my cheek said he had. And he knew it.
In a state of numbed shock, I climbed over him to get out of bed.
“I need to take a shower before we go.”
Without looking back, I walked down to the master suite where I knew the bathroom had towels.
Why was I so shocked? Because a proposal had been the last thing I’d thought he’d say. Given the porn, I’d thought he’d ask for a blowjob or something. I’d been prepared to maybe play around a little more. Ghua wasn’t playing, though. At least not the way I’d been willing to play. He wanted for keeps. In thi
s world? Was he insane? No, he wasn’t human.
While my thoughts whirled, I started the shower to let the water warm.
Ghua didn’t understand what he was asking. He couldn’t. Could he? Maybe. He wanted me to trust him for life. What should have been a good thing, actually freaked me out more. While I now trusted him to keep me safe and not use me for sex, I was still living in one day at a time mode. He was asking me to not do that. He was asking me to think of the future. He was asking me to let go of all my fears. But, he didn’t understand what that meant. It wasn’t just about me putting my life in his hands. It was trusting that he would stay alive, too.
Would that trust be so hard to give, though? I mean, he didn’t have to worry about survival to the level that I did. He was strong and fast and bigger than life. He fought infected like it was nothing. Their bites didn’t make him sick. If I could trust anyone to stay alive in this world with me, it was Ghua.
I rubbed a hand over my face and pulled my shirt over my head.
“I don’t understand what I did wrong,” Ghua said from behind me.
I yipped and grabbed the towel to wrap around me. He wasn’t looking at my body, though. He was looking at my face, his expression confused and a bit upset.
“I did not ask for sex from you.”
“I know, Ghua. You asked for something a lot more.”
“I don’t understand,” he repeated.
“You’re asking for my heart and my trust. It would have been easier if you’d just asked for my body.”
“I want that too,” he said quickly, as if afraid he might miss out if he didn’t speak up, “but I would like your heart and trust first.”
I smiled slightly, unable to help myself, and walked up to him.
“I know what you want from me now.” I stood on my toes and kissed him lightly on the lips. “I just need some time to wrap my head around my life and all the changes in the last few days.”
“You’re not angry?”
“No.”
He exhaled heavily and grabbed the back of my head to press his forehead to mine.
“Good.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him hard. He shuddered.
“You really like it when I touch you, don’t you.”
“More than anything.”
My heart skipped a beat. I ached to give him what he wanted. Real, tangible affection. I lifted my head, looked back at the glass enclosed shower that was filling with steam, then up at Ghua.
“The shower looks big enough to fit two. Want me to wash your back?”
A wide grin split his face.
“Yes.”
Before I could blink, he pulled out of my arms and had his pants around his ankles. I stared open mouthed at the erection rising thick and long from his pelvis.
“Are you going to shower with your towel on?” he asked.
I blinked at him and noticed the sly, teasing look in his eyes.
“Are we playing the ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ game?” I asked.
“That sounds fun. How do we play?”
I let my towel drop to the floor. His gaze traced down the length of me with slow fascination. By the time he reached my toes, my cheeks felt like they were on fire.
“What are the rules?” he asked, meeting my gaze again. “Am I allowed to touch you?”
“Yes. Unless I ask you to stop.”
He grunted and nodded, his gaze drifting to my breasts. His erection bounced as he studied them.
“Am I allowed to kiss you?” he asked.
“Yes.”
His hand went to his shaft. He idly stroked it as his gaze dipped lower. My pulse jumped nervously, and my bravado began to fade.
“Am I allowed to—”
“Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”
His gaze flew to mine, and he released himself.
“No. This is a good idea. You will wash my back. I will wash you. Then, we will leave for Whiteman. I will follow the rules. I will stop washing when you say stop.”
I considered him for a moment then nodded. Without waiting to see what he’d do or ask next, I turned and walked toward the shower. A low growl rumbled behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder. His gaze was fixated on my ass.
I stopped walking and motioned for him to get in first. He dutifully complied and faced the spray, tall enough that it wasn’t hitting him in the face.
As he stood waiting, I found myself looking at him with the same interest he’d looked at me. He had a nice butt. Tight and nicely rounded. Not a speck of hair on it, unlike all the butts I’d seen at the bunker. I shook the thought from my head and reached for the body soap.
He shuddered again at the first touch of my hand on his shoulders and reached out to brace a hand on the wall. I smoothed my palm over the broad planes of his back not just washing but rubbing, too. He groaned, letting me know just how much he liked it.
When I got to his hips, his other hand slapped against the glass.
“You okay?” I asked. “Want me to stop?”
“Please do not stop.” His voice came out strained and husky.
I brushed my hands over the globes of his butt, circling and testing the feel of him as I created a layer of bubbles. The sound of his ragged breaths filled the shower.
Conflicted thoughts warred in my mind as I stared at his hands gripping the walls as if he was holding on for life. I was playing with fire. What if this went too far? Was I willing to go all the way? No. At least, not yet. But, I wasn’t willing to stop either.
When he’d looked at me with hunger before we’d started this, it had made me nervous and quick to want to pull away. It shouldn’t have. He’d proven himself time and again. I could trust him to not push for more than I was willing to give. And, hearing him now, desperately trying to hold himself together, drove me to want to do wicked things despite the whispers of caution in my head.
Biting my lip, I slipped my hand over his hip. He tensed and stopped breathing. I slid my hand across his abs and down toward his pelvis. My fingers closed over him, and he made a pained sound. I stroked up his length, marveling and fearing just how much there was.
His head fell forward, and he jerked into my palm. I stepped closer, my breasts brushing against his no longer soapy back, so I could use my other hand too. His breath hissed out of him the moment I gently cupped his balls.
He arched forward into the downward stroke of my hand on his shaft, and I pressed my lips to his back. Another shudder ran through him. I squeezed him when I reached the base then started back up, increasing speed. He growled when I reached the tip and squeezed, and he thrust forward, demanding more. I gave it. His scrotum tightened within seconds.
I knew he was close but didn’t expect the roar that came from him as he flung his head back and arched into my hand. I pressed another kiss to his back and didn’t stop until his shaft finished jerking.
He turned lightning fast and lifted me high against the wall, his expression fierce.
“My Eden,” he growled.
Before I could guess his intent, he shoved his face between my legs.
“St-ah!”
His tongue lapped over the length of my seam, parting me just over my clit. I bucked and gripped his hair. His mouth closed over the sensitive swell, and for the next several minutes, I hung on for dear life.
The orgasm that exploded through me tunneled my vision and robbed me of thought. An inarticulate stream of words poured out of me with each wave. Ghua’s tongue didn’t still until my head fell back against the wall. He pressed a kiss to my clit, which made me twitch, then gently lowered me.
He held me tightly in his arms and smoothed his hand over my back.
“I did not break the rules,” he said firmly. “That was a kiss. Can we play again?”
I lifted my head enough to blink up at him, still barely able to stand if not for his hold. His strong jaw and the determined, heated look in his eyes sent a throb of desire between my legs again.
“I don’t think I can. My legs are too shaky.”
He grunted and turned off the water. Keeping me steady with one arm, he reached out the door for the towel.
“I didn’t get to wash my hair,” I protested weakly.
“We will wash it when your legs no longer shake.”
He started to dry me carefully, but I stole the towel when he reached my sensitive breasts. He grunted and surrendered the towel to get his own. While he was still drying, I grabbed my shirt and slipped from the bathroom.
This time through the room, I saw my clothes neatly laid out on the bed.
“I dried them for you,” he said, coming up behind me.
“Thanks.” Heat crept into my cheeks. Why was I blushing?
“I put a toothbrush in the bathroom for you, too.”
I should have turned and thanked him again. Instead, I stayed facing the bed, unsure and a bit embarrassed.
“There is powdered milk and cereal in the kitchen. Mya said that humans like it.”
“We do.”
“I will wait for you downstairs.”
His lips pressed against the back of my head, then he was gone.
I covered my face with my hands.
What the hell did I just do?
Seventeen
I could feel Ghua’s gaze on me, but I didn’t look up from my bowl of cereal. Guilt and nerves kept my head down.
I hadn’t thought things would go so far. After Ghua had asked me to spend my life with him, I only wanted to escape so I could give myself some time to think. The last thing I should have done was entice him to shower with me when my mind was still in a jumble about how to answer him. Yet, I’d liked every bit of what we’d done. Did I want more? Hell, yes. But, should I? Leading him on and making him think I would stay wasn’t right. Would I stay? My heart was screaming yes, and my mind couldn’t think of any reason I shouldn’t. I blamed my conflict on Ghua. I could barely remember how I was supposed to view the world anymore. It was supposed to be scary, but it didn’t feel that way. Not with him around. That was a problem, wasn’t it?
“I don’t like this,” Ghua said, frustration in his voice.
I looked up at him, confused. He wasn’t eating the cereal, I was. He had a can of spam. For breakfast. Dawn’s early light was just brightening the sky outside.
