She wasn’t there.
His eyes popped open and he sat up, letting the blanket slide down his chest. He stared at the place she should be, but it was empty. In his mind, he traced their movement of the night before, wonder and happiness filling him as he remembered their coming together.
He’d never experienced anything like their loving. But he hoped to share it with B.J. again and again, for the rest of his life.
But where was she?
He gathered his clothes, hastily donning the toga. Before he could look for B.J., he needed to get back in his jeans, his boots. Those loose, flowing garments the Romans wore didn’t do much to help a guy stay in control. No wonder the Roman Empire had collapsed.
When he stepped outside, he realized the Romans had another problem. Sandals and short dresses weren’t much protection against a Wyoming winter. He hotfooted it across the snow. As he burst into the kitchen, he discovered Red already there.
Damn! He’d hoped to slip in unnoticed.
“Well, well, well. Celebrate your birthday to your satisfaction?” Red asked, a knowing grin on his face.
Jake couldn’t deny that the celebration had been spectacular. But he wouldn’t feel easy until he found B.J. There were some things he’d forgotten to explain to her last night.
Chapter Fifteen
B.J. had no intention of talking to anyone this morning. She had no answers to the questions crowding her head. And she didn’t want to answer anyone else’s questions.
She took a quick shower and dressed in her customary jeans and shirt. Folding the costume from last night, she left it lying on her bed where Mildred would find it. Her aunt could return it to the Randalls later.
As she turned to leave the room, she noticed a piece of hay clinging to the white material. Quickly she plucked it off and threw it in the trash. There was no need to advertise her foolish behavior.
She reached the front door just as Mildred came down the hall, heading for the kitchen.
“Where you going, B.J.? You’re out early.”
“I’ve got a call to make. I’ll check with you later.” “I didn’t hear the phone ring,” Mildred called, but B.J. ignored her aunt’s words and hurried to her pickup. As she was getting in, Mildred opened the front door.
“What about breakfast?”
“I’ll get something later,” she returned, and started up the engine. With a couple of inches of snow on the ground, she had to give it a moment to warm up. Her eyes darted from her house to the Randalls’, afraid someone would try to stop her. She felt as though she were escaping from a prison.
She headed into town to grab a bite to eat. It was much too early to go to her first appointment. Besides, she needed some time to think.
What a mess she’d made of everything.
And the worst was falling in love with Jake Randall. She should’ve never allowed the movers to unpack their belongings once she’d met Jake. The awareness had been there even then. But she’d believed she could control it.
For nine months, they’d avoided each other, kept their distance. After all, she wasn’t looking for a man. With Mildred’s help, everything was fine.
But then Jake had wanted protection from matchmaking.
And he’d kissed her.
As if his touch had lit a slow-burning fuse, they’d come closer and closer to disaster. She had liked Jake. Now she craved his touch with all the desperation of an alcoholic searching for his next drink. She had admired Jake. Now she loved him until she thought her heart would break if she didn’t have him.
And she couldn’t.
He hadn’t lied to her. He’d made his intentions clear. An affair would be welcome, a marriage would not. Last night he’d made his plans come true. She had no doubt that he’d make love to her again if she were here. They’d both shared their pleasure.
But she couldn’t allow the incredible lovemaking to be repeated. It was too much. And not enough.
Which brought her to the most difficult decision she’d ever had to make. They, she and Toby, would have to leave. And she had to keep Mildred from coming with them.
The man she’d sold her practice to had written only recently to ask if she was settled in Wyoming. He had expanded the practice to the point that he was going to have to take on a partner.
She could return to her old job. Toby could rejoin his playmates. He’d gone to a little play school near their home two days a week. The place had child care most of the day, and her hours would be more those of a normal person.
They could make it.
They just wouldn’t be happy.
A tear slid down her cheek.
EVERYONE WAS at the breakfast table by the time Jake got out of the shower, dressed and came into the kitchen.
“Your eggs are on the back of the stove,” Red called from the table.
“Uh, I’m not hungry,” Jake said, not slowing down.
“She’s not there.”
Red’s quiet words stopped him.
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw her drive off just after you went upstairs. I guess she had an early-morning call.” Red calmly continued eating. His brothers and their wives were watching the two of them. “Eat your breakfast.”
Jake stood there, his hands on his hips, trying to decide what to do.
“You just get home?” Pete questioned, a grin on his face. “I’m going to have to have a talk with you about the hours you’re keeping.”
Jake snarled at him and turned to pick up his plate of eggs.
As if realizing taunting the tiger wouldn’t be smart, they all turned their attention to their food.
Finally Anna said, “I hope you enjoyed your birthday, Jake.”
“Yeah, it was the best birthday I’ve ever had, Anna. Thanks. You, too, Megan and Janie. And I love the saddle and the gloves.” He stood and carried his plate over to the sink. The eggs he’d eaten were sitting in his stomach like leaden lumps.
He had to see B.J.
“That book B.J. gave you is incredible. Where are you going to put it?” Chad asked.
“I think I’ll have a case made for it,” Jake said as he turned around. “I want to be able to look at it, but I don’t want it to be damaged.”
“That’s a good idea. One of the hands at Ben’s place does some nice wood carving. Want me to ask him if he has any ideas?” Pete asked.
“Yeah, fine. I’ve got to go.” Without waiting for any more chatter from his family, he slipped out into the cold morning. He intended to ask Mildred about B.J.’s early-morning call. He could follow her to whatever ranch had had the emergency. She might even need his help.
NO ONE SPOKE for several minutes after Jake left. Finally Megan asked, “Do you think he’s all right? He seemed awfully…distracted.”
Chad slipped his arm around his wife. “Yeah, he’s distracted, all right. That’s what happens when you ladies start messing around with our heads.”
“I don’t think his head is what got messed with,” Red said dryly.
The ladies gasped in pretend shock, and Brett covered Anna’s ears. “Please, Red, innocents are present.”
Anna dug her elbow in his ribs. “So you think they, uh, made up?”
“I don’t know. She sure lit out of here in a hurry this morning,” Red said.
“But she would if she had an emergency call,” Anna said. “That’s what I do.”
“Maybe you’re right. But something don’t feel right to me,” Red insisted.
“Hey, that’s the way I’ve been feeling for the last month,” Megan protested, rubbing her large stomach. “Janie, I don’t know how you managed to carry two babies around all the time.”
“It was easier when I was pregnant than it is now.” Then she grinned at her husband. “Except now Pete has to do part of the carrying.”
The smile on Pete’s face told everyone he loved toting his babies around, but he felt compelled to protest. “Man, Jake has no idea what he’s getting into.”
>
Red smiled at all of them. “Yes, he does, Pete. At long last, I think he does.”
JAKE DISCOVERED Mildred had no more idea than he did about where B.J. had gone. When she led him to the table and poured him a cup of coffee, he took a sip and sat staring into space. Only Toby’s arrival at the table woke him from his worrying.
“Mr. Jake! You remembered! I’m ready. I don’t need no breakfast.” He was already bouncing up and down in his pajamas.
Before Mildred could intervene, Jake hugged the little boy and then urged him to the table. “We cowboys don’t go out in the cold without eating a good hot breakfast, Toby. And we sure don’t go out in our pajamas. There’s plenty of time, so eat.”
Little conversation was necessary with Toby around. He asked question after question about Jake’s horse and where they would ride.
After answering what seemed a hundred questions, Jake was relieved when Mildred interrupted Toby’s inquisition. “If you don’t go get dressed, you won’t get to ride with Mr. Jake.”
The boy jumped from his seat so quickly, Jake was afraid he’d hurt himself. To Jake’s surprise, however, he stopped suddenly and looked at his great-aunt. “May I be excused, Aunt Mildred?”
“Yes, Toby.”
In a flash, he was out the door.
“What a great kid he is,” Jake murmured.
“Yes, he is. B.J. is a good mother.”
He grinned. “You’re preaching to the convinced, Mildred.”
“Good. It’s about time.”
“So when are you and Red going to tie the knot?”
Her briskness disappeared, and Mildred began fidgeting with her fork. “Red wants to get married by Thanksgiving.”
“Sounds like a good time to me.”
“That’s in three weeks, Jake. I can’t marry him till I know B.J.’s settled.” She avoided looking at him, but Jake knew what she was asking.
He stood, hearing Toby coming down the hall. “Make your plans, Mildred,” he said softly, “because B.J. is settled. She just doesn’t know it yet.”
He caught Toby as he leapt toward him, and together the two of them went outside.
“YOU MEAN you’ve never done any riding?” Jake asked when they reached the barn. He had assumed that Toby had been introduced to horseback riding the past summer. He remembered the picnic they’d had by the lake when Brett had been engaged to Sylvia, the senator’s daughter.
“I rode with Mommy. She said I was too little.” Toby looked worried. “Am I still too little, Mr. Jake?” He stood there in his jeans and boots, his hat cocked at the exact angle as Jake’s, an anxious expression on his face.
“No, son, you’re not too little. But right now I don’t have a horse the right size for you. Today you’ll ride with me. But I’ll start looking around for a smaller horse and a saddle just your size. We may even have some left over from when we were boys.”
“You mean I could use your little-boy saddle?” Toby said, his tone almost reverent.
“Why not? I’ve certainly outgrown it,” Jake teased.
“That would be like I was your little boy,” Toby said softly before covering his mouth with his hand.
Jake knelt down. “Would you want to be my little boy, Toby?”
The boy ducked his head. “Mommy said I can’t be.”
Jake’s heart constricted, and he had trouble breathing. “When did Mommy say that?”
“After you bought me my hat.”
Jake wanted to fold the boy into his arms, to assure him that he’d be proud to be his daddy. But until he talked to B.J., he couldn’t. After all, B.J. should be the first to know he’d decided to marry after all.
“Tell you what, today we’ll just be friends. But who knows what will happen in the future. Even mommies change their minds.”
B.J. DIDN’T GO HOME for lunch. She grabbed a sandwich in town and then stopped her truck by the pay phone at the gas station.
Using her calling card, she reached her old animal hospital in Kansas City. Within a few minutes, she and Dr. Brown had come to agreement on her return to Kansas City. She promised to phone him again on Monday to work out the final details.
Hanging up the phone, she got back in the truck. But she couldn’t find the energy to start the engine. She’d taken the first step to solving her problems. And the sandwich she’d eaten was threatening to come back up.
How could she explain their move to Toby? How could she convince Mildred to stay and marry Red? How could she survive without at least seeing Jake?
But how could she stay and not want him?
Tears slowly seeped from her closed eyes, washing her pale cheeks.
A knock on her window surprised her. She opened her eyes to find Ben Turnbull staring at her. Rolling down her window with one hand, she dashed away her tears with the other. “Hi, Ben.”
“Are you all right, B.J.?”
“Yes, of course. I—I had a difficult case this morning and I was just collecting myself.”
“Want me to call Jake? He could come drive you home.”
She stiffened. Already people considered her Jake’s property. Toby would think Jake was going to become his daddy. “No, thanks. I’ve got some more calls to make. Thanks for checking on me.”
Without waiting for a response, she started the engine of her truck and pulled away.
Ben frowned as he watched her drive away. Something was wrong. Digging a quarter out of his jeans pocket, he reached for the pay phone.
“Red? Is Jake around?”
“No. He rode out with the boys to the west pasture. Wanted to make sure the herd was okay after the snow.”
Ben stood there, undecided.
“Anything wrong?”
“I just ran into B.J. She was sitting in her truck, crying. Said she’d had a bad case this morning.”
“Crying?”
“Yeah. I asked her if she wanted me to call Jake, but she refused and drove off.”
“Do you know where she was heading?”
“No. She didn’t say.”
“Okay. I’ll tell Jake. Thanks for calling.”
“Sure. Let me know if you need any help.”
RED AND MILDRED WERE sitting at the table having a cup of coffee when Jake and Toby returned to the house around four.
“Huh, here we’ve been doing all the work, Toby, while these two just sit around,” Jake teased.
“Aunt Mildred works real hard, Mr. Jake,” Toby said earnestly before smiling at his great-aunt and giving her a hug. “I’ve been riding Mr. Jake’s horse, Aunt Mildred. He’s great big! And Mr. Jake said he might find a horse just my size so I could ride by myself! Wouldn’t that be neat?”
“Sure would, Toby, my boy,” Mildred said, hugging him. “How about a cup of hot chocolate to warm you up? You’re as cold as an icicle.”
Toby giggled and climbed into a chair at the table. “Can Mr. Jake have some, too?”
“Sure. But he might prefer coffee. Jake?”
“Yeah, I’ll take some coffee.” He moved to the coffeepot and poured his own. “Have you heard from B.J. yet?”
Neither Red nor Mildred spoke, and Jake turned around in time to see them exchanging a glance. His breathing grew shallow as he stared at them. Then he said, “Toby, you’d better go wash your hands. I think Mildred is putting some cookies on the table.”
Without any protest, Toby jumped down and raced for the kitchen door. He loved cookies.
“What is it?” Jake asked as soon as the swinging door closed behind the boy.
“Ben Turnbull called. He found B.J. sitting in her truck crying at the gas station.” Red’s matter-of-fact delivery didn’t lessen the panic Jake felt.
“Why? What was wrong? Did he offer to help her?”
“Yeah. She said she had a bad case this morning. Then she drove off. Didn’t say where she was going.”
Jake looked at Mildred. “Has she called you? Have you been home to check for messages?”
“I have our calls forwa
rded over here every day. She hasn’t called once. And that’s not like her.” Mildred nibbled on her bottom lip, frowning, just the way B.J. did.
Jake began pacing the kitchen floor. “Why wouldn’t she call if she’s in trouble? Do you have any idea who her appointments were with today? I mean, it’s a Saturday. Doesn’t she usually come home early?”
“Jake, you know how vets are. They’re just like Doc Jacoby. They go wherever and whenever they’re needed.” Mildred brought Toby’s hot chocolate, prepared in the microwave, to the table, along with a plate of cookies. “I’m not surprised she’s not home yet, but—but she doesn’t usually cry.”
Jake paced some more.
“Uh, Jake, Mildred and I have been talking. We know it’s none of our business, but—but exactly what happened last night?”
Jake turned to stare at him, and Red hurriedly added, “It just seemed to Mildred that B.J. was acting funny from early this morning on. I mean, did the two of you have a fight?”
“No. We didn’t fight. We made love.” His bareboned statement didn’t begin to describe the events of the previous night, the wonder of their coming together. But Jake couldn’t tell anyone about the emotions that filled him. At least, no one but B.J. He wanted to tell her.
If she’d just come home.
He ignored Mildred and Red and their reactions to his words. He didn’t care what anyone thought. Except B.J. “Should I drive out and try to find her? Have you called around to see if she’s made any of her normal stops?”
“I’ll make some phone calls,” Red volunteered.
As he got up to go to the phone, Mildred added, “It wouldn’t do any good to drive around, Jake. She could be anywhere.”
Toby came running back in, his hands extended. “See, Mr. Jake? I washed ’em good. Can I have some cookies now?”
“You bet, Toby. And Mildred’s got your chocolate ready, too. Have you warmed up yet?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t cold, ’cause you kept me warm. Mr. Jake put his jacket around me, Aunt Mildred. One of the cowboys said we looked just like twins,” Toby bragged.
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