He stepped out into the courtyard, struck by the beauty of this kingdom. Most kingdoms in the Elemental realm were lovely, but the Colorlands stood as one of the most awe-inspiring places in the universe. Before the Fall, Color Phases had done a nice tourist trade with the other Elementals who wanted to visit their beautiful kingdom. Sometimes troubled Phases still came here, seeking moments of refuge amidst the tranquil scenery. Only the Color Phases didn’t charge their visitors, anymore. There didn’t seem much of a point, with so few of them left.
The flowers and trees and even the sky were a constantly changing mosaic of hues. Everything seemed white, except… it wasn’t. A multitude of brilliant Colors shifted and morphed like an aurora borealis, giving the entire world a magical glow. Raiden felt completely out of place in this kaleidoscope-like paradise, but he’d walk into hell itself to see his Match.
Gladly.
“Fee.” Comfort called following him out into the courtyard. “It seems you have a visitor.”
A rustle of some berry covered bushes. A laugh. And then she appeared, covered in dirt and carrying a jar filled with skittering bugs. Not just in a picture Comfort had sent, but live and in person and… adorable.
Raiden felt his knees give way and he sank to the ground in front of her.
She was adorable.
Over the centuries, he’d become inured to the isolation and lack of companionship. Hell, he even encouraged it. People feared him and he feared himself even more. His massive size, shaved head, and the unnatural green glow of his eyes, all worked to keep people away and he’d grown used to that. He accepted that there was no place in the universe that he truly belonged.
Until now.
“Ellow.” His Match chirped, gazing up at him with no trace of fear, despite his appearance. “Wanna beetle?” She hefted the jar in his direction, a welcoming smile on her cherubic face.
At last.
After three and a half centuries, at last he was exactly where he belonged.
“A beetle?” He whispered, trying to keep his voice as soft as possible. He’d never resented the ruined sound of it more than he did at that moment. To such a small child, he must have seemed like a monster.
Except, she didn’t seem particularly scared by the rough cadence of his words or the jagged scar across his throat. Then again, the girl was holding a dozen squirming insects like they were diamonds, so she must have had a high tolerance for the macabre.
“Beetles is fun! This one is da the best one.” She moved closer to him, tilting the jar and pointing to an indistinguishable crawling dot. “I name him Melwissa!” Everything she said was said at maximum volume.
Raiden felt his mouth curve, resisting the urge to smooth down the wild curls escaping her braids. He’d never been around a child before, especially a female one. Despite her zeal, she was even more delicate than he’d imagined she’d be.
Sandy blonde hair was fastened into two messy pigtails, covered in a pair of Mickey Mouse ears. Her small body was dressed in a bizarre mishmash of clothes: a t-shirt with the Punisher logo, pink overalls with star shaped patches at the knees, glittery rubber bracelets up to her elbows, and a ballerina tutu.
She might as well have been an alien to him.
“What makes Melissa the best?” He asked, at a loss for what else to say.
“Is the biggest.” Topaz eyes blinked like that should be obvious. “Biggest is best.”
“Under different circumstances, I’d be very happy to hear you say that.” God knew, he’d been called a giant enough times. It would have been nice if his Match could tolerate his size. Raiden cleared the tightness in his throat and tried to go back to the words he’d practiced a hundred thousand times. “I’m sorry to just come here like this. I’m not going to hurt you.” And then, because he couldn’t help himself, he reiterated. “I would never hurt you.”
“’Kay.” She agreed distractedly. “Wanna play bugs?”
Yes. He really did.
Raiden would give anything in the universe if he could sit in the grass and play with her for an afternoon. “No, baby, I can’t.” He pressed on with his speech, because he didn’t have another choice. “I know you don’t know who I am, but… I just needed to see you.”
Just once.
Her head tilted. “I know you.” She said decisively, deviating from his mental script.
“You… do?” Raiden frowned, suddenly fearful of the stories she might have heard about him. He didn’t want her to remember him the way others did. “Who am I?”
Her mouseketeer hat slid over one eye and she pushed it back. “Rway, silly.” She giggled like she thought he told a joke.
Raiden didn’t know what that meant. “Rway?”
“She means ‘Ray.’” Comfort said softly from behind him. “It’s what she calls you.”
Raiden hadn’t anticipated that. He looked over at Comfort. “I told you not to tell her about me.”
She shouldn’t have to know about him. Even coming here today was selfish and wrong. He should never have gotten this close to her, but he couldn’t stop himself. A lifetime of discipline meant nothing compared to seeing the ballerina entomologist who should have grown up to be his.
“I didn’t have to tell her about you.” Comfort shrugged. “She’s always known you were out there.” No one else would have trusted him in with six city blocks of a baby, but Comfort strolled back into the house leaving them completely alone. “Really, Raiden, you know about her energy.” She called as she strolled away. “What did you expect?”
Fucking hell.
The child was already connecting to him.
How could she possibly be that powerful?
He’d known from the second she was born that his Match was special. Not just because she was a rare and beautiful gift to the world, but because this little girl in the mismatched tennis shoes was one of the most powerful Elemental alive.
Most Elementals grew more powerful as they aged, but Raiden’s Match had been born with her energy already topping out all known charts. Gaia only knew how much stronger she would get.
He’d kept her hidden as best he could, fearful of what might happen if others knew she existed. Because of who he was and who she might grow-up to be, she’d be a target. Even if she wasn’t part of a House known for its love of war, or even its particularly useful powers, she’d still be valuable to far too many people.
The only one he’d allowed to monitor her was Freya, the Elemental’s foremost medical expert. She’d reported back to Raiden with the results of Fee’s various check-ups and all of them pointed to a child unlike any other. The words “incredibly advanced for her age,” “precocious on every testable level,” and “EXTREMELY powerful” had filled the thick folders she sent.
Also “spoiled,” “stubborn” and “very assertive.”
Raiden considered those good things.
He didn’t care that his Match had the language and developmental skills of a child three times her age. Or possessed powers that could conceivably change the world. All that mattered was that she felt safe enough to act spoiled, stubborn, and very assertive.
That was why he’d brought her to this small cottage to be raised by the kindest, most grandmotherly woman he could think of. As a child, Raiden had tried to stay invisible for fear of being beaten or used for his abilities. Until he was large enough to defend himself, he’d hidden in the shadows as much as possible. Dreading any footsteps coming near him, growing to hate his House and distrust everyone in the universe, from God on down.
His Match would never, ever know that kind of fear. He wanted her to feel nothing but security. To expect nothing but love. To know nothing but joy.
Even if he wouldn’t be there to share it with her.
Raiden had always known that he could never be with his Match. He’d tried to accept his fate and not ache for what should have been. He’d told himself that her safety was all that mattered. That she’d grow-up happy, with no knowledge of him and that it wou
ld be for the best. He’d told himself that he wouldn’t be bitter that their time was so short, he’d just be grateful that he’d lived to meet her, at all.
He’d told himself that it would be enough to have this one visit to say good-bye.
Convincing himself of all those justifications had been easy. Raiden wanted to see her, so much. Needed to see her. Nothing could have kept him from coming here today. But, he’d thought the pain would be his to bear alone. He hadn’t known that she was so powerful, she’d already felt their connection.
Even as this tiny baby, she’d felt him.
Raiden closed his eyes. Gaia, what was she going to do tomorrow, when he was gone? How would she ever understand? What kind of life would she have with her Match dead?
“Rway?” She tugged on the sleeve of his Reprisal uniform. “Don’t be sad.”
He opened his eyes again, meeting her concerned gaze.
For the first time since boyhood, he considered ignoring his visions.
Raiden knew enough to alter the coming events and survive. Hell, things were changing so fast in his visions that he really wouldn’t have to do anything except walk away. He’d never asked for this responsibility. He could ignore what he saw and just stay with her in this small cottage; happy and alive.
But, if he did that, he would doom her, instead.
Raiden had seen that, too. If he didn’t intervene and protect Chason, events would play out differently. Chason would die. And if Chason died, the universe would fall. Everything would be gone.
Everyone.
A choice between Raiden and his Match was no choice, at all.
“You like scorpions or frogs betta?” She tried when he remained quiet. “I can get you some and make you happy.”
In spite of everything that sweet little offer got a laugh out of him. He hadn’t laughed in at least a decade, but the sound came easily. “Do scorpions make good gifts?”
“Oh yesssssss.” She drew out the word as if she was explaining something to a child. “Scorpions is big.”
“A big scorpion wouldn’t frighten the person lucky enough to get it?”
“I wouldn’t be fwightened. Big is good.” Her smile was like the sun coming out. “Like you, Rway.” She leaned forward to wrap her arms around him in a hug. “Never fwightened of you.”
Tenderness filled him.
Raiden very carefully touched her back. His palm was larger than the entire width of her body. “I don’t think you’d be afraid of anything.” He murmured.
Maybe she would still be alright without him. What could ever stop someone with so much dauntless enthusiasm? And they’d never Phazed, obviously. She was still nearly a century under age. Surely that would help make his death easier for her. She was so young, the memory of today would fade.
It had to.
“But, you know, not all big things are as nice as me and scorpions.” He set her away from him, so he could meet her eyes. “You remember that, as you get older. It’s very important. I want you to be brave and to trust people. I do. But… don’t trust people. And try not to be brave around big armed killers.”
“’Kay.” She agreed, not paying attention. “I paint yoo nails, now!” She scampered over to grab the bottle of black polish that she’d clearly just finished smearing all over her fingertips. “Then, we’s match!”
“Always.” He agreed gravely. It didn’t even occur to him to object as she seized hold of his palm and dumped at least a quarter of the glass container onto his thumb. She could do anything she chose and he would just be thankful she was doing it with him. “Fee, do you… see me?” He needed to figure out how bad this would be for her.
“Yes, I see Rway, rite now!” She waved at him. “Hi, Rway!”
Gaia, how could anyone be so adorable?
He’d seen so many unspeakable things that he would’ve thought all the softness was burned out of him. After endless visions of war and death, he’d begun to feel that it was all… pointless. That fighting was futile and there was no prize worth the blood spilt. Why bother even trying when, whatever future came, the outcome would just inevitably be more of the same hatred and despair?
Now, sitting beside this adorable little girl, the struggle all made sense.
Granted, she could have had three heads and he still would have thought she was adorable… But, damn was she adorable. “I mean, when I’m not here with you. Can you see where I live?”
“Oh.” She bobbed her head. “You live in da gway place with da song man.” She began humming that damn Andrew Sisters’ melody, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she focused on his manicure. “He be gone, now. So, you stay here.”
Shit.
Through her connection with Raiden, she could not only she see Chason’s looming death, she also knew about Raiden’s life in the Magnet Kingdom. That meant everything Raiden had planned to say would have to change. He’d promised himself when he came here that he would tell her nothing but calm, vague things. Nothing that even hinted to his actual identity or what would happen today. If Fee already knew so much about him, though, that kind of surreptitious farewell would be useless.
She’d feel it when he died.
Oh God, no.
“Rway stay with Fee, now.” She proclaimed bossily, when he didn’t agree fast enough. She was used to getting her own way. Why wouldn’t she be? If she wanted an ice cream cone, Raiden would’ve leveled cities to get it for her and she apparently knew that. Had known it forever. She depended on him being there, because she’d felt their connection all her life.
He swallowed, his mind racing, trying to figure out how to best protect her, now. He had to prepare her for what would happen. If she was attached to him, his death might upset her and he needed to soften the blow.
“I will always be with you, but I won’t be here.” He said as steadily as he could.
She didn’t like that. Topaz eyes narrowed. “No. Here.”
“Today,” he had a hard time getting out the words, “today, something will change.”
“Is it my birfday?”
“No.” She’d been born the third day of the Fall. Raiden knew the exact second it had happened. He’d felt her enter the world and it had saved him. “Today will be a… bad day. But you’re going to get through it and be fine. I promise.”
She studied him, her gaze seeing far too much. “No.” She whispered as if she suddenly understood what he was telling her. “No, Rway. Don’t go.”
Raiden felt his soul shattering.
“I must. But, I’ve made sure that you will be taken care of. You’ll never want for anything.”
“Yes, I will! Want RWAY!”
She was distraught. Far more so than he would have expected, given it was –well-- just him, she was losing, after all. Nothing in his life had prepared him for this moment. Legions of Phases would have been thrilled to see him gone. He had no idea how to comfort the one person who might miss him. “Fee…”
“No!” She backed away from him with an expression of total betrayal. “Not suppose ta go!”
“I know it’s hard.” Gaia did he know. “It’s not fair for you and I’m sorry. You will never know how sorry.” Facing her disappointment was so much harder than facing his death. “But this is beyond my control.”
“We is gonna be together!”
“No, baby. We’re never going to be together.” It killed him to say the words. He’d never hated destiny so much. “Today I will die and you will have to go on for both of us. Do you think you can do that?”
“Noooooooooo!” It was a wail from the depth of her small body. “Fee can’t go anywhere without Rway! Best fwends! Love Rway!”
Aw Christ.
Raiden dropped his head, unable to speak. If he tried, he’d break down. He’d never been called anyone’s friend before. Never been told he was loved. It destroyed him to hear the words now, knowing he was going to hurt her so badly. He covered his face with his palms, praying to the God who had long ago forsaken him for
some kind of help. It was like she was hacking him apart from the inside out.
How was he supposed to do this?
“Love you.” She repeated earnestly, her eyes swimming. “Don’t choo love Fee?”
He was going to die right here, if she kept it up. Raiden needed to regain control before he bled to death there on the grass. Once he was alone he could fall apart. Right now, he had to be strong for his Match. Raiden let out a long, shaky breath and met her damp gaze.
“I do love you, yes.” He’d never said those words to anyone before. “Which is why I’m telling you, you will go on without me.” It was an order grown men would have hastily obeyed.
“No.” Her chin jutted out obstinately. “We is a Match!”
Fuck. She knew that, too? Raiden had to stop that line of thinking immediately. He tried to harden his tone. “We’re not a Match, anymore.”
“Yes, we are, too!” Her foot stomped. “Always a Match!”
She was right. But it didn’t make any difference for what had to happen.
“This is the only way.” His voice cracked and he had to stop to gather his composure. Ten minutes was all it took for her to break him, when he’d faced down armies of men without faltering. “One day you’ll see that.”
“Won’t see! Won’t!” She started crying, wracking sobs shaking her. A little girl who deserved to spend her life catching dragonflies in gardens, but who had been Matched with a dead man. “You don’t love Fee, at all!”
“I do love you.” Tears burned the back of his eyes and he had to blink them back. “Never doubt that. I’m leaving because I love you.”
Her miniature face screwed up in defiance. “Liar!”
“I’m not lying. If I had a choice, I would stay here with you forever.”
“So stay, then!”
“I can’t. This is your destiny, not mine.” He’d bought it for her with his life. And it was worth it. She was worth it. His Match belonged here with the flowers and fireflies. “Baby, I can’t save us both.” He whispered. “It has to be you.”
Queen of the Magnetland (The Elemental Phases Book 5) Page 14
