by K. J. Wolf
He’d thought he could live up to that kind of pressure. In fact, he’d actually convinced himself it would make him a better man if he knew he had such high standards to meet. He’d thought so many stupid things. Now look where it had gotten him.
Damn it. He had to do something about this and fast. If he let Hannah put enough distance between them for too long, she’d have time to cement the cracks he’s put in those walls of hers making it impossible to get through.
She said maybe she’d see him tomorrow. Damn right she would. And he wouldn’t take any more of her crap. This relationship was going to happen. She wanted it, too. She just didn’t know it yet.
****
When he walked into the bar a little after 9 PM the following night, he stopped just inside the doorway. The sounds and smells of the bar offered a familiar comfort. Loud classic rock, beer, greasy food, and tobacco stuck to clothing mingled in the air. He spent most of his time at the bar when he wasn’t working. And the love of his life worked there.
There was no way he could have missed her standing next to the old pinball machine flashing against the side of the bar. Hannah had tied heart shaped balloons to the back of a chair and pushed it so the balloons floated in front of the dart board.
Her outfit was typical of what she wore to work. Her jeans hung low on her hips, and her favorite t-shirt that read, “I Speak Fluent Sarcasm,” rested just about the waist. Her back was towards him as she lifted a dart, moved it back and forth before whipping it at the balloons. It hit the wall with a soft thud. She’d missed.
“I don’t know who did what to Hannah, but she’s in a foul mood tonight. I’d steer clear, buddy.”
Roxy Jackson, the bar’s owner and Hannah's surrogate mother, came up next to him and shrugged. “Somebody pissed her off good. I’m lucky the bar’s dead tonight. If anyone rubbed her the wrong way I’d probably end up having to call the cops. She’s lookin’ to unleash holy hell on anybody. It's kinda pissing me off, too. She’s the best when she’s not on the warpath.”
Chris grunted in response. “Any idea what set her off?”
He held his breath and leaned back. Roxy always took care of Hannah and her friends, but he knew that if anybody did anything to hurt her, she would be the second in line to beat the crap out of him. Usually Chris would be the first in line, but since he was pretty sure he’d fall into the category of the person who’d upset her, he’d take what he had coming from the next person in line.
Roxy shook her head and shrugged again. “Nope. She says she’s fine. Nothing happened, and if people would just leave her the hell alone she’d appreciate it.”
Chris shook his head and closed his eyes while letting a slow breath escape through his lips. At least she hadn’t hung him out to dry yet.
“Go on and sit as far away from her as you can. I’ll grab you a beer.” Roxy patted him on the shoulder and headed to the bar.
Chris chose to sit by the exit. Who knew how the evening was going to turn out? He needed to talk to Hannah about last night. There had to be way to break through those walls and keep them down.
Or things could go very wrong. His stomach soured at the thought. He just couldn’t let that happen. Hannah had to be a part of his life. Even more than that. He wanted Hannah to be the center of his life.
He jumped when the first dart hit a balloon making a loud popping sound, and Hannah cursed in celebration. She bent down to pick up another dart when she noticed Jack behind the bar getting his beer. Her hand stilled, and she turned. The way her face changed from tight lips and downturned eyebrows to her mouth forming a small “o” and her cheeks flushing might have been comical on any other day.
Hannah turned, placed the remaining darts down with a soft clicking sound, wiped her hands on her jeans, and sauntered over to his table. Even with the solid pit of fear growing in his stomach, the simple sway of her hips turned him on.
“I thought I might see you tonight.” She didn’t take the chair next to him. The way she moved might have screamed she was relaxed to anyone else, but he knew her too well. Her arms were stiff and her neck muscles tense. When she sat down, she crossed her arms over her chest. Relaxed Hannah would have leaned onto the table and made eye contact at least once in a while. This uptight Hannah stared at some imaginary spot on the table.
“Hey.” Shit. That was lame.
“Hey.” He took a deep breath and took comfort in the fact that she let him take the lead for now.
After countless seconds went by, he realized “hey” had been a stroke of genius. Nothing came to mind to say that wouldn’t sound awkward or set her off. If only Roxy had brought his beer over. The liquid courage sure sounded good right then. He decided to go neutral.
“How—”
“What—” She started at the same time and blushed. Waving her hand in the air but still avoiding his eyes, she said, “You go first.”
He cleared his throat. “How’s your night going?”
She raised one eyebrow and glanced at him. “Uh, slow. It’s the night after Valentine’s Day and a Wednesday. Nobody’s hanging out at the bar tonight. Except us, apparently.”
His chuckle sounded as fake as it felt. Damn, this was hard.
They sat in silence for a few minutes before he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to break through the mess they’d created last night. It was time to shit or get off the pot.
“Listen, Hannah. Don’t freak out. I just wanted you to know that I had a really great time last night. Actually, it was better than great. It was amazing.” He held his breath and took his turn avoiding eye contact.
“Yeah.” Her voice was little more than a breath.
He dared a glance at Hannah. Her pink cheeks had gone a shade darker. She still wouldn’t meet his eyes, and she ran her fingernail back and forth over a scratch in the table. The music in the bar seemed to get louder.
“So, I was thinking maybe you can come over after your shift? Maybe watch a movie?”
She stilled.
Uh-oh.
“Listen, Chris,” she said before pausing to lick her lips, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Last night … probably shouldn’t have happened. We’re friends. We should have just stayed friends.” She glanced at his face. “Could we maybe forget about it?”
He sat back in his chair so hard it screeched against the floor. All of his fear vaporized with her last statement. Forget about it? Hell no. Even if there was a reason he’d want to forget it, hell would have to freeze over before it might actually happen.
Now he was pissed. What the hell did last night mean to her? Was he really going down as just another lay for her? Shouldn’t their friendship make what happened between them mean more?
Well, fuck. He wasn’t giving up that easily.
“No.”
Hannah’s eyes met his. She looked dazed. “What?”
“I said ‘no,’ Hannah. We can’t just forget about it. That’s not going to happen.”
She pressed her lips together and clasped her hands on the table. “So what does that mean, exactly?”
He mimicked her position and leaned forward. “It means that we’re friends who went beyond their normal boundaries and had sex. Mind blowing, hot, wet, incredible sex. And we’re going to do it again. And again. And again. I’m not going to let you run away from me. You can make all the excuses in the world as to why we shouldn’t do this, but I’m not listening. I’m not one of your one-night-stand guys. I’m in this for the long haul.”
The crimson rising in her cheeks warmed his insides. He was getting to her. He leaned closer and whispered, “We’re doing this, Hannah. I’m not losing you as a friend or a lover. I’m taking both.”
Hannah got up so fast she knocked her chair down behind her. He watched her lips move while a few sputtering sounds came out but nothing coherent. She was mad.
He glanced at the bar to see Roxy wipe her hands, sling the towel over her shoulder, and place her hands flat on the bar. Oh, shit.
&nb
sp; “You cannot tell me what to do!” Roxy raised one eyebrow, and Chris could have sworn he’d seen the corner of her mouth twitched upward. The beating of his heart in his chest pumped the adrenaline he needed in order to face a pissed off Hannah as well as Roxy if it came to that. Chris took his time standing and put his hands on his hips.
“I’m not telling you what to do.” He worked to keep his voice low and steady. “I’m telling you how it is, Hannah. You have to stop running away from good things. Everyone isn’t out to hurt you. And you know me. We’re already amazing together. It’s that simple.”
Despite her reddening face and fisted hands, Chris fought the urge to grin. She wanted to blow a fuse but held on because she was at work. He’d have to be careful or she’d throw all caution to the wind and rain holy hell all over his ass if he pushed too hard. Reason #150 why he loved Hannah Monroe.
“I can’t believe you’d go there, Chris. After all I’ve…” She raised a fist to her mouth, and tears welled in her eyes. He hadn’t seen that coming.
Hannah ran to the hallway in the back of the bar. He assumed she’d be going into either the ladies’ room or Roxy’s office. She didn’t want anyone to see her cry. It used to be that he was the one of the few who could witness her tears. Obviously he was no longer good enough.
Shit. He knew she had issues with trust and intimacy. Those bastards from the football team in high school had messed her up the day they tried to rape her, not to mention the dumb-asses who'd brought her into the world. No wonder she'd never had a healthy sexual relationship in all the years he'd known her.
Her self-consciousness over her body had taken him by surprise. Now that he thought about it, why wouldn't she feel that way? Guys who had tried to force themselves on you and the way her folks had told her she was worthless from the start would have been enough to send most people to the nuthouse. He'd supported her through the few times she'd opened up about it, and then he'd done everything he could to earn her trust last night. They’d worked on that, hadn’t they?
It didn’t matter. He couldn’t let this sit. Hannah would reinforce all of her protection in her precious arsenal, and they’d come too far even if it was only because of last night. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, let his shoulders slump, and followed the path Hannah had just taken to the back.
“I like you, kid.”
Chris stopped and dared a glance at Roxy. She stood at her usual place behind the bar wiping out the inside of glasses with a towel. Roxy didn’t look his way or say anything more, so he wondered if he’d only imagined she’d said something.
He took another step. Roxy slammed a glass on the bar harder than necessary. He froze and didn’t dare look this time.
“But I like Hannah even more. You and I both know she’s got some trouble when it comes to trusting people, and I sure as hell don’t approve of the way she loves ‘em and leaves ‘em. But at least she wasn’t getting’ hurt. You’d be a different story, buddy.”
Chris cleared his throat and turned to Roxy, who was back to wiping glasses. “Uh, yes, ma'am.”
Roxy set the next glass down with less force this time and leaned on the bar with one hand. “If I could handpick a guy to settle down with Hannah, you’d be first on my list. But I don’t know exactly what you’re after with her, and I don’t wanna know. Just remember this.”
Chris swallowed hard and waited for her to speak again. The older woman took her time leaning forward and balling both fists on the counter. “Walk away if you’re not prepared to see her through everything that’s gonna come with being with her. She’s messed up, buddy. She’s got shit to work through that most people would let ruin their lives. But she’s a fighter, and if anyone can bring her to a good place, it’s you.”Roxy narrowed her eyes and clenched her teeth. “But if this is about baggin’ the girl you could never have before just ‘cause you can, walk out that door now. Because if you hurt her, I will kill you, bud.”
If the threat had come from anyone other than Roxy, Chris would have laughed it off. But he'd seen the older woman throw muscular, rowdy young guys out of her bar as if they were nothing more than bags of flour dragged across the floor. She might have been a small woman with wrinkled skin, but the woman was a lot stronger than she looked. Roxy meant business.
Fortunately Chris had no doubts about Hannah. He loved her, and this was it for him. She’d just have to get used to the idea one way or another.
He nodded his head once and said, “I have nothing but honorable intentions, Roxy. Hannah means the world to me, and I can’t imagine a day in my life without her.”Roxy raised one eyebrow and twisted her lips to the side. “I don’t doubt that, buddy. But you’ve got one hell of a battle waiting for you back there. Better get moving.”
He’d been dismissed. Roxy returned to her chores at the bar, and Chris took a deep breath. Facing Roxy and her threats would be nothing compared to what waited for him when he caught up with Hannah.
She was in Roxy’s office behind the door. He would have walked right past her if she hadn’t cursed under her breath as he went by. She was hiding with a box of unopened tissues.
The door whipped at him when she caught sight of him entering the room. His reflexes kicked in, and he held out the palm of his hand to stop it making it bounce back and slam into Hannah.
“Mother Fff…” He peeked around the door to see her palm pressed against her forehead.
“Shit. Did I hit you?”
“You sure are a genius, Sherlock. What the hell?” She stomped to the plush loveseat Roxy had angled across from her desk. More than one employee had needed to sleep off a bit too much on that sofa over the years. Hannah plopped down hard enough to make the loveseat scrape along the floor.
“What do you want, Chris? I really don’t want to get into it with you tonight,” she sighed as she rested her forehead in her hands.
He sat down next to her and didn’t miss how she angled away. Her head still rested in her hands, but he didn’t dare ask her to move. Instead, he bent down, twisted so that he was on his back, and slid his face underneath her arm to stare up at her.
Hannah squealed and laughed at the same time, sat upright, and swatted him on the top of the head. “You’re insane, Christopher. Shit.”
He stayed with his head in her lap, and she didn’t move to shove him off right away. At least she wasn’t clawing his eyes out.
Hannah looked down at him, and for the first time, he noticed the dark circles around her eyes. God, she looked tired. And he was the reason why.
“You okay?” He swallowed hard and waited.
She rested her head on the back of the loveseat and closed her eyes. “I have no idea.”
He wanted to get her to talk. But that path clearly wasn’t going to work tonight. It was time to figure out another way through her blockade.
Taking his time, he reached up to her chin and ran his finger along her jawbone. She tensed but only for a brief second, so he continued along her chin and then down her neck. He could see goose-bumps break out over her skin.
“You okay now?” he asked.
“Mmmhmm.”
He chuckled and continued along her collarbone and down one arm. His fingers grazed her breast, and she sucked in a breath but didn’t move. He did it again but this time with obvious intentions. Her chest thrust forward with a small arch of her back.
Damn. Did he dare push her further? The pain of his cock straining against his fly clouded his mind.
His hormones ruled as he ran his fingers over the curves of her breast, circling through her shirt around one beaded nipple and then the other. Hannah grabbed his hair with one hand and reached to cradle the bump at the apex of his legs. Chris hissed through his teeth.
“Hannah…” His voice strained as she tugged his hair, lifting his face so she could kiss him. Damn, she tasted like sweet cinnamon.
He’d only wanted to talk to her. She’d been hell bent on walking away and pretending nothing had happened between them. What the
hell?
Shit. Who was he to turn down Hannah, especially when her hand was rubbing his dick up and down, driving him crazy? If she wanted him, he sure as hell wanted her right back.
He broke away from the kiss realizing too late that he’d lose her hand over his groin. Moaning in frustration, he stood, pulled Hannah into his arms and slid his hands underneath her t-shirt. Her sports bra presented no challenge as he lifted it and cupped his hands around her tits. She gasped as he squeezed them, pulled them apart and then brought them together repeatedly.
Her hands slid down his chest and worked at his button and zipper. A tiny voice in the back of his mind screamed at him. She’d fought him on exactly this situation minutes ago.. This could backfire—badly.
He stilled her hands with his. “Hannah. Are—”
Hannah kissed him hard, pulled back and said, “Just don’t talk. Fuck me, Chris. I need you to fuck me now.”
Aw, hell. No warning could stop him from his mission now. He held up a finger before turning to close the door and secure the lock.
Hannah licked her lips as he approached and reached out to wrap her arms around his neck. He shook his head and said, “Take your clothes off.”
She raised an eyebrow before narrowing her eyes, but she did as he commanded, first removing her shirt and then her jeans. Only her sports bra and thong were left. He crossed his arms, and they stared at each other until she rolled eyes before removing the rest of her garments.
Hannah’s body was made for loving, he thought as he took in the way she curved in all the right places, her large, puckered nipples, and the soft vee of curls between her legs. Shit. He had to be inside her soon.
He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face the loveseat. She reached to put her hands over his, but he swatted them away. “Just enjoy this, baby,” he whispered in her ear before he ran his tongue along the outline of her ear and down her neck. She shivered.
The hard-on straining against his fly ached from pressing against the teeth of his zipper. He reached down and yanked the fly open making a loud noise in the otherwise silent room. Pulling his shirt off next, he pulled Hannah against his skin setting it on fire.
