by Maree, Kay
My nerves went from slow to skyrocketing into hyperdrive in a matter of seconds.
My fingers twitched as my flight or fight instinct kicked in, but I stamped it down and followed him, trusting he wouldn’t hurt me.
Swallowing, I took the wooden rungs at a slow pace hearing the wood creak with each step, gnawing my bottom lip thinking any minute now one will break and I will fall flat on my ass.
“Don’t worry Little Mare, they ain't gonna break,” Nash says softly as if reading my mind.
I shake my head, fighting off the shiver that always runs through me when he speaks in that smooth whiskey whisper.
There is seriously something really wrong with me, I think as I finally make it to the top landing, looking back down at the gap I just climbed through.
My breath stills in my throat seeing Nash’s hard eye’s, locked jaw moving back and forth, nose flaring as his white teeth bite into his bottom lip so hard the trapped skin is turning white.
“Nash,” I whisper, worried something is wrong.
Shaking his head as if to clear it.
A cheeky smile curls his lips, setting butterflies off in my stomach.
“Sorry I got distracted,” he murmurs, pulling himself up the ladder in seconds.
Heat bursts through my cheeks than at rapid pace begins travelling down my chest at just the thought of catching him checking my ass out.
“By what?” pops out of my mouth before I can stop it, making a rough chuckle slip past his lips as he stands to his full height in front of me.
“You,” he says simply.
Leaning down planting a chastise kiss on my forehead then my nose making me giggle.
Lifting my hand to my chest, feeling my heart pick up speed at that simple admission.
That’s something I have quickly learned about Nash.
He doesn't mince words whatever he says he means and as much I love that it scares me at the same time.
“Come here Beautiful.” I turn, noticing the soft warm glow surrounding the space coming from an old-style oil lantern sitting on top of a hay bale block.
Sweeping my eyes around the rest of the space, I notice more hay bale blocks set up into a semicircle. A red and black checkered blanket lays out across the straw-covered floor.
I gasp, taking in the giant open window that goes from roof to floor and wall to wall, but that’s not what has my heart stuttering in my chest.
It’s the view of the rolling hills and fields in the distance bathed in the most breathtaking sunset I have ever seen.
The reflection over the huge pond sitting off in the distance reflects like a mirror, the water glistening from the fading sun making it look like tiny diamonds dancing across the smooth, wet surface. With the hills, the setting sun splashing across the sky in beautiful shades of pinks, purples and oranges, my eyes glass over at the beauty laying out right in front of me.
Taking in a deep breath letting the fresh clean air consume me after a moment I let go feeling the weight that’s on my shoulders daily slip away. My limbs feel lighter, every single detail laying out before my eyes comforting me in a way I have never felt before.
It’s all so peaceful and picturesque.
I want to scream out to break the quietness, but I don’t dare.
Instead, I stay rooted to the spot.
A calmness washes through me at the serenity of the moment.
I move forward without realising what I am doing, tearing my eyes away from the breathtaking view I look down as I reach the edge of the open space.
“This is amazing,” a watered whisper leaves my lips when I look back out at the stunning view.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” his hot breath on my neck as his arms wrap around me from behind helps me stay planted in the moment.
If I am being completely honest with myself, I never want this moment, this feeling to ever end. Everything just seems so perfect.
Perfect to me in the past meant something was about to tear that feeling away, but with Nash holding me, those feelings seem to disappear. He lets me just hold on a little bit longer and that's what I do covering his hands with mine, a little tighter than I intended but not wanting to let go.
Wanting to do everything I can to just stop the world around us moving.
Even if only for a moment.
“These are happy tears,” I mummer worried about breaking the quiet of the coming night.
“I just want time to take this moment in,” I finish leaning into him, my eyes fluttering shut for just a second when his lips hit my forehead.
“Anything you want, sweetheart; we can stand here all night if you want,” he whispers so low his voice vibrates down my neck.
Placing a soft kiss just below my ear.
A shallow breath leaves me at the sweetness of the moment.
I’m not sure how long we stood there looking out at the sky, but we finally moved towards the blanket laid out on the ground.
The sun set long ago, bright stars began to shine down on us.
The hills became blanketed by the night, the full moon sitting high in the sky giving off a white glow across the still water in the pond, but it’s still so beautiful and peaceful.
The last few hours something shifted inside me.
I feel lighter, free for the first time in my life, and I have Nash to thank for that.
I came here looking for something.
I wasn’t even sure what, but in the last few hours just looking out at the peaceful surroundings gave me back a few of my missing pieces.
I thought I lost long ago.
“What are you thinking so hard on, Beautiful?” his smooth voice washes over me.
I shrug, not sure if I’m ready to talk about it.
“Don’t close down on me now. I can see you mentally building that barrier back up around you.”
My eyes snap to his, wondering not for the first if he really can read my mind.
“I see you, Cora, every inch of you but those expressive eyes of yours show me everything I need to know about the woman you are,” he shrugs leaning back against a hay bale block, legs stretched out in front of him.
One ankle crossed over the other and his Stetson lying next to him as I sat cross-legged beside him.
Grabbing a piece of straw off the blanket, I begin twisting it between my fingers.
Will he pity me for the way I grew up?
Or will he feel sorry for me at the fact that all I have ever craved was to feel accepted?
Before I can think any more of it, the words start spilling from my lips before I can even stop them.
“I grew up in the foster system,” I blow out a shaky breath.
I have never shielded away from telling people I’m a foster child, but this moment feels heavy, the air thick with each word that passes my lips and my stomach flips.
I lift my eyes from my twisting fingers towards Nash and it hits me I’m nervous about what he will think of me.
His face is soft, just like the dim light from the lantern flickering over his features that are usually hard but are now relaxed as he lazily sips on one of the beers he had waiting up here in a wooden pallet box for us.
He nods for me to keep going, his face giving me nothing of what he is thinking, I don’t know what I expected to see but the soft look he hits me with wasn’t it.
Finishing off the rest of my beer I place the empty bottle beside me as I pull my legs up to my chest wrapping my arms around them feeling my bottom lip begin to quiver.
Sucking it into my mouth, I try to stop the sob from escaping my throat, blinking rapidly when my eyes begin to glass over.
Resting the side of my face on my knees, I stare out at the open space in front of us.
Trying to hide my reaction from him I jump a little when I feel the warm slide of his hand over my arm, he doesn’t say a word but just gives it a gentle squeeze, blowing out a soft breath I feel my shoulders relax
.
“I was 5 when I went into the system, and I was the girl that nobody wanted, not even the mother that birthed me.” I hiccup as I try to hide the emotion in my voice, but it’s no use all those feelings of being scared and lost come rushing back in and I have no way of stopping it.
“You break, you know, being passed off from one place to another.
Every couple of months someone else proving to you once again how unlovable you really are. Each move took just a little bit more of me, a little more of my soul. My reason for living became less each time I was sent back to the agency to wait for a new family to take a chance on me. My whole life, my world was carried around in a trash bag, but what people forget to mention is that that bag breaks too never to be repaired again, just replaced with a new one.
You wait for that day that one will tear too just as much as you do, but just like many stuck in the system I was overlooked and pushed aside when I wasn’t needed anymore.” I shrug but quickly rush my next words, not wanting him to feel sorry for me or for him to think I need his pity.
“I’m not telling you this so you feel sorry for me, I’m telling you this so you can understand me as a person and why I am the way I am. I am so bloody scared of losing more of me I couldn’t handle being torn apart again.”
“Hey, I don’t pity you,” he husks out squeezing my arm just as cool drops hit the top of his hand and it’s then I realise tears are flooding down my face.
Before I have a chance to wipe them away, he reaches forward gripping my waist in his hands and pulls me over, so I am straddling his thighs.
Cupping my cheeks in warm hands, his thumbs begin wiping away my tears.
“I think you’re a survivor,” he gruffs out, my blurry eyes locking with his.
“What?” I stutter, rubbing the back of my shaky hand underneath my nose.
“You had to learn so early in life to survive situations you had no control over Cora,” he murmurs, tucking my face into his chest, my arms automatically looping around his neck.
I nod against his hard muscles, not sure what to say as my body begins to shiver as coldness begins to creep in.
“You wouldn’t lose anything with me,” he whispers, kissing the crown of my head.
His warm palm running up and down my back, warding off the chill from only moments ago.
I want to believe him but after so many years of nothing but heartache how can I believe he is any different.
“I want to believe you,” I murmur.
“Don’t take my word for it all you have to do is let me show you.”
“I was married. I thought I had it all but again something better came along, and I was pushed away as if I was nothing but garbage,” I blurt out wanting him to know that at one time in my life I trusted someone but again I was filled with false hope.
“He obviously doesn’t know what he had,” I feel him shrug.
“But I do,” he whispers.
Leaning back, so I can look at him wanting anything in this world to believe him.
“You do?” I question.
He simply nods. “I see you, Cora, the woman you try to hide. The woman that is begging to be set free and I intend to be there to catch you when you finally feel safe enough to break, but this time there won't be pieces for you to pick up alone because I will help you.”
“I don’t kn-” his lips hit mine before I can finish what I was saying, the slow caress of his mouth on mine is over faster than I would have liked, my mouth chases him when he pulls back.
“Don’t think just feel Beautiful, feel that my touch is here to hold you, not push you away. Feel that my heart hasn’t beaten right since the last time I touched you. Believe in the feel of your body's reactions when you’re close to me, because that is exactly the way I feel. Whenever we are in the same room together, it drives me crazy that you ain’t in my arms, or holding my hand,” his heated breath washes over me.
“I can tell you in a million ways why you should give this a go, but with a simple touch, I can show you I am the right man for you. Let my touch mend your broken soul,” his words hit me deep in the pit of my stomach and Earl’s words from earlier today telling me not to be scared and to hold on. Cause you never know what is going to happen. All I have to do is to be brave enough to turn the page.
Can I do this?
Can I try this one more time? and just hope that I’m not going to be left behind picking up the pieces once again.
Because if this doesn’t work, I don’t think there would be many pieces left to put back together.
“Just give me this week,” he pleads.
A look I don’t understand washes over his face and sends my heartbeat thundering in my ears, and all I can do is nod.
A bright smile breaks out across his handsome face, that single dimple popping out to say hello makes me melt into him just a little bit more.
“There’s still more,” I murmur.
“But that’s enough for tonight,” he says, squeezing me to him as I drop my forehead to his, running my nails through the back of his hair.
Groaning low in the back of his throat as my nails scrape across his scalp, his heavy eyes closing from the sensation.
“Not tonight,” I agree.
“I just want to hold you.”
“I like the sound of that,” I whisper as my lips slide across his, so I can finish the kiss he teased me with earlier.
I may have my issues, but even I can’t stop the way my hormones react to the way his body feels pressed up against mine.
“I’m going to make you fall for me, my Little Mare,” he murmurs breathlessly after pulling back from the kiss.
I can’t answer him, afraid I might tell him I think it’s too late.
I have a feeling I am already there, so instead I just mould my lips back to his and let go for the first time in a long time.
Getting lost in a taste I could live off for eternity. Fear pushes at me at the thought, but I stamp it back down, letting myself get lost in the moment and the way his lips mould against mine.
Slowly coaxing them open as a breathy sigh slips past my lips he swallows it down greedily as his rough calloused hands slide up my neck and into my hair turning my head slightly for better access.
I’m ashamed of my weakness, of wanting to be accepted, loved even.
But I want to try one last time with him,
ONLY HIM!!!
It broke my fucking heart listening to every word that slipped past Cora’s lips last night.
The pain in her voice was my undoing, and I needed to hold her in my arms and let her feel the words coming out of my mouth weren’t hollow and that I meant every single one of them.
Then her lips hit mine, the salty taste of her tears coated my tongue and I made a vow to myself then and there that I would do whatever the fuck I could to make her smile for the rest of her life.
When the kiss ended, it could have been hours or even days I didn’t have the slightest fucking clue all I knew was the feel of her wrapped around me, my hard cock painfully pushing against my zipper and the scent of wildflowers.
Everything else was a blur as she laid in my arms, head resting against my chest, just staring out the open barn window that took up the space in front of us.
I ran my fingers through her soft silky hair until her breathing evened out and her body melted into mine. Cradling her in my arms, I managed to get us down to the bottom level of the barn without disturbing her too much.
When she did start to stir her eyes flickered to my face before slowly relaxing back into sleep when I kissed her forehead and cooed to her everything was okay.
By the time I made it to my back door, I knew my father did what I asked and brought Cora’s stuff over because I asked him to leave the downstairs hall light on.
I had no expectations, but I knew she wouldn’t be sleeping anywhere else besides in my bed with me.
Sleep was the last thing on m
y mind when I finally laid her down in the big bed, her dark caramel hair fanned out against the pillows like a halo it was the sweetest torture lying next to her.
I tried to leave enough room between us as not to freak her out if she woke up during the night. Except I couldn’t help myself as I pulled her back into my side, her head nestled against my chest over my heart, her arm wrapped around my waist as her leg hooked over one of mine.
Even with a painful ache in my balls and my cock standing at attention, it was the most satisfying moment of my life.
I felt content, like this is where I was always meant to end up.
Long gone where the thoughts of not needing a woman instead thoughts of Cora being in my arms for the rest of other lives consumed me.
It was with those thoughts swimming through my head I finally allowed myself to fall asleep.
Cora’s light, warm breath fanning across my chest brings me back to the vision of her wrapped tightly around me as if she is afraid I will disappear at any moment and if I was wearing a shirt, I’m sure she would be gripping it to hold on.
Looking out the double French doors that lead out onto a small balcony in my room, I notice the sun beaming brightly, snapping my head towards my alarm clock.
I realize it’s nearly 9 am. I have never slept this late in my life. Maybe when I was a teenager, but even then my dad would have me up early to help him with the chickens.
Looking back down at my Little Mare in my arms I know I have to get up for a shower but with her warm body wrapped around mine, there is no other place I would rather be.
Running my free hand over my face I’m amazed my dad isn’t over here banging down my door to get my lazy ass up. Slowly so as not to disturb her I shift out of her hold and slide off the bed looking back down Cora fusses a little bit before settling again pulling my pillow into her arms.
A soft contented sigh leaves her parted lips, hitting me straight in the chest.
All I want to do is crawl back into bed, but knowing I have to go see Dad, I turn and head for the shower. Dropping my sweatpants, I toss them into the washing basket just inside the door of my en suite. Jumping in the shower making quick work of soaping up, my cock still hard as fucking stone. I grip it in my hand giving it a few hard strokes up and down, gritting my teeth as tingles start racing down my spine, my balls draw up and I know it won’t take much for me to lose control.
