by Maree, Kay
“Can you all commit to staying put until you sober up tomorrow? And not let anyone else do a beer run when they’re already drunk in the future? We don’t want to have to do this again any time soon… There’s no excuse for you young ones to write yourselves off like this – it wrecks too many lives.”
Everyone in the group looked around and nodded, murmuring their agreement.
Adam felt the same chill pass through his body now as he had when the police officers had walked away from them that night. The eerie silence that descended over the group that had been laughing and joking just a short while earlier brought with it a palpable presence which he still felt every time he remembered that night.
No one moved and no one spoke until the silence was shattered when Steffi dropped her glass onto the concrete. Then it was like all hell broke loose. The wails and sobs were offset by a barrage of angry accusations – each of them blaming the others for allowing Dan to drive off while drunk, and none of them willing to accept any responsibility. In the back of Adam’s mind, he realised that, in a way, they were all responsible and that any one of them could have been the one who’d paid the ultimate price for their collective irresponsibility over the last couple years. How many times had one of them sped off to buy more beer or pick up pizzas? And had they ever given a moment’s thought to the possibility of being injured or killed in a serious accident? Of course not, they’d barely even considered the chances of being pulled over for an RBT. Even in his shocked state, he recognised just how lucky they’d been and how important it was for things to change…now.
The week following the accident, and leading up to Dan’s funeral, was a painful blur to Adam. Even with years of distance, he had no memory of what he’d done for the most of it, apart from telling his mother what had happened. Of course, she’d been horrified, instantly feeling for Dan’s family, but once she’d thought about it, she became fiercely angry. As a protective mother, she’d lectured Adam about the dangers of drunk driving since before he had his license and about the adverse consequences of regularly drinking to excess on the body. She’d brought it up every week as he’d headed into town, warning him over and over again about all the things she thought could go wrong as a result of what he and his friends had considered harmless fun. For the most part, he’d blocked out her lectures, nodding and ‘yes, Mum-ming’ when it seemed she’d paused for a response, but every now and then he’d arced up and argued with her about trying to control him and treating him like a child. Now, he wished he could turn back time and take her warnings seriously before he lost one of his best friends.
Memories of how the group of friends had torn itself apart, each of them blaming the others for Dan’s accident while dealing with the realisation that it could quite easily have been themselves in his place, had Adam fisting tears from his eyes. Seven years on, the pain they’d inflicted on each other during those weeks and months, still tore at his heart and clawed at his throat. It took about three years for them to be comfortable around each other again, but they never went back to their old ways. The combination of time and tragedy had forced them into responsible maturity. In Adam’s case, at least, he never drank to excess again and was always conscious of how much those around him had to drink.
A major factor in how he’d dealt with the fallout from that night had been the arrival of his father early on the morning after Dan’s funeral. At first, he’d been angry and defensive when Mick Connor had knocked once before walking into his bedroom. He’d yelled at him to leave him alone, accusing him of interfering in his life and treating him like a child, only quietening down when he withdrew to make them coffee.
Adam had planned on spending the day sleeping – actually, he had no motivation to do any anything, including getting out of bed – so his parents staging an impromptu intervention took him by surprise. As good as it was to see his father after three years, Adam didn’t appreciate the sense of ambush he felt as he entered the kitchen, or the way any pleasantries were forgotten in favour of immediately diving into a barrage of questions and thinly veiled accusations.
Regardless of his misgivings about his parents’ motives and methods, after a couple hours of yelling, crying, cajoling, and hugging, Adam could see how out of balance his life had become. Hearing the details from his parents’ lips, along with their concerns for him, somehow made all his arguments sound like those of a petulant child throwing a tantrum. In the end, he had no defence for the reckless way he’d been living his life and could see how and why he had to make serious changes to avoid becoming another sad statistic. Once he could see the ways he’d been letting his workmates down by never being fully present, and his mum by not being the son he’d been raised to be, he also recognised that he’d been letting himself down by not living up to his full potential in his work and as a man; he’d been merely coasting along, skimming across the surface of life and that had to stop. Things had to change. It was time to take control of his life and be the man he was meant to be, to be the man his parents had dreamed he would be, and to be the man he could be proud of being each day when he looked in the mirror.
Following this epiphany of sorts, Adam became a driven young man – driven to be the best he could be in every aspect of his life and determined not to lose sight of how lucky he’d been. He worked long hours with Jason and the other station-hands, and once he’d built up enough savings, he bought a new horse-float and began the search for a young stockhorse to train. He spent hours scouring the internet, studying camp draft results and tracing bloodlines until he came across a video of a particular yearling and he knew his search was over. There was something about the barely contained recklessness this young horse displayed as he galloped around the paddock he shared with the other horse bred the year before, which sparked Adam’s interest. But it was the undeniable attitude he showed in the footage shot as a stable-hand led him around that sealed the deal for Adam. The negotiations with the breeder only took a couple days, and a fortnight later Adam and Simon began their partnership.
If Adam had been putting in long hours in his work around the station for the last year, he was now dedicating equally as long hours to working with Simon. His confidence and attitude complemented his intelligence and they were soon working together as comfortably as if they had been a team for years rather than months. Once they reached this stage, Adam began entering them in comp draft events as often as he could to hone their skills with a view to making their way up the rankings. Even as a young horse, Simon handled the competition atmosphere well, seeming to relish all the attention which invariable found them.
The years Adam spent working on himself passed quickly because he was always busy, but he never lost sight of the tragedy that had made it necessary or how his parents had pushed him into it. He kept in regular contact with dad, talking at length about Simon and their exploits at different events. Before ending their calls, their conversations always turned to Macquarie Downs and Callie and his friends. While Adam was sure his father never told him everything he knew, he appreciated everything he did. He learned that Darren’s family had sold their property and moved out of the region about a year after he’d left. He learned that Mr Saunders, Callie’s father, had had a skin cancer scare, but had made a full recovery. Most concerning though, was each time when he learned that Callie had been dating. Mick always stopped short of giving away any details or the names of the lucky guys, but that didn’t stop his mind from wondering or the pull to be near her tugging at his heart.
As he drove down the last of the roads leading to Macquarie Downs, he felt a sense of homecoming he hadn’t felt anywhere else since the day his mother had driven him away all those years ago. He sent up a silent prayer as he turned into the familiar gate, hoping for a warm welcome from more than just his father. He smiled when his eyes caught sight of the short chain and padlock still hanging from the fence where he and Callie had left their bikes each day when they caught the school bus. Surely, she’d still remember all the
days they’d spent together when they were falling into the magic of first love and give him a chance to recapture that with her. He gripped the steering wheel when the houses and outbuildings came into sight.
As much as he wanted to see Callie straight away, he knew he had to get Simon settled and at least freshen up first. He knew himself well enough to know he probably wouldn’t sleep much that night, and was relying on whatever meal his father had cooked up to help him rest. The idea crossed his mind that it might also be wise to try to get out with Simon for an early morning ride before facing her – if he was feeling couped up after the last few days spent driving, Simon must be feeling the same. Although thoughts of her rejecting him without listening to his apologies, or giving him time to prove his sincerity, worried him a little, he was determined to believe things would turn out the way they had planned as teenagers.
When he neared the main house, he could see lights on in various rooms, which led him to believe that Callie and her father were busy inside and he would be able to get settled in before attracting their attention. As he passed the house his father had called home for twenty years, he saw him sitting in a chair on the veranda. Mick stood and waved to Adam, indicating for him to go around to the barracks. Adam cringed when he saw the brace on his father’s leg and the awkward way he manoeuvred himself down the stairs using a set of crutches. His father’s tale of a dislocated knee from a tumble in one of the yards hadn’t seemed real until he saw the aftermath for himself. Adam couldn’t remember a time when his father had received any injury more serious than a scratch from fencing wire or a bruise from hitting a finger with a hammer, and the realisation that his childhood hero was human after all came as a bit of a shock. He fought against the urge to stop and give his father a lift, knowing that he wouldn’t want to appear any weaker than he already did by asking Adam to come home to help him.
Adam had time to park beside the barracks and was lowering the tailgate on the horse-float before his father caught up to him, and he was pleased to see the way his dad regarded Simon as he took his first steps on Macquarie Downs land.
“So, this is the Simon I’ve heard so much about over the last few years?” Mick commented, a touch of humour readily recognisable in his voice.
“Sure is,” Adam answered. “I can’t wait for you to watch him work after he’s had a rest.”
“There’s no need to rush him; you boys have covered a lot of miles this week and you deserve a few days to settle in. Besides, you’re going to be here for a while, so I’ll have plenty time to see what you two are capable of.”
Adam thought for a moment as he laid a hand on Simon’s neck. “Buddy, I think the old man just issued us a challenge, and you know what we do with challenges.” Simon must have known that they were having a joke because he made a show out of vigorously nodding his head up and down a couple time, drawing laughter from both Adam and Mick.
“That’s enough of that cheek, you two.” Mickan chuckles a little more as he stepped closer to Simon. “No matter what shenanigans you get up to while you’re here, young Simon, it’s a pleasure to finally meet the one who helped heal my boy and bring him back to me as a man.” He reached out his hand and Simon leaned his muzzle into it.
“Alright, you pair of softies, let’s get squared away out here so I can go inside for a shower and some dinner – I’m starving and I’m sure I smell nearly as bad as you.” Adam nudge Simon’s shoulder with his own, effectively breaking the sentimental mood that was fast taking over.
“Come on, Simon,” Mick instructed. “You follow me and I’ll introduce you to the other while the bell-hop brings your things inside.” He took Simon’s lead-rope from Adam, put it over his shoulder, and began shuffling towards the barracks’ sliding double doors. Simon followed him closely and carefully, seeming to take into account Mick’s incapacity.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Adam exclaimed on a laugh. “If you two are going to gang up on me, I swear I’ll disown the pair of you.” He could have sworn that Simon winked at him when he quickly glanced back in his direction. There were times when that horse was more human than most of the humans he knew.
“Don’t worry about him, Simon,” Mick countered. “He’s just nervous ‘cos he thinks Callie’s going to murder him when she finds out he’s here.” Simon blew out a noisy breath which almost sounded like a snorting chuckle.
“Watch it, you – you haven’t met Dad’s Brian yet. I’m sure he’s going to love having another stallion cosying up with him at night.” Simon lifted his head high in the air and Adam was sure if he was human, he would have scoffed at him or flipped him a finger. “Off you go then. I’ll bring your things, shall I?” This time he heard his father chuckle.
As it turned out, the introductions between Simon and the other horses went well… right up until he walked past a gorgeous Palomino and stopped in his tracks. Before his father said a word, Adam knew this was Callie’s horse. She’d always loved the rich, creamy colouring of Palominos and this mare was stunning. If he was a horse, he would have stopped to admire her, too.
“Mate, I reckon you’d better not get too attached to her… at least until we know how Callie’s going to react to us being here.” He caught up to Simon and patted him on the shoulder. “We could both be persona non grata by this time tomorrow, so cool it on the charm routine for the time being, okay?”
Simon snorted again and took a few more steps with Mick, who opened the half-door opposite the Palomino’s stall.
“Here you go, matey. Welcome to your new home.” Mick swung the door open and Simon obligingly ambled in. “You’ll enjoy being down this end near Gabrielle much more than next to Brian and Paxton.”
“Gee, thanks, Dad,” Adam cut in. “I’m sure you were only thinking of Simon’s comfort when you made that choice.”
“Of course, I was,” Mick answered with a look of mock innocence on his face. “Only the best for my favourite son’s best friend.”
“Oh, my God, Dad! I’m your only child. What pain killers have the doctor’s got you on? Can you hear yourself, right now?” Adam was close to collapsing from laughing so hard.
“It’s good to hear you laugh, son.” He put a hand on Adam’s forearm. “It’s been a long time since we’ve shared a good laugh.”
“I’m glad that my possible demise amuses you so much.”
“Adam,” Mick began, then paused. “Can I give you some advice about Callie?”
“I’m all ears.”
“Just tell her the truth – all of it. Tell her the reasons, don’t make excuses, and give her time to figure out how she feels about things.”
“What if she hates me, Dad?”
“Son, I’ve seen that girls almost every day for twenty years… I don’t think she’s capable of hating anyone or anything. Don’t think for a moment that you haven’t got a lot of pain and heartache to make up for, though, but if you’re honest and patient you might just stand a chance.”
“I hope you’re right. I kick myself every time I think about how I flaked on her after I left. I can’t believe I did that after all the promises I made about staying in touch. Every time I let another week slip by without writing or call, I pushed the guilt down a little further because I knew it would be harder to make a good excuse. Eventually, I just forced myself to stop thinking about the guilty feelings and made myself busy instead.” He thought for a moment. “And then I made some really bad choices and I was too embarrassed to make contact with her and own up to them.”
“Well, you’re here now and the ball’s in your court. You’ve got the chance to talk things through with her, lay all your cards on the table, and make things right.”
“Hopefully, she’ll give me a chance. Otherwise, it’s going to get pretty uncomfortable around here.”
“You know what else is uncomfortable?”
“What?” Adam wasn’t sure where he was going now.
“Standing here on my bung leg with hunger
pains,” Mick answered before turning to Simon. “Now, mister, we’re going to let you and the others get some sleep and we’ll be back in the morning.” He stepped out of the stall and held the door, ready to latch it after Adam exited. “It’s time for us to have some dinner and get some shut-eye. It’ll be morning before you know it and I have a long list of chores that’s been growing since I got hurt.”
“Oh great,” Adam answered with a put-on tone of frustration.
“Welcome home, son – it’s so good to have you back with me.” Mick sounded suddenly serious.
“Come on, I’ll give you a lift back to the house,” Adam offered in a light tone.
“You’re on.”
Adam helped his father close up the barracks, then unhitched the float, leaving it parked safely out of the way, before moving his four-wheel drive close to his dad’s house. Dinner was a simple beef stew, but it filled more that just Adam’s hungry stomach. It filled up the parts of himself that had been missing this close connection with his dad for so long, and helped calm his nerves about what was to come.
Somehow, when five o’clock came around the next morning, Adam felt refreshed and ready to get moving. Even though his father had said the list of chores could wait another day or two, he was keen to get out and take a look around. He wasn’t surprised that hi dad wasn’t up and about yet, even after he’d helped himself to some coffee and eggs on toast, and decided to take Simon out to stretch his legs and get a feel for the place.
The barracks were quiet and peaceful when he opened the big doors. As he walked past Brian’s stall, he paused and gave him a quick pat on the head, promising to take him out later seeing as he’d not been ridden since his dad’s fall. He regarded Mr Saunders’ horse, Paxton, with interest. He’d always had big black horses and this one was no different. He gave Gabrielle’s nose a gentle rub and hoped he’d have the chance to get that close to her owner. Simon knocked a hoof against the door or his stall, drawing Adam’s attention to him.
