by Winters, W.
“What are you making?” Daniel asks me and disrupts my thoughts. “Damn, you look like hell,” he says, scratching the back of his head. In bare feet, faded jeans, and a plain white t-shirt, he looks relaxed, but he can’t hide the exhaustion in his expression.
“Ditto,” I tell him and spoon the potatoes into the pot. I’ve already cut everything else I need to make potato salad. Now I just wait. My mother used to make the best potato salad. I swear it’s better the day after though, once it sits in the fridge for a full night.
I’m not hungry at all. I’m simply going through the motions, pretending the truth of my situation doesn’t destroy every fiber inside of me.
Daniel opens the fridge as I spoon in the last few chunks. With the door open and his face hidden from me as he reaches for something, he asks me, “Want to talk about it?”
A genuine, yet sad smile tugs at my lips.
“You want to talk about your problems?” I ask him back.
“I asked you first,” he says with a hint of humor, shutting the door and revealing a jug of orange juice.
“You sound like your brother,” I tell him absently.
“Well shit,” he tells me, pulling out a glass. It clinks on the counter as he smiles at me. “Don’t go offending me left and right there, Aria,” he jokes, and I let the small laugh bubble up although it sounds subdued and futile.
I stir the hard potatoes even though I know I don’t need to. But I completely forgot the timer, and the realization makes me lean forward to start it.
With the beep of it being set, and the numbers counting down, I take a step back and lean against the counter.
“What’d he do this time?” Daniel asks me, mirroring my position as he leans on the other side.
“Nothing new,” I tell him and the honesty in those words is what hurts the most.
The soft smile that lingered on his lips vanishes at my reply, and so I focus on the numbers, watching them as if I could speed them up if only I stare hard enough.
“Why won’t he let me leave?” I ask him in a whisper.
Because he thinks you’re someone else. Someone who saved him.
My throat dries, and my words crack as I tell him, “This isn’t right.”
It’s silent for a long while, with only the sound being the water beginning to boil again.
“Because he cares for you,” Daniel finally says, and I look him in the eyes, letting him see the real effect Carter Cross has on me.
“What a way to show it. Killing my family is just the cherry on top.” My sarcastic response makes Daniel’s expression harden.
“I have opinions of your father as well,” he tells me softly, in a tone I haven’t heard from him yet. My heart slams once and I’m forced to look him in the eyes. “I’ll keep them to myself though,” he tells me and then opens the fridge to put the orange juice back.
No doubt so he can leave me. So he doesn’t have to tolerate my self-pity.
“And what about everyone else? Everyone I’ve ever known and loved?” I can barely breathe as I push him for justification.
“If you knew the truth,” he tells me, facing me after shutting the fridge doors, “you wouldn’t blame him.” There’s so much sincerity from him, I almost question my resolve.
“It’s not just my father. So, I can, and I will blame him,” I respond despondently, although I’m undecided on whether or not I believe my own words. When I look up at Daniel, my heart races chaotically and my body freezes.
Addison walks into the kitchen slowly, glancing from Daniel to me before offering me a small smile.
I can’t breathe, and I don’t know what to do. Anxiety pricks at my skin as she takes me in. My hair is still damp from the shower and I’m wearing a sleep shirt. I know my eyes show the lack of sleep and I look like a fucking mess.
More than that, I know Addison doesn’t know who I am. She’s normal. She’s not forced to stay here like I am. Not the same way, at least.
Daniel plays it off far better than I do, wrapping his arm around Addison and giving her a soft kiss that forces her eyes back to him.
Shifting my weight, I glance at the timer and consider just leaving. I don’t know what I’d say to her if I could even look her in the eyes right now.
Hi Addison, I know all about you and I know you don’t know anything about me. I’m Carter’s whore and he’s going to kill my entire family soon, so I’m not allowed to leave. Nice to meet you.
Although that’s not quite true. He admitted I mean more to him. But it’s because he thinks I’m someone else. I’ve never felt more shame than I do right now. Every time I remember his words, I want to cry. Because he never wanted me and the moment he finds out the truth, he’ll throw me away.
“Addison,” Daniel’s voice breaks up my spiteful thoughts as he says, “This is Aria. She’s with Carter.”
She’s with Carter.
His words echo in my head as Addison smiles sweetly, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear and giving me a small, but friendly wave while staying where she is. “It’s nice to meet you,” she says kindly although she glances back at Daniel, no doubt wondering what’s wrong with me.
“Hi,” I offer up a single word and it croaks. I’m not with Carter; I’m against him. Except of course when I’m writhing underneath him.
“She’s having a hard day,” he tells her softly. My heart thumps in the way that hurts. The way that makes it feel like it’s a tight ball that needs air and without it, it only gets tighter.
“Sorry.” I swallow and tell her, “I’m not usually this weird.” I roll my eyes and force a huff of a laugh up to ease the tension.
“You’re not weird,” she says and shakes her head at my words. “Just looks like you’re having a hard day. That’s totally reasonable,” she adds with her hands waving out in front of her. “No judgment here.”
I get the feeling that Addison is lonely from her tone, from her awkwardness. Or maybe I’m just projecting what I feel myself.
“Let’s get back,” Daniel says and the tightness in my throat grows. At least I got to meet her, and he said I’m with Carter. It’s respectable. Well… to some. I’m sure to her it is.
“Sure,” she tells him softly, with an answer spoken so low it’s just for him, but then she raises her voice and speaks to me.
“Do you want to come with me to the gym tomorrow?”
I blink at her question. I’m surprised by it and not sure what to say.
“I just took a shower, so…” she starts to say and then rocks on her heels, wrapping her long hair around her wrist nervously.
I don’t know if I’m even allowed to talk to her alone. Anger rises inside of me. I don’t need permission. And one day, she’ll know what I am and why I’m here. I can’t hide it forever. Then what will she think of me?
“I don’t know,” I offer her. My gaze flickers to Daniel, but he stands easily beside Addison as if nothing’s wrong. Like none of this is abnormal. The way the Cross boys do.
“Come on, we can drink wine while we do the back thing. It feels good,” she says playfully. “I don’t even like working out,” she says and then looks at Daniel as if looking for permission, but not waiting for any. “But being locked up here is killing me and it’s at least something different to do.”
I watch the happiness drain from her and the smile only staying where it is because she’s forcing it. “If you want company, I could really use some girl time,” she says softly and then rolls her eyes as the emotion plays on her face. “Sorry,” she huffs, shaking her head and leaning into Daniel as he holds her close. “I’m having a bad day too.”
“I can work out,” I tell her immediately, saying what she wants to hear just to take away her pain. I bite my lip as my heart sputters, wondering if Carter will stop me from going.
“I’m not a runner though,” I warn her, trying to lighten the mood and force a small smile to my lips.
A genuine happiness lights up her face and she nods enthusiasti
cally. “Oh, yeah, for sure.” She laughs a little and breathes out easily, “If you ever see me running, you should start running too because there’s someone behind me trying to get me,” she jokes and doesn’t see how Daniel responds. How his lips turn down and then press into a thin line. She’s oblivious to it, but when she glances at him, he’s quick to hide it. To offer her a peck of a kiss and then tell me although he’s still looking at her, “I’m surprised she’s using the gym at all.”
She shrugs and points out, “There’s not much else to do.”
“We could just drink in the den?” I offer, grasping at a way to make it more acceptable. Carter knows I go to the den, so if Addison happened to come in there, he couldn’t blame me for that. Well, he could. He’ll probably find some way to stop it from happening as it is.
“That sounds perfect,” she tells me with a broad smile. Daniel drags her away just as the timer goes off on the stove.
With a genuine smile and a short wave, she says sweetly, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
It’s kind of her, but I have no idea if I will.
Seeing how blind she is to everything, I’m reminded of how little I knew in my father’s house. Even being oblivious to everything else, she still has a sad smile. I guess there’s not much difference between knowing the truth and being blind to it. The effect is still the same.
Chapter 20
Carter
She’s so lost, my Aria. I can’t take my eyes from her as she stares at the comforter, her fingertips barely grazing it before she pulls the sheets back. Her expression is a mix of emotions. Sadness, confusion, the barest hint of anger. As the seconds pass, her chest flushes, and the lust of knowing what’s to come takes over. But her brow stays furrowed as the bed groans with her small weight and the sheets rustle.
I don’t think for a second that she’s gotten over her anger, but it’s not as raw as it was hours ago, let alone where she was yesterday. I still don’t know what set her off at the front door, but I’m going to find out. She can’t hide from me forever and I don’t buy that bullshit that there was nothing in particular. I watched the surveillance cameras over and over again. Something happened. I just don’t know what.
I loosen my watchband, feeling the slick metal brush against my wrist before placing it back in its spot in the drawer. My gaze is still pinned on Aria, who’s looking anywhere but back at me, her fingers fiddling with her necklace. Another second, another heavy breath.
The internal war is waning, but war leaves casualties, and I know she’s taking record of everything she’s lost and what’s left of the woman she once was. I watch as she swallows, her chest rising higher and her breathing quickening.
She’s so close to submitting everything to me. So, fucking close.
She doesn’t even see it.
“You can’t stay mad at me forever,” I tell her as I pull my shirt over my head, grabbing it by the back of the collar.
I kick off my pants and ready myself to join her in bed, wondering if she’ll tense when I wrap my arms around her. It’s only fair that it guts me every night when she does it. I’m more than certain I deserve a harsher punishment.
“Do you know Addison spoke to me today?” she asks me with an edge of anxiousness rather than acknowledging what I’ve said. She doesn’t seem to have taken my confession in the den earlier to heart, but she’s more guarded now than she was before. Maybe she doesn’t remember, but I thought it would change something between us. For the better.
My lips twitch with the hint of a feigned smile. “I do,” I tell her, and she finally looks at me with a pleading expression.
“And?” she asks with clear curiosity but the desperation weighing heavier.
“And what?” I ask her as if I can’t comprehend her line of questioning. Addison knows who I am, and I agree this situation is less than moral, but if she were to learn the truth, she would still love my brother. She’d still be family. She’ll forgive me. Daniel’s sins have been substantial, and she’s forgiven him, mostly.
“Are you going to let me go?”
Her bottom lip wavers, but she waits patiently as I drop my hand to hers, thinking carefully about my next words.
“You’ll like Addison,” I tell her genuinely. “I won’t stop you, and I won’t be there to control you; I don’t have any interest in it either.”
“So, you don’t care?” she questions.
“I care, but not in the way you think. Why would I want to stop you two from getting to know one another?” I ask her and then add, “My brother won’t either. You two should get to know each other.” I don’t let on how anxious I am to hear what she tells Addison and whether or not she confides in her.
“I could tell her you’re holding me hostage, that you trapped me in a cell for weeks…” she answers me with a cocked brow although she can’t hide the sadness that still lingers in her expression. I can see so clearly that the very idea of how we became what we are now, tortures her.
“Would you really want to bring her into this?” I ask her pointedly. “She’s having a hard time, and you and I both know she wouldn’t react well to that.”
“What if I say something I shouldn’t?” she whispers quietly with genuine concern. I watch as she picks at the blanket, clearly on edge with the prospect of saying something that would cause more problems for our already delicate situation.
“Don’t,” is the only answer I have for her. “Be careful with what you say.”
The silence stretches for a moment and I consider her.
“Maybe it’s best you forget all this for a moment, and just talk to her as you would have anyone else a month ago.”
I have to be so delicate with her. Ever so delicate. She doesn’t answer, although the careful tiptoeing around her words slips away as she adjusts under the covers.
“We have other matters to discuss,” I tell her as my thumb runs along the stubble of my jaw.
Although she nods, a heavy sigh leaves her in a staggering way, the sleep showing in her expression. She’s overwhelmed and exhausted. Neither of us slept last night. Even after crying half the night, she woke every hour.
“What happened yesterday can’t happen again. You have a choice. You can take your punishment now, or you can have it after your date with Addison.”
Her body tenses and she struggles to form words, her lips parting and strangled breaths taking the place of whatever her question is.
“You won’t be sending me back to the cell then?” she finally asks, her voice as strained as her body is stiff.
“That wouldn’t do you any good.” I wrap my arm around her, comforting her and leave a small kiss on the crown of her head. I whisper, “I told you, you shouldn’t be left alone. This punishment is to benefit us. I promise you that,” I tell her and feel the weight of everything looming in my thoughts.
I can see her swallowing her words. Practically reading her mind, I can see how she wants to tell me that we would be better if I would let this war go or let her go, but she doesn’t dare speak it.
“What is it?” she asks me.
“I haven’t decided yet,” I tell her honestly.
“Tomorrow then,” she tells me softly with defeat in her expression and it shreds me, but tomorrow she’ll see.
“Is this what it will always be like?” she asks. “I do something you don’t like, and I’m punished for it and then fucked until I forget I hate you?”
I don’t think she meant her question to be humorous, but a short chuckle makes my chest shake. Running my fingers down her arm, I decide to tell her more, to set boundaries. But with them comes new rules.
“In the bedroom, I want you to obey. Anywhere else,” my blood pumps harder and hotter as I finish, “I want you as mine.”
“There’s a difference?” she asks with feigned sarcasm. That mouth of hers is going to get her in trouble. Her disobedience shouldn’t make me as hard as it does. As much as I love it, tomorrow night she’ll be punished. There’s no mistaking
that.
“You already know there is,” I say and although my voice comes out deep and foreboding, I try to lighten it. “It’s time for a new game, Aria.”
“No games.” Her voice rises, and she has to lower it before adding, “I’m done playing games with you, Carter.”
“You’ll never be done with me.” My words whisper against her skin. “You already know that.”
Her fingernails dig into the sheets, pulling them tighter as she continues to avoid looking at me. I know why she doesn’t want to meet my heated gaze. It will make hers fill with desire, too. She can’t deny what she feels for me and how much power is in the tension between us. The push and pull that drives me wild does the same for her. The difference is that I can admit it; even if it will destroy me, I can fucking admit what she does to me.
“What do you want?” she asks me although she stares straight ahead, her expression flat and indifferent. “Tell me what you want from me,” she says, and a spike of anger plays in her tone. “Tell me what it means to be yours,” she asks through clenched teeth and I merely stare back at her. She already knows. We both know that she knows exactly what it means.
“Here you fuck me… you punish me like you did before.” I don’t miss how her eyes darken as she gazes around the room, looking to where I’ve spanked her, throat fucked her, made her cum harder than she ever had before.
“Yes,” I tell her and watch as her pupils dilate and her legs scissor to ease some of the heat growing between her legs.
“And what do you expect outside of this room?” she asks and when she does, her voice wavers. She knows how much is at stake.
“For them to fear you.” Her eyes flash to mine and suddenly my songbird is very much interested. I continue, “The way they fear me.”
She laughs a sad and pathetic sound, ripping her gaze from me as she shakes her head. Her soft lips part, but no words come out and instead, she continues to shake her head and stares at the knob of the bathroom door across the room. Looking anywhere but at me.
