She paused to take a breath.
“And the second thing is that I love you, Kerris Wynegarde-Grey. And I don’t really know if you can understand that because you are afraid of being loved and you run away before anyone gets the chance to love you, so my love has to be independent of your behavior and exist purely because it does and I do and you do, and even if you don’t love me back, that’s okay because I am going with you, wherever you go, if not in body, then in heart and soul and spirit because you have changed me for the better and while I miss the girl I was, I love the woman I have become. And I think that in your own odd, quirky way, you do love me too, but even if you don’t then you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you need me, that there is something about me that balances you out and makes you whole, and sometimes, just sometimes, when life is going good, and there are no rats or dogs or bears or really nasty cats, or even with them, or maybe even because of them, sometimes, together, we are wonderful.”
He stared at her.
“My,” he said after another while. “You have been thinking about this.”
She nodded, smiling.
And they sat, side by side, for a very long time afterwards, and fell asleep together on the rocks. Solomon awoke them at dawn.
***
Some things are best unremembered.
Bandages and the crush of her hair, ointments and salves and her hands, working and healing, her body soft, her mouth fierce and giving. She was a ghost, a spirit, a vapor, wrapped as she was in the color of the night, more beautiful than he had remembered. She was as welcome as she was forbidden and he had found himself kissing her before he could stop, before he could even think to stop, and the rest of the night was as a dream, half wish, half terror, all wrong but unchangeable. Like Metal. Like Earth.
He wondered if they could smell the incense on him.
The Seer offered him a cup of tea and he reached for it but his hands were shaking. He tried to cup it with his palms. It was very difficult, and his tail lashed once. He hissed at the pain that simple action caused.
The Seer took the cup back.
“Here,” he said. “Try these.” And he pulled gloves of thickest leather from his obi.
The Captain glanced up at him. “But those—”
“—Were for protection from the outside world. I do not wish to remain closed to the world any longer. Besides, it seems I have a much more…comprehensive form of protection, now.”
Behind them, the Major grunted.
Kirin raised his hands as the Seer slid the gloves on, over the bandages. The leather was soft from years of wear but thick enough to provide some support for his fingers. He flexed them. It was helpful.
Sireth passed him the cup a second time, and this time, he was able to accept.
The tea felt good in his mouth.
“You are very lucky to be alive, Captain,” said the Seer. “The dogs were hard on us all.”
“The dogs.” He glanced up sharply. “Where? Are they—?”
“Dead.”
“And Jet barraDunne? The Alchemists?”
“All dead, at least according to Solomon and the Scholar. There was a fire.”
He nodded and sipped his tea. Again, things best unremembered.
A shadow passed across the shaft of sunlight and Kerris was in the cavern. His hair was sticking up all over his head and he looked like he had just been roused from sleep. The moment he saw his brother, he sagged against the cavern’s wall, looking as though even a puff of breath might knock him down.
Kirin smiled a weary smile at him, which Kerris caught and after a moment, sent back. And for that moment, there was peace in the little cavern on a mountaintop in Turah’kee.
***
They spent another two days in the little cavern on the mountaintop in Turah’kee, fishing, hunting, healing. They had agreed to Solomon’s ‘Plan B’, which involved returning to Ana’thalya with the intention of finding a boat and sailing to Kanadah. It had become obvious to them all that the Kingdom would indeed tear itself apart with the return of an Ancestor, and while was it not possible for him to return with them to Pol’Lhasa, killing him was now out of the question. Neither could he be left on his own for he would surely die. So, Solomon had met with little argument when he once again broached the topic of ‘Plan B’. When the Captain had regained strength enough to walk, they began the arduous task of walking back to the Humlander and to the city.
Even with Quiz and the large sun-powered vehicle, it took them the better part of the week before the crumbling towers of the city came into view. They had come by a different road, this one along the rocky coast, and the waves roared far below against the cliffs. It was late afternoon, the autumn sky hazy and grey, and faraway buildings stood as silhouettes in the waning sun.
With the towers in view, Quiz and Kerris had called a halt.
“It’s not far,” said Solomon, as the hatch of the Humlander swung upwards. “We should keep going.”
But little Quiz had planted his feet, ears alternately pricked forward, then laid back. Kerris swung off and surveyed the road.
“No,” he said finally. “It’s not safe.”
“What do you mean, not safe?” Solomon stood beside the grey lion. “We’ve been on this road all week.”
Kerris shook his head. “There’s metal buried under the earth, and that’s generally not a good thing. Not on an Ancient road.”
“How do you know there’s metal? I don’t see anything.”
“No, you don’t see it…” He frowned, casting his eyes along the land on both sides of the deteriorating road. He turned back to his brother, seated in the vehicle. “We should camp here for now. This may take some time.”
The Captain nodded. Both Major and Seer slid from their perches atop the Humlander, beginning the process of unpacking their limited supplies for the night.
“I don’t think we need to stop,” grumbled Solomon, shaking his head. “The city is only a few hours away.”
“Bad things happen on Ancient roads,” said the Major.
“Bad things like what? Honestly, we are two, maybe three hours away from the docks. We can catch some fish, bunk down there for the night.”
Kerris simply shook his head and continued surveying the road.
Fallon had dismounted from the mountain pony and was stroking his cheek. “What’s wrong, Quiz? We’re stopping now. Why are you still upset?”
For the pony’s ears were still flattened, his eyes round and wild. He stretched out his neck and let out a very loud neigh, which was oddly enough, answered.
They all moved forward to stand in a line, eyes straining in the dim light. A dark shape was moving toward them very quickly, and when Quiz neighed again, the creature answered back. It was a horse, black as night, long mane and tail waving like banners as it moved. Fallon clapped her hands.
“My horse,” she shouted. “It’s my horse, the one I took from Sharan’yurthah. I thought I stole it, but Sherah said it was okay. Oh, I’m so glad. He’s so beautiful. He’s the best horse I’ve had so far!”
The earth thudded as the black hooves hit ground in a three-beat gait, like music.
“No, no not good, not good.” Kerris glanced at her, at Quiz next, then back at the horse. He stepped forward, began to wave his own hands in the air. “No!”
“Come on, boy!” shouted Fallon. “I’m right here—“
“No, no! Back, back!”
Suddenly, there was a flash of yellow light, and a sound like the roar of thunder, and a wall of air lifted them all off their feet, sending them flying backwards onto the road. Dirt, rock and sticky bits rained down all around them and it was several moments before anyone dared move.
“Oh mother,” whimpered the tigress as she finally sat up and stared at the deep blackened pit on the road. “That was my third horse…”
Of the great black horse, nothing recognizable remained.
***
The trip into the city of Ana’thalya took c
onsiderably longer than expected, simply because of the horse. Its fateful death had convinced all of the necessity of taking care on these roads, and the dangers that still lived within and around all Ancient places. Kerris on Quiz naturally took the fore, leading the Humlander most carefully, and a journey that should have taken hours stretched to take the better part of the day.
The Captain was restless.
The others had elected to walk as Solomon drove the great sun-powered vehicle, and the Captain had also tried. But his knee, the one which had so seriously wounded by the rats of Roar’pundih, had begun to cause problems once again, and he was forced to sit next to Solomon and merely watch as the land groaned slowly by.
The last time he came into this city, he was astride alMassay, and his chest tightened at the memory. alMassay, noble warrior, trusted friend, hacked to pieces like a common steer. He would never have such a friend again.
He sighed and looked down at his hands, at the gloves of thickest leather that now covered them. They were adequate, completely adequate, and one might never know the horrors that had been visited on them, covered as they were in this way. And in the same manner, the kheffiyah. Completely adequate, protecting, covering, hiding. Now, if he could find something for his tail, he might even have all outward appearances of a normal lion.
His life, which once had been remarkable, had been reduced to an adequate disguise.
It was the first time in his life that he began to understand his brother and the dark places he went. Even as the steep coastline roared with life, and the trees grew strong all around them, an unfamiliar blackness whispered secret things into his mind. He wished he had been that horse, that black, black horse that had died so abruptly on the road last night. He wished to step out of the Humlander and off the edge of the cliffs that skirted the sea. He wished to walk away from the others, just walk and walk and walk until an enemy, the elements or exhaustion claimed him.
He wanted to scream, to fight, to die. But it was all he could do to sit in this unnatural sun-powered vehicle, carried along like a bedroll or an extra pair of boots.
At least Solomon wasn’t talking. He would glance at him from time to time, but thankfully, held his tongue.
The green crumbling buildings that once had been Ana’thalya were everywhere now, and they were well and truly in the heart of the city. Kerris trotted the pony up to the vehicle and rapped on the clear glass shield. Solomon pressed a lever and the large hatch swung upwards.
“So, I think things are safe enough for now,” he said, the wind tossing his ashen grey hair like the waves on the sea. “Where do you want to head from here?”
“To the docks,” said Solomon. “This was a naval port and the Marine Archives were pretty extensive. There are a lot of buildings we need to check out.”
“For the boat.”
“Yep, for the boat.”
“We could be searching for a very long while.”
Solomon ran a hand through his thick tangle of hair. He needed another ‘shave’. “You have a better idea?”
Kerris grinned. “None whatsoever. Off we go.”
And he threw a quick glance in at his brother before wheeling the little horse away and disappearing from view.
Solomon looked over at him. “We’ll be stopping soon, okay?”
The Captain nodded. Stopping meant a fire, tea and bed. And now for him, a ‘little powdery white thing’ that made everything go away, if just for a night. And not for the first time, he wondered what many would do.
***
They began their search of the waterfront as soon as they entered the city. Ana’thalya was, like many coastal towns, built almost on top of the waters, with winding roads and long stone steps that led to and from the rocky shores. It was still a mountain city, however, and the sea roared against cliffs in some places and dipped into protected beaches in others. Of the buildings, little recognizable remained, as wind, water, trees and time worked to erase the Ancestors from history.
It was understandable then, that they had found nothing of the ‘Marh’eeyen Ahrkhives’ or a boat.
The Major led them in the deliberate, graceful movements of the Evening Sun Salute, and this night, even Solomon joined in. He was very clumsy, all arms and legs and knees, but to his credit, he did his best, laughing at himself in an easy-going manner that kept the Major from smacking him too hard.
They were on a beach, a stretch of sand that ran between worn grey buildings and beams of rusted metal that looked like the bones of a leviathan sticking out of the water. Gulls swept overhead and little terns ran along the shore, all trying to escape the swooping and diving of the young falcon. She had been at it all evening and caught nothing. Kerris, on the other hand, had caught a fine load of fish and was roasting them over a fire made with driftwood and dried sea weeds. The sea wind was strong and loud.
“Idiot!” the Major snapped, and both Sireth and Solomon looked up. “No, not mongrel idiot! Human idiot! Think! Think! Slow and Graceful. You look like a crippled bear!”
Solomon grinned at the Seer. “I liked her better when she bowed down at my feet and called me ‘sahidi’.”
The Seer laughed.
“No laughing! Tigress, arch your back more, like a bow string.”
“Yes, Major.”
“Captain, extend your hands, wider.”
He sighed, tried.
“No. Wider, like this.”
Again, he tried.
“No. Each finger a separate element, driven away from each other, yet even as they need—“
“I cannot, dammit!” he snarled. “They do not go!”
All heads turned to look.
And for a long moment, he stared back at them, the kheffiyah snapping in the strong wind. He had once been their Captain. But then again, he had once been a lion.
He whirled and strode off, boots sinking slightly with every footfall in sand.
The Major swallowed, and for a heartbeat, her chin quivered. She too whirled and strode off, her bare feet sinking slightly with every footfall in sand.
“Oh my,” said Sireth, glancing first in the direction of the Captain, then the Major. “I am utterly conflicted…”
“Go to Ursa,” said Fallon. “Kerris will go see to his brother. Won’t you, Kerris?”
Poking the fire with a long stick, Kerris shrugged.
She laid her hand on the Seer’s sleeve. “Ursa.”
He nodded and followed, his own sandals sinking slightly with every footfall in sand.
Fallon turned on the grey lion, wrapped her arms around her ribs.
“Go see to your brother.”
“Why? I can’t help him with his fingers.”
“It’s not his fingers, Kerris. He doesn’t know who he is anymore. You of all people, should be able to help him with that.”
“Me? Of all people?”
“Yes, you. You said the other night that you killed your father, that you didn’t mean to be you did. And that you killed your cousin, that you didn’t mean to but you did. And that you killed that young lioness, that you didn’t mean to but you did. I remember ‘cause I was there. You seem to do many things that you don’t mean to do, and I don’t really think it’s your luck at all, good, bad or otherwise. I think for the most part, Kerris Balthashane Wynegarde-Grey, you just don’t care.”
He glared at her from the fire, his blue eyes glittering and cold.
She steeled her will and pressed on. “You don’t want him to die, you said as much the other night. But you kill each other day in, day out, with your words, with your ways, and I believe you don’t want him to die, but why then Kerris, oh why won’t you help him live?”
He said nothing for a long moment, then slowly rose to his feet. Instinctively she swallowed, for it was common knowledge that an angry lion was a dangerous one, but she thrust out her chin and awaited the blow that would surely come. Instead, he simply walked past her, paused a moment with a look that killed her now a thousand times over, and left
her standing by the fire. To his credit, he was heading in the direction of his brother, yak-hide boots sinking slightly with each footfall in sand.
She released her breath and sank down to her knees.
***
He found her up the worn stone steps that led back to the city. The sun had set and she was kneeling in a patch of thin moonlight, her long marbled hair rising and falling on the breeze. It was cold, but not too cold, and he could see her breath. The short sword lay at her knees.
He knelt beside her, but did not touch.
Her chin, soft and silver, was still quivering. “I dishonored him. I did not think.”
“You did not mean to.”
“But I did. It was shameful. I am ashamed.”
He looked down at the short sword, kodai’chi. “This will not bring his honor back.”
She said nothing. He took that as a sign.
“He values you, Major. He needs you. He always has, but especially now. This ritual does nothing but make life harder on everyone.”
Still, she said nothing, so he reached out slowly, pushed the sword aside. She made no move to stop him.
“He does not need me,” she said finally, her voice barely a whisper.
“Yes he does. Very much.”
“I am not needed.”
“Major—“ he began but she hissed at him, cutting him off.
“You do not need me!”
It was as if she had hit him, the force of her, small as a baby bird, heart of a dragon.
“Oh, Major. That is not true.”
“You have your eyes. You have your Alchemy, your new talents with fire and water and who knows what else. You have your Scholar, who can figure out any problem with her quick mind and quicker tongue. You have a falcon who can see enemies and you are Kenshi, equally good with staff and sword. You have had a wife who has born you a child. I …”
To Walk in the Way of Lions Page 34
