by T L Swan
Adrian turns to the back seat and holds up his fist. “You are a bona fide fuckwit Cameron.”
“Shut the hell up,” I snap again
“Cameron, why don’t you just come out with it?” Natasha replies angrily.
“Out with what?” he snaps.
“Oh I don’t know, maybe Joshua for one.”
My eyes widen at Adrian who is holding his lips while looking at the phone.
“I just don’t see why you can’t talk to him. Listen to what he has to say.”
“You know what Cameron? The time for talking was in the hospital before he slept with me. Before he lied to me.”
“Shit,” I whisper as I run my hands through my hair.
“Tash,” Cameron whispers.
“Don’t you dare Tash me! I sat in that hospital room with a woman who he was sleeping with five metres away and you all knew it and you were all keeping his sordid little secret for him. You all make me sick.”
“I make you sick,” he snaps.
“Yes, you do actually.”
“Let’s calm down, shall we?” Bridget whispers.
“Well, you make me sick,” he snaps. “You are the one that broke up with him and broke his fucking heart and then he fucks up once and you dump him again. What the hell is that?”
Adrian smiles and puts his hand up for Cameron to high-five it. Cameron hits it from the back seat.
“Fucking up Cameron is forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning, forgetting an anniversary or maybe forgetting to pick the kids up from soccer practice. Putting your dick inside another woman is a bit more than fucking up asshole!”
“Mmm, that is a really good point,” Adrian whispers as he nods at me.
“Sssshhh,” Bridget snaps.
“You sshh Bridget. How did you think this conversation was going to go? You all are taking his side and blaming me for this. I did nothing wrong, I demand honesty because that’s what I give and I damn well deserve better.” I can hear the hurt in Natasha’s voice and it cuts me like a knife.
“Tash, we are not taking his side. This is not a cut-and-dried case,” Bridget whispers.
“I know that,” Natasha snaps.
“Tash, he hadn’t heard from you in over two months,” Bridget sighs.
“Because I was devastated. I had just killed my father. Cameron you were there with me, you saw how I was when you would visit. Was I really in my sound mind?”
“No,” he whispers.
“I know you all love Joshua and you are trying to help. I love Joshua, I will always love Joshua but he doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Cameron snaps.
“I tell you what love is, Cameron. I went out with a man for two and a half years who loved me and I could not bring myself to physically have sex with him,” she replies softly.
I put my head in my hands as I listen.
“You want to know why?”
“Enlighten me,” Cameron sneers.
“Because I was still in love with Joshua. I stupidly felt that my body belonged to him and I could never betray him like that. Seven years. Seven fucking years, Cameron, I watched him sleep with every woman in the United States and still I couldn’t even sleep with my own boyfriend.”
“That’s not his fault. That was your decision,” he snaps.
“Precisely, just like this is my decision. I don’t want the life Joshua is offering. The women, the partying, the coke friends. It’s all bullshit, I don’t want any part of it.”
“Joshua can’t help his past. That’s not what he wants now,” Cameron snaps.
“Another good point.” Adrian points at Cameron who nods and smiles.
“For now, Cameron, that’s not what he wants for now. You know when I was a little girl I dreamt of a man that loved me Cameron. Never once in my dream did my hero say to me, sorry I slept with that other women … it was an accident. The sex meant nothing.
Sex does mean something to me and if I’m unforgiving to someone who gives it away so easily then that is my decision and I expect you all to support me as your friend and not just Joshua. You have no idea the suffering I am going through and for you all to sit there and judge me and call me cold breaks my heart.” I can hear she’s crying. I close my eyes in regret. God, I’m a total fuck up.
“Tash, we don’t think you’re cold. We are just trying to understand,” Abbie whispers.
“Then I want you all to understand this. Tell Joshua I want him to go home to Amelie. She wants the money and the lifestyle … she can have it. I want nothing to do with it. I want him to move on with his life without me.” She sobs. “This is one of those sad cases in life where love simply isn’t enough. I don’t want his lifestyle or his money or those fucking horses. I just wanted him to love me … but he didn’t.” She sobs again. “Joshua and I have different morals now and I can’t change that, I only wish that I could. I would give anything to be with him but he is better off with someone else who is more like him and will understand his infidelities. I’m not that girl and I never will be.”
“Who knows? Maybe in ten years when I’ve slept with half of Sydney and Joshua is onto his third wife maybe we will understand each other’s point of view, but at this point I don’t.”
It goes silent. I sit and stare out of the windscreen in shock.
“I’ve lost her, she’s not coming back,” I whisper.
Adrian turns around to Cameron in the back seat. “Those were good arguments, Cam, she did leave him and he can’t help his past.”
“I know,” Cameron snaps.
The voices come back on and Cameron dives for the phone. I snatch it off the console before he can grab it.
“Fucking hell, she’s a stubborn bitch,” Cameron snaps.
“I don’t know what she is doing. She cries herself to sleep every night. I’ve never seen her so miserable,” Bridget whispers.
My haunted eyes meet Adrian’s and he swallows as he listens.
“Turn it off,” Cameron stammers.
“You know what she needs? She needs to fuck around. Whore it up a bit. She has unrealistic expectations of men. What was with the fairy tale shit? I’m thinking she needs a good threesome with two frigging … hot men,” Abbie whispers. “That’s what I would do, anyway.”
Bridget cuts in. “She seriously has every man who meets her in love with her.”
“I’m telling you, she needs to be tag teamed. I know the two men I am going to set her up with too. They will make her forget her name let alone Joshua Stanton,” Abbie replies.
“Fuck off,” Cameron snaps. “Don’t even say that about Tash.”
“Yeah don’t,” Bridget whispers. “You’re gross.”
“So you are into threesomes hey Abbs?” Cameron’s voice smiles.
Adrian rolls his eyes. “Oh god. Get it off.” He snaps as his eyes shoot to Cameron in the back seat. “You never miss a chance to try and pick up, do you wanker?”
Cameron holds his hands up in the air. “How could I let that slip? I had to comment.”
I sit silently, staring out the window, lost in thought. I get the fairy tale stuff and she’s right. She’s too good for me. I need to let her go.
“Adrian, ring the pilot in the morning. We leave on Saturday.” I start the car and pull out into the traffic. The two security cars trailing us follow behind. The car falls deathly silent as I fall back into my pool of depression.
The car trip home is silent. At least I get to sleep in my own bed tonight. I wonder where Joshua is. Is he ok? We walk up to the lift as Max carries my bag. I have my laptop, my pillow and blanket bundled in my arms.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go around to Joshua’s?” Max asks.
“No and stop asking me. You are not helping the situation,” I reply.
“I just don’t get it. You love him. Why are you letting him go?” he sighs.
“Because I’m not an idiot.” I shake my head and storm to my door. I stop
dead in my tracks.
The lock has been broken and the door is ajar. Max immediately drops the bags and texts someone. My eyes widen as he ushers me back to the lift where we wait for a moment. The other guards run up the stairs and into my apartment. Max grabs me and pushes me into the lift and pulls out a gun.
What the fuck is happening now?
Chapter 10
I shuffle to the wall as Max pushes me aside. My eyes widen with fear.
“What’s going on Max?” I whisper.
“Sshh,” he answers as he listens.
“Clear,” one man says.
“Clear,” another yells.
“Max, tell me what’s going on,” I whisper again more urgently.
“Joshua has a hit man after him. He might be here,” he replies as his grip on his gun readjusts. His eyes don’t leave the door.
“What!” I shriek. “Hit man, what hit man?” My heart rate picks up as my eyes bulge.
“He was attacked just before we got to LA in what the police think is an organised hit.” My eyes widen.
I drop my head as I think … the bruises.
“Why wasn’t I told? This is total bullshit,” I whisper angrily.
“Sshh. Listen,” he says as he cranes his neck around the corner to see what is going on.
I pull my arm out of his grip. “You explain this right now.” My whispered voice rises as I start to panic.
“Shut up,” he snaps. “Joshua didn’t want to frighten you,” he whispers as his eyes stay firmly on the door. “That’s why the security has been upped but it could also be just a case of simple carjacking. We are not sure.”
I frown in horror as I watch his face. “Why aren’t you sure? He pays you to be sure. What kind of security people are not sure?” I put my hands over my mouth as I start to hyperventilate. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my fucking god.
Max’s eyes flick to me. “Stop it. Don’t even think about freaking out right now. I don’t have the time.”
I hold my hand over my mouth in shock and I nod. He’s right—we don’t have time for my dramatics.
We both stand deathly still and listen as Max stands defensively in front of me, gun drawn. This really is NCIS action, if ever I saw it. I bite my bottom lip as I think. Hit man … my beautiful boy has someone after him. I drop my face into my hands.
“It’s clear,” the bodyguard snaps as he leaves the apartment and walks toward us. Max nods and drops his gun.
“Looks like an interrupted robbery.”
Max immediately gets his phone out and starts to dial the police.
“Are you sure they are gone?” I whisper to the guard as I grip my bottom lip.
“Yes, no one is in there. We checked everything.”
I nod, still deep in thought. Who would want to kill Joshua? Is this really happening?
“Hi, Ben,” Max snaps down the phone. My eyes search his face and I punch him in the stomach. I shake my head angrily at him. I don’t want fucking Ben here.
“Natasha’s house has been robbed,” he snaps down the phone. His eyes flick to me and he shakes his head.
I cross my arms angrily and narrow my eyes at him. This is bullshit!
“Ok, see you soon.” He hangs up. I open my mouth to speak but he cuts me off
“Don’t you dare say one thing. I work for Joshua Stanton. He pays my wage. Not you. I am here to protect you at his insistence and I will be informing him if I think you are in danger in any way. So don’t waste your breath.”
He storms past me and into my unit. Hmm … asshole.
The other guard shuffles on his feet uncomfortably and gives me a stifled smile. I push past him and walk into my apartment. My eyes shoot around the room, everything seems in order. Television, DVD player, laptop on my coffee table. I wring my hands in front of me as I am wracked with nerves. Someone has been in my apartment … looking through my things, probably a drugged person … maybe a murderer. My eyes widen in fear as the thought crosses my mind. Stop it.
“Go and check out the other apartments and see if anything else is amiss,” Max asserts to the other guards. They all nod and file out of the room. I slowly start to walk through the apartment. Kitchen—my eyes look around—seems fine. Hallway—I wring my hands in front of me as I walk down it—seems fine. My bedroom—I stand still at the door—someone has been in here I can feel it. My bed has a mark where someone has sat on the bed … or maybe that was me before I left last week. Oh jeez, I don’t know, I can’t remember.
Max walks in behind me. “Don’t touch anything.”
I nod as I bite my lip. “I think someone has been in here,” I whisper.
“Me too,” he answers as he looks around.
Max’s phone beeps a message and he looks at it and passes me the phone. It’s from Joshua.
Is Natasha ok?
I immediately text back.
Yes, she’s fine.
A text comes back.
Do not scare her, keep her calm.
Don’t tell her anything.
Always lying. I throw the phone at Max and storm into the bathroom as the tears of fury start again. I stand with my hands on the basin as I look at myself in the mirror. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears as anger seeps into my bone marrow. Don’t tell her anything. Is that what he told all of his staff about him sleeping with Amelie? Don’t tell Natasha anything … he must have. Nobody said a fucking word … except Amelie of course. He probably said the same thing to her. I bet he did—the asshole. I shake my head in disbelief at myself in the mirror.
Every time I think I might be making the wrong decision he proves me right again, every damn time. He is making me look like a total idiot in front of all these people. It’s not even between me and him anymore. There are about ten people who know more about our relationship than I do. This has got to stop.
“Where is Natasha?” I hear Ben’s South African accent snap through my apartment.
“She’s in the bathroom,” I hear Max reply flatly.
“Is she ok?” Ben asks.
“Yes, shaken up, but ok.”
I put my ear to the door to hear what they are saying.
“Joshua doesn’t want her frightened,” Ben replies.
I can’t hear Max’s reply.
“No, don’t call the police until we know what we are up against.”
What! They are not calling the police? This is ridiculous. I will not be controlled by these men for one minute longer. I open the door and storm down the hall.
“Get out!” I snap at Ben as I point to the door.
“Hello Natasha,” he replies calmly.
Embarrassment heats my cheeks. “Hello. I do not want you here so you can go, and tell your boss the sooner he returns to America, the fucking better.”
“Natasha,” Max whispers as he grabs my arm and tries to calm me down.
I rip my arm from his grip as my furious eyes flick to him. “You can leave too Max. I will not be deceived by all of you for one minute longer. Nobody is here. I am safe and I am calling the police now. So get out!” I scream. I’m totally losing it.
The guard comes back through the door. “Looks like the unit above and below on this side have been robbed too.”
Max puts his hand around the back of his neck. “Thank god,” he mutters as he looks at the ground.
I pick up my phone and dial the police. “Hello, I would like to report a robbery.”
Max and Ben are talking in the kitchen quietly. I walk in sheepishly.
“Sorry Ben I’m on edge,” I whisper, embarrassed at my previous outburst.
He nods and gives me a crooked smile.
“I have been under a lot of stress and I am not handling things very well,” I stammer. He nods again but stays silent. The poor bastard is probably too scared to speak.
“Max I don’t need protecting anymore. Go home with Ben and back to America where you belong.”
“Natasha, you need to be guarded,” Ben whispers.
I screw up
my face in frustration. “Ben, the only person who can hurt me is Joshua and he has done just that. In fact I would say he’s excelled at it. You and Max being here is just putting salt on my wounds. Leave me alone, I can’t take much more.” My eyes fill with tears as I shake my head in disbelief.
“We are not trying to upset you Tash,” Max whispers as he puts his arm around me sympathetically.
“Well you are. Ben go home and guard Joshua, he needs you to keep him safe. Stop wasting your time on me, this isn’t a movie scene. I need you to keep him safe for me. Promise me you will keep him safe,” I splutter through my tears.
He smiles sympathetically at me. “I will.”
“Make him go home to America, please!” I sob.
Ben walks to the door and turns, his eyes hold mine for a moment. He wants to say something but holds his tongue.
“What is it?” I snap.
“You’re making a mistake, Natasha,” he sighs.
I screw up my face as pain lances through my chest. “What!” I shriek. Is he fucking kidding? “Tell me Ben, did you say the same thing to Joshua when you watched him walk into Amelie’s room that night or was that ok because your boss was about to get some action? Did you boys all stand outside his door and listen? Did you place bets on what would happen next?” I sob.
“Natasha,” Max whispers in a hurt voice.
I step back and shake my head at the two of them. “This whole entourage bullshit you all have going on makes me sick. You both know more about my relationship than I do. So you know what? You can have it, because I want nothing to do with it. If you care about Joshua go and find him a woman who is prepared to go to bed with the ten of you, seeing as you’re all as thick as thieves. I am sure that will suit him just fine.”
“Natasha, you’re just upset,” Max whispers.
“Stop saying that. I’m more than upset. I’m furious!” I scream.
A knock sounds at the door and we turn to see two policemen.
I smile uncomfortably. Oh boy, did they just hear that? “Come in,” I stammer.
“Are we interrupting?” one of the policemen says as his eyes flick to Ben.
Ben frowns and shakes his head. “No.”
I look at Ben, signifying for him to go, but he raises his eyebrows and walks into the kitchen defiantly. “Does anybody want a cup of coffee?” he asks.
