Can't Have You: A Stand-Alone Brother's Best Friend Romance

by Lilian Monroe

  Kit chuckles, but it sounds strained. He lets out a breath. “It’s fine. I’m going to see my mother at the hospice center in an hour or so. I just wanted to call to make sure everything was okay.”

  “Everything’s fine. The police just stopped by.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Someone BASE jumped off the radio tower outside of town.” I hold Finn’s gaze, watching the skin around his eyes tighten. Did he think I was going to cover for him twice in one day?

  “Racer?” Kit asks.

  “Guess again.”

  “Finn?”

  “Ding, ding, ding!” I lean back in the chair, putting my feet up on the desk. “The police might come back with a warrant. I told them I had no idea who it was.”

  “I told him to take care of you, not get you to lie to the fucking police for him.”

  “In his defense, he didn’t ask me to do anything.”

  “Esme…” He trails off, sighing. “Put him on. I need to talk to him. I’ve been gone for one day, and this is what—”

  “Finn,” I say, pulling the phone away from my ear, “my brother wants to talk to you.”

  “Thanks for selling me out,” he growls, pushing himself off the door jamb and stalking toward me.

  “I’m not your little lapdog. Plus, I’m more afraid of Kit than I am of the police.”

  Finn doesn’t answer. His lips turn down at the corners as he takes the phone receiver from me and puts it to his ear. He’s standing close to me. Close enough for me to smell him. Feel his warmth.

  Is it wrong that I like the danger he exudes right now? I like the reckless energy that swirls around him and the way his eyes shine when he stares at me.

  Sitting back in my chair, I watch as Finn gets a stern talking-to from my big brother. I grin, arching an eyebrow, until he hangs up.

  “How was that?”

  “Lovely,” Finn answers. His gaze is dark. Dangerous. Full of desire.

  Before he can say anything else, the shop door opens, and Willow steps through. She smiles at me, lifting a hand in greeting.

  “Hey, you two!”

  Finn takes a step back from me, and I hate the distance between us. I school my features and look at Willow. “What’s up?”

  “I know Kit is away, and I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner at my place tonight? Nadia will be there. We’d hate for you to be alone.”

  Finn vibrates beside me. I know he hates the interruption. He probably thought he could lean in and kiss me again.

  Fat chance. I’m not falling for that again.

  I smile at Willow. “That sounds great. I’d love to.”

  “Good,” she says. “I’m just popping over to Nadia’s florist shop and driving her back to my place. We were going to cook together. What time are you off work?”

  I glance at the clock. “Right about now.” Turning to Finn, I give him a saccharine smile. “See you tomorrow, boss.”

  He grunts in response, his eyes never leaving me as I gather my things and walk out with Willow.

  20

  Finn

  My blood is running hot. My fists clench and relax. My eyes stayed glued to the door.

  Esme’s gone.

  I deflate slowly, sinking back down to earth like a collapsing parachute. The thrill of my BASE jump fades almost in an instant, and I know that I won’t be able to fill the void that Esme creates inside me.

  It doesn’t matter how many skydives I do. How many BASE jumps. How many stupid, hair-raising, adrenaline-inducing feats.

  None of it matters, because I know I need her.

  But if I pursue Esme, I hurt Sweeney.

  Sweeney—the best friend I had growing up. The guy who encouraged me to leave law school to pursue my passion. The friend who decided to take the plunge and start a business with me when no one else believed in us. The guy who’s always known we’ll be able to pay back my father’s loan and has worked his ass off to make that happen.

  Sweeney’s the one who wanted to hire more staff. He’s the one who crunched the numbers and showed me we’d be able to make a bigger profit. He’s been working as hard as I have to make this business work and repay our loan.

  And now I want to sleep with his little sister? While he’s visiting his dying mother?

  I can’t do that. I know how I am with women. I get bored. I turn into an asshole. I treat them like garbage.

  Ever since my ex cheated on me in college, I haven’t been able to stop myself. It’s almost like I enjoy watching relationships implode. I relish the feeling of destroying nice things.

  Letting out a sigh, I lock the business’s front door and trudge back to my apartment. When I get inside, silence howls all around me. It weighs down heavy on me until I feel crushed under its nothingness.

  Turning around again, I walk straight to the Blue Cat. Jackson’s behind the bar, and he arches an eyebrow when he sees me.

  “Alone tonight, Finn? That’s unusual.”

  “Is it?”

  “Every time I’ve seen you in here for the past three years, you’ve had some girl hanging off your arm.”

  “Well, not today.” I slide onto a bar stool as Jackson leans on the counter.

  “And not for the past month, either,” he drawls, his eyes searching.

  Tonight, Jackson is wearing black winged eyeliner and his skin glows almost unnaturally. I think he’s wearing false eyelashes, but it might just be mascara. Either way, I find myself feeling vaguely jealous of how comfortable he is with himself.

  Jackson doesn’t feel the need to chase after every girl—or guy—who stares his way. He doesn’t look for cheap thrills to fill the void in his chest. He just…is. He’s himself all the time.

  Sliding a beer across the bar, he arches a finely groomed eyebrow at me. “That one’s on me.”

  “What for?”

  “You look like you need it.”

  I snort, nodding in thanks. “Maybe I do.”

  Maybe I need to drown myself in a vat of beer. Forget about Esme’s honey-colored eyes and the way they make my body burn. Chase away the thoughts of her body splayed beneath mine, her head thrown back in ecstasy.

  I’ll never have her. I can’t.

  Not just for Sweeney, and for our friendship and business partnership. I need to stay away from her for her own sake. If I act on these urges, I know I’ll fuck it up. I always do. The blackness inside me will reach up and swallow me whole, and I’ll drag her down with me.

  No, I need to keep it professional.

  I stare at my pint of beer, watching while bubbles stick to the edge of the glass after I gulp down another quarter of it.

  “You won’t find any answers in there, Gallagher,” a voice says behind me, right before a heavy hand drops on my shoulder. Racer slides onto the bar stool beside mine, grinning. “A little birdie told me someone BASE jumped off the radio antenna outside of town.”

  “Which little birdie was that?”

  “It’s all over social media. The police posted the video to their Twitter account.” Racer pulls out his phone, turning it toward me.

  I watch a video of myself jumping, and a tiny, almost imperceptible thrill courses through my stomach. A whisper of what I felt when I jumped. An echo of the real thing.

  That’s all that’s left of the adrenaline that flooded my body only hours ago.

  I shrug. “Did they get him?”

  “Shut up, Finn,” Racer laughs. “I know it was you. I saw you grabbing the BASE gear at the airfield.”

  I shrug, allowing myself a grin as I lift my beer to my lips.

  “You shouldn’t have gone alone. Even I’m not that stupid. You need a crew.”

  “I needed to do it.”

  Racer grunts in response. “Still. You should have called me.” He pauses, letting out a low whistle. I follow his gaze to the door, then groan. Vanessa walks through, her eyes immediately zeroing in on mine.

  “Is she as wild in bed as she looks?” Racer says in a low voice, his
eyes glued to her chest.

  I turn away from the both of them, leaning over the bar. Whatever happened between Vanessa and me, it’s over. It’s done. I’m not going there again.

  “You’ve been ignoring my calls,” Vanessa says, coming to stand beside me. She plants her hands on her hips. “Explain.”

  “What is there to explain?” I keep my eyes straight ahead. Jackson moves closer, wiping and re-wiping the counter in front of me. I know he’s listening.

  “You’re an asshole, you know that, Finn? You told me everything I wanted to hear just to get me to sleep with you, and then drop me like I never even existed.”

  Jackson’s eyebrow twitches, and he wipes the bar once more. That one spot right in front of me must be really, really dirty.

  I turn to glance at Vanessa. “Look, we had fun. I told you from the beginning that it wasn’t serious. I’m not interested.”

  She purses her lips, staring me down.

  This. This is why I can’t get involved with Esme. No matter how much of a good idea it seems to be, it always turns into a disaster. Drama. Shouting. Crying. Re-painting my car because someone dragged keys across the length of it.

  It never ends well.

  Train. Wreck.

  I don’t care about Vanessa. She treated me just as badly as I treated her. But with Esme…I know I’d hurt her. She’s too pure. Too good. That tough-girl act she puts on doesn’t fool me. I can’t be the one who hurts her.

  Then, for the first time in my life, I’m grateful for Racer’s presence. He leans across me, grinning at Vanessa.

  “Buy you a drink? Maybe I can make up for Finn’s terrible decision to let you go.”

  Vanessa stares at him, and then at me, and a cruel smile twists her lips. “I’d love a drink.” She swings her hips over to the bar stool next to Racer’s, and I down the rest of my beer. I put a few bucks on the bar for Jackson, dipping my chin at him.

  His lips twitch into a surprised smile as he glances from me, to Racer, then to Vanessa. I turn away from him, heading straight out the door.

  Racer can have her. I don’t care. It’ll take her off my plate, and hopefully keep him occupied so he’s not chasing Esme. Win-win.

  But the next morning, I realize that it’s not a win-win at all. After a coffee and a quick bite to eat in my apartment, I head downstairs to the shop. I see Racer leaning over the desk, crowding Esme’s space. He has a disgusting smirk on his face, and the rage inside me mounts.

  “Shouldn’t you be at the airfield?”

  “Good morning to you, too, boss,” he says, straightening up. He saunters over toward me. “I was just heading there now, but I couldn’t resist the chance to say hello to our beautiful and talented administrator.”

  She turns to look at him, her lips flattened in a straight line and her eyebrow arched. I love the hostility on her face. For once, it’s not directed at me—until her hard eyes slide over to meet mine.

  How does she make anger look so good?

  Racer leans into me. “Vanessa didn’t disappoint last night. Fucking animal in bed, am I right?”

  I turn away from him, keeping my face neutral to hide the disgust rolling in my stomach. “You have a few bookings this morning, Racer. I’ll head over there for the afternoon jumps.”

  Racer backs away, his eyebrows twitching up. He nods, then turns to Esme. “See you around, gorgeous. Let me know about grabbing that drink tonight. I’m free all evening.”

  Esme grunts in response, not lifting her eyes off the screen until Racer leaves.

  I stare at Esme’s profile for a few seconds until she spins the chair to face me. Arching an eyebrow, she flattens her lips. “What?”

  I shrug. “What do you mean, what?”

  “Why are you standing there looking like you want to rip someone’s head off? Did I do something wrong?”

  Frustration tightens my chest. It’s hard to take a full breath. I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to keep my voice steady. “I wasn’t kidding when I said you should stay away from Racer, Esme.”

  She stands up, crossing her arms. “Look. Finn. You and I kissed.” Her jaw ticks. “It was fun, but it was a kiss. I don’t owe you anything. If you’re not interested in taking this any further, I don’t see why it has to stop me from seeing anyone else.”

  “Racer’s an asshole.”

  “And you’re not?” Her eyebrows jump up and she snorts, shaking her head. “Please. You think you’re so fucking honorable because you don’t want to sleep with me. You think that makes you a good friend to my brother?”

  “It’s not just that, Esme.” I stare at her, lust and heat whipping through my veins. Her eyes blaze. Her body’s almost trembling.

  She looks irresistible. The more I try to deny it, the more my desire for her grows.

  She’s right. Of course she’s right. I have no right to tell her not to see Racer or anyone else. We kissed, and then I told her we couldn’t take it any further.

  “So, what is it?” Esme takes a step toward me. “Why are you acting like a possessive asshole? Why do you get so mad when Racer talks to me?” She juts her chin out. “I know you’re attracted to me, Finn. I know you feel something between us. But if you’re not going to act on it, I’m not going to let you deny me finding it with someone else. I came to Woodvale to live, Finn. Not to pine after some guy who’s too chicken to act.”

  My hands ball into fists. My eyebrows jump up. Heat spatters my cheeks as she squares up in front of me, toe-to-toe, chest-to-chest.

  She’s so angry. So mean. So fucking tough…

  …and I know I’m done resisting.

  21

  Esme

  I hate that I want Finn as badly as I do. I wish I could just turn around and walk back to the reception desk without another look. I wish I could forget about the way his lips tasted. The way his body felt. The way he made me feel when he pressed his body against mine.

  I wish I didn’t dream of him every night.

  But I do. Ever since we kissed, I haven’t been able to get him out of my head.

  I don’t want Racer. I don’t want any other man. I want Finn.

  But the problem is that Finn doesn’t want me back. Or if he does, he has some misplaced sense of honor for my brother that he just won’t give up.

  We face off, arms crossed, staring at each other.

  Finally, Finn jerks his head toward the door marked ‘Staff Only.’

  “Office,” he barks. “Now.”

  “Oh, you’re ordering me around now. Wonderful.” I arch an eyebrow. “It wasn’t enough that you think you can control who I hang out with and who I don’t—now you think you can tell me what to do?”

  “I’m your boss.”

  “You’re an asshole.”

  Finn’s eyes flash, sending sparks rushing down my spine. I love the way he’s looking at me. The fire in his eyes. The twitch of his jaw. The tension in his body.

  I want more. I want to crank him tighter until he finally shatters. I want to snap him in half like the teasing, taunting asshole he is.

  Finn breaks from my stare, stalking to the front door and turning the lock. He flips the sign to ‘closed’ and turns back to face me. His face is dark. His eyes are stormy.

  And I only want more.

  “Back office.”

  I stand my ground, twisting my lips into a snarl. Finn walks toward me until we’re only a foot apart, staring me down. He’s close enough to smell. Close enough to feel the heat emanating from his body. Close enough to make the fire spark between my thighs.

  Still, I resist.

  He might have power over my body, but I still have my mind. I’ve spent the last six years of my life fighting an unseen enemy. Fighting my own body. Fighting for survival.

  Fighting a man who thinks he’s tough? Please. That’s nothing. I’ll face off with Finn for hours, and I’ll win.

  Without saying a word, he walks to the back of the shop and rips the door open. He doesn’t look back, but I can’
t resist following him. I’m compelled. His presence tugs at something in the depths of my soul. I want more, even if all I get is more fighting.

  He makes me feel alive, even when he infuriates me—and feeling alive is what I crave most in the world.

  So, I follow. We go to the back office, and I watch as Finn leans against the desk. His hands grip the edge of it, his knuckles turning white. I kick the door closed behind me, crossing my arms over my chest and arching an eyebrow.

  “So? I’m here.”

  “Esme…” His voice is gravelly. For just a moment, his eyes soften. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

  “Well, you should have thought of that before you came in guns blazing this morning.”

  “Racer—”

  “This isn’t about Racer, and you know it,” I snap. “I know Racer’s an idiot. I’m not interested in him.”

  “But he’s interested in you.”

  “And?” I drop my arms by my sides, snorting. “You don’t think I have a mind of my own? Don’t think I’m capable of making my own decisions?”

  Finn pushes himself off the desk and takes a step toward me. “I’m just trying to protect you, Esme.”

  “I don’t need protection.” My lips flatten, and I erase the distance between us. Lifting my index finger to touch Finn’s chest, I push him back. “You don’t need to worry about my protection. I’ve lived my life in a bubble. I’ve been protected from everything, all the time. What I need,”—I suck in a breath, pushing my finger harder against his chest—“is to live. I need less protection. I need risk. Adrenaline. Reward. I need you to—”

  I can’t finish my sentence, because Finn’s lips crush against mine. He wraps an arm around my waist and he slams his body against me. My hand flattens against his chest. With his other hand, Finn angles my face up toward him as he kisses me harder.

  Our kiss is like a battle. Neither of us want to lose—but neither of us want it to end, either. His tongue lashes against mine. His teeth scrape against my lower lip. He invades my mouth with every ounce of anger and frustration that has built up between us. He kisses me fiercely. Possessively.