Brooke watched the three of them, how happy Sidney was with her men. She was lying back against them talking and giggling. They petted her constantly and even someone who didn’t know them would see the love they shared.
Molly entered the room regally, approached Boyd with a dignified smile, and dumped a handful of ice down the back of his t-shirt. Not being a stupid child, she took off running and Boyd gave chase once he’d dumped Sidney in Zane’s lap.
Sidney scooped up a piece of the ice on the couch and dropped it in Zane’s shirt and he whispered something in her ear that made her face blush hot. Then she sweetly put her hands under his shirt to ‘help’ him find the ice. Once she had it in hand, she rubbed it all over his abs before popping it in her mouth. She glanced up at Brooke whose head was tilted while she watched them. She crunched the ice happily and gave her a wink. After Boyd plopped a wet, laughing Molly beside Becca on the floor, he put the ice in one of the plants and sat.
Mack entered a little while later with Jeanette wrapped sleepily around his waist. Kate was behind them carrying Sofia. “She was up most of the night. Sofia’s cutting another tooth.” He sat carefully in a large chair and his wife snuggled more closely into him. Becca brought a fluffy blanket for Mack to wrap over her and he tugged her closer for kisses and Merry Christmases. “You too, Molly. Jeanette is sleepy but you know she wouldn’t miss this.”
Meanwhile, Brooke handed Logan her coffee cup and held out her hands to Kate. The toddler was placed in her arms. “Hello, Princess Sofia. Did you exhaust Mommy? Did you? I’m not sure but I think…yes, I think you’re definitely prettier today than you were yesterday. At this rate, you’ll be too beautiful for us to look at.” Tickling her little belly, the toddler giggled and wrapped her arms tight around Brooke’s neck.
“I not pettier, Aunt Book. I jus’ me. You pettier.” They rubbed noses and Brooke inhaled the smell of clean child she still remembered from her siblings. “You eyes look happy today, Aunt Book. No’ so sad, I tink.” Cupping her face in her little chubby ones, she stared at her godmother with too-knowing hazel eyes.
With Mack’s hair and eyes, Jeanette’s calm demeanor and intelligence, she was a force to be reckoned with already. “Smile fo’ me, Book.” The demand was indeed princess-like and Brooke gave her a smile. “I tink you smile more wit’ all of us to help. You by youself too much. Dat exactly what it is.” Leaning forward, she pressed her soft baby lips to each of Brooke’s cheeks and hugged her again, curling up sleepily against her chest.
Kate went to make more coffee and Brooke asked her to call the security guys in. Kate’s eyes went wide, “All of them?” Brooke nodded with a smile. Ten minutes later, additional chairs had been pulled into the room and her own men as well as Jeanette’s and Sidney’s were seated with steaming cups of coffee.
“Do you guys have plenty of room?” Brooke had put Sidney’s guys in her tour bus and Jeanette’s detail was using the Bradshaw bus. “Becca, Molly…go ahead.”
Every single person had presents and it was soon obvious that Brooke had gone insane buying for all of them. Turning to Logan and Decklan, she said, “The presents for Travis and the crew are in my truck.” They nodded absently, staring at the stunning watches she’d bought them as well as clothing, new hats, and CD’s.
The children received the bulk of the gifts, as was natural, and Brooke felt tears in her eyes at the happiness so obvious on their faces. When Becca asked her how long it had taken her to wrap everything, she shrugged, “I had a lot of time on my hands, baby. Do you like the new drafting table?” Becca nodded and came to hug her sister. “I love you very much, Becca. Merry Christmas.”
She held out a flat box, “I have a present for you guys that I did myself. It was something Rex was working with me on…before…before.” Becca sighed heavily and started over, “He said you guys had a million photos. So he helped me do a portrait of you from one of his favorite photos. After…you know, it took me a long time to finish it. He was so much better at art than anyone knew, I think. He loved sketching you, Brooke. He said you had perfect symmetry. I had to look that up. Anyway, I hope you like it.”
Brooke took the box and opened it, gasping as she took out a sketch of her and the twins onstage. She was back-to-back with Decklan as he played electric guitar and Logan was leaning in to sing with her holding his acoustic. Brooke had her fiddle held loosely in her hand. All of them were laughing.
“Becca, you did this?” Her youngest sibling nodded. “Honey, it’s, oh god, so beautiful. I didn’t know, baby. I didn’t know you were this good. I’ll pay more attention now. Thank you so much, honey.”
They hung it in Brooke’s studio while she made a huge breakfast. Kate put away her pile of gifts since Brooke refused to let her cook. She insisted all the security guys stay for food as well. As Brooke took the last of the food to the big dining table in the formal dining room, she realized the only open seat left was between Logan and Decklan. Again. She wasn’t sure if she was imagining being maneuvered toward the twins. She looked around the table and took in her family, missing Jackson and Travis, but loving how many of the people she cared about being together.
The friends and family were still in pajamas, the bodyguards were in tactical gear since pajamas wouldn’t make much sense. The conversations ebbed and flowed around the table and Brooke found herself thankful for what she had. What she still had despite the aching loss of Rex from her life. It was humbling.
Logan and Decklan ate beside her, still amazed at how well she could cook. “Only breakfast and southern food,” she told them with a smile. “I can’t make anything, you know, healthy. I least I’ve never tried. I’d probably poison us all if I did.”
The brothers laughed and Logan said, “This is the food we grew up on, Brooke. We love eating like this.”
“Yeah but it’s obvious neither one of you do it very often,” the words slipped out on a breath of warm air before she could consider them or call them back.
Decklan leaned in, “It’s obvious you notice the results.” Then he nudged her with his shoulder and she smiled with a little nod. The brothers glanced at one another over Brooke’s head. When she sat back, unable to finish the little bit of food on her plate, they leaned in close and ate it, each of them taking forkfuls of pancakes and checking to be sure she didn’t want it before popping it in their mouths and chewing happily.
When a tiny drop of pancake syrup dripped on her hand as Decklan pulled a bite toward him, they watched as she lifted her hand and licked it away. Bites of food were frozen halfway to their mouths and she gave them a half smile, “Sorry, I forget you guys really focus on things like that.”
“Only with you Brooke. Only ever with you,” Logan’s voice was soft and stroked over her skin like a touch.
She sat back and eventually had her hands in theirs on their thighs while they talked with everyone else. The next few days passed slowly and Brooke often found herself in private moments with the twins. They did nothing overtly sexual, nothing that made her uncomfortable.
As the happy gathering greeted the new year, Logan and Decklan were in front of her, bending to kiss the corners of her mouth. “Happy New Year, Brooke. This is going to be your year, sweetheart. You wait and see.” Slowly, steadily they stoked the flames of need that had been building inside her. She didn’t know if it was intentional but it was certainly effective.
When Sidney and Jeanette found her in her office the next day staring at Rex’s flag and crying silently, they hugged her hard and asked what was wrong. “I…I want. I need. I feel like I’m cheating on Rex. I haven’t done anything and I already feel like I’m cheating. He was so protective, so territorial. His friends must think I’m a…never mind.”
Jeanette turned her abruptly to stare at her, “Mack adores you, Brooke. He doesn’t want you sad and lonely.”
“There’s a difference between having the company of friends and family over the holidays and the carnal thoughts I find popping into my head at random
and sometimes inappropriate moments.” Brooke crossed her arms and stared at a couple of the photos taken of her and Rex. He was so gorgeous, so alpha male. He was so damn good to her in so many ways and she loved him still.
“Uh, Brooke, listen chica. How shall I put this delicately?” Pausing, Sidney shook her head, “Who am I kidding? I don’t do delicate. Rex is the one who awakened the naughty vixen inside you, then unleashed her as often as he had a semi-private location and the ability to put his hands on you. I think he’d understand.” Her face was smug.
“I don’t understand. I feel like I’m someone else and it scares me.” The three of them were going riding with the girls and headed back to get their jackets.
Jeanette was gentle when she stopped in the open doorway and said, “Brooke, like us, you became accustomed to a certain level of play. You were used to getting laid well and often. That’s physical. Not emotional. It doesn’t take away from your love for Rex to need physical contact, a connection to another human being.”
Sliding past them, Sidney added, “They all fuck like porn stars. Rex was no different so of course you’re horny. You should totally go for a two-fer. My men pour ecstasy all over me, cover all my hot spots, and, may I say…yum. You’re a country girl, Brooke. Saddle up and ride yourself some cowboys.”
“Jesus…,” Boyd moaned.
The three Marines and the twins stood in the kitchen, jackets in their hands, and their mouths hanging open. Brooke put her hand out for her jacket and snatched it from Mack with a growl. “Not one fuckin’ word. Not one.” Brooke’s accent was strong as she stormed to the stable to start saddling the horses.
The twins watched her go with their hands pressed to their low stomachs. They both had looks of complete desperation on their faces. Sidney stepped up beside them, “She thinks she’s cheating and I think its bullshit. Rex was like the rest of his friends. If I were Brooke I’d be crawling out of my own skin by now. To go from constant orgasms to none, man, I’d lose it.” She shrugged on her jacket and followed her friend.
“Yeah, I have to agree with her. No way can she keep going like this. She was a naturally sensual person before she met Rex and he opened a Pandora’s box for her that she’s been struggling to keep closed since she lost him. I’m shocked it’s taken this long.” Jeanette pulled on her coat and called to Kate that they’d be back in an hour. The older woman told her to take her time, Sofia was a pleasure. Then she followed her friends to the stables.
The Marines turned to the twins who looked like they were hurting, beads of sweat on their foreheads, skin tight around their eyes and mouths.
Mack asked quietly, “Tell me truthfully, how long has it been for you two?”
Logan’s eyes were shadowed when he said, “A couple of months after the first tour. Just after we got out of rehab.”
None of the three men could disguise the shock they felt, “Damn. No wonder you looked carved from marble.” None of the Marines had ever gotten out of hand as the brothers had, taking a different woman every single night, but none had ever gone so long without a woman before.
“Working yourself until you drop helps sometimes,” Decklan said quietly.
Mack gave them a kind smile, “Look, she’s going to struggle. She loved Rex hard. But I think if you don’t step it up, she’s going to start to punish herself again for physical needs she can’t control. Psychologically lash herself like she did after the funeral. None of us want that.”
Logan shook his head, “It’s been two years and three months since she lost Rex. In her heart, Brooke’s a country girl with certain standards. I don’t know how long she’ll need to grieve.”
“We can do it. We can wait. We’ll watch her.” Decklan raked his hands through his hair and headed out the door toward the stable, Logan behind him. They didn’t put on their jackets until they paused at the doors and took a deep breath.
“Their conquests must number literally in the thousands. Has it really more than four years since they’ve had lovers? Shit, no way could I have done that before Sidney. Now? I’d be crying in a fucking corner,” Zane murmured.
“Ditto,” Boyd said.
“I have to say, I’m impressed. I feel bad for both of them.” Mack grinned, “However, I do like that we’re still likened to porn stars. For men in our forties, that’s not bad. I knew they still talked about us. I fucking knew it.”
The friends pulled on their jackets and followed the others. They each had visions in their minds of how they’d thank their women later. The smiles on their faces when they entered the stables caused Jeanette and Sidney’s eyes to darken with excitement.
Brooke kept her head down until she guided Buttercup into the crisp winter air. At the last minute, she glanced up and caught the twins looking at her. For the first time since the day she’d met Rex, they let her see what they’d become skilled at hiding. Their need for her shone bright and hungry. Carefully drawing in air, she tried to steady her heart, her suddenly raging need, and failed.
So she did something she never thought she’d do. She ran away.
Nudging her horse, she cleared the fence and took off across the pastures. Giving Buttercup her freedom, Brooke felt the mare stretch her legs into a long smooth run, eating up the ground beneath her pounding hooves. Brooke felt an easing then something slipped back into place inside her.
For the first time in two years, she seemed to see her surroundings as more than just a ranch or where she lived. At last, she remembered. She understood.
This was where she came from, this was where she belonged. This woman, riding wild and free on the back of her horse. This was who she was. Not the girl who hadn’t understood how to fight for what she wanted, who hadn’t even had the tools to fight. Not the woman steeped in grief so dark she couldn’t see her way around it.
She was a cowgirl, musician, sister, and friend. But even with all those things, those parts of herself, she’d forgotten she was also a woman. She remembered the first time Rex had taken her and told her she was dangerous. She’d been fearless in letting go of the twins who hadn’t been ready to give her what she needed. She’d been fearless in following her instincts with Rex, going home with him that first night. She’d been fearless in her love for him.
He’d shown her the woman she could be and brought every cell in her body roaring to life. But the moment his strength had been taken from her, she’d become a coward. For two years, she’d hidden in her grief, using it as a cloak to withdraw from a life that was no longer as filled as it had been when Rex was alive.
As Buttercup embraced the run she’d missed so desperately, Brooke breathed deep of the pure country air and welcomed back the woman who’d been hiding inside her since losing the man who’d loved her so well. She’d lost Rex and his absence was a gaping wound in her heart, but that wound hadn’t killed her. For a long time, she had thought it would.
And here she was…living, breathing, and aching.
Taking a step back, she recognized there were still some things she couldn’t wrap her mind around. She wouldn’t disrespect her man’s memory and she was afraid to lose the love and respect of the friends he’d left behind.
Gradually slowing Buttercup to a walk, she dismounted and wrapped her arms around the warm neck. Taking an apple from her pocket, she fed the horse that had been her savior when she’d lost her parents.
“I should have trusted you, Buttercup. You knew I was ready to run, didn’t you, baby? You’ve known for a while now.” Nuzzling her face along her mare’s, she pressed a hand to her chest. “It hurts still…hurts deep like a bone bruise that never quite goes away. But I want to try, Buttercup. I promised Rex I would try.”
She walked her for a while until she saw Hector heading her way on the ATV. He was doing top speed and came to a skidding stop about twenty feet from her. “Thank god. You okay, Brooke?”
Her smile was genuine and it felt odd on her face. Most of her smiles had been pretend, to lessen the pain and worry of those around her
, for so long. She swung herself back in the saddle and said, “I am okay, Hector. I’m sorry I took off. Forgive me. I know better. I’m going to head back, let Buttercup have another run. I think you can keep up with me but she’ll startle if you get too close, alright?”
He nodded and smiled back at her, “You look so young and happy for the first time since I met you, Brooke. I hope this is a good sign.” Pausing, considering if he wanted to tell her more, he finally added, “Did you know I served with Rex for the last couple of years he was in?” She shook her head slowly. “I ran into him a few times over the time you were with him. You’d given him a new lease on life, Brooke. I hope you get that for yourself. He would want you to be happy. I believe that. I bet you do, too.” Revving the engine, he smirked, “Let’s head back before the others have a heart attack.”
She smiled again and gave Buttercup the signal. She didn’t have to ask her twice.
Chapter Thirty
One month later…
Travis sent a recording schedule after the first of the year for their fifth album. He’d included the preliminary itineraries for their summer tour which would feature songs from the under-promoted fourth album as well as the new stuff.
Her only request had been to make sure she had time off before and after the Chicago dates. She would be traveling back and forth while Kate kept the girls on a routine at home since Becca was in middle school and Molly was in her first year of high school. She always left two bodyguards with the three of them and took two with her.
She was inundated daily with requests for interviews and she politely declined with a promise to grant them once the tour started. Brooke wouldn’t be doing interviews without Logan and Decklan beside her.
Her blog had been ongoing, more popular than ever as she talked about life now and encouraged her fans to connect with the people around them. To get involved more in their families and communities because you never knew how much time you had.
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