by Lee Heaven
“Hey,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “What happened?”
I can see a little puddle forming on the hardwood floor where my tears are landing. “I can’t give you a family. I can’t have kids.”
He brushed the hair off my neck and buried his face there. His voice vibrated my skin when he finally spoke. “I know that. You think I don’t remember you telling me you can’t have a baby? You think it will bother me if I don’t have a kid of my own? You are my family. Kris and Felicity are my family. Sarah, Decker, Josie, Tobias, Maggie, everyone else is my family. Family doesn’t have to be blood. Family doesn’t have to be what we create together. Family is what we want it to be, who we love the most, who we would put our life on the line to protect. I don’t need a baby with you to make a family with you, I just need you.”
Holy fuck! Did he really just say that? Did he really just tell me that he didn’t need a baby?
He spun me around and lifted me till my legs wrapped around his waist. He pressed me against the window and ran a hand around my bare ass cheek. He held me with one hand while his other hand came up between us. He held the ring up in front of me. A platinum band set with tiny little brilliant sparkling diamonds, set in the middle is what looked to be like a four carat emerald cut diamond. It was beautiful and had the tears running down my cheeks again.
“Marry me. Make me happy. Give me your family and let me make it mine. Let me take care of you, love you, spoil you, cherish you. Marry me?”
I leaned in and kissed him, poured all my love into that kiss. “Take me to bed,” I whispered on his lips. Somewhere between that window and the bed he slipped that ring on my finger.
~~~
I stood in the kitchen with Sarah, Maggie and Chelsea working on Christmas dinner. Sarah and Decker’s apartment felt like it was full of a thousand people. Everyone’s family was here. We all had an eye on Sarah just waiting for a panic attack. While everyone here was someone that she knew and cared about, lots of people and stress of making the day perfect was surely going to send her over the edge at one point. To help we were trying to keep as many people out of the kitchen as possible.
I was in the fridge digging for something when Sarah asked me to hand her the butter. I reached a box and held it out to her, as she grabbed it out of my hand her fingers brushed across my ring. She squealed and started speaking words that made no sense at all. I hadn’t told anyone that Tyler asked me to move in and marry him. I’m actually really quite surprised that it took the girls this long to notice the thing on my finger.
Maggie and Chelsea joined in the squealing as soon as they realized what Sarah was going on and on about. They all started talking about how lucky I was that Sarah just got married and had all her bridal magazines and stuff still in the apartment. That they couldn’t wait until we can start planning my wedding.
That’s when it hit me. I’m not even divorced. Jeremy is playing the run around game with me. He won’t sign the papers. Tells me there is no way he will sign unless I come back home and talk to him face to face. But I knew once it was face to face it would be the same game. It would be the manipulation and abuse.
I dropped the spoon I was holding. I was never going to be able to marry Tyler. Jeremy would make sure of that. One way or another Jeremy would abuse me some way for the rest of my life.
Sarah must have guessed what was wrong in a second because she was suddenly giving me a hug that was obviously not a congratulations hug. She finally whispered “We’ll get you divorced. Zane and Jason will find a way.”
“He won’t let me walk away that easy. He’s told me so. Told me he won’t grant the divorce without seeing him face to face. Told me he would fight it every step of the way. Then in the same breath, he told me that once I do see him face to face he will beat the shit out of me, like he never beat the shit out of me before. Beat me so bad I won’t even think twice about walking away from him again, that I’ll be too scared to even think twice about it.”
The thing was I knew that if I went to see him he would do exactly that. He would beat the shit out of me. He would make it so I wouldn’t walk away from again. It’s what he used to do. It was always the same thing. At least it was until I saw there could be life after that. Until I saw Sarah walk away from her abusive relationship. Until I saw Sarah fall in love with Decker. Until just last month when I watched Sarah walk down the aisle and marry the man of her dreams.
A hand wrapped around my arm and spun me around. I looked up into the angry eyes of my step-father. I was ready for the berating he was going to throw on me. I was ready for him to tell me that it was my own stupid fault to be mixed up with him in the first place instead of listening to him. I was ready to drop my head and face my defeat of him.
“I will not allow that,” he said surprising me. “I know we don’t get along most of the time. I know I should have stepped in a long time ago and pulled you out of that situation. But ever since you were little you always acted like you didn’t need any help. I didn’t know how to deal with that. So I was an ass.” He sighed and some of the anger lessened in his eyes. “But I won’t allow you to go back there. You’re different here. You’re happier, not as standoffish. You actually listen to what your mother and I have to say. I can see it in both you and Sarah. The happiness that neither of you have had in too many years to count.” He wiped a tear from my cheek. “I heard you call me dad the other day. You have never called me dad, it was always Ken, or him or boss or whatever other name you could think of. But the other day you asked your mom if dad was home. I was proud to be your dad, I always have been.”
I heard Sarah sob behind me. She knew how big this was. She knew what this meant. This was a huge success on both mine and my step-fathers account. I took the biggest leap I ever had in my life, “Will you help me, dad? Help me get a divorce? Help me walk away from Jeremy completely?”
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his body, holding on tight, tighter than I ever could remember. “I will move the world to help you.”
Breakthrough! It took thirty years, but we just broke through. We just made the first step to fixing us. We just took the first step together on fixing me. I cried into his shoulder. I lost track of how long we stood there. When I finally pulled away I looked behind to find Decker wrapped around Sarah as she wiped tears from her eyes. Next to her, stood my mother and Tyler, I watched as tears streamed down my mother’s face. Since I was a little girl she has begged me to find a way to get along with my step-father, now she got her wish.
Tyler walked over and wrapped me in his arms. He shook my step-fathers hand while placing a kiss on my forehead. Life hasn’t always been easy for me, but I’ve come to realize that some of that hard life I’ve had, was also at the hands of me. Maybe I never gave my step-father a fair chance from the get-go. But now I had the chance. I had the chance to build a relationship with him. I had the chance to break free from Jeremy.
I took Sarah’s hand and pulled her to me, hugging her as tight as I could. Twenty some years we’ve been best friends and she’s been there for me as much as I’ve been there for her. We’ve leaned on each other in the worst times of our lives. As I looked around at the ever growing crowd in the kitchen I knew this is where I belonged. This was my family. Blood or not these people had accepted me flaws and all.
Now I just had to brace for a storm that was going to brew. I had the ammunition I needed to be rid of Jeremy forever. I just had to show them all.
~~~
Sarah just saw the last of the guests out. The only ones left besides me, Tyler, Sarah and Decker, were my parents, Maggie, Tobias, Zane, Chelsea and Jimmy. I was able to sneak out of the apartment and get what I needed from Tyler’s apartment earlier. I stashed it under the sink in the bathroom and pulled it out just as Sarah closed the front door.
I asked everyone to gather around the couch. The kids were all snuggled in Josie’s bed half asleep as Christmas movies played on the TV, so I figured now was the
best time before the rest of our group departed and went home. This was my family, these were the people who had to know how bad I was before I left Jeremy.
I didn’t say anything, I just handed Sarah the album I was holding. She looked at me weird for a second and then opened the cover. Her eyes bulged as she took in the picture before her. My eye was black and swollen shut. It was the first time he broke my eye socket. You could see the holes where pins were inserted to the bone. Finger marks were visible around my neck. My lip was split open and being held together by butterfly strips. There were pictures of the bruises on my arms and legs. The visible boot print on my stomach where he had stomped so hard.
She slammed the book shut and shot up off the couch before anyone else could see what she was looking at. With the book tucked under her arm she started to storm towards her bedroom with it.
“Where are you going?” Tyler yelled after her.
“I’m packing a fucking bag and driving my ass out there to beat the ever living shit out of him!” She yelled back.
Decker was off the couch and had her slung over his shoulder kicking and screaming as he brought her back to the couch. He took the book from her hand and handed it off to Zane. Zane had much the same reaction as Sarah did, but was able to flip further through the book.
Almost five inches thick the book sat. Almost ten year’s worth of abuse. I documented everything. Took pictures of everything. Police reports. Doctor reports. Medical bills. Everything that I would need and hoped never to use was sitting in this book.
I looked at Zane who had just handed the book to my parents and Tyler. “He won’t grant me a divorce. Tells me the only way he’ll sign is if I go out and see him face to face, but if I do that he will beat the shit out of me so bad I’d be too afraid to leave. Can we use this somehow and get a divorce without his signature?”
“I don’t know much about divorce and domestic abuse laws. However, we do have a lawyer at the firm who does. The offices are closed until the New Year, I’ll give her a call tomorrow and see if she’s in town. If she is I’ll ask if she’s willing to meet you, if not I’ll have her schedule you for first thing when the offices reopen.” He scratched at his chin. “This is evidence,” he said pointing at the book. “Do you have anything else that is not in it?” I shook my head no. “I’m going to keep this. I’ll hand it off to who needs it. Tomorrow morning I’ll file for a temporary restraining order.”
He patted my shoulder and signaled to Decker and Tyler that he wanted a private conversation as they disappeared into the dining room. Sarah’s eyes darted between the dining room, the front door and the hall leading to the bedroom. I knew she was still thinking about running to beat the shit out of Jeremy. She went to take a step and Jimmy caught her arm and gave her that ‘don’t make me tie you down look.’ She looked defeated and slumped into the couch.
I sat down next to her and placed my head on her shoulder. I felt safe in my friends embrace. I felt safe among the family I was growing here. I closed my eyes and drowned out all the talking as everyone flipped through my book. I drowned out all the questions everyone was asking. I didn’t want to have to answer questions. I didn’t want to answer why I stayed as long as I did. But I knew it was something that I would have to do eventually. But right now I wanted to relax and enjoy the last few minutes of Christmas.
Chapter 10
I’ve survived my first spring training. However I couldn’t say the same for everyone around me. Sarah was pregnant with twins and having a horrible time with it. I don’t even think high risk pregnancy is enough to describe her pregnancy. But she is powering through and making the best of her bed-rest orders.
Maggie had taken off after a picture of Tobias and another girl surfaced. It took a little while and help from a reporter that Sarah and Maggie hated to see that it was an old photo. But Maggie finally came back. Not without a little bit of her own excitement and kidnapping. While her kidnapping was quickly discovered and we knew who it was that took her, unlike Sarah last year, Maggie’s didn’t end well. Maggie had been stalked by an old neighbor for over a year. When Maggie was gone she stayed at a friend’s house in the neighborhood where she grew up. The day she realized the photo of Tobias was old, she packed her bags and was ready to head back here when the realtor dealing with her parent’s house called and said there was a problem. Maggie’s neighbor, the one who was stalking her, broke into the house and was able to take the man living there, Maggie, her bodyguard and her friend hostage.
It became a real big mess and Tristan, the man living in the house, was shot. Maggie was able to get him out of the house but he was in bad shape. Maggie, Jacob, the friend she was staying with and Liam, her bodyguard were still held hostage. Before the whole thing was over, there was a man dead and Maggie was the one who pulled the trigger killing him.
As for Tyler and I, what can I say? We are strong and happy, living the life that I had always dreamed about. The kids love the city. They love going to school where they do, love walking to school with Josie, going to the park after school. New York City agrees with us in every way possible. I’m still working for Decker’s foundation and loving the job I do. I love working with Tyler’s friend, she tells me all these funny stories about Tyler as a child and all the antics he used to get up to as a child. By the time I get home and look at him, I’m on the ground laughing remembering the stories I had heard that day.
My only gripe with my life is that Jeremy refuses to sign the divorce papers. I can’t figure out why either. Every time I think I’m going to get somewhere, some seedy lawyer shows up with a stop order in having the divorce papers finalized. Every time I call to ask why he’s doing this to me he answers the phone with the same question, ‘Are you in town?’ When I answer with a no he hangs up on me. I was told to just hold onto hope that either he would finally give up and sign the paperwork or the judge would allow the divorce because of all the abuse I’ve been through.
Tyler’s been in a funk for the past couple of weeks. Sarah and I were talking at one of our midnight munch sessions and she reminded me that one year was coming up on when his daughter was supposed to be born, only to find out it wasn’t his child. I tried not to aggravate him more with any petty bullshit. I just wanted to make him happy.
They’ve been on a road trip for the past week and were due back later on this evening. I’ve had a rare day off of work today and was just lounging around on the couch waiting till it was time for the kids to come home from school. It was quiet in the house, I didn’t even have the TV going. I was just basking in the peace. I was lying on the couch under a big fluffy fleece blanket just relaxing.
I was suddenly sitting straight on the couch. I could have sworn I just heard a baby cry. It had to be one of the Felicity’s toys. Right? There was no one here. I didn’t have a baby. Hell, I don’t think anyone on this floor even had a baby. Just as suddenly as the crying started it stopped. It was like it had all been a soundtrack playing in my mind. I was back lying on the couch under that blanket. I grabbed my phone off the coffee table and swiped it to play a game.
As Hay Day loaded up on my phone I thought I had heard a small giggle. I sat up again. Oh these kids had to have set up something. Some type of app on one of their iPods or something to drive me insane. They were so going to be in trouble. I lay back down and started to play my game. It wasn’t often I got to play it now with working and the kids, but when I did I liked to just lose myself in it. I was in the middle of tending to my cows when I heard that baby cry again.
Placing the phone on the coffee table, I crawled out of the comfy blanket and went in search of the toy that was making the noise. When I found whatever it was it was going to become mine and those kids were going to lose it. I headed towards the hallway that leads to Kristopher’s bedroom. As I passed the front door I heard the giggle again.
I looked around the foyer, on the table, in the drawers, even in the ficus plant holder. I couldn’t find anything. It was going to drive me insane.
That’s when I heard it again, the baby cry. I opened the front door and froze at the sight before me.
There strapped into a car seat was the little baby girl I saw in the courtroom almost ten months ago. Yeah she was bigger. She had to be hitting her first birthday any day now if I computed time in my head right. Holy fuck what was going on? Then I heard a baby cry. I looked at the gigantic diaper bag next to the car seat and slowly bent down and looked in.
“Holy SHIT!” I exclaimed as the word shit came out in a scream. I ran back into my apartment grabbing my phone off the table and keys off the hook by the door as I slipped on my flip flops. Grabbing the bag and the car seat I hit the button for the elevator.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” I just kept muttering. Finally the door opened and I rushed in hitting the button for two floors down and then pounding on the button to make the door close multiple times until the thing finally closed. Muttering shit the whole way down, I rushed off the elevator barely waiting for the door to open all the way. Using my foot I continued to kick at the door till it started to open. Pushing into the door, I pushed Jimmy out of the way as I shoved the car seat into Liam’s arms.
“Chrissy?” Maggie asked as she walked out of the kitchen.
“Fuck!” I muttered as I walked further into the apartment and dropped to my knees reaching into the bag. “Fuck,” I said again as I brought the baby that was inside out. It couldn’t have been more than a few days old.
