by F. C. Clark
‘He’s fine.’
I place my hand over my pulsating heart. ‘Good.’
‘Luke asked me to take you anywhere you need to go.’
‘I should have guessed he would want to control me even though he’s in another country. No, I don’t need a lift. I’m going to walk to my sister’s house… Are you feeling the need to kerb-crawl again?’
‘No. Looks like you’re walking.’
‘That was easy – no fighting today.’
‘Kate, it was an offer, not a demand.’
‘Have you been reading that book too?’ We laugh… Am I a woman from Venus yet?
He opens the door for me.
‘Go. Before I change my mind.’ I reach up and give him a kiss.
‘If you need me, call.’
‘I will. Thanks, Max… See you tomorrow.’
It feels bizarre to make this journey to Harry’s, my old home. My phone rings, breaking my train of thought. Caller ID – Boss. God, I bloody miss him.
‘Hello, my delicious sex god. Is the day getting harder for you? Please tell me you’re not on loudspeaker.’
‘No, I have learned my lesson with you and speakers.’ His laughter warms my heart. ‘I’ve just landed.’
‘You must be exhausted. I didn’t hear you leave.’
‘It was two, far too early to wake you.’
‘I miss you. I’m truly a pathetic human being.’
‘Good – I miss you too, baby. Did you get my note?’
‘Yes.’ Silence, as I try to decide what to say. Do I laugh, cry or bollock him? ‘You made me laugh, and thank you for the rectangular piece of plastic. I’m not sure what to do with it.’
‘Use it – that’s what it’s for.’
‘Maybe I will – on a flight to Dubai.’
‘This time tomorrow I’ll be returning to the airport.’
‘I know, I’m just being irrational – it’s contagious. What are you doing tonight?’ Please tell me he’s staying in fully clothed and ordering room service.
‘I’m having dinner with Zhan and Dahlia.’
‘Oh.’
‘Kate, would you rather I didn’t go out?’ I can sense him smiling. The tables of jealousy have been turned. This is payback for my night out at SGI – not from him, but the devil that sits on my shoulder.
‘No, of course not… but promise you won’t go out in your underwear.’
He laughs. I appear to have brightened up his day.
‘Oh baby, I miss you… So tell me, where are you?’
‘I’m walking to Harry’s to make a start on filling your home with far too much girlie paraphernalia. You should be careful what you wish for… Did you know I have a dog-walking and a funeral section in my wardrobe?’
‘A couple of issues I would like to raise with my lunatic girlfriend. The first is, it’s our home, not mine. I like your girlie paraphernalia, and, last, you are what I wished for.’
‘Don’t say that – you’re halfway round the world and I can’t kiss you.’
‘Though I am a little concerned about the extent of your wardrobe.’
‘What can I say? I like to be prepared for all of life’s eventualities. Luke, this phone call must be costing you a fortune.’
‘I would pay anything to talk to you… Now be good – and stay out of trouble. Oh, and Kate, I love you.’
‘I love you too… I miss you.’
He’s gone.
I continue to walk, picking up speed. My phone rings again. It’s Harry.
‘Hi.’ There is no response, just the sound of crying. I stop dead. ‘Harry!’
Silence, then I hear her take a deep breath.
‘Harry, you’re scaring me. Are you all right?’
‘It’s Dad… he’s been attacked.’
‘What?’
‘Mum’s with him in the ambulance… They’re taking him to Chelsea and Westminster Hospital.’
‘Shit… OK, I’ll meet you there.’
I run to the top of the busy street, looking for a taxi. Thankfully a cab driver sees me frantically waving.
‘Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, please.’ I request as I leap in the back.
Fuck… my dad… this can’t be happening. I call Kiki.
‘Hi, post-birthday girl.’
‘Kiki, Harry just called – Dad’s been attacked.’
‘Fuck. How bad is he?’
‘I don’t know. He’s being taken by ambulance to Chelsea and Westminster. I’ve just jumped in a cab.’
‘Bloody hell. Stay calm… I’m on my way.’
‘OK.’
I contemplate calling Luke, but I know he’ll try to get home and I don’t want to interfere with his work.
The journey is agonising: although the distance is relatively short, the traffic seems to be even more congested than usual. I sit, consumed with anguish and thoughts of Dad. Is he alive? Please God, let him be OK. Why would someone want to hurt him?
The traffic stops again. I can’t wait.
‘I’ll get out here. How much do I owe you?’ My mind feels elsewhere; all I heard was ‘five pounds’. I pass the cabbie a ten-pound note. Not concerned with change, I bolt out of the door and run.
I reach the hospital and look for directions to A&E. At the reception desk, I’m greeted by a friendly-looking woman. I try to control my breathing.
‘My dad, Malcolm Harper, has been brought in.’
She looks at her computer screen.
‘Yes, he’s still in the trauma suite at the moment. If you continue through the double doors, at the end of the corridor you’ll see the relatives’ waiting room.’
‘Thank you.’
I follow her directions. Is Dad alive, or… He has to be alive. I can’t let my mind wander to a place I am not prepared to visit. I open the door.
‘Mum.’
I rush into her arms, bursting into tears. She strokes my hair as Harry joins us. Solidarity keeps us safe, and I hope the feeling will extend to Dad. I pull away.
‘What’s happened? Is there any news yet?’
Barbara, Mum’s neighbour, comes to my side. ‘No news.’ She places her arm round my shoulder.
‘I can’t believe this… Why?’
I feel sick.
‘Jesus. Why would someone hurt him?’
‘It’s madness, bloody madness, Kate,’ Barbara says. ‘I heard some shouting out the front, I rushed outside and… I saw Malcolm on the ground. Two men were…’ Barbara places her hand over her mouth, as the colour drains from her face.
‘Mum said there was blood everywhere.’ Harry’s words are muffled.
‘Did the ambulance men say anything?’ I ask, looking at Mum.
‘No. I can’t remember, can you Barbara?’ Mum sits, her hands agitated.
‘Harry, did you call Raymond?’
Harry raises her head but doesn’t speak.
‘She did, Kate, but he left early for a lecture.’ Barbara seems the only person who has the ability to speak.
‘Crap… Yeah, he flew to Florence.’ It would seem our partners are not with us in our hour of need.
‘I spoke to Raymond, Kate… I told him to stay put until we know more.’ Once again, Barbara is the only one who can talk to me.
‘Good idea.’
The door flies open. We all look, hoping for a doctor.
‘How is he?’ Kiki asks the same question we all want answered.
‘No news,’ I say.
She holds me close.
‘I’m so sorry. Honestly, I don’t understand.’ Tears begin to roll down my cheeks again. ‘I called the others; they would want to be here – especially Barney. Did you call Luke?’
‘No, he left for Dubai early this morning. I don’t want to worry him.’ I
want him here with me.
We all sit and wait. Silence envelops the room, all of us thinking about what could be happening at this very second to the man who means so much to us. I can’t lose him. I may live with Luke, but my dad is my world.
The door opens again. This time Molly and Barney enter.
‘Kate.’ Barney begins to cry. I stand to greet him as he pulls me into his arms. ‘Sorry, babe, I promised I wouldn’t cry. I’m fucking useless.’
‘I know, Barney, it’s shit. We still don’t know anything.’ He pulls away and takes my hands.
‘Babe, Malcolm is tough as old boots – trust me, he’ll be fine.’ Spoken in true Barney style.
Molly places her arm around Harry, who has remained silent and introverted. Once again, the door opens, and this time a man in a white coat appears. I try to second-guess his expression – please let him have good news.
‘The Harper family?’
I stand. ‘I’m Kate Harper, Malcolm’s daughter. This is my mum and sister.’ I haphazardly use my hand to introduce the remaining Harpers. ‘Is he OK?’
‘Please, let’s sit down.’ Oh, fuck… Sitting, what does this mean?
‘Is he alive?’ I ask the question nobody wants to ask.
‘Yes, he is. But your father has received some very serious injuries, which have left him in a critical condition.’
Harry breaks down, overwrought. She begins to cry hysterically; maybe with relief that Dad is alive or panic at the word ‘critical’.
‘Shhh, Harry.’ Molly consoles her best friend.
I look at the doctor. ‘Please – go on.’
‘Malcolm has received a severe head injury caused by blunt force trauma. This has led to some damage to his skull, causing swelling in the brain, which I must warn you can be fatal.’
Fatal. Fuck. No.
‘Due to the acute subdural haematoma, we have had to perform a craniotomy. This allows us to drain the blood and decrease the pressure on his brain.’ The doctor’s words are lost in translation.
‘Sorry, I’m trying to take everything in.’ My eyes are wide, and my brain desperately attempts to absorb the information.
‘As I said, we have performed surgery to alleviate the pressure on the brain. In cases such as this, we sedate patients. If the swelling decreases, we will avoid any long-term damage… which is our primary goal at the moment.’
Holy fuck. I place my head in my hands. I return my stunned gaze to the doctor.
‘So what does this mean?’ I don’t know what to say. I look at Mum. She is deathly white and in shock, with no ability to speak or ask a question.
‘This means he is stable, but critical. The next twenty-four hours will be crucial: we will be monitoring the swelling very closely. I can’t lie and say that he will be OK, but what I can say is we are doing our utmost for him.’
I nod. My heart tells me he’s still with us, yet my head says to be prepared for the worst.
‘Does he have other injuries?’
‘Yes. When your father arrived he was in a state of what we call hypovolemic shock, which indicated he had some internal bleeding. We have managed to stop the bleed, with no damage to his vital organs.’
‘Oh, that’s good… isn’t it?’
The doctor nods at me.
‘So can we see him?’
‘Soon – he has just come out of theatre and the nurses are setting him up in ICU. They will come and notify you when he’s ready.’
The doctor looks at me. ‘Do you have any questions?’
‘No… Thank you for what you’ve done.’
‘As I said, he remains in a critical state… So, please, let’s take one step at a time.’
‘Yes – one step at a time. Thank you.’ I nod at the doctor, understanding what he’s telling us, not wanting it to be true. One step at a time? All I want to do is run away.
The doctor leaves, but the words that we remember are ‘critical’ and ‘trauma’. Dad is alive but on the cusp of death. Fear races round in my brain, along with questions that I will not share with Mum or Harry.
The door opens again. A tall man in his late thirties enters the room. ‘The Harper family?’
‘Yes.’ Again, I stand and speak on behalf of us all.
‘I’m Detective Acton. I’m sorry for the distress you’ve been caused. I wanted to introduce myself to you, as I’ll be in charge of your father’s case. I know it’s difficult, but I would like to ask you some questions regarding the attack.’
‘I don’t know what I can say to help – I wasn’t there. The only person who saw something was Barbara – sorry, my mum and dad’s neighbour.’
Barbara stands at my side, her hand on my back.
‘I heard shouting. Two men were… hitting and kicking Malcolm. They saw me and ran. I didn’t see their faces – they had jumpers with hoods on. I’m sorry.’ She looks at me. ‘Kate, I wish I could say more.’ Reliving the memory makes her cry.
I place my arm around her. ‘It’s OK – you got to him quickly; that’s all that matters.’
Mum moves to my side, gripping my hand tightly. This is all the strength she has.
‘Did your father argue with anyone recently, or did he have any enemies? Tell me anything you can think of; even the smallest detail may help us.’
Barney stands up.
‘Malcolm wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s too bloody honest – there is no way anyone would have a grudge against him. This is some sick bastard attacking an innocent bloke for no fucking reason.’ Barney stands behind Mum, his arms around her, knowing she needs the support. He holds his hand out to the policeman.
‘Barney Curtis, family friend.’
The policeman shakes his hand, although I’m sure he’s a little taken back with Barney’s introduction.
‘They said blunt force trauma. I take it he was hit with something?’ I ask.
‘Yes, we believe so. There are officers collecting evidence from the crime scene as we speak.’
I shake my head at the words ‘crime scene’. ‘This doesn’t feel real. I don’t understand why.’
‘Most crimes are senseless. I’ll let you visit your father, but I will be in touch. In the meantime, if you remember anything, please call me.’ Detective Acton passes me a business card.
‘Thank you.’
He leaves the room.
It feels as though time is standing still, as we wait patiently for news. Finally, after what seems like hours, the door opens again.
‘Hello – the Harper family?’
I stand. ‘Yes.’
‘Would you like to follow me so you can see Mr Harper?’ A friendly nurse directs us to where Dad is located, not too far from where we have been waiting. However, she takes us to another waiting room. ‘You can use this room, as it’s only two visitors to a bed. Did the doctor explain Mr Harper’s injuries to you?’
‘Yes.’ I’m now the official spokeswoman for the Harper family.
‘Good, so you know he is heavily sedated, but talk to him – we do believe sedated patients can hear. If you have any questions, then please ask. I’m Nurse Kelly and I will be in charge of Mr Harper’s care.’
We look lost.
‘I would like to let you know that he won’t wake for some time, so you might want to get some coffee or food; you’ll need to maintain your strength.’
She touches my arm.
‘Room number four – as I said, only two at a time… OK?’
I nod.
‘Mum, you and Harry go first.’
Harry looks at me.
‘Go – I can wait until you come out.’ I give her a reassuring hug. ‘Please, Harry, tell Dad how much you love him.’ We have matching tears running down our cheeks. ‘Tell him about your wedding plans; the nurse said he may be able to hear you.’ I touch her face and
give her a kiss.
Harry takes Mum’s hand as they walk into the room, unsure what they might find.
‘Kate, do you want a drink or…? What do you want me to do?’ Kiki places her arm around my shoulders. She knows that my strength will only carry me so far.
I turn to face her. ‘I want Luke, I wish he was here.’ My tears fall violently. I can crumble for a while now. I need to cry, but not in front of Mum or Harry.
‘Shall I call him?’ Kiki wipes the dampness away with her hand.
‘No, it’s pointless, there’s nothing he can do. I’m just being selfish. I wish I was in his arms.’
‘Me too.’ Kiki and I look at Barney.
‘Kate, he’s hot…’ Barney winks at me.
After ten minutes, Harry returns and we exchange places. I hold my breath as I open the door. The lighting in the room is dim, and the only sound is coming from the various monitors that are attached to different parts of his body.
I walk towards the bed and look at the body that lies there. He is unrecognisable; this has to be a stranger. This is not my dad. My dad is tall and strong: he rolls his eyes at me, and hugs me when I need it. He collects me from work with the dog… This person is not the man I know. I can no longer hold the pain inside me. I feel helpless, unable to help the man who I have hero-worshipped for years.
Mum comes to my aid and guides me to a chair alongside the bed.
I reach for his hand and rub my cheek against his rough skin. My sobbing drenches his hand and the bed covers below.
I have no idea how long I’ve sat here. The door opens. I look up as Barney comes in. I notice Mum has left the room.
‘Babe, are you OK?’
‘No.’
‘We could hear you crying. Come here.’ He pulls his chair next to mine, placing a firm arm around my shoulders so that I can rest my head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat; a natural sound that helps to calm me.
‘You’re not Luke, but you make a good substitute.’
‘No shagging, babe.’
I laugh as Barney tries to relax me. Being held is what I need and crave… and Luke.
Barney and I rejoin the girls in the relatives’ room, allowing Mum and Barbara to take their turn to sit with Dad. Harry and I sit huddled in the corner, her head on my lap. I run my fingers through her long dark hair. We listen to Barney telling us stories to distract us. Kiki and Molly return with rations of muffins and coffee. With no appetite, coffee is all my body will accept.
