I nod, agreeing, because at the moment, it’s not about the adrenaline. Or how dangerous I thought Luke was or still think he may be. It’s not about how intense he is. Or the escape he gives me. I’m with him because I want to be. I want to be here. And I promise to hold on to that thought all night.
Luke
I’m not even sure why I said it. I don’t date, yet at the same time I don’t keep chasing down the same girl, banging on doors because I think she’s fucking some other dude. Violet’s different. I’m different with her. And either I can keep feeling like I’m losing control or I can try to get back my structure and do things the normal, simple way by getting drunk, screwing, and bailing.
We make plans to go out and then I take shower, change into a clean shirt and jeans and clip on my leather band with “redemption” written on it. Then I spend the rest of the day cleaning the house, while she stays in the room, organizing her stuff. I try to keep it light on the drinks for three reasons: (1) I have to be sober enough to drive; (2) I want to be aware of everything that happens, feel it, live it, because if I’m going to do this, be with her, I’m going to make it worth it; and (3) I don’t want to have to make her check my insulin and help me with pills because I can’t go without my Jack Daniel’s for the night.
Although, I’m not going to just quit cold turkey. I stick to beers, and am only on my second one when Seth comes out around three or four o’clock, looking hungover, but at the same time amused.
“Have fun last night?” he asks with speculation in his voice as he gets a jug of orange juice out of the fridge.
“As much as I ever do,” I say, moving a box of books no one’s bothered to unpack from the floor to the coffee table.
“Yeah, but usually you go after girls who are easy.” He twists the cap off the orange juice. “You were going after the vixen last night.”
I tear the tape off the top of the box. “I really wish you’d stop calling her that.”
He takes a gulp and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “And you’re defending her.” He puts the lid back on and opens the fridge door. “If I didn’t know better, I’d guess you have feelings for the vixen.”
“Her name is Violet,” I say defensively as I open the box. “I don’t know exactly how I feel about Violet yet, but it’s enough that I don’t want you to call her that.”
That stuns him, his jaw dropping. “Jesus, you’re being serious.”
I fidget under his judging gaze as I remove a stack of books from a moving box. “Can we just drop it? I’m already confused enough and the last thing I want to do is talk about it.”
He puts the orange juice back in the fridge and shuts the door. “So what are you going to do about it?”
I drop a stack of books onto the table. “About what?”
“About your feelings for her.”
I shake my head, wishing he’d drop it. “I’m taking her on a date.”
I hear him chuckle under his breath. “Well, that’s normal of you.”
“Yeah, I thought I’d give it a try. See if I like it.”
“I’m sure you will,” he teases. He walks into the living room, raking his fingers through his hair. “Okay, so since I know for a fact that you’re an idiot when it comes to relationships and dating, I’m going to give you some advice. Take her somewhere nice and don’t try to fuck her in your truck.”
“I’m not a complete moron,” I say. “I get that.”
He leans against the entertainment center with his arms folded. “I know you’re not a moron, but I’ve witnessed over the last year how much you like to just screw any girl that walks and how most of them are very willing to give you exactly what you want. And normally, in a normal datelike situation, that’s not how things work. You have to put effort into it.”
I scratch the back of my neck. “How much effort?”
He hitches his thumb toward the bedroom door. “With her, probably a lot.”
“I thought you were so sure she was a slut,” I remind him.
“Well, I might have been a little overdramatic. And Greyson told me last night to lay off her because he thinks she’s vulnerable.” He raises his hands as he backs away. “I don’t get why and he wouldn’t tell me, but as a good boyfriend, I’m going to oblige.” He pauses at the doorway. “You should make a note of that.”
I roll my eyes. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” He leaves me alone to unpack boxes and the more I do it, the more relaxed I feel about stepping out of my normal comfort zone tonight.
I continue to clean and organize the house until around five o’clock, stopping at the second beer, and by the time I knock on the door to see if Violet is ready, my head is alarmingly clear. Part of me is hoping she’ll bail on our date because I’m nervous and I hate it. Everything Seth said is running through my head like a train about to crash. I’m going against everything I’ve ever believed about relationships and I’m going into it with a girl that has problems. I’ve seen the vulnerable side of her that Seth was talking about, the helpless side that lives underneath her toughness, and getting involved with her means taking that on.
Can I do it?
When she opens the door, however, all thoughts of bailing out, terror, and confusion float from my head. “I was going to ask you if you were ready, but I think I have my answer.”
“I thought I’d put a little effort into getting ready, seeing how it’s my first date and all,” she smiles, her red-stained lips ridiculously sexy, along with her hair that runs down her bare shoulders in curls. Her green eyes are framed with black and the short, red and black dress that she’s wearing hugs her body so tightly I seriously almost shove her back onto the bed and skip straight to the end of the date. But that sort of defeats the purpose of keeping things simple.
So instead I offer her my elbow and, in response, she laughs.
“I thought you said you weren’t a gentleman,” she says, looping her arm through mine.
“You’re seriously wounding my ego,” I joke as I guide her out into the hallway, both of us in way too cheery of a mood for my taste, but I’m blaming mine on my momentary sobriety. “Here I am putting myself out there and you laugh at me.”
This only makes her laugh harder. “Put yourself out there. How brave of you.”
“It’s extremely brave of me, especially with what I’m going up against.” I open the door and walk outside, steering her down the stairs with me.
The sky is a pale pink as the sun sets behind the mountains. The air is warm, but I’m nervous and it’s strange. I don’t know what to do other than keep going forward, with her.
Deciding to keep the whole gentleman thing going, I open the door for her. This only makes her laugh more as she climbs in, not bothering to hold her dress down and I get a glimpse of her ass, barely covered by a thin piece of lacy fabric. Clenching my hand, I shut the door and hop into the truck, telling myself to calm down. That that’s not what tonight’s about. I start the truck and back up as she begins going through the tape collection in my truck, helping herself to my stuff. She completely ruins my organization, but I let her be, and it’s complicated how easy it is.
“ ‘My Fuck Tape.’ ” She reads the label with humor in her expression as she glances up at me and covers her mouth with her hands, laughing under her breath.
I grab the tape and toss it on the floor beneath my seat. “I should probably throw that one away.”
“Why?” She slouches back against the door. “Are you planning never to fuck again?”
I roll my tongue along my teeth, my restraint to not fuck her in the truck right now crumbling. “That all depends.”
“On what?”
Don’t say it. “On how tonight goes.”
“So are you saying that you’re only going to fuck me if things go well,” she says biting back a grin. “Or that if tonight doesn’t go well, you’ll go back to fucking every skank in a short dress.”
I shake my head, my body vibrating with th
e urge to pull the truck over, throw her down on the seat, and do what I’m good at. “You know, it’s saying things like that that made me think you weren’t a virgin.”
She rests her elbow on the seat back and rests her head against her hand, playing with her hair as she continues to chew on her bottom lip. “Maybe I only say them to get you all riled up so I can see that intense look in your eyes.”
I grip the steering wheel tighter as I turn my truck onto the busy street that runs alongside our apartment. Streetlights shine down on the sidewalks, houses, and trees that border the road. The shallow mountains are shadows in the distances and the city lights flicker in the heart of the town. I drive in that direction as I turn up the music, unable to think of a response to her blunt remark.
“Oh, did Mr. Stoically Aloof just give up?” She twirls a lock of her hair around her finger with the most beautiful real smile on her lips that I’ve ever seen and it makes letting her get the upper hand worth it.
“I guess I did,” I say submissively. “You should be proud of yourself.”
Her lips turn downward. “I’m not, though.”
I’m taken back. “I thought you liked winning.” I press on the brakes to slow down for a stoplight.
“I do for the most part,” she tells me with this flirty look in her eyes that makes me wonder how she’s managed to stay single for so long. Sure she may try to stay away from people, but it’s nearly impossible not to be drawn to her. “But I was kind of hoping you’d keep going and bring that intense look out.”
My cock starts to harden inside my jeans. I’m out of my element, but I dig my dusty flirting skills out, the ones I used when I first hooked up with girls.
“It’s going to take a whole lot more than a few teasing remarks to get that look to come out of me,” I say, turning my head toward her and flashing her a cocky grin. “A lot, lot more.”
She sucks her lip up between her teeth, suppressing a laugh. “Okay.” She drums her finger on her lip like she’s thinking deeply and then her eyes light up with an idea. She scoots across the seat and I wait in anticipation for whatever she’s going to do to win this thing she started.
She kneels up, sweeping her hair to the side, her chest at my eye level. “Light’s green,” she says with an arrogant smile.
I drive forward, trying to pay attention to the road, but as she leans her body toward mine I get distracted by her body heat. Then she slants her face toward my shoulder and her hair falls against my cheek. Just that alone makes my fingers tighten on the wheel. I hear the intakes of her breath as she leans down and plants a kiss on my neck. It’s soft, hardly a kiss, yet it make a sweltering need blast through my body.
“Violet, I…” I trail off as she starts sucking on my neck, tracing her tongue on my skin as her fingers slide across the front of my chest. I work to keep my eyes open, on the road, at the traffic in front of me, to the side of me, but then her fingers drift downward and encounter my dick and I’m seriously about lose it. “God damn it,” I curse and she starts to retreat. I swerve the truck to the side as she pulls back, her eyes wide as she peers over at the houses beside the curb where we’re parked.
“What are you doing?” she asks, looking back at me, her hair falling down across her heaving chest.
I shove the gearshift in park and reach for her waist. “All right, you win.” It’s all I say and then I lean over, cup the back of her head, and kiss her. So much for waiting until the end of the date.
She laughs against my lips and I shake my head, unable to pull my mouth back from hers. I keep kissing her until the sky completely blackens, until she ends up straddling my lap. I kiss her like she’s the only girl I’ve kissed before and she sort of is, at least with any meaning behind it. I don’t let my hands wander anywhere under her clothes, only over because I know once I cross that line, the date will be over. I won’t be able to stop myself… Jesus I don’t want to stop myself. But eventually, after my lips are numb, and the heat of her body blends with mine, we pull back.
Her arms are fastened around my neck and she peers into my eyes. She looks strangely alive at the moment and I feel strangely happy that I’m the one who put the look there.
“So where are you taking us on our date?” she asks with hilarity in her voice like the word “date” is the funniest word she’s ever said.
“It’s a surprise.” I can’t help but grin when she frowns in disappointment.
“Fine, but just for future reference, I don’t like surprises.” She climbs off my lap and sits down beside me in the middle of the bench seat.
She leans into me as I merge back onto the road, my heart constricting in my chest. I drive down the road lost in my thoughts on how she referred to our future and how much I actually liked it.
Violet
We pick up fast food from this little dive place at the edge of the town that has the best burger, then Luke drives up to the mountains and parks his truck. At first I think he brought us here because he wants to make out more, which seems like a wonderful idea to me, especially since making out in the truck was more thrilling than standing on the edge of the cliff, debating how easy it’d be to tip forward and fall to the jagged rocks below. But then he tells me he wants to hike up a little ways, so I follow him out into the darkness, carrying our take-out bag, while he carries a flashlight from the glove box.
“You know, if I would’ve known you were taking me on a hike, I wouldn’t have worn a dress,” I say, thankful I decided against the heels and opted for my boots.
His boots scuff against the dirt as he sweeps the flashlight across the crooked path in front of us, peering over his shoulder at me. “Personally, I like the dress.”
“I’m sure you do,” I mutter with a smile. I’d put the dress on because I knew he’d like it. If that’s one thing I’m good it at, it’s knowing what guys like.
He smiles over his shoulder and reaches back to take my hand. I stumble forward as he hauls me up to him, then we hike together up the path. It’s late, the sky charcoal dusted with glittering stars. The moon is full and the air chilly, making me wish I’d brought my jacket. We walk silently to the top of the hill where the view of spreads out in front of us. I can see the highway and the city to my side, the lights on the houses making them seem so far away I feel like I’m flying. If I didn’t know any better, I would think he’d brought me here on purpose, because he knew the height and drop-off in front of us would make me feel comfortable and at peace.
Luke lets go of my hand and situates himself on the rock, positioning the flashlight on the ground so it’s spotlighting the sky. I drop down beside him, set the fast-food bag down between us, and stretch my legs out, crossing them at the ankles.
“So is this what a normal first date goes like?” I ask, opening the bag.
He rests back on his hands, staring out at the view. “Honestly, probably not. Most people probably go to the movies or to dinner, but this seemed more fitting for us.”
I grab a fry from out of the bag and plop it into my mouth. “Why? Because we’re weird and dark and out of the ordinary?”
He sits up and rummages through the bag, taking out a handful of fries. “Yeah, pretty much.”
I grab my burger out of the bag and unwrap it. “But what makes you so weird and dark and out of the ordinary, Luke Price?”
He flips the leather band on his wrist with his finger. “Lots of stuff.”
I take a cup of ranch out of the bag and peel the top off. “Why do you always wear that band around your wrist?”
He raises his arm up in front of him, studying it in the light. “Because my sister gave it to me right before she died.”
I start choking on my fry. My nostrils burn as ranch gets in them. “She died?” I cough with my hands pressed to my chest.
He twists his head in my direction. It’s dark so I can’t see anything but the outline of his face and his eyes look like two black holes, but I can picture the intensity in them. “She threw herself off a roof
when I was twelve.”
I have a heartbreaking epiphany. “That’s why you were so worried about me when you saw me jump out the window.”
He bobs his head up and down, nodding. “That and the fact that you look so detached all the time,” he says and I suck in a startled breath as I realize just how much he’s seen of me and how we have one more thing in common. Death of a loved one. He instantly reaches over and his fingers encircle my wrist. “Violet, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so blunt… I don’t even know why I said it.”
“It’s okay.” I exhale, telling myself that I’m not going to go down that road tonight. That I’m going to keep it together, no matter what it takes. “I’m sorry. I’m seriously overacting.” In the snap of a finger, I manage to sound calm.
His fingers dig into my wrist, right above my racing pulse. “No, you’re not.” It’s like he understands me, even though he hardly knows anything about me.
I nod my head. “Okay, but I’m over it. I promise.”
He holds on to me a little longer and then releases me. I eat my burger and he eats his chicken sandwich in silence and it’s the most comfortable silence I’ve ever lived in. After we’re done, we ball up our garbage and pile it in the bag. Then he moves it aside so we can scoot closer, our shoulders touching.
“What was your life like before you met me?” I ask, relaxing back on my palms.
He tilts his head to the side, looking at me. “A lot less complicated,” he admits.
“Is that a good or a bad thing?”
“It’s a complicated thing,” he says and then sighs heavily. “I had this system before you came along and it was working for me, but now that system is gone… With you… you make me feel like I’m falling into this out of control world full of craziness.”
I frown. “You make me sound so insane.”
“No, it’s not like that.” He rakes his hand through his hair, letting out a grunting exhale as he sits up. “God, this is coming out sounding so weird.”
“That’s okay,” I tell him. “Weird is okay with me and there’s no one else around.”
I feel him smile through the dark. “See it’s things like that that make me just want to stay here with you. Because whatever I say never fazes you.”
The Destiny of Violet and Luke Page 26
