The succeeding days crawled by, each lonelier than the day before. She marked off days on the calendar with a red pencil, she didn’t know why. She was gaining an alarming amount of weight, but she didn’t stop eating the rich butter cookies and equally rich chocolate cakes she was addicted to. When she wasn’t eating cookies and cake, she was making fudge, pounds of it, which she devoured in an evening.
The days were warmer now, and April showers had dampened the hard earth around the complex, making it suitable for planting flowers. This she did at dusk, when she knew Penny Galen was inside her apartment, serving a gourmet dinner to her family. She still met with the girls once or twice a week, even though she felt like an outsider. So many times she wanted to ask them what she’d done to make them change their attitude toward her, but she knew that if she did, they would tell her it was her imagination.
All the girls talked about these days was the promotion board’s decision, which would be coming out shortly. Kent Aldridge’s wife was so certain her husband was going to make rank, she had a party planned for the day of confirmation. There was nothing shy about Evelyn Aldridge. Kent deserved it, she said over and over. Hugo Sinclaire was never mentioned. Ruby was to bring a nine-bean salad to the dinner party.
Ruby felt the girls were envious of her relationship with General Frankel’s wife, which had grown closer during the expectant mothers’ class. The class had led to a friendly tea, a trip to the commissary with Arlene Frankel, and once in a while a ride home in the general’s staff car. The general’s wife was even giving her driving lessons. The day Penny Galen saw her getting out of the car, Ruby felt like thumbing her nose at the snobbish young woman. Instead, she’d nodded curtly and dashed into her apartment.
Today, Arlene Frankel had taken her aside and asked if something was wrong. Ruby hadn’t meant to say anything, but the words tumbled out. She confessed her rapid weight gain, the other girls’ coolness to her, Penny Galen’s determination to invade her privacy, and the real gut-wrenching hurt of Dixie’s departure without so much as a good-bye, drop dead, or see you in ten or twenty years.
The older woman’s eyes saddened. “Ruby, my dear, life in the military isn’t always easy, as I’m sure you’ve found out. But you’re tough, Ruby, Janet and Clark told me that. You can make it. You’ve got it all going for you. Face the problems with courage, and if there’s an unexpected boost along the way, accept it. As for your friend Dixie, it’s her loss that she didn’t consider you friend enough to say good-bye. Don’t look back, my dear, only forward. Be prepared and remember your priorities. However, if you like, I can find out where the Sinclaires were transferred, should you want to write your friend.”
Ruby’s shoulders straightened. “No, thank you, Mrs. Frankel. It’s better this way.”
Arlene Frankel smiled. “Good girl, Ruby. That’s exactly what I would have said. It’s almost time for you to start dinner, so I’ll have my driver take you home. If you have any problems, I want you to feel free to call me. Don’t worry about the rank thing. Promise me.”
Ruby nodded. She now had a mentor.
The fifteenth of April dawned clear and bright, although the weatherman promised rain by evening. It was warm, almost balmy, Ruby thought as she set about preparing the nine-bean salad for Kent Aldridge’s promotion party. While the party was pot luck, it was being held at the Officers’ Club. For the past two days she’d made congratulation banners and posters but had turned the ladder-climbing over to the other girls.
Ruby snapped the airtight lid on the Tupperware container, then burped it. Done. Now all she had to do was walk over to the commissary for milk and bread and she had the rest of the day to herself.
Ruby ran a brush through her short curly hair and was about to walk out the door when the phone rang.
“Ruby?”
Annoyed, Ruby snapped, “Andrew, who else do you think is going to answer our phone? Of course it’s me. What’s wrong?” she asked uneasily.
“Listen, I want you to meet me right now. Walk over to the commissary, and I’ll be waiting outside. Now, Ruby!”
There was something in Andrew’s voice she’d never heard before. “I’m leaving right now, as a matter of fact. It’s going to take me at least fifteen minutes.”
“Don’t stop to talk to anyone, okay?”
“Okay, okay. If you hang up, I can leave.” She was out the door a second later and halfway down Iwo Jima Circle when Penny Galen pulled to the other side of the street. She lowered the window. “I’m going to the commissary, do you want a ride?” Ruby debated a fraction of a second and then nodded when she remembered how worried and anxious Andrew sounded.
“I guess you’re all ready for the Aldridges’ celebration this evening.” Penny said in what Ruby called her uppity tone.
“I made my bean salad this morning, so I guess that means I’m ready. It was nice of you to offer me a lift. I’m meeting Andrew.”
“You should have a car, Ruby. However, since you don’t, I can drive you to Mrs. Frankel’s for your classes. All you have to do is ask, Ruby.”
Ruby bit down on her tongue. Sure, so you can horn in and make trouble, Ruby thought nastily. She forced a smile to her lips. “I need the exercise. It’s good for me to walk. Thanks for the offer, though.”
“I could pick you up after the class. You’re probably tired from all that exercising. I can call Mrs. Frankel and drive the girls home. It’s no bother at all.”
“I don’t think she’d like that, Penny. Mrs. Frankel is adamant that we do all the walking we can. Listen, I’ll think about it. Maybe in my ninth month, when I start to wobble. Oh, look, there’s Andrew. Thanks for the ride, Penny.”
Ruby’s heart thudded in her chest when she saw the high color in her husband’s face. “C’mon, over here, where no one can hear us.” Ruby’s heart thudded a second time.
“The shit hit the fan, Ruby. I got the promotion, not Kent Aldridge. Jesus, Ruby, do you know how this looks?”
“We’re having nine-bean salad for dinner,” Ruby said stupidly. She felt her tongue grow thick in her mouth. “What about the party for Kent?”
“I don’t give a shit about Kent’s party. There’s more. Are you ready to hear it?” Ruby could feel herself start to tremble. She nodded.
“I’m being assigned as Frankel’s aide. The guy who has been with him for years is retiring the first of May. Frankel is going to Korea and I go too. Ruby, for Christ’s sake, are you listening to me? See what having friends in high places does?”
“Let me get this straight, Andrew. Are you blaming me for this promotion? If you are, you can stop right now. If you don’t want it, give it back. Tell them you like what you do. I don’t believe this. You made me come all the way over here so you could blame me? Stuff it, Andrew.” Ruby turned and walked away. “If you want breakfast in the morning, you better get some milk and bread. I’m going home.”
“Ruby, wait. Look, I’m not blaming you. But it’s already all over the whole fucking base that I aced out Hugo and put a whammy on Kent all because of your supposed connections. And the kicker is, I have to go to Korea without you. You’re going to be here by yourself. You’ll be alone when you have the baby. Jesus, Ruby, think about that.”
“When it comes right down to it, Andrew, even if you were here, I’d still be alone when I had the baby. You’d just be standing outside the delivery room, waiting to hear if it was a boy or a girl. I think I can handle it, Captain Blue.” She whipped off a smart salute.
Andrew grinned from ear to ear. His blue eyes sparkled as he snapped off a return salute. “You’re the first person to call me that. I gotta get back. Are you okay?”
“Right as rain, Captain. I’ll see you at dinner. Remember, we’re having nine-bean salad. Don’t forget the milk and bread.”
“Ruby, you’re right here. Go in and get it.”
“No. I have to think about all this. I don’t want to run into anyone who might have heard. I want to be the one who decides how to hand
le this. Congratulations, Andrew. I know we’re going to enjoy our new rank.” Her husband laughed heartily.
The moment Andrew turned to walk back to headquarters, Ruby sobered. “Oh, shit!” she muttered. “Now what do I do? Do I call the girls, or do I sit tight and wait to see if they call me?”
Back in her apartment she alternated between looking at the Tupperware bowl of salad and the phone, willing it to ring. She knew it wouldn’t, but she hoped.
Andrew was going to Korea and leaving her behind. She hadn’t asked him for how long. Did he even know? Mrs. Frankel would. Was she supposed to call her and thank her? Maybe Mrs. Frankel would call and congratulate her. That sounded more reasonable. Andrew going off and leaving her. There was no doubt in her mind that she would survive, but she was going to be so lonely. So very lonely. Surely the tour wouldn’t be for more than a year. A year was only twelve months, and she would have the baby to keep her busy during the last part. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all. Babies were demanding. This was going to take some getting used to. She continued to eye the silent black phone. If it did ring now, it wouldn’t be pleasant. The caller would be harsh and bitter. She whipped the receiver off the hook and laid it down.
Ruby sat down at the kitchen table. The hardest thing would be trying to act as if nothing had changed. She was the same; she hadn’t changed. “Well, I’m not going to hide out, that’s for sure!” Ruby muttered.
She picked up the receiver of the squat black phone and dialed Evelyn Aldridge’s phone number.
The phone rang seven times before Evelyn picked it up. She’d been crying, that much Ruby could tell from the raspy tone in her voice. Her hand gripped the receiver more tightly.
“Evelyn, this is Ruby. Please don’t hang up. Look, Andrew didn’t even know he was on the selection list. We all thought, Andrew included, that Kent was a shoo-in.”
“That’s all very easy for you to say, Ruby Blue, but we all know why those . . . those flags had dinner at your place. You’re a regular little smarty-pants, aren’t you? I could have done without this phone call, Ruby. You just called to rub my nose in it. Well, you succeeded. I could hardly hold my head up when I went to the Officers’ Club to take down the decorations. Nobody trusts you, Ruby Blue. Nobody. And here’s something that should put you and that husband of yours in a really good mood: Dixie Sinclaire lost her baby a few days ago. Chew on that, Ruby, while you and your husband are celebrating the promotion that should have been my husband’s. Don’t call me again, okay?”
“No, I won’t bother you again, Evelyn,” Ruby whispered as she replaced the receiver in the cradle. Dixie lost her baby. How did they know? Tears burned her eyes. The tears overflowed, followed by great choking sobs that ripped at Ruby’s insides.
“What’s wrong with me?” Ruby cried. “Am I really no good, the way my father said? Why me, why me, why me?”
Andrew sat at the bar in the Officers’ Club, his long legs tucked in the rungs of the barstool, with his commanding officer, Lieutenant Colonel Lackland. It had been his colonel’s invitation and one he couldn’t refuse. He was drinking scotch straight up, as was the colonel.
This little private celebration was deliberately timed, he realized now, to coincide with the girls’ dismantling the party decorations. Lackland was a first-rate bastard and proud of it.
“How does it feel, Blue?” Lackland asked out of the corner of his mouth.
There was no point in pretending he didn’t understand what his commanding officer was referring to. “Not bad, sir. I joined up to see the world.” A tiny voice warned him not to give Lackland anything to come back at him with. He was finally getting away from the son of a bitch, and if he had his way, he’d never think about what he’d done for him as long as he lived. He realized at that moment just how lucky he really was, thanks to Ruby. He grinned from ear to ear.
“Thanks for the drink.”
“You’ll never make full bird, Captain,” Karl Lackland said out of the corner of his mouth. “I’ll see to it personally.”
Andrew swung around on the barstool. “Wanna bet? My diary for yours, if I make it before you do. I have this infallible memory, probably the same kind you have, sir.”
Andrew was on his feet, towering over his commanding officer. He leaned over, and with a grin on his face for the benefit of the others in the bar, he whispered in Lackland’s ear, “When it gets lonely in that godforsaken country and the general wants to make small talk, this whole thing will make for interesting conversation. What that means, exactly, is don’t fuck with me, because if you do, you won’t like the results. You’re the one with the problem, not me. On second thought, I’ll pay for my own drink,” he said, slapping two bills on the bar.
Conversation at the bar dropped to a low hum and then ceased altogether when Andrew strode out of the Officers’ Club. His fellow officers were now ripping him up one side and down the other, Andrew decided as he set out on foot to walk across the base to housing. As if he gave a good rat’s ass.
He walked slowly, his thoughts on the faraway land called Korea. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about getting his ass shot off. Being aide to Brigadier General Frankel would ensure that. Frankel had a long way to go in the military, and the smart money said he’d go the distance. His own rank, if he proved indispensable to his commanding officer, would rise right along with the general’s. He was actually looking forward to Korea and a bachelor existence again. Of late, Ruby had been smothering him. Her world was so boring, it irritated him. The baby did please him, but what pleased him even more was he wouldn’t be around to see his wife grow fat and bloated. He hated it when she got up five times a night to go to the bathroom. He hated the sour look on her face when she got heart-bum and bouts of vomiting. He’d be away during the baby’s sleepless nights. He wouldn’t have to watch his wife pull out her tit to feed the baby. He personally thought it a disgusting practice, but Ruby was adamant about breastfeeding. Let her; he wouldn’t have to see it. By the time he got back, the kid would be a little person, not a blob that demanded twenty-four-hour care.
It pleased Andrew that he was leaving behind a pregnant wife. She wouldn’t be attractive to any of the free-swinging bachelors on base, and after she had the baby, she’d be too busy to even think about playing around.
His long-legged stride lost some of its momentum, however, when he realized he might miss Ruby. It was nice going to bed with her knowing she was his and he could do anything he wanted. Ruby was more than agreeable to sex in any position at any time of the day or night. Perhaps she was too agreeable. She got up when he did, made him breakfast, kept the apartment sparkling clean, and prepared dinners that were nutritious as well as inexpensive. Evenings, curled together on the sagging couch, were spent for the most part with his head in her lap or hers in his while they read silently or aloud to one another. He might miss that and he might miss the evening strolls they took together. But he doubted he would miss her enough to be miserable over it.
Andrew’s stride quickened when the row housing came into view. He jammed his hands into his pockets and started to whistle. His good mood stayed with him until he opened the door and found his wife bawling her head off on the couch. His stomach churned. Christ, how he hated weepy, whiny females.
He squared his shoulders and sat down by her, his arms drawing her to him. He wouldn’t have to put up with this all that much longer. Today he could be charitable.
“Nothing can be that bad,” he said soothingly.
“Dixie lost the baby.” Ruby hiccoughed.
“That’s why you’re crying?”
“Evelyn Aldridge told me. She sounded as if it were my fault. I never should have called her, but I wanted to do what was right so it wouldn’t bounce back on you. I’ll never do that again! I don’t care what any of them do or think. I don’t care,” she said, enunciating each word carefully.
Jesus, he was glad he was going to be leaving this petty bullshit behind. “C’mon, give me a smile. Listen, it
’s possible there’s something . . . wrong with Dixie, you know, in her insides, that makes it impossible to carry a baby. It’s not our fault, and I don’t ever want you to take the blame for something like that.”
Ruby’s head jerked upward. She wasn’t blaming herself, he thought, she was blaming him. She untangled herself and stood up.
“What’s for dinner?”
“Nine-bean salad,” Ruby said shortly.
“That’s it? I didn’t know there were nine different kinds of beans,” Andrew muttered as he made his way to the bathroom to shower and change.
Ruby was approaching her sixth month of pregnancy when her husband said good-bye to her at their front door. She was dry-eyed, and there was a tremor running through her body that she couldn’t explain.
“I’ll miss you, Ruby. I’ll write. Probably not often, but I will write. That’s a promise.”
“I’ll write twice a week,” Ruby promised.
“The minute you have the baby, have the doctor call the communications office, and they’ll get word to me right away. I set it all up already. You won’t forget to do that, will you?”
“That’s very unlikely, Andrew. Did you remember to take the box of cigars?”
“First thing that went into my bag. The second thing was your picture.” It was the truth.
The general’s staff car pulled to the curb. The driver, a fresh-scrubbed lance corporal, jumped out and saluted crisply. Andrew snapped off one in return, and the enlisted man hustled to load Andrew’s bags in the trunk.
“Stay right here,” Andrew said softly to Ruby. “I want to remember you here like this. I’ll miss you.” He kissed her lightly on the cheek.
“Write,” Andrew shouted.
“I will,” Ruby shouted from the doorway.
Ruby watched the khaki-colored car with its single flag flying in the warm air until it was out of sight.
The apartment was quiet, except for the softly playing radio. It played all the time, but Ruby didn’t actually hear it. She walked around the apartment. The breakfast dishes were still on the table. Last night’s newspapers littered the living room floor. The bed was unmade and Andrew’s wet towel hung over the bathroom door. It would take her an hour, perhaps a little longer, to tidy the apartment unless she wanted to scour the bathroom, which her husband left filthy.
Seasons of Her Life Page 27
