Lucy answered, sounding a bit foggy. "Cassie? Is everything okay?"
"I'm sorry if I woke you."
"It's okay. You know that. What's up?"
"Have you thought about trying to find our dad?"
"Yes, I have. I talked to Zack about it, too. He said if we can find another missing piece of who we are, we should go for it."
"And what do you think?
"I think finding you was one of the best things that ever happened to me and no matter how it would turn out, with trying to find our father, we should try. Then we could say we did."
Cassie laughed. "Now that's a philosophy if I ever heard one. But I like it. Will you call Gillian?"
"First thing in the morning. And I'll let you know what she says. Do you want to tell me what motivated this call?"
"Not right now. Maybe later."
Lucy didn't ask any more questions and that was one of the things Cassie loved about her sister. Lucy accepted her the way she was. "Good-night, Sis."
"Good-night, Luce. Sweet dreams."
After Cassie ended the call, she felt compelled to check on Ben and Julie again. The door to the room was still wide open. He'd pulled the wing chair next to his daughter's bed and was sitting there. Cassie could see that Julie had fallen back to sleep.
When Ben spotted Cassie, he rose from the chair and came to the doorway.
"Does this happen often?" Cassie asked.
"It's better now than it was after Melinda left. Now it's only every couple of weeks. In the beginning I spent most nights by her bed. She's afraid I'm going to leave, too. I don't know how to reassure her I won't. Melinda broke her trust and does nothing to reassure her that she's still her mom and that she loves her. Sometimes I get so angry."
Ben's hands were balled into fists and she could see the fury in his eyes. How hard it must be to deal with his ex-wife and to do what was best for his daughter every time.
Understanding, she said, "But you can't express it. You have to smooth the waters and hope for the best."
He seemed surprised that she could sympathize with him. But she remembered all those years in foster families where she did just that—tried to smooth the waters and get along, get through it, hope for a better day. She'd had better days, and she hoped Ben and Julie would, too.
"Are you going to be able to sleep in that chair?" she asked.
"Sleep's not the priority. Julie's sense of security is."
"You know, it might be easier for both of you if you had some help trying to make her feel secure. If there's anything Loren or I can do—"
He shook his head. "Julie has to realize deep down in her heart that she can always count on me. I can't trust anyone else not to let her down."
It was easy to see that Ben had built defenses around his heart since his wife had left. He was the type of man who knew what he wanted and knew what he had to do. Nothing would get in the way of that.
As they stood there, him bare-chested, her in a nightgown and robe, awareness seemed to sweep across the two of them—that man-woman awareness that brings with it sexual tension and a crackling electricity Cassie had rarely felt before.
Gazing into Ben's very green eyes, she felt attraction that was strong and body-shaking. He was so much taller than she was, a good six inches. His shoulders were broad, his arms muscled. His gaze dropped to her lips and she knew what he was thinking because she was thinking the same thing. What would his lips on hers feel like? How would she feel with his strong arms around her?
Her heart pounded faster, and for an instant she thought they both leaned a little closer to each other. But then he straightened and she took a step back. She was not about to get involved with a man who had expectations and standards that she could never meet.
Getting a grip on her imagination and her thoughts, she focused on his daughter again. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to come get me. I'll see you in the morning."
"Good-night, Cassie."
It was the first he'd used her name and for some reason his use of it seemed very intimate. She didn't dwell on that idea very long.
Crossing to her room, she shut the door behind her, trying also to shut out hope and dreams that could only be dashed by reality.
***
After breakfast the following morning, Julie surprised them all by asking Cassie, "Can we go see Sunny?"
Cassie had watched the little girl eat breakfast quietly while she and Loren and Ben and Rachel talked about the ranch and what had to be done.
Ben had insisted, "I'd like to help out. I need to keep in shape while I'm here and that's one way to do it."
Loren had said, "You always were a good rider."
That's when Julie had asked Cassie about Sunny.
"Would you like to stay with me this morning, follow me around and get to know the other horses?"
Julie looked from her father to Cassie. "I'd like to stay with Cassie."
His eyebrows arched and she thought Loren gave him a kick under the table, but she wasn't sure. Maybe being too protective of his daughter was hurting her rather than helping her.
"Okay," Ben agreed. "I'll ride out with Uncle Loren for a little while, then I'll be back. I promise."
Cassie had the feeling Ben always kept his promises.
Fifteen minutes later, Julie trailed along with her dad and watched him saddle up a horse. As he mounted, she looked up at him and asked, "Can I ride one soon?"
"Maybe this evening when all the chores are done. Okay?"
She nodded. Then he stared at Cassie. "You'll keep watch over her?"
"I will," she agreed, meaning it. He still looked torn by the idea of leaving. But then he and Loren rode out of the corral.
Julie suddenly looked as if she wanted to run after him.
Cassie crouched down beside her. "He will be back, you know."
"He won't fall off, will he?"
Cassie suppressed a smile. "No, he won't fall off. Loren taught him how to ride when he was a boy and that's something you don't forget." She could tell from the way Ben sat in the saddle, the way he used his reins, that he was a natural.
Rising to her feet she held out her hand to Julie. "Come on, let's go see Sunny. You'll have to stand at the gate while I go inside. Okay?"
Julie nodded that she understood.
Cassie took what looked like a cookie from her back pocket.
"What's that?" Julie asked.
"It's a special horse treat."
"Like a dog biscuit?" Julie asked.
Cassie laughed. "Exactly like that." Instead of opening the gate, she climbed over it and gently landed on her feet with a soft thud. Sunny looked away, her tail swished back and forth.
"Look what I have for you," Cassie said in a low voice. "Do you think you can come close enough to get it?"
The horse spied her and seemed to sniff the air. Then she took a few steps closer and Cassie stood perfectly still. "It's good," Cassie told her. "It's even good for you."
She stretched her hand out a little farther. Sunny was slow to move, wary of each step. She pawed the ground, eyed Cassie, then came close enough almost to touch. Cassie didn't breathe.
The horse quickly snatched the cookie from her hand, chomped it, then turned and loped toward the other side of the corral.
"Good girl," Cassie told her. "Thank you for trusting me." Then, knowing not to overstay her welcome, she climbed over the fence again and dropped down beside Julie.
"Why is she so scared of everyone?" Julie asked.
"She grew up in the wild, out in the brush and the trees with only other horses. Humans probably look to her like little green men would look to us."
Julie laughed. "But we don't have a spaceship."
"No, but we have cars and trucks. And all of those things scare her. She has to learn that it's good to be here, that I'm going to love her and ride her and take care of her."
Julie seemed to think about that.
"You were scared last night, weren't you?" Ca
ssie asked. "I wasn't when I went to bed because I knew Daddy was next door and you were in the other room. But then I had a dream and got really scared."
"Do you want to tell me about the dream?"
Julie shrugged, looked uncertain, but then said, "It was stupid."
"Not so stupid if it made you feel bad. Why were you scared?"
"Because there was thunder and lightning and wind, and I was all alone and I couldn't find Daddy anywhere."
"That is really scary. No wonder you woke up."
"But Daddy will always find me," Julie said, as if she were trying to convince herself of it. "He told me even if I ever get lost, he'll find me."
It was obvious that Julie was looking for a sense of security that her mother's abandonment had destroyed. "If your dad says that he'll always find you, then he will."
When Julie didn't seem to have anything else to say, Cassie knew better than to push it, so she suggested, "Come on. Let's go meet the other horses. You can touch Buttercup's velvet nose."
A smile broke out over Julie's face and she looked like the happy little nine-year-old that she was supposed to be. Taking her hand, Cassie led her into the barn.
***
Ben couldn't believe how good it felt to be back in the saddle again. He and Melinda had gone riding a few times when they were engaged, but that had been a long time ago.
When he dismounted in the corral, Clem, one of the younger hands, took the reins. "I'll groom her," he said.
"I walked her the last quarter mile so she's cooled down," Ben told him and Clem nodded.
"Is Miss Sullivan around?"
"In the barn with your daughter," Clem said, pointing.
Ben wondered how they'd spent the last hour. When he found the two of them he had to grin. They were mucking out a stall.
"Had about enough of that?" he asked Julie.
She shook her head. "I like working with Cassie. She fed Sunny a cookie. And you should feel Buttercup's nose. It's soft."
This was more animation than he'd seen in Julie in a long while and he had Cassie to thank for that.
"Can I go see what Sunny's doing?" Julie asked.
Cassie glanced at Ben but then told his daughter, "You can go watch her, but don't go near the gate."
"I won't," Julie said, and ran off through the barn and out the other door.
"Wow," he said. "What did you do to her?"
"Nothing. Why?"
"She's actually enjoying herself. At home I can barely get her to smile."
"Maybe that's because here she doesn't have things around her here that remind her what happened."
Ben had never thought of that. They were living in the house where they had been a family, where he'd thought they'd once been happy, where Julie had felt secure with two parents. Now, when she looked around at everything, she probably realized even more what she'd lost.
"How do you know these things?" he asked.
Cassie laughed, her brown eyes expressive and warm. "I know them because I was once a child who'd lost a lot. It's not so hard to figure out when you've gone through it."
He studied Cassie again, realizing how much he'd like to take her in his arms and kiss her. He had to admit, when he wasn't worried about Julie, he was thinking about Cassie and how she'd looked in her robe last night.
As if her thoughts had drifted to a similar vein, she asked, "Did Julie tell you what her dream was about last night?"
"No, she didn't. I asked but she was still crying and just shook her head. Why?"
"She told me she was trapped in a thunderstorm with wind and lightning and rain, and she couldn't find you and you couldn't find her."
"So she confided in you."
"I don't know if she confided. She just told me what it was about. I tried to reassure her that you'd always find her."
"Thank you," he said and meant it, suddenly feeling closer to Cassidy Sullivan than he wanted to feel. Something about the hushed atmosphere of the barn, the sunlight playing in the shadows, the way his daughter had confided in Cassie, seemed to make impulse more substantial than cold reasoning. He knew he'd just met this woman, though Loren often spoke of her with admiration for how she handled the ranch. Right now Cassie was as real as a woman could get and he was a man filled with sudden hunger that unnerved him as much as it urged him on.
There was a stray piece of straw in her hair, and he couldn't help but reaching out and lifting it away. Her hair was the color of aged whiskey, beautifully dark brown with a few red highlights. That was probably from the sun. As his fingers slid through the strands of her hair, she looked up at him. He was bowled over by desire that was as foreign as being back in the saddle again was. Before he considered the consequences, he slid his hand under her hair, tipping her chin up to him.
The next few moments changed everything.
She didn't move away...in fact, she leaned a little closer. The underlying message was clear—she was attracted to him, too. His lips met hers and passion became a part of his life again. He slid his tongue into her mouth and she responded tentatively at first, then with more confidence. Her hands gripped his shoulders and they were locked together in need, and hunger and a desire for more.
But then Cassie suddenly broke away.
He took in a huge breath, willed his raging hormones to desist, and shook his head in exasperation. "I never should have done that."
"I never should have let you. I don't—"
She stopped and he wondered what she was going to say. "You don't what?"
Cassie looked embarrassed. "I don't have affairs. I don't sleep around."
"I don't, either," he said simply.
When she studied him, he shrugged. "The last thing on my mind has been dating. Look, you're a very pretty woman and I've been living in the world of kids, carpooling and running my business. For just that one moment, maybe we both got transported."
She nodded. "I guess so." She seemed to compose herself and her embarrassment was gone. "I have to get back to chores. What are you and Julie going to do?"
"I'll take her for a walk down to the stream. We might spot some deer."
"Rachel made salads and there's roast beef left over for sandwiches. Go ahead and eat lunch whenever you'd like. I have to meet the insurance adjustor down at the guest cabin in a little while."
He knew the chores on the ranch kept Cassie busy. But he wondered if she was skipping lunch to avoid him, to avoid thinking about that kiss that was still singing in his blood, still arousing him. But he didn't put his question on the table because he didn't think he wanted to know the answer. He didn't like the idea of Cassie avoiding him. He didn't like it at all.
Chapter Four
That afternoon Cassie and Loren sat in her office. He was entering information into the computer on the massive wooden desk, telling her exactly what he was doing. She'd keep the expense numbers in her head.
He'd finished with last month's receipts when he leaned back in his chair. "Last month is looking good. Feed is down a little. Going into summer we won't be spending as much on utilities."
She nodded. Although she'd been listening, she was distracted by the call she'd received from Lucy this morning. "We're going to have more guests in two weeks."
"Lucy and Zack?"
"Lucy and Zack and...Gillian Moore."
Loren's gaze snapped to hers. "The woman who found you for Lucy?"
"Yep. Lucy and I have decided we'd like to try to find our dad."
Loren narrowed his eyes. "What? I'm not good enough?"
Cassie laughed. "You're great and you know it. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"You'd have to tell everybody what's going on and they'd help you."
"It's just so humiliating needing help."
He gave her another look and she knew what that meant—that she should do something about it. She was just so scared. What if no one could teach her to read? She'd voiced that opinion to him before and he'd guffawed at it, so she didn't bring it up agai
n now.
"Gillian and Jake are working a couple of cases so she can't get away until then. I thought Lucy and Zack could stay in the guest cabin. We should have it cleaned up and repaired by then. I'll give my room to Gillian and I can bunk on the sofa. It'll only be for a couple of days."
"Zack could sleep in the bunkhouse and you and Lucy could share the guest cabin," Loren offered with a sly smile.
"Give me a break. They're newlyweds. I'm not going to separate them."
"Separate who?" a deep male voice asked from the doorway.
When Cassie looked at Ben, she could remember the exact feel of his lips on hers, the excitement of having his arms around her. She sat up straighter in her captain's chair. "Lucy and Zack and a friend are coming in a couple of weeks. We were just figuring out the sleeping arrangements." She told him what they'd be.
"So I'll get to meet your twin."
"You'll do a double take," Loren advised him. "But there are differences."
Seeing what they were doing on the computer, Ben said, "I've got a great new program on my laptop. It's a lot easier than what you're using. It would take me about an hour to set it up for you."
"No, we don't want anything new." Though Cassie didn't actually use the program, she understood the columns and where everything was located. She could figure out the numbers if she had enough time. But something new would throw her off completely.
Loren's quick look at Cassie calmed her down as he told his nephew, "Let me think about it. There are advantages to changing and advantages to staying the same."
"You need to keep up with technology," Ben told him. "A ranch this size, with three hands on your payroll, it's essential."
"Like Loren said, we'll think about it." Cassie's cell phone buzzed and she slipped it out of her pocket. She didn't bother to check the ID but held it to her ear.
"Miss Cassie, Sunny got out of her corral! She's headed for the north pasture."
Cassie didn't wait to hear more. She shoved her phone into her pocket and ran outside. Cassie ran beyond Julie, who was sitting under the large cottonwood playing with her dolls.
Ben was right behind her. "Where are you going?"
"Sunny got out somehow. She's not used to fences and there's barbed wire all over Twin Pines."
Cassidy's Cowboy (Search For Love) Page 3
