by Kim Cormack
Kayn needed to find out as much as she could about her sister’s gifts. Walking around their room, she continued to look for her sister’s diary. Where would it be? It had become her mission to learn more about how her sister had been feeling in the days, weeks, and months prior to her murder. She had looked under mattresses and in every box in the closet—everywhere that would be easy to find. She really couldn’t see Chloe hiding it somewhere difficult to get to in a teenage venting emergency. Then Kayn remembered something about her sister’s long bathroom visits. She had always assumed that she was texting friends or talking on the phone.
Underneath the sink there seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary, just cleaners and feminine products. She pulled open all of the drawers to find nail polish, and makeup. In the linen closet, the towels were all folded neatly. She scaled the top shelf and ran her arms under the bedding. She felt her finger tips brush against it. Grasping it in one hand, she climbed down, pausing for a second, feeling a little guilty.
She was sure her sister would have written absolutely every sneaky deed and evil thought in the diary. Should she be reading it? Did she really want to know her twin’s deepest thoughts? Her sister’s uncensored for kindness thoughts about her would be in this diary. She didn’t want to taint her sister’s memory, but she needed to know, so she sat on the closed toilet lid and opened the diary. It was thick and pink, the words hastily scribbled on each page. The first pages were little ditties, like “life sucks, and Kevin is so Kayn’s little bitch.”
Kayn giggled. She couldn’t help herself because Kevin was Chloe’s little bitch at the time. Actually Kevin had always been Chloe’s little bitch. It still irked her a little even though she understood why. Could it be the reason Chloe made Kevin want her? Was she jealous of the close friendship Kayn had with him? Reading between the lines would be easy. Kayn decided that taking anything to heart that her sister had written would be ridiculous.
She flipped through the endless pages of dribble. Nothing ever seemed to mention the power that her sister had been hiding her whole life. The diary entries did seem to be getting longer and more in depth as the days went on. It was almost as if Chloe had started the diary on a whim and then realized the purpose of having a diary. Kayn read on, realizing that her sister, even with hundreds of friends, had been desperately lonely. She longed for true love and happiness just like everyone else in the world.
“Here it is,” Kayn thought as she read her sister’s diary, “Some thinly veiled hints.”
How could she ever know if any man truly loved her? Was anyone like her? Could anyone really understand her? She talked about feeling out of control. She didn’t know how to fix them once they were broken. Kayn guessed this was where the boy she had made fall for her had become obsessed. He had become scary obsessed with her to the point of her filing a restraining order, which of course never worked. Chloe had no idea how to turn her gift off. She had no idea how to set someone free. She wrote that men wanting her felt like a curse, not a gift.
If Chloe wanted someone, all she had to do was say it. They would leave whoever they were with in a heartbeat for the chance to become hers. Once she had them, the realization that they had no free will and did not really love her made her feel more alone than she had before. Then the boy became an annoyance, no longer at all appealing to her. She would talk about the guilt involved in trying to cut someone loose who could not be cut loose.
Kayn became suddenly aware of how much her sister had really loved her. All it would have taken to end her friendship with Kevin was for Chloe to think that she did not want Kevin to like her anymore; their friendship would have been done before it ever had a chance to turn into something more. It annoyed her, but she never really messed with it. She was even purposely mean, almost cruel, to Kevin. Kayn understood her sister now. She wasn’t being a bitch to Kevin to be mean; she was being horrible, so, she didn’t accidentally take him from her. Chloe had said so much without really revealing a thing, in case someone random found her diary. She had nobody to trust with her secrets. She hadn't told Kayn because her sister wouldn't have believed her.
Kayn found herself tearing up as she read her sister’s entries filled with loneliness and isolation. Chloe had hid her true feelings so well that nobody had suspected that she’d ever had one moment of feeling lonely in her life. She had been covering her true feelings under cockiness and bravado. Kayn wondered how she could have felt so in tune with her sister most of her life and yet not pick up on this. She could read more tomorrow now that she knew where it was. Even though her sister had died she still climbed back up the shelves and put it right where Chloe had hidden it.
Kayn paused in front of the bathroom mirror before she left the room and whispered, “I wish I could talk to you and tell you, I miss you. I understand everything. I’m so sorry I didn’t see what was happening to you. I always thought you had control over it. To be honest, I was always a little bit jealous. You were being cruel to Kevin for me, weren’t you?” Chloe was sleeping on the job, if the master plan was to join with her. Had Chloe been in the mirror when Kayn had looked after reading about her sister’s isolated life, she would not have been scared; she would have given up her control freely, and completely.
Kayn began to play with her abilities, discovering that she could move things a little when she concentrated on them hard enough. She could move them further, but she had to be angry. Her body needed to be coursing with adrenaline in order to move them any distance. She was getting better though, gradually getting stronger. Kayn wondered if one day she would be able to move large things. To date she hadn’t moved anything larger than a book, but that was impressive to her. Her abilities had grown in leaps and bounds. She had stepped on a fork with her bare foot, and in her fury she had shot it across the kitchen floor. After that accidental discovery, she began to attempt to move other things. Salt shakers, plates, and phonebooks, but when she tried anything bigger, nothing happened.
Kayn was leaving her normal behind and embracing a new kind of normal. Normal now involved growing powers and hiding them from the people that she loved. No one could see, or know what she was capable of doing. Her worst fear was that the people that she loved would end up paying for her salvation with their own lives. Logic told Kayn that her only chance of long term survival was to learn to fight. Kayn needed time to cultivate her abilities. She knew there was a clan coming to help her. She didn't know what that meant, but she knew she would figure it out.
The days ambled by, Kayn spent them catching up on her school work. She spent most of her evenings watching Jenkins sit and pretend to be reading his paper as he thought of his daughter. She hadn’t followed Jenkins to their house from the hospital; maybe she thought it would be okay to move on now. Knowing what people were thinking could prove to be beneficial, but it was sad whenever she took a stroll through Jenkins’ thoughts.
Kayn had been talking to Kevin on the phone and texting him, but had kept him at arm’s length for a few weeks. She had been so wrapped up in fine tuning her gifts and researching them that time had passed in the blink of an eye. Perhaps it was because even if she hadn’t really seen Kevin in person. She had only still spent time with him without him knowing it. Kayn kept attempting to control other people’s actions as her sister had been able to do, but it never appeared to work. It had only seemed to work that one time at the hospital.
Her doctor had been stopping by once a week to check on her since that first night and had given her the okay to return to school as of yesterday. Kayn’s physician would have said six months, a year perhaps, to anyone else, but in Kayn’s case he had thrown away his preconceived set of rules on her recuperation time by the end of the first month. He told Matt that she was extremely well adjusted all things considered. He should simply allow her time to be alone to lick her wounds. He explained that adjusting to life without her twin and parents might come with a few strange moments.
She was trying to figure out where her place in th
e world was without them. Her brother had healed to some extent because he’d had a year to adjust to his new life. Kayn had had only a few months to adapt to her new life and give emotional distance to the old life. She had also healed and had quickly regained her ability to walk as if nothing had happened. After almost seven months incapacitated she was a miracle to the medical community. Kayn understood that her miracle had not been freely given. There was fine print to be read at the bottom of her contract. Kayn Brighton understood that it was only a matter of time before she would be forced to read it.
Chapter 12
Where the Wild Things Are
Kayn awoke to the annoying crow of her alarm clock that she had set for the first time in almost a year. The crowing clock had been a funny gift from Chloe who’d been a perky morning person. Kayn knew that the clock had been for Chloe’s personal enjoyment of watching her sister twitch and cringe with every obnoxious cock-a-doodle-doo. Kayn however, wanted to be completely left alone for at least twenty minutes. Any human contact before her first cup of coffee was not usually a bright idea.
Her coffee cup also read, Duck and Cover, a family joke aimed at Kayn in the morning. She smiled as she thought about the gag cup because it would have been much funnier if everyone but her, had a duck and cover mug. She could picture them all now as they were gathered around the island in the kitchen drinking coffee and teasing her lovingly. Her heart ached just a little at the list of things that she would never experience again.
It was time for finals. Kayn had caught up in such a miraculous way that she was able to pull off taking her exams at school with everyone else this week.
She wondered what her reception would be like: would she be stared at? She absolutely despised being the center of attention. Kayn imagined being followed by streams of whispers as she walked down the hall. She lay in bed and pulled the covers over her head. Maybe, she could just hide for the rest of her life.
Tossing her patterned purple covers to the side, she decided to get out of bed. She didn’t need to pretend it wasn’t going to happen. She knew that it would happen, what with it being high school and all. She put on a little bit of makeup, wanting to draw from any residual self confidence that Chloe might have left behind when she had hijacked her body. She put on a pair of jeans and t-shirt thinking, maybe I will blend in a bit. Her nerves were screaming at her, homeschooling, you want to keep homeschooling, but she jogged down the stairs with her bag anyway.
Jenkins met her at the bottom of the stairs with a travel cup full of coffee and a piece of toast with peanut butter and jelly. “Eat this. You only have about five minutes before Kevin shows up to drive you to school,” Jenkins stated looking nervous for her.
“Thanks,” Kayn answered with a smile.
She hadn’t had peanut butter and jelly since she was a small child. She ate every last bite in a flash. She dove into the bathroom for one last look in the mirror, checking her teeth for toast. Then she applied a little more lipstick and whispered, “Come on, Chloe. Help a sister out.” Not even a scary version of her sister in the mirror to terrify her. She sighed and thought, I guess I am on my own.
Kayn was a little nervous about seeing Kevin, wondering if he would be mad that she had been avoiding seeing him in person for a few weeks. She knew she couldn’t give him an explanation. She hoped he wasn’t going to ask her for one.
There was a knock at the door. She looked through the peephole before opening the door like Jenkins had taught her. He just keeps getting better looking every day, she thought as she opened the door.
“Hi, stranger,” Kevin teased as he walked through her doorway.
He had to think it was strange that they had shared two amazing, friendship altering kisses and then she had avoided him for almost two weeks. Then again, maybe he assumed that was the reason. Was it going to get weird between them? She had always hated the idea that sometimes unanswered questions were left unanswered for her own good.
“Is something funny?” Kevin inquired of her grinning face.
He leaned in to kiss her and his lips landed on her nose. Kayn hadn’t expected him to kiss her and she had moved at the last second. She was startled by his sudden attempt at intimacy, but always had a comeback.
“That was hot,” Kayn chuckled.
She waited for his second attempt, which he skipped and said, “Grab your bag. We still have time to stop for coffee on the way to school.”
Kayn wanted him to try to kiss her again, but coffee did sound like a great alternative. What if he didn’t try to kiss her again? She followed him towards his car. His car … that was so weird. She had missed an important gap of time.
They approached his blue, beat up, ancient Pontiac. “I love your car. It’s adorable,” Kayn commented.
Kevin rolled his eyes and said, “It’s not much, but I own it outright. No payments.” He winked at her.
Kayn realized then that she had called his method of transportation cute. Kayn could see that even though he had bulked up in size and was no longer short, any word in the realm of cute was still his kryptonite.
He teased, “Well in response to your sort of compliment. You look very cute today too.”
Kayn sparred, “Don’t cute girls have their doors opened for them?”
He looked at her quizzically,” Cute girls don’t always duck out of the way when a guy tries to kiss them.”
They stood in a sort of standoff at the car door. He leaned in and Kayn was afraid to breathe. He kissed her sweetly on the cheek. He kissed her again close to her ear as he reached behind her to open the door. The length of his body was pressed up against her, and her pulse began to race. She knew he was toying with her. He couldn’t pull the door very far because she was standing directly in front of it. Kayn smiled and stepped out of the way. She slipped into the seat. She had almost forgotten to breath. This new version of Kevin had game. He slammed it behind her.
He got in the driver’s side and chuckled, “Sorry about that. If you don’t slam it, then it swings open whenever I turn a corner. I took it upon myself to assume you wanted to stay in the car versus spending the morning in emergency.”
Kayn bit her lip and fought the urge to lean over and plant one on him. This was the smart assed Kevin that she had missed.
She replied, “I guess only people who know how to tuck and roll get to ride shot gun.”
Kevin hadn’t started the car. He teased, “I could just make sure all my passengers are wearing their seatbelts.”
Kayn took the hint and quickly did up her seatbelt. They drove for a few minutes in silence. Kayn kept sneaking peaks at him. She was worried. People had been drawn to her sister Chloe like fireflies to a flame in the darkness. One couldn’t explain the intoxicating sensation of being close to Chloe. It was strange because it hadn’t mattered how horribly she had treated Kevin, he took it like a champ and had almost begged her sister for more. Kayn had read her sister’s diary. She had read the entry that made it clear that she had treated Kevin badly to keep him at arms length.
She had done this for Kayn. Chloe had given her Kevin. Her sister had taken her body for a ride and her first act had been to kiss Kevin. What did that mean? She couldn’t help but be curious. Had Kevin felt that same sense of tingling intoxication that he had felt around Chloe the first time he’d kissed her? It was an exhilarating, sensational kiss. It had no ration or boundaries. He seemed to be unafraid of being consumed by her light, lost, as if he really were a firefly in the flickering embers of her flame.
Kayn wondered for a moment if Chloe had made Kevin kiss her? Had he wanted to kiss her or had he been enraptured by Chloe’s presence. Had Chloe turned Kevin into an addict in search of another fix? He had gone after that flame’s burning heat and it had been incredible, but what would he do when the next kiss was nowhere near the last. She now understood what it must have been like to be Chloe. Always knowing that the person she cared for did not have a choice. Chloe had died never knowing for sure if one person had ever
chosen to love her.
Kevin said, “Don’t be nervous. It’s only a few exams. You’ll barely have time to be accosted in the hall by random strangers.”
Kayn replied, “I’m okay. I was just thinking.”
Kevin put one hand on her knee and gently squeezed it. He said, “I think we have both been over thinking everything for far too long. I think we should just learn to take life as it comes.”
Kayn smiled and looked out the window. She was going to remind him he said those words. The next time the shit hit the fan.
Kevin had an air of caution in his voice, “How do you feel about starting school today? Tell me the truth. Are you a little bit freaked out?” He gazed away from the road for a second to gauge her response to his question.
“A big freaked out. Yes, to the obvious question you just asked, Smith,” Kayn replied in a tone oozing sarcasm. Her voice sounded as though she were attempting to imitate a game show host.
“Ha-ha funny, Brighton,” Kevin chuckled.
“I thought that you knew all of my secrets? I’m superwoman. These mere mortals may not harm me,” she teased and winked with a giant, shit eating grin. Kayn patted her friend’s arm and said, “Kayn out.”
“I see my sporty, smart, and sexy yet slightly dorky best friend Kayn has returned,” He teased. “Might I make a small suggestion? Always stop short of quoting Star Trek.”
She had partially confessed to Kevin in a joking manner, and now he couldn’t accuse her of lying by omission. That was extremely smart on my behalf, Kayn thought, with a silent giggle inside. She could say, Actually, I totally told you; remember the first day of school and we were going for coffee? I told you that I was superwoman. Kevin would have to say, Oh, yes, Kayn, you totally did tell me already. He would smile and then accept the entire strange, insane story. She was not naive enough to believe that anything would play out that simply, but in her heart she thought, but one can dream.
