“You’d never guess it.”
“I might. I’m quicker than you give me credit for.”
“Huh.”
“I seen that look before. It’s that Lemmons girl. She’s messing with your head again.”
He laughed a little, more a slight dispassionate breath.
“What is it this time?”
“It’s not what you think. We’re getting married.”
Marcia Sue popped her hand to her mouth. “Oh honey, that’s just wonderful.” Kerry could see tears forming.
“Don’t get all worked up,” he said.
“No. No. That’s just great. You asked her and she said yes?”
“That’s about the size of it.”
“Now I’ll have to get all these Green Stamps in books because y’all are going to need a whole lot of stuff for your house. We can get all sorts of good things out of there—pots and pans and toaster ovens and they even have—”
“Hold on now.” Kerry put his hand up to her. “I have to ask you something.”
“What?”
“I want to give her Momma’s rings. Is that all right with you?”
“They’re yours to give. I mean, I got Granny’s rings and so it’s only fair that you get Momma’s.”
“I didn’t want to give them to her without asking you first. You know where they are?”
“Sure. In the old dresser in their room, in Daddy’s room I mean. I’ll find them if you want.”
“That’s okay. I can do it.”
“So when did all this happen?”
“Yesterday. Last night.”
She grinned, a silly sort of grin that showed a tooth missing way in the back of her mouth. She was usually conscious of it around everyone but family. “You were awfully secret about this.”
He looked around the trailer at the faded Sears portraits set against fake backdrops of picket fences and snowy mountain scenes. There was one of Little Davey as a baby, naked in a galvanized bucket with Ivory Soap and a scrub brush in the foreground. “There’s something else.” He could tell by the look on his sister’s face that she knew what he was going to say. “Shannon’s going to have a baby.”
Marcia Sue came out of her chair in an instant. She pulled Kerry up from his and flung her arms around him. “You’ll be a great daddy. I’m so happy. Is Shannon happy? Is she excited?”
“No.”
“No? I guess it’s a shock and all. But she’s got time to finish school and everything. You two couldn’t have planned it any better.”
“That’s not what she thinks.”
“She’ll perk up. I’m sure she’s just scared.”
“Her mother’s about to blow a fuse. I had to bring Shannon home with me last night. She’s still asleep in the guest room up to the house. I didn’t want her staying with her mother right now.”
Marcia Sue nodded. She walked to the counter, poured cups of coffee and handed one to Kerry. “I reckon that woman’s always been a bitch to that child. I remember one time when Shannon was just a little thing, Virginia had her out to one of Will’s ballgames at Miller Park and Shannon was just playing like kids will do and all of a sudden Virginia snatched her up out of the dirt and started blessing her out right in front of everybody in the bleachers. I think it embarrassed the child to death. I never was really sure what Virginia thought she did…maybe she didn’t want her getting dirty or something.”
“She’s like that.”
“Don’t worry about her. Grandmas always come around.”
Kerry sat back down and let the scalding coffee burn his tongue and throat. “I feel bad. It’s all my fault. I really thought I was being careful when, you know, when we did it.”
“You’re a responsible person. I know that.”
“I wore a rubber.”
“Always?”
“Yeah.” He paused to think. “It’s not like we did it that many times.”
“And you’re sure it’s yours, right?”
“Sure as a man can be.”
“Rubbers don’t always work. I should know.” She grinned at him, but when he didn’t respond she leaned over and rubbed his arm. “Hey, look at me. People make mistakes. It’s not a crime.”
“Technically it is. Shannon’s not eighteen yet.”
“Oh, hell, you two’ve been dating for, what, nearly two years?”
“Year and a half.”
“You don’t think Virginia would get the law after you do you?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“No judge would even consider it, not with you two getting married and all. It’s obviously consensual. Shit. She should be grateful. Shannon’ll be marrying up.”
“Marcia Sue, that’s just mean.”
His sister giggled then. “We’ll raise that baby up right to be a Rucker. Maybe it’ll be a girl. Oh, wouldn’t I love a little girl. I’ll spoil her rotten. I’ll make her doll dresses and little sack purses and teach her how to cook.”
“Good luck. If she’s anything like Shannon she’ll never learn to cook.”
“Shannon does most anything she puts her mind to. She’s just not had good reason to learn yet.”
“Look, I got to get back over to the house before she wakes up. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell anybody just yet. We’re still working all this out and I especially don’t want people knowing about the baby. Shannon’s still too freaked out.”
“Your secret’s safe with me.”
“And thanks about the rings.”
Wind cut his face and made his eyes water on the way back to the house. Needing to get out and move, he’d walked to his sister’s. He couldn’t sit around when things chewed on him and right now there was so much to think about. He’d have to get started on his house because Shannon wouldn’t want to live with his father for long. He wondered if he should ask Roger Lemmons if he could marry Shannon, but then the idea just seemed ridiculous considering the circumstances. Her mother was the parent in charge now and he’d pretty much put her in her place last night. They’d have to plan a little wedding and Marcia Sue would want to give them a shower. The prospect of what was to come made his head throb. There would be hospital bills for the baby and Shannon would need to get to school every day for the rest of the year and she didn’t have a truck anymore. Suddenly he realized that he wanted Shannon to go back home, just until he could get everything pulled together, but the thought made him feel guilty.
He hiked the last rise to his father’s house and brittle grass crunched like straw under his boots as he made his way across the frozen yard. Shannon was watching for him from the upstairs guest room. She had slept in one of his mother’s old lacy dressing gowns, and with her hair curling down around her face she looked like an angel, framed as she was by the window sheers. Their eyes met and he stopped and stood motionless, his shivers forgotten. She peered from behind the lace, her eyes wide and fixed on him. His chest filled with that familiar ache he’d grown to crave. His bare hands hung limp by his sides, but he no longer felt the lick of icy wind.
30
Students flowed in and out of the school’s front office. The secretary pressed the phone between her cheek and shoulder, talked loudly and typed. She winked at Shannon and motioned for her to sit. The woman’s desk was strewn with valentine decorations she was taking down from the bulletin board behind her. A basket held chocolate hearts wrapped in pastel aluminum foil. They made Shannon think of the heart-shaped velvet box of candy Kerry had given her for Valentine’s Day. She kept it in her hope chest. When she felt down she took it out and smelled its empty insides.
The secretary hung up and said, “Hey, sweetie. Mr. Gabehart’s expecting you. Go on in.”
“Shannon,” the principal said. “Have a seat.” He came around his desk and moved a chair a few inches to indicate where he wanted her to sit.
When she was seated, he said, “Shannon, I’m concerned about you.”
“About me?”
He stood, towering over
her and clasped his hands. He had a painful look that made Shannon think about the preacher her aunt Patsy was seeing. “I’ll just be blunt. There’s a rumor going around that you may be pregnant.”
Now it was Shannon’s turn to fold her hands in her lap. She bowed her head.
“Is it true?”
She nodded.
“Um,” he murmured. “Shannon, look at me. I’m here to help. This happens sometimes. Girls get in trouble.” She let out a whimper. “I know you’re engaged to Kerry Rucker and he’s a fine young man. I’m sure you two will be really happy. When’s the wedding set for?”
“What?” Shannon couldn’t focus. “I’m sorry. What?”
“When do you plan on getting married? Surely you’ll want to get married soon.”
She looked down at the tiny diamond ring that had belonged to Kerry’s mother. He had given it to her the day after he learned of the pregnancy, but she hadn’t been able to wear it until last week when the doctor took the cast off her wrist. It looked odd against her pale, flaking skin where the cast had been. “We haven’t set a date yet.”
“I don’t mean to be indelicate, but you need to get hitched before you begin to show. You won’t want to come to school once it becomes apparent you’re pregnant.”
“Why? Linda McDonald’s big as a house!” Shannon blurted.
“Linda McDonald is married,” the principal said. “It’s fine to be pregnant if you’re married. It goes against school policy to have unwed pregnant girls at school.”
“You’re kicking me out?”
“Goodness, no. You’ll be home schooled. Your classes will be easier—”
“I don’t want easier classes. I’m in the accelerated program.”
“That does present more of a challenge for us.”
“I’m confused. Why do I have to leave?”
“It’s the way things are done. Every girl in your situation leaves regular classes.”
“What would it hurt for me to be here?”
“It’s distracting to the other students.”
“I’m not responsible for the other students.”
“Yes. But I am, and they are easily distracted. Be cooperative. You have no idea how hard things will get when you start to show.”
“What does that mean?”
“Some of the boys can be particularly cruel.”
“Oh, by all means let’s not expect anything of boys. Why should they be responsible for anything?”
He stared at her.
“Boys don’t have to quit school, but their pregnant girlfriends do. Boys go on like they’re not involved at all. Only the girls get punished. That’s not fair.”
“Shannon, this is not about punishment and it’s not about what’s fair. It’s about what’s best for the students at this school. And what’s best for you. You’ll find high school pretty cruel to a young woman in the family way.”
“What if I’m valedictorian? Will you still let me give the commencement speech?”
“Of course. If you’re married by then.”
That afternoon, Shannon watched Kerry install curtain rods above a window. He had been working hard on the little house in the weeks since they became engaged. His father and Dave helped put in insulation and weather stripping. They ripped off the front stoop and were soon to build it back, along with a screened-in porch. During a couple of unusually warm days Kerry had refinished the floors. They had all agreed that it would be better for Shannon to live with her mother until the house was renovated and they were married, but Shannon wasn’t sure either of those things would happen.
“They’re trying to kick me out of school. Only married girls can be pregnant at school.” Shannon angrily poked at the logs in the fireplace, sending sparks twirling up the flue. Wood popped, and an ember tumbled onto the hearth. Shannon maneuvered it back into the flames with the toe of her boot.
“You knew that, didn’t you?” Kerry said.
“That’s not the point. They shouldn’t be able to do that to me.”
“Apparently they can,” he said.
“Momma says don’t just roll over and let the school board bully me. They make me so mad.”
“It’s not about them. It’s about us. Just pick a date. We can get married in my church or at the courthouse. I don’t care.” He fed curtains onto the rods and hung them up. “Why wait? You don’t want to be big in our wedding pictures, do you?”
“That’s a happy thought. Shit. I wonder how they found out.”
“Did you tell Pam?”
“Yeah.”
“There you go. She probably broadcast it to the whole school.”
She knew he was right. And it was just one more nail in her coffin. Not that she thought she could keep this a secret forever. Still, she had harbored the hope that she might miscarry or suddenly find a way out of this predicament before the world knew. Every day her chances of escape were diminished.
He grinned. “Hey, what do you think?” He stepped back to look at the curtains. They were tan. Left over from one of Marcia Sue’s previous trailer decorating binges. Shannon sighed and thought of her hand-me-down future—somebody else’s house, furniture, curtains, food. No crêpes here.
“They’re all right,” she said.
“Not fancy, but they’ll work for now.”
“Sure.”
“Hey, come here.” He put his arms around her. “I’m not going to push you to pick a date. You know it’s up to you.”
“I know.”
He kissed her. “You know what?” he mumbled into her mouth.
“What?” she whispered back.
“I love you.” He ran his hand underneath her blouse.
“Kerry, stop it.”
“I love your big boobs.”
She pushed him away. “I’m serious. Stop it. I’ve got to study.”
“Fine,” he said. “I don’t know what your issue is with just going on and getting married. Don’t you think you could live here now?”
She scanned the room. An old couch slumped under a brown sheet and a green crocheted afghan. The two yard sale armchairs on either side of a beat-up coffee table. The only thing on the table was an empty glass chicken candy dish. He had placed tarnished brass candle holders on the mantle and above that hung a bad painting of a river with Indians along the shoreline. The kitchen was stocked with dented aluminum pots with worn wooden handles, a black iron skillet, glass bowls with the color faded, mismatched Corningware plates, and Flintstones glasses that Kerry said came from boxes of clothes soap. He’d found an old red-topped chrome kitchen table and a couple of matching chairs in a barn. The gas stove worked, and he had dragged a pint-sized refrigerator into the kitchen. The bedroom was spare, only a curlicued iron bed covered with family quilts and a bedside table with a frosted light shaped like an old hurricane lamp. They had tumbled around on that bed already and it wasn’t bad to sleep on. The bathroom was functional, but that was about all Shannon could say for it. The tub was so cold that it hurt your feet to stand in it, and the toilet seemed to leave a ring of ice on your bottom.
“I don’t know. It’s still pretty cold in here,” Shannon said.
“What about the space heater?”
“We’ve got to get one for the bathroom. It’s like a meat locker in there.”
“Aw, don’t be so wimpy. I been living here for weeks.”
“You may be a polar bear, but I’m not. There has to be a thicker rug in the bathroom.”
“See what I can come up with.” He put his arms around her again. “You know, everybody’s really excited about the baby. Marcia Sue’s knitting a little yellow sweater. She’s going to give us all her old baby things—a cradle and bottles and her rocking chair, too.”
“Okay.”
“I wish you’d be more excited.”
“I’m not washing cloth diapers,” Shannon said. “We’re going to have to buy those disposable ones. We don’t even have a washer.”
“You can use Dad’s washer
and dryer. He won’t mind. Besides, I’d think you’d be against plastic diapers, you being Miss Environmental and all.”
“Don’t give me shit about it. I’ve made up my mind.”
“Okay. Have you made a doctor’s appointment yet?”
“No.”
“Don’t you think you should?”
“I know. I just haven’t done it. I’m busy with school and everything. Plus, it costs money.”
“I’ll pay for it. Just make the appointment.” He packed a hammer and other tools back into his small toolbox. He slipped on his jacket. “I’ve got to get on that field now.”
“Don’t you think it’s early to be disking?”
“I’ll have to turn it again in a month or so. The ground’s pretty hard. Glad we’ve had a warm February.” He went through the kitchen and she followed. Outside the back door he picked up a soggy walnut and peeled back the rotting green husk until it ringed his fingernails green. Shannon could smell the pungent rawness of the nut from where she leaned against the door jamb, the afghan from the couch wrapped around her.
“Are you going to spray poison, because I don’t want to be here when you do that,” she said.
“Not today. I’ll do it when I put down seed.”
“Do you have to?”
“Got to suppress the weeds. What? You afraid it’ll make the baby retarded or something? I grew up on this farm and I ended up okay. I don’t think I’m retarded. Do you?”
“Sometimes I wonder,” she said. He moved to kiss her on the cheek but she dodged him. “Go on now. Get out of here.”
“You stay warm,” he said. The old red tractor sat alone in a field, and when he reached it he climbed up and the thing chugged to life. Kerry lowered the plow’s spirals and began to grind the earth’s crust. She watched him from the kitchen window for a long time as he worked his way back and forth, a path of rich, black soil magically appearing behind the plow. It was too early to turn the field, but he couldn’t sit still, always had to be doing something, especially if it got him outside. She touched the arrowheads on the window sill. Kerry had brought them in yesterday. Every time somebody plowed around here they turned up arrowheads.
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