by Julie Miller
“I did. The doctor said I could take the bandages off when I sleep.”
She squeezed her hands ever so slightly. “I’m sorry you got hurt on my behalf.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry.” He leaned imperceptibly closer, stirring her bangs with a long, steady breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you from what you had to see tonight.”
“No.” She slipped her hands up to cover his. “I’m glad you’re here. Tonight. I…” She squeezed her eyes shut as the memory of that bloodied fake animal snuck its way past her defenses. His fingers massaged her scalp, anticipating her thoughts and offering comfort. “I keep seeing images of a knife plunging down. I…I can’t even think of where it ends up.”
Josh’s hands left her. Her eyes snapped open at the loss. But then she was weightless, being lifted into the air. And then she was in his arms. Snug in his lap, her head tucked beneath his chin.
“That’s not going to happen.” She felt his kiss on her forehead, heard the anger rumbling deep in his chest. “The man who’s doing this is a coward. He thrives on your terror. But he’s afraid to confront you face-to-face.”
That sounded like the sort of character analysis she might do. Rachel tipped her head back and saw the fierce certainty on his face. “How do you know that?”
“It fits the profile.”
“Profile?”
The spark of something flashed in his eyes. But before she could study its meaning, he tunneled his fingers into her hair and guided her cheek back against the warm skin at the base of his throat. “It’s something Detective Taylor said.”
“I don’t like being afraid, Josh.”
He rubbed gentle circles up and down her back. “I know.”
The baby fluttered inside her, as unable to settle into a comfortable spot to sleep as she’d been. She remembered Josh’s awestruck reaction when he’d seen the baby kick. She also remembered how vehemently she’d told him the baby was none of his business.
Anne-Marie shifted again and Rachel suddenly knew the best way to apologize.
“Here.” She opened her robe. She pulled Josh’s hand from her hair and guided it to her belly so he could feel the baby kick. His long fingers spanned the curve of her lower abdomen, cradling her precious cargo in a shield of warmth. With his hand anchored beneath hers, Rachel whispered, “She doesn’t like being afraid, either.”
Right on cue, Anne-Marie pummeled the target provided by Josh’s hand. The big man jumped, startled by something so tiny packing such a punch. “She does that to you all the time?”
Rachel grinned at the amazed expression on his face. “She sleeps a lot, too.”
Like a big kid delighted with a new toy, Josh pressed his hand gently against her again. Maybe Anne-Marie instinctively found Josh as irresistible as her mother did. The baby stretched and rolled, giving quite a performance.
Josh skimmed his hand across her belly, following the movement with utter fascination. “Wow.” Josh looked up, his face mere inches from Rachel’s. A calm serenity darkened his eyes to a rich shade of azure. It was as if all the conflicts and aspirations that clouded a young man’s mind had vanished. He was a man secure in himself. A man secure in this moment with her. “Thank you.”
He closed the short distance between them and kissed her tenderly, all the while holding the baby. It was a kiss that was achingly slow and thorough. The possessive warmth of his hand and the coaxing heat of his mouth created a viscous fire of sweet contentment that licked slowly through her bloodstream. Rachel returned the kiss, taking her time to explore the textures of strong, pliant lips and sandpapery beard stubble and moist, smooth heat.
It was a kiss that cut through the barriers of fear and insecurity, a kiss that chased away doubts.
A kiss that stamped something new and unexpected on Rachel’s heart.
Rachel pulled away before the revelation inside her could take form and substance. It was a reverse strategy to what she often told her clients. If she didn’t acknowledge the feeling, she wouldn’t have to deal with it.
Josh didn’t seem to mind her subtle withdrawal. He leaned over her tummy, turning his attention to the baby. With his mouth split wide in a lopsided smile, he talked to the little life inside her. “If you’re half as stubborn as your mom is, little one, you’re going to be just fine. In the meantime, I’ll do all I can to keep both of you safe. Now settle down and let your mom get some rest.”
Rachel laughed at Josh’s order. But in the very next moment she was teary-eyed with overwhelming emotional pleasure. Impulsively, she kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tightly around the neck.
“I haven’t shared that with anyone. Feeling her kick. Talking to her. I didn’t think anyone would understand…what a miracle she is.”
“I’m honored.”
She hiccuped a sob against his throat. He eased her away and tipped her face up to his. That’s when the first hot tear trickled down her cheek.
“Hey,” he said gently.
“It’s hormones.”
“It’s fatigue.”
He brushed away a tear with his thumb. “Come with me.”
Josh lifted her and set her feet on the floor. He reached over and turned off the lamp before standing up beside her. Then he took her hand, pressed a kiss to her knuckles and started walking backward, leading her toward the bedroom.
“Josh,” she protested, tempted to go with him, but knowing she was too confused and vulnerable right now for this to be a good idea. “You’ve been wonderful tonight. And I know that during a healthy pregnancy, it’s okay as long as you take certain precautions. But I don’t think I’m ready for—”
He shushed her with a finger. “I’m flattered, Doc. And maybe one day I’ll take you up on your offer.” His teasing smile told her she had misread his intentions. “But protecting you means taking care of your health, too. And I won’t be much good to you if I don’t get some sleep.”
This time she followed him willingly as he led her to the edge of her queen-size bed. He took her robe and sat her on the side of the bed to remove her slippers. At his urging, she laid down and he pulled the sheet and blankets up over her.
Then he lay down on top of the blankets beside her and gathered her into his arms. Rachel burrowed up against his heat, resting her head on the pillow of his shoulder. “Are you sure you’ll be comfortable this way?” she asked, carefully laying her hand on the side of his torso away from his bruised ribs.
“I’ll be fine.” He kissed the crown of her hair. “That couch was too short, anyway.”
She giggled against his chest, as strengthened by his humor as she was by his sheltering arms. Somewhere tonight she had crossed a line she never should have gotten close to. In the morning she would try to figure out how to get their roles back to what they were supposed to be.
But that was the morning.
Right now she needed Josh’s strength and comfort to keep the nightmares at bay.
Snug in each other’s arms, Rachel drifted off to sleep. As always, her last conscious thoughts were of her daughter. And how Josh had already fallen asleep with his arms around her and his hand on her belly, protecting them both.
Chapter Nine
“Doc, don’t do this.”
Rachel looked across the cab of the idling truck to the man sitting behind the wheel, his intense blue eyes conveying a mix of anger and regret.
Feeling like a coward, but knowing it was the only way she could get through this, Rachel stared out the side window at the prismatic sparkles of sunlight reflecting in the snow on the UMKC quadrangle. “It’s what I want, Josh. I agreed to let you drive me to school this morning, but now we have to go our separate ways. You can come to class, of course, but we can’t have any other contact. There’s nothing between us.”
His strong hand closed around her chin, turning her back to face him. “Look me in the eye and say that.”
She steeled her nerves and lifted her chin from his grasp. “There’s nothing between us.�
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He settled back behind the wheel with a sound that was part scoff, part pout. “What time do you get off work today?”
“Three-thirty.” She’d fallen for the sly manipulation. “No. You—”
“I’ll pick you up at three-thirty.”
She scooted forward on her seat, adamantly waving her hands in the air. “Don’t think I’m not grateful for your support last night, but I have a reputation to consider. You—”
He merely turned his head. “I’ll kiss you right now, in the middle of this parking lot, if you don’t tell me you’ll be waiting for me to drive you home this afternoon.”
Rachel’s words caught in her throat, shocked into silence by his tautly articulated promise. She looked through the windshield at the hundreds of people on campus around her, dashing to and from their morning classes.
What a thrilling temptation it would be to let him kiss her. What a fool she’d be to let him try.
“Fine. You can drive me home.”
Without looking at him again, she opened the door and climbed out of the truck, not waiting for his assistance.
“Keep Anne-Marie safe, too,” he called after her.
Rachel whirled around in the open doorway and warned him with a heated whisper. “You can’t use her name in public. I haven’t told anyone about it yet.” Oh God. She’d just admitted to the emotional intimacy they’d shared last night. Rachel pulled back and said apologetically, “I’m trying to avoid trouble. Please. This is the way it has to be.”
He pointedly ignored her comment and shifted his truck into gear. “I’ll see you at three-thirty.”
When she closed the door, he pulled away. She stood in the middle of the parking lot until his cherry-red pickup turned right and disappeared around the corner. Only then did she rouse herself enough from her wishes and regrets to pull her hat down over her ears and hike over to the sidewalk.
Inside her condo in the middle of the night, she and Josh had been a couple. Sleeping together with arms and legs entwined. Sharing a drowsy good-morning kiss. Last night had been a fairy tale, a reckless fantasy she’d indulged in for a few short hours.
But out here—in the real world, in the clear light of day—Rachel couldn’t believe in fairy tales.
And though in her heart, she longed to stay in her dark, cozy condo with Josh and her baby, in her head, she had to live in daylight. She had to be strong, independent. She had to set an example for her students and her child. She had to respect the rules of the university. She had to leave Josh and last night behind, and pretend the bond that was forged between them had never happened.
As she walked up to the psychology building, she sensed she was about to get a harsh dose of that reality. Curt Norwood, dressed in a field coat and thick wool gloves, with the receding points of his uncovered head turning pink with the chafing wind, stood on the first step, talking to a student in a black nylon parka.
“Good morning, Rachel.” Curt looked up from his conversation and smiled.
“Good morning.” She’d recognized Joey King by his omnipresent coat, even before he turned around. “Joey.”
Though his face was angled toward the sidewalk, he raised his shy brown eyes to greet her. “Dr. Livesay.” He shuffled nervously on his feet, then shifted his focus back to Curt. “Thanks for the tip, Dr. Norwood. I made rent this month when they paid me. Well, I’d better get to class. See you in a few minutes, Dr. Livesay.”
He hurried on inside without looking her way again. Curious. Joey had never been much for conversation, but he’d always been polite. Today, he actually seemed embarrassed to be talking to her outside of class. Oh, well.
She smiled at Curt. “I didn’t know lining up jobs for our advisees was part of the job description.”
His smile had vanished. “Clueing my students in to an opportunity to make some extra money is a lot more appropriate than dating them.”
Rachel hoped she hadn’t just heard the ring of judgment in his tone. “Excuse me?”
“We were talking, Rache. You and me. Yesterday at the Bookstore Coffee House.” He dipped his head closer to hers and whispered, “You left with him. And now I see you with him again? Did you get another flat tire?”
She had no illusions as to who “him” was. She tapped her fingers on Curt’s chest and pushed him back a step, out of her personal space. “You’re out of line, Curt.” He might be closer to the truth than he knew, but he was still out of line for suggesting it. “There’s nothing inappropriate going on between Josh Tanner and me.”
“Are you sure?” A gust of wind whipped a lock of hair across her cheek. Curt reached out and tucked it behind her ear. His hand lingered beside her neck, making the gesture feel more than friendly. “Simon was an idiot for what he did to you. I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
The wool of his glove itched against her earlobe and she stepped away. “I’m a big girl, Curt. I can take care of myself.” Snatching at the easiest excuse to get out of this conversation, she checked her watch. “I need to run. I’ll be late for class.”
She hurried up the stairs and into the building. But when the second set of glass doors closed behind her, she stopped. A crawling sensation raised goose bumps across her back.
Not again.
Turning slowly at first, she glanced over her shoulder to see if anyone had followed her into the building. A handful of students excused themselves and scurried past her. But the sensation of being the specimen on the slide of some hidden giant’s telescope remained.
She turned around completely, pushed open the glass door and retraced her steps to the outside entrance. Curt was gone. There seemed to be no one else out there standing still enough to be watching, no one else facing her direction.
Rachel pulled her hat off her head and shook her hair loose. This feeling of being watched was getting old. Maybe Josh was right, that the man stalking her was too much of a coward to show his face. He got his kicks from simply tormenting her.
Perhaps no one had been watching her at all. Maybe she was just creeped out by Curt’s awkward attempt at affection. She shook her head and headed down the hallway to her office. In truth, she was worried that Curt Norwood might have a valid point about her recent behavior.
She was beginning to feel more like Mrs. Robinson from movie fame than staid psychology professor Rachel Livesay.
And the former was an unhappy role that could ruin her career and break her heart.
JOSH HAD PARKED around on the opposite side of the psychology building from the faculty parking lot where he’d dropped off Rachel. With his backpack slung over his shoulder, he strolled down the hallway toward the lecture hall, trying to talk himself back into the role of Josh Tanner, easygoing college student.
But in his heart, he was Joshua Sidney Taylor, twenty-eight-year-old, red-blooded American male who was falling in love with Rachel Livesay and her unborn little girl.
For the first time in his career, he wished he didn’t live and breathe being a cop. He wished he hadn’t been so obsessed with wanting to be a better cop. If he weren’t so gung-ho on saving the whole world, he might have a shot at saving one woman and her baby.
He wanted to tell Rachel the truth. That he was a grown man, not a grown boy. That he was a professional law enforcement officer, not an uncommitted major wasting his student loan money so he could party full-time.
But there was one small catch to telling the truth. Exposing his cover could get him killed.
As he neared the classroom, he saw two students standing on the backside of one propped-open door. What he saw, and the angry clutch in his gut that the scene inspired, reminded him why he had lobbied so hard to get this assignment.
Kevin Washburn, the poor kid who needed a friend but would settle for a fix, was talking to David Brown.
Josh slowed his pace and studied the interchange between the two of them. David, cocky and cool in his baggy jeans and ivory turtleneck, flashed a little plastic package in the palm of his han
d before burying the item deep in his pocket. Kevin, his clothes rumpled as if he’d slept in them, his skin a pasty beige color, pulled out a wad of bills and unfolded them in his hand.
Josh wanted to shout. He wanted to scream a warning to Kevin and knock David’s lights out.
What he did instead was stop for a drink at the fountain, hiding his face and timing his arrival on the scene for just after the buy. He turned in time to witness the exchange, then sauntered down the hall in their direction.
“Hey, Kev.” The kid jumped at Josh’s friendly greeting. Kevin’s glassy eyes were framed by dark circles when he looked up. He blinked and stared as if he didn’t recognize Josh.
Then he muttered a “Hi” and darted on past.
Josh watched him over his shoulder until he disappeared inside the rest room. When he turned around, David was smiling up at him.
“Mr. Tanner—just the man I want to see.”
Josh pretended there was nothing strange about David hanging around outside a classroom he was banned from. He’d go with this conversation and see where it led. Brown might just be a small-time peddler. But if his instincts were on the money, David Brown was into something much bigger than nickel-and-dime bags.
“Where are your goons?” Josh taunted.
David braced his hands in front of him in mock surrender. No tire iron. No drugs. “I’m thinking you and I got off on the wrong foot.”
“I think we understand each other perfectly. I have a thing about men threatening women.”
“I was drunk. That was a mistake.” He paused to check the last few students who were trickling into class. When he spoke again, his voice was hushed. “I have a business proposition for you.”
“Really.” That sounded skeptical enough.
“A friend of mine—Kelly—says you bought something from her yesterday afternoon.”
News traveled fast. “Maybe.”
“If that’s your thing, I know we can help each other.” David sounded like he was Josh’s best friend.
