“Okay, so I guess you’re right. So, how are we going to do this?” I asked.
“Well first, why did you keep us around?” Grim asked.
I was stunned. The whole question floored me. He asked it like there was an option. Was I just supposed to say thanks and then move on? “I don’t really know how to answer that question.”
“The truth usually works best.” Grim chuckled. “Of course, sometimes it’s the hardest to say.”
“Honestly, it just seemed like-“ I stopped midway through my excuse. Grim was staring at me with those cool blue eyes, and I knew that he already knew I was about to lie to him. “You really are sharper than you let on.” I grumbled.
“I’d have to be.” Grim laughed, but the laughter never reached his eyes.
“So, how much of what you do is an act and how much is really you?” I asked.
The smile went away. “DD, it’s not an act. You keep assuming that things have to always be a certain way. That’s not how life works. I’m a big, goofy hornball, but I’m not a big, goofy, stupid hornball.”
“I never called you stupid.” I whispered.
“Not in so many words. Now my question is this. You’d have no trouble trusting me to do something sneaky. So why is it you can’t accept that I might not be half the dummy you think I am?”
I felt myself start to get angry, “I’ve never called you a dummy.”
“No, you just assume that I’m not smart enough to realize how bad our situation is. You think I’m just breezing through life, ignorant of my circumstances, and just stumbling around getting very lucky?”
I was fuming, “I don’t think anything like that.”
“Sure, you do. Maybe you just don’t want to admit it.” His words cut to the bone because they were absolutely true.
My shoulders sagged, “Maybe you’re right. I’m sorry. I never meant to.”
“I know. DD, you’re extremely well-educated. I was educated on battlefields. I learned by survival the way you learned from books. I’ve got plenty of knowledge about people and life in general, and you’ve got plenty of knowledge about books. So let’s get something straight. You think that intelligence comes from books, and nobody has ever really accused me of being much of a reader. So by your way of seeing things, I can’t be very smart.”
“I feel like such a jerk.”
Grim chuckled, “Nah, you just have a naïve point of view. There are lots of different kinds of intelligence. You could be book smart, people smart, or smart about a thousand different things. They’re all valid, and all are important. You’re book smart. I’m people smart. Don’t get me wrong. You’re leaps and bounds more knowledgeable than I am when it comes to facts, figures and all the science stuff, but I know people better than you ever will.”
“You really think that?” I didn’t even try to hide my doubts.
“I know it. Just like I know that at the end of the day you can’t accept that Elizabeth snookered you.”
“Snookered? You’re kidding, right?”
“Not even a little. You may have expected that Elizabeth was up to no good. You might have even known to some extent what she was up to, but we both know that you didn’t have a clue to the extent of her plans. We both know that Doctor Nowitski’s death surprised the hell out of you. Now I’ll tell you something else that I know. You can’t accept any of this because to accept that you didn’t know what’s up means that you don’t know everything, and you just can’t handle not knowing. So instead, you prefer to believe that you were a bigger part of Elizabeth and Terwillickers plan than you really were.” Grim sounded so confident, and it irritated the fudge out of me.
“I knew they were up to no good. We created cloned soldiers. What else could they have been planning? I knew that Doctor Nowitski’s usefulness to the project had reached its end. Even a complete moron would have to know what they might do to her.” I felt tears welling up.
“Yeah, but you didn’t know. Because when it comes to people, you’re so naïve that it’s almost comical sometimes.”
“Don’t be silly.” I snapped.
“Really, so you know that Penny’s in love with you?” Grim laughed.
“Wha-a-a-a-a-a-“ I stared at him in shock. “Grim, that’s not funny.”
“I’m not joking.” Grim smiled. “She’s got it bad for you, and you can’t even see it.”
“I know she likes me, and she got frisky with me earlier, but she doesn’t love me.” My face flushed, and I took a sideways glance at him, hoping he wouldn’t be angry.
“Frisky huh.” Grim snorted.
I exhaled in relief. I didn’t realize that I’d been holding my breath nervously, waiting for his response. He could have been angry, furious, and in the end he sounded like he already knew what was going on. It was a little frustrating to realize that he was two steps ahead of me. “Yeah, but she doesn’t love me. It’s just her being herself. She’s a vampire, and she’s just very open sexually. It’s nothing more than that.”
“Keep telling yourself that all you want, but it won’t make it true. The fact is that Penny is in love with you.” Grim smiled.
“But you’re her boyfriend. She loves you.”
“I never said she didn’t, but loving me doesn’t mean that she can’t also be in love with you.” Grim smiled.
“Doesn’t it?” I felt panicked.
“For some people, yeah it would be impossible. Some people have a hard enough time loving one person. Then there are other people who have enough love for more than one person. Penny’s one of those people. She loves me, and she’s madly in love with you. It’s why your head is still attached to your shoulders by the way because if anyone else had slapped me, Penny would have torn their head off their shoulders just on principle.”
“So I wasn’t just imagining that she was really considering killing me.” My voice squawked and croaked in fear.
“Nope, she was thinking about it, but the important part to remember is that she didn’t actually do it. Because she could have pulled your head off, and then proceeded to shove that head up your own butt, and there’s nothing any of us could really do to stop her. She knows it, I know it, and hopefully you’re smart enough to know it.”
“But Danika?” I asked.
“Danika would put up one hell of a fight, but Danika isn’t really much of a fighter compared to my girl. She might be able to match up physically with Penny, but fighting is more than just physical ability. Penny’s not just a fighter, she’s a survivor. If need be she can be vicious and brutal to a point that others just won’t go to, and that can make all the difference in the world.”
“So she’s a lot like you.” I said nervously, it felt like I was standing on very thin ice.
Grim sighed, “In some ways yes, and that’s why she doesn’t judge me for the things I’ve done. She knows in her heart that under similar situations she might have made the same decisions. There is a difference between us though. She has ethics, and morals that she holds on to no matter what. They are little rules that she clings to. Maybe they’re there to help her hold on to her sanity, or maybe they help her function around us, but the point is that there are some things she just wouldn’t do.”
“Really? Like what?” It just shot out of my mouth before I could rein it in.
“Oh like don’t kill people you love for starters.”
“But you’d never-“
Grim interrupted me, “I already have. The team I lead before all of you. I’d served with them a long time. We were like brothers. When Alhambra kept us as prisoners she bent them and twisted them inside so that they did all the things they did to me after they lost their sanity. I on the other hand had complete control of my faculties, and I only started to lose my shit as a result of the things I did to them.”
“Janine says you did what you did out of love. That you drove them to their deaths in order to put them out of their misery.”
“Yeah that’s part of it, I can admit that now. It
took me a long time before I could accept the truth of what I am. It’s funny how you’ll lie to yourself just so you can make sense of the circumstances. I thought I was a complete scumbag, but now I realize that I’m a man that can be sweet and nice, but I’m also capable of really horrible acts under certain circumstances. I drove them to their deaths to end their suffering, but at a point I realized that to move on I have to be honest with myself and also admit I really enjoyed it. I’d have willingly died for those guys, but at the same time I enjoyed hurting them. See I’m not kidding when I talk about being the only monster in our little group. ”
“But Grim, you look after us all. You do little things to care for us, like distracting Janine with that stupid movie.”
“You caught that huh? I’m not saying that I’m a rabid dog that needs to be put down. I think what I’m trying to say is that…I will do whatever I have to in order to survive.”
“Most people would.” I said it, and I was pretty confident of my answer, but Grim shook his head sadly.
“No, most people will go to a point, but then there is a line that they won’t cross. I haven’t found that point in me yet. I killed men that were like brothers to me. We can debate the reasons, but that doesn’t make what I did right. When I was in the sanitarium I slept with a man in order to escape. Of course now it looks like I was getting screwed by a butt load of demons.”
I couldn’t help myself, I started snickering. I tried to stop myself, and that only led to growing laughter. Grim eyed me, and there was a flash of anger, but then he started laughing with me. “Oh I’m sorry Grimmy. I know I shouldn’t laugh, and it’s not really that funny, but talk about a bad choice of words.” It wasn’t just that. Today had been so stressful, and it was like everything was stuck behind a dam. All the stress and fear and…well everything. So even the slightest bit of humor put a tiny crack in that dam, and the pressure of all the stress and fear did the rest.
“Butt load of demons, sounds like a gay death metal band.” Grim smiled.
That was it…I was done. Laughter just spewed out of me. It didn’t help that Grim kept making perverted parodies of AC/DC song titles to fuel my laughter.
“Highway to My Anus, Back in Butt, Flick of The Dick, Bills Balls, I Put My Finger in You, If You Want Cock You Got It, Let Me Put My Cock Into You, Night of the Long Dick, He Likes Cock N Balls, and of course You Suck Me All Night Long.”
“Oh God please stop. I can’t see.” I was laughing so hard that my ribs hurt. Grim leaned back and smiled. Some of the color was coming back to his face.
“Spoilsport, I was just about to get into Metallica, and then Aerosmith.” He laughed. It was a deep throaty laugh, and it rumbled the bed. I felt warm and safe, and considering how this day had been going until now…well it was a really nice change.
“You’re wrong about one thing.” I said.
“Really, what’s that?” Grim eyed me suspiciously.
“You aren’t a monster. You’re the best man I know. You care about us, and take care of all of us. You even care enough about us to make a joke at your own expense. You put up with all of Penny’s crazy vampire ways.”
“I love her.” It was all he said, but the way he said it shocked me. I always thought of them as two people just goofing off, and having a fun time, but the emotion in his words told me she meant so much more to him than a fun roll in the hay, and someone to joke with. So of course I just had to stick my foot in my mouth.
“You said she wouldn’t marry you. Why not? You love her, and she adores you.”
Grim groaned, “Do we really have to discuss this?”
Well I’d already stepped on this landmine, might as well let it blow me up, “Yes. I just can’t believe she’d say no. She loves you, and you love her. What exactly is stopping you?”
“Her Dad.” Grim’s voice sounded frustrated.
“What do you mean her Dad? I didn’t know they were talking.”
“They aren’t, at least as far as I know, but you never know with Penny. You think you know what’s going on with her and then she changes everything up on you and leaves you standing there with your thumb in your ass and a confused look on your face.”
“Gee, who does that remind me of…face it, you two are perfect for each other.” I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.
Grim gave me a sly look, “Yeah, I know. We’re a lot alike. The way I understand it is that since her father is the head of her line of vampires, he makes the rules. In her father’s day, marriage was a contract to consolidate power and positions. Very little love was involved. Since he’s the head of their line, he has brought his sensibilities to his people. That means Penny can’t marry me because her father would see no benefit to his people from it.”
“I thought that another vampire changed him. How is he the head of his line?”
Grim shrugged, “I asked the same thing. The only thing she’d say was that their line broke off. She refused to say anything more than that.”
“So you guys can’t get married because there’s no benefit to her father? That’s crazy.”
“Yeah, but she’s convinced that if we married anyway then he’d make an example of us. That’s why Penny refuses. At least she finally opened up enough to explain that. She’s willing to accept the three-way relationship as a compromise because it doesn’t actually affect her father’s ability to send her off as a bargaining chip on some whim in order to seal some deal. ” Grim looked angry, and I suppose I couldn’t blame him.
“Wow, he could just do that? Just snap his fingers and say go marry this dude, and Penny would have to leave?”
“Yep, that’s what she says. Pretty fucked up huh?”
“Yeah…but wait. You’re Death. The capital D-E-A-T-H, the Horseman of the Apocalypse, Jesus’ ultimate bouncer in the dance club of life, doesn’t that mean something?” I asked.
“Yeah, it means there’s not a chance in hell that he’d ever agree to our marriage. Having real ties to me would be seen as her father taking a stand on faith. There are a lot of creatures out there that aren’t exactly Jesus friendly, so if he had ties to me then he’d be potentially weakening his political power. So the way she tells it, I should just be happy that he hasn’t demanded her to cut ties with me altogether. Of course that’s probably partially due to the fact that she hasn’t actually really had a conversation with him since Elizabeth found her staked out, and rescued her.”
“Wow. So she’s been lying low then huh?”
Grim nodded, “Yeah, she’s spending a lot of her time waiting for the other shoe to drop. Cashing in on our sudden fame may be wonderful for all of us financially, but it’s been pretty stressful for her.”
“I never realized.”
Grim smiled, “Penny’s a proud woman, but her instinct is to live in the shadows. She hunts by blending in, and now she’ll never really be able to blend in again. She’s exposed in a way that is hard for you or me to understand. The closest explanation I can give is that it’s like when you’d have that dream where you were naked in front of a group of people. That’s kind of what all this fame and popularity is like for her. She’d never want to admit to anyone that she’s stressed out, but between Katy starving her out, the sudden spotlight on our every move, and the possibility that her father could call her anytime and demand she leaves, it’s no surprise that she’s pretty much at the end of her rope.”
“Yeah…I guess I didn’t think about how this change might affect her, but if it’s so bad then why does she stay around.”
Grim laughed, “Because she loves us. Come on, she loves every single one of us. You, me, Niki, Katy, Janine, my family, heck she even loves your family and she’s never actually met them. Penny’s got a pretty big heart for being such a tiny girl.”
“What do you mean she loves my family?” I asked.
“Maybe I’ve shared too much.”
“No! You tell me what you mean right now mister!” I was shaking my finger at him, and suddenly recoiled in
horror. Oh my god…I just sounded like my mother.
Grim sighed, “Penny’s put about a third of every dollar towards trust funds for your siblings.”
“What!” I screamed.
“Don’t get mad, that’s just Penny. She knows you’re putting aside money, but she thought that it might be nice if they had enough money to take time to really figure out what they wanted to do with their lives. She’s doing the same thing with my sisters.”
“But you’d think she could at least ask me.” I couldn’t decide if I wanted to strangle her or hug her. It was really sweet, but it was also a huge breach of boundaries.
“She prefers to do things secretively when she can. She was trying to set it up so that it looked like your mom had set this stuff aside, but she couldn’t figure out how to do it without making it look like your mom was keeping secrets.”
I leaned back against the headboard, “So she really loves me? Then why did she pick Katy to be your Pet?”
“Katy’s a sweet girl, but she’s safe. I mean that as much as Penny and I like her, we’ll never be in love with her. More importantly Penny knows that I’ll never pick Katy over her. Katy’s sweet, but it’s not like I can really have a conversation with her. It wasn’t really fair of us to bring her into this relationship, and in hindsight we should never have done it. We just got ahead of ourselves.” His words were filled with regret.
“Okay, but if Penny was in love with me even back then, then why didn’t she come to me about it?” I asked, and a part of me was scared of the answer.
“I realize you may not completely accept this, but to Penny you are beautiful. In fact by the way she talks you are basically a fantasy, wrapped up in a wet dream, surrounded by little horny cupids, covered by a spotlight of pure sexiness. You walk into a room, and she starts hearing Barry White music. So it’s pretty safe to say that she believes if given half a chance that you’d have her wrapped around your finger. Plus, in her mind you might just be the right combination of smarts and sexiness that she thinks you might be able to swoop in and steal my heart, leaving her all alone. I like you, hell you’ve become my best friend, but my heart belongs that that little neck biter as you like to call her. She’s insecure about that, and I can’t convince her otherwise. Penny doesn’t like to be that vulnerable.”
Midnight Squad: The Ties That Bind Page 36
