Chapter 26
“You need to call your family. They could be in trouble.” Grim said quietly.
“They might make me leave.” Penny’s hands shook.
“Honey, they need to know. We’ll cross that bridge if we get to it, but you need to tell them what’s happening.” Grim put an arm around her to calm her nerves.
“But…it’s been so long. I haven’t actually spoken to them since…I came out of my torpor. They may not want to speak to me.” Penny sounded like a shadow of herself, and I think the rest of us were just trying not to look surprised. I’d almost forgotten that she’d spent a long period of time staked and unconscious. Since no one cut off her head, she was eventually revived by my old boss. We all thought she’d at least talked to them on the phone a few times, and we were all having a hard time hiding our surprise. She always talked like she was still involved with them, and while she always played her family life close to the vest, sometimes she’d say something about them in a way that made you think she’d just had a nice long chat with them. How long has she been away from her family?
“You’ve got to call them. They might die otherwise.” Grim spoke softly.
Penny took a steadying breath to calm down, and then began dialing. I don’t know how she knew the number. Maybe she’s been keeping tabs on them, or maybe there’s just some vampire phone book that she gets that I’m not aware of. I guess it doesn’t really matter, but it just made me wonder how much she’s kept from us.
“Hello?” A deep Scottish voice growled out from the phone.
“Da?” Penny said nervously.
“Oh, it’s you.” The man sounded like he just stepped in dog mess.
“Da? I’m sorry that I haven’t called, but I need to tell you...”
“The Darkness hasn’t finished you yet? I’m beginning to think they aren’t nearly as competent as we always believed.”
“What?” Penny’s voice was barely a whisper.
“I said, oh deceitful daughter of mine, that the Darkness hasn’t finished you yet. You’d think with all the information I gave them, that they’d have killed you by now. You’d think they’d be better at this sort of thing.”
“Da? Why? Is everyone okay, they didn’t hurt anyone, did they?”
“Hurt? Why would they want to hurt me? I’ve been a loyal member for over a century now.”
Penny stumbled backwards; it was like she’d been slapped. When she reached the wall, she slid down to the floor as if her legs wouldn’t hold her up, “Da, why? Why did you send them after me?”
“I didn’t send them after you. They saw your antics on the television and wanted to make an example out of you. They came to me for any information I had about you. I didn’t have much, but I passed on what I remembered about you from the old days. I thought they’d have killed you by now. I guess they just don’t know how to do the job. Why couldn’t you have just stayed staked in that cave where my men left you?”
“No. Why?” Penny sobbed.
“You think you can try to team up with your bitch of a mother against me, and I won’t find out?”
“What? What are you talking about?” Penny looked confused and horrified.
“Oh please, you always were your mother’s daughter. Your sisters told me the truth. They told me your mother and you were planning to overthrow me. They are such good girls, not like you. You took after your slut of a mother.”
“Da, where is my mother?” Penny sat there shaking.
“Who knows where the ashes went.” The man’s voice sounded triumphant. “Why would I care about the remains of some traitor?”
“She was your wife!” Penny hissed.
“She stopped being my wife when I brought you over. The rotten bitch never forgave me for that. She seemed to think I robbed you of your chance of happiness or something silly like that. It was only a matter of time before she tried to overthrow me. She was biding her time.”
“She was a devoted wife.” Penny snarled.
“She was a bitch, and the little whore quit spreading her legs for me the day you became a vampire. She refused my bed until I apologized…like I needed to apologize for making a decision for one of MY CHILDREN! The sheer gall of that woman! The best decision I ever made was killing her.”
“No! How could you?” Penny whimpered.
“Well, it was pretty easy actually, and I’d have never been able to do it without your help.”
“I never-“
Her father interrupted, “Oh, but you did. Your mother was almost as strong as I was. We’d have never caught the bitch if I hadn’t sent my men to stake you. After you were down, your mother came to me. She made a trade. If I promised not to take your life, then she would surrender to me. Of course I never promised that I’d actually rescue you. I mean, why would I free someone that was trying to overthrow me? I can still see that look of shock on her face. The stupid cow really believed I’d send someone to rescue you. It didn’t actually sink in that all her efforts were pointless until after I’d cut her head off. Her head just lay there mouthing your name. Sentimental to the very last.”
“I have always been loyal. Mother always was faithful!” Penny’s hands shook so badly that the phone fell out of her hands and rattled onto the floor.
“You keep saying that, but your sisters showed me the proof. None of that matters, anyway. It was time for me to move on, and find someone more appealing. You could learn a lot from your stepmother. She’s the best kind of woman. She keeps her mouth shut when I tell her, and opens her legs when the mood strikes me. Not like that rotten cunt whose tit you suckled at. Your mother always had her opinion on things. Sure, she’d stand by me in public, but in private she just wouldn’t shut up. You’re just like her, and maybe that’s why I never much cared for you. You’ve always been a disappointment. You were a pathetic little girl that grew into a worthless cunt of a woman. So I finally take matters into my own hands to find some way to make you useful, and then I catch hell for turning you into a vampire. Bringing you over was a kindness, not that you deserved it. No, you were just like your mother, and like her the only thing you were good at was lying on your back. Of course, once she refused my bed, then what good was she? Besides, I’ve never had a hard time finding women that could do that, and they never had half the mouth that you or your mother did. Now have the good decency to lie down and die, and never call here again.”
The phone clicked off, and we all just stood there. What could any of us really say? Finally Grim reached down, and lifted up the phone to hit redial. “What? Didn’t you understand me the first time, you pathetic dishrag of a woman.”
Grim growled, “Now listen to me, you little fuck!”
“Who is this?” Penny’s father sounded confused for a moment, and then recognition seemed to spark inside his brain, “Ah, the soldier. Are you going to threaten me, soldier? Please, save your breath. I’m not in the mood, and just because you want to puff yourself up in front of my daughter doesn’t mean I really have to be a part of this.” He then hung up, leaving Grim seething.
“Motherfucker!” Grim reared back and fired the phone down the hallway. It shattered against the tile floor. “I’ll kill that rotten son of a bitch! I’ll...” Grim stopped and looked down at Penny. She was crying softly. Every ounce of anger dissipated out of the man. He knelt down, and scooped Penny up. “Come on, let’s get you back to bed.” His eyes turned to me, “DD? Can you come help?”
“Sure, anything I can do.” I started trotting off behind him.
“We’ll clean up the hallway.” Niki said gently. I think she was afraid to upset Penny any more.
Grim never even registered that he’d heard, and right now he was completely focused on Penny. The big man carried her off, and I had to hurry to keep up. I followed them into one of the spare rooms, and watched as Grim set her down gently. He looked worried, and it was like he expected her to break any second. After setting her down Grim turned to me, “Go get dressed, and then come back
here. Penny shouldn’t be alone right now, but I have to take care of that body. I’ll wait on you, but hurry back because I need to get moving.”
“You aren’t going to stay with her?” I asked.
“I’d love to, and I’ll be back soon, but I need to get rid of that body before someone is smart enough to call the cops. Now hurry. Penny needs you.”
I charged off to my room. When I got there I cast a nervous glance at my bed. A big golden stain covered the center. I shuddered as I realized just how close I was to death. I took a few more steps and then my foot crunched on something. I looked down, “Oh B.O.B. no!”
My B.O.B. was shattered into a half dozen pieces. It wasn’t from when I stepped on it. It must have been when Jes conked Sam on the head. I guess my B.O.B. was the only thing close enough for Jes to grab at the time. Still, as stupid as it sounds, I felt kind of sad. B.O.B. had gotten me through a lot of lonely nights. He was always ready to satisfy me, but never pushy. The best part was that he always made sure that I was satisfied before he was done. I felt like I should mourn for him, or give him some kind of funeral because we were that close. What can I say? There’s a strong bond between a woman and her vibrator.
I slipped out of the clothes Penny had put me in, and found another old nightshirt. Chewbacca was staring down Yoda, and a little talk bubble was over Yoda saying, “No gag reflex, she had. Her nightstand, twenty dollars I left. Now burns when I pee, it does.” I coupled the shirt with a pair of hello kitty sleep pants. It wasn’t really sexy, but at least it was clean. I then found some big, fluffy bunny slippers and plodded my way back to Grim and Penny.
I walked inside, and Grim was holding Penny. He looked like a grown man holding a little girl. I’d never seen Penny look so…broken. Her eyes were dull, and she was almost catatonic. Grim looked up at me, and I could see the concern etched on his face. Then he blinked and it all went away. He was in full business mode. Grim let go of Penny and walked past me, “Take care of her until I can get back.” It wasn’t a request. I wanted to tell him to go shove it, but looking at Penny I didn’t dare. She might have thought I didn’t want to be around her. She looked like her whole world had come crumbling down, and in a lot of ways, I suppose it had. Her mother was dead; her father was a complete bastard. She’d apparently been lying to us about her family. Of course, if my father hated me enough to want me dead, but still took the time to molest me, then I might want to lie about that too. I walked to the bed and put my arm around her.
She flinched and whispered, “I’d understand if you didn’t want to be around me. I know Grim is making you stay, but I can go stay in the bathroom until he gets back. That way you don’t have to be around me.”
“Why wouldn’t I want to be around you?” I asked just as she began to pull away.
“You know why. I lied. I lied to everyone about my family. Now they all hate me.” Penny’s voice was dull, like she was unplugging from the world itself.
“We don’t hate you. I don’t think anybody is particularly happy that you lied, but we don’t hate you.” Penny edged away, and I scooted closer and wrapped both arms around her, “Now stop this. If my father, wherever he is, was as big an asshat as your dad is, then I’d lie about him too. Everyone loves you. I mean, you are part of this bizarre goulash we call a family.”
It was a poor choice of words because Penny started crying. Not the little tear trickling down the side of your cheek crying, but the full-on snot bubbling out your nose, tears are actually gagging you, if you say anything you might throw up kind of crying. This would be bad enough, but it becomes truly disturbing when it comes from a vampire because they have to remember to make their body do things like produce tears, or snot. Why they’d want to produce snot is beyond me. Wait…focus…anyway, the sure sign a vampire is really upset is when they forget to do the little things that imitate life. They forget to breathe, or blink. In this case Penny was so upset she wasn’t making tears, or snot bubbles. Her cute little nose was bubble free. It shouldn’t be funny, but you get used to seeing these things as natural responses in people, and so when they are missing it just looks like really bad acting. Not on par with Paris Hilton’s acting skills, or lack thereof, but pretty close. So here I am next to a woman that I know is in real emotional pain, and I’m trying not to laugh because if I do, then I’m just adding to her problem. Some days my life is a real kick in the hoo-ha.
“Penny, please stop crying. I know you're upset, but you have people that love you. Grim loves you, I love you, and the others care about you too.” Wait? Did I just tell her I love her? Do I go back and try to make that the I’m your friend love? Oh crap, what if she thinks I’m just saying this stuff to get into her pants? Oh darn…I never had to worry about any of this with B.O.B.
Penny leaned over and kissed me, “Thank you, and thank you for not leaving me alone.”
“Well, I want to be here with you, and Grim might also do to me what he was doing to Sam.” I tried to joke about it, but even I noticed how nervous that last part sounded.
“He’s not really like that, you know? I mean he can be under the right circumstances, but Joseph really isn’t that way.” Penny sniffled, again with no snot to sniffle.
“He’s not like what?” I asked, again fixated on why a vampire might make snot. I mean, what exactly is the purpose of it? Maybe it’s so they can pull off the damsel in distress to lure their prey in, or maybe they just do it because they all get some thrill out of picking their nose. Why am I stuck on this? It’s not like they all do it. In fact, in the entire time I’ve been around Penny, I’ve never once seen her blow her nose.
Just like that, I was fixated on vampires and their anatomy. I had so many questions. I mean, Penny said that vampires “technically” didn’t use the toilet. What does that even mean? It was my inner geek in full effect. It wanted to get out and do what it does best…examine, learn, and then find new ways to implement this new-found knowledge. I started considering all the things that must happen inside Penny at any given moment for her to pass as normal. It was mind boggling. Then I started thinking about her fangs, and that venom she shoots into us. What is it? Could we synthesize it? How much money could you make on cologne that gave you an orgasm with every sniff? I was a tech geek at heart, but my time with Doctor Nowitski had taught me an appreciation for anatomy and physiology, for biology, and all the squishier sciences. I had so many questions I wanted to ask of a purely scientific nature, but I tucked them away because right now she needed me.
“So tell me, what is Grim like? I think of the guy as my best friend, but to be honest, he scares the poop out of me.” Penny gave me a weak grin. At least she was trying to dig her way out of her depression. Sometimes a well-placed poop is all you need to bring someone back around. Penny hesitated. It was like she was afraid I wouldn’t believe her. So I poked her tummy and said, “Poop. Now tell me.”
“Well it’s just…” Penny hesitated again.
“Poop!” I poked her right in her belly button.
“Stop that!” Penny laughed.
“I will, when you tell me what he’s like. Now talk woman, or I will poop on you again.” I waved my pointer finger, or in this case pooper finger, menacingly at her stomach.
That was all it took. Penny fell back laughing. It was loud, it was…happy. That was the best part. For a few moments all of her problems went away, and she was just this woman laughing with a close friend, and maybe I’d get to be more than a friend. The important thing was that she wasn’t drowning in her own sorrow.
“Thank you. I…well I was going to say I needed that, but I simply refuse to say I needed you to poop on me.” Penny then turned around and poked my tummy, “poop.”
I did my best to sound shocked and offended, “Did you just poop on me?”
“I believe I did. What are you going to do about it?” Penny taunted.
“Poop!” I poked her, and that’s when it just turned silly.
“Poop!”
“Poop!”
“Poop!”
“Poo-oo-oo-p!”
“P to the double O to the P!”
“POO-OOP!”
“P is for Penny, I’m really fucking awesome. O is for outlawed, as in you can’t do this anymore. O is for other people, because it’s best when I do it. P is for pooping, because those are the Penny Poop rules, the Penny Poop rules, the Penny Poop rules. Those are the Penny Poop rules, and I just pooped on your head. I just pooped on your head. I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout how you’re stinkin’, because I…pooped on your hea-a-a-a-a-a-a-d!” By the time she finished singing that god-awful tune I was pinned on my back, and she was sprawled across me. Her chest hovered just over my mouth. So I did what any woman that was losing a play fight would do. “Ouch! Let go!”
“Nuh-uh. Noth th’l oo thurrender!” I held onto her nipple with my teeth.
“Surrender? I have not yet begun to fight. Feel my vampire wra-yeeouch! That is attached, you know.” Penny tried to gently shake me loose, but I was attached too well. Finally Penny laughed, “Okay, you win. I surrender, but I want a rematch.”
I let go of her nipple. “That’s what I thought. Now-“
“Sneak attack!” Penny screamed and lifted my shirt up long enough to latch on to my tummy and start blowing against it as hard and fast as she could. So of course, it was right then that Niki and Danika stepped in to check on us.
“What in the blue hell?” Niki screamed.
“Nothing to see here, just a vampire blowing a good friend.” Penny said between the fart noises she was creating off my tummy.
“If that’s your idea of a blowjob then just for the record…you’re doing it wrong.” Danika laughed.
“Where’s Jes?” Penny asked.
Midnight Squad: The Ties That Bind Page 45
