Shock made it hard to breathe, freezing my insides cold. "Fucking bitch."
"Yeah...that. I'm not even going to argue with your potty mouth."
I couldn't sleep that night. I was exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally, yet I still couldn't sleep. And it wasn't because of the tumultuous revelations between my dad and me. It wasn't even because of my pure blinding range toward Cari.
It was over him.
The way that Jordan had so callously brushed aside what had happened between us. I didn't ask for that little encounter to be recorded and uploaded to the Internet. That's all on you.
It was all on me. It was true. But I'd expected something from him. Something more. And maybe that hadn't been fair, either.
Just because I loved him didn't mean those feelings were reciprocated, no matter how much I wanted them to be. I'd told him how I felt. In return, he'd pushed me against the wall and had his way with me. And I'd let him.
It was just sex. He'd told me that over and over again. Why had my stupid heart not listened? Stupid, stupid April. You've fucked up. Yet again. And you can't even blame alcohol for this one.
But somewhere, deep inside, I knew that this, too, would pass. Broken hearts would mend. Sure, it hurt like hell now and I'd need time and distance. Come to think of it, taking a trip to Israel didn't sound so bad right about now. I drifted off to sleep for about an hour or two before dawn with the image of myself standing before the Wailing Wall, atoning for my sins. Maybe Rebekah was right. Maybe I did need to find out more about that part of myself. Maybe the blessing in return would be a healed heart.
And then I could turn my back on all of this and forget.
Chapter 26
Jordan
It was just after noon on Sunday in New York City. The officers and their respective partners--those of us who had them, anyway-- had chartered a private flight from LA early this morning, and we were now at a private affair in an exclusive restaurant that looked out over Central Park. Company officers mingled with potential board members and investment bankers, all celebrating the imminent listing of Draco Multimedia Entertainment. On Monday morning, we'd gather on a special platform at the New York Stock Exchange while the CEO of the newest publicly traded company rang the bell to open trading.
It was the realization of a dream I'd had since the day Adam and I had gotten together over coffee one weekend and he'd told me he wanted to start his own company. He'd asked for my help, and that's exactly what I gave him. I'd worked tirelessly for the past four years so that this day would come to fruition. Everything I'd done, every connection I'd made and every meticulous record I'd kept was geared toward the audits that a board would eventually want, with the sole purpose of taking the company public and thus becoming ridiculously rich.
And here I was, less than a month before my twenty-sixth birthday, about to quadruple my net worth, pushing it up into the nine-figure range. Easily, I would be a billionaire before I turned thirty. I should have been flying high.
In truth, I felt like shit.
I hadn't slept last night at all. Oh, I'd given it the old college try. I lay in bed for hours staring up at the ceiling, but I couldn't stop thinking about her.
Especially that look in her eyes when she'd backed away from me at the car before she'd left with her dad. Betrayal. I knew that look. I'd worn that same look when I'd been betrayed. I knew how it felt inside. And I swore that I would never let anyone do it to me again. I also swore that I'd never let anyone in close enough for me to do it to.
I let April in, though. I reeled her right in and I didn't let her get away. Even when I knew that she was starting to care too much. I could have ended it in Canada. And nominally, I had.
But I'd been incapable of letting her walk away. So I reeled her back in again and convinced myself that it was just sex for both of us. Even on my subconscious level, I was a rat bastard.
A rat bastard who was in love with her.
Contrary to my normal sociable behavior, I huddled in a corner, planted on a seat near the window, and sipped my third glass of champagne, hoping for a buzz to take the edge off. So much for abstaining from alcohol. It had been a good run while it lasted but no way was I going to get through this day sober.
Someone landed in the seat next to me with a heavy sigh. I could tell it was a woman and hoped it wasn't yet another underwriter trying to pass me her hotel key surreptitiously. I didn't even look or acknowledge my seatmate until she began to speak.
"Penny for your thoughts," Mia said.
"My thoughts are worth at least thirty-five dollars a share."
She laughed. "You okay?" And before I could answer that, she added, "Have you, by any chance, heard from April?"
Lead seemed to clog up my throat and a sliver of pain pierced my breastbone. I downed the last of the champagne in my flute, set it aside and leaned back to look at her.
Adam's fiancee was a very pretty woman with light brown eyes that shone with intelligence. She was as smart as a whip, and I figured I'd have to be as careful with her as I usually was around her one true love. He had a way of figuring things out quickly.
"I haven't heard from April. I don't suppose she wants any reminder about her time at Draco these days." Especially me, I thought with a dull ache in my chest.
Her lips thinned. "Can you pass me her number? I'd like to make sure she's okay. She didn't deserve that shit treatment, and it's something I'm going to have to have words with Adam at some point after all this with the IPO dies down. The slut-shaming that goes on when a woman is sexual--and especially if she happens to enjoy sex--while a man gets the slaps on the back and the 'atta boys.' It's just not fair."
Alrighty then. I slid my eyes to the greenery out the window. Adam's fiancee was also a rabid, sign-toting feminist. Okay, maybe not that bad. As far as I could tell, she hadn't burned her bra, but issues like this brought out the Susan B. Anthony in her.
"Yeah, I'll...see what I can do."
Mia continued to stare at me. I grabbed her untouched flute of champagne and began to sip it. Fourth time might be the charm? Her eyes narrowed as she watched me.
"You're worried about her."
I clenched my jaw and released it. "Have you ever read The Scarlet Letter?" I asked.
Her brow rose at the abrupt change of subject. "Not recently. Everybody has to read that goddamn book in high school, though."
"So you actually read it? You didn't just get the cheat notes? I was homeschooled so I never read it."
"I did actually read it. I never got cheats on books I had to read. I'm a nerd like that, even though I'm not a big fan of the classics. Why?"
"Who's Dimmesdale?"
Now she was frowning. I could tell she was wondering what the hell was going through my head, but she humored me.
"If I remember correctly, he's the guy who got Hester pregnant. He was the reverend of the town. But he kept silent and no one but Hester ever knew he was the father of the baby. So Hester had to endure all the shame and wear the letter. And those same townspeople who all spit on her held him up to be the model of a holy, pure man. He's the epitome of a hypocrite."
You're Dimmesdale, April had said. She was right. My head ached. My chest was tight. And I felt like the lowest of the low, the weight of guilt pulling me down.
I had a few more in me--only enough for a pleasant buzz--before I got up the courage to tell Adam I needed to talk to him alone. He agreed to come to my suite when he could break away from all the congratulations and schmoozing going on around here.
Back in my room, I may have fortified myself with a little single malt Scotch before he got there. When he knocked on the door, I let him in, and then headed straight back to the bar.
"Care for some Johnnie Walker Black Label?" I drawled.
He scowled. He didn't touch hard liquor and I knew that perfectly well.
"What's up, Jordan? You look like shit."
"Thank you. I feel like shit."
"Are you ge
tting sick? Why didn't you tell me? You're going to be up for the bell ringing and trading on the floor, right? They're going to interview us."
"I'm not physically ill, no."
Adam let out a breath, visibly relieved. "Glad to hear that." He shucked his suit coat and found a nearby lounge chair to sit on, immediately yanking on his tie to pull it off and roll it up. I'd already removed my jacket, tie, cufflinks and shoes.
He sat back, resting an ankle on his knee, and waited. I took a sip of Scotch and geared myself up. "Okay, so...I need to talk to you about April Weiss."
Nothing on his face betrayed his thoughts. "Okay. Go ahead."
"You can't fire her for being in the video when there's another employee who participated and is getting off scot-free."
Adam stared at me as if I'd just grown horns. Then he blinked. "Well, you were there. She wouldn't say who it was. And you heard her dad--"
"Screw him. If he'd cared about her, he wouldn't have said that shit. It's not fair. And on top of it, it's sexist." Thanks, Mia, for putting that bug in my ear. I had a vague image of standing next to her at some ritualistic bra-burning ceremony.
"So after that scene she caused at the party yesterday, I'm supposed to take her back?"
"She didn't cause the scene. Someone else did. It's not her fault."
Adam's eyes narrowed. "Two questions. One, how much have you had to drink, and two, why do you care about this so much?"
I braced myself against the edge of the bar with stiff arms. "Two answers. One: not enough. And two: because..." I took a long, deep breath, held it and let it out. I needed more liquid courage for this shit.
"Because?" Adam prompted.
"Because if you fire her, you're going to have to fire me, too."
Adam pushed out of his chair and stalked to the window to look out, brushing his fingers along his jawline.
"Are you going to explain that statement to me, or am I going to have to make some guesses? Because I don't really like the stuff that's popping into my head right this minute."
"Whatever you are thinking is probably not as bad as reality." He turned to me with an expectant look on his face. I cleared my throat. "I had a custom-made costume for this year's Comic-Con. I went as Falco the Bounty Hunter, and no one knew."
Adam's eyes closed and his face flushed a little before he shook his head and looked at me. "And I'm only finding out about this now because...?"
"Well, that's obvious, isn't it? Because I'm a coward. Because I froze like a deer caught in the headlights the day that shit went viral and had no idea how to handle it. So I didn't say anything, hoping it would go away. And the more time passed, the harder it became to dump it on you."
"So not only did you screw an intern, but you videotaped it and put it on the Internet? Are you insane?"
I clenched my teeth. "Who videoed and uploaded it isn't the point. The point is that if you fire her, you have to fire me, too."
Adam scowled and he started to pace, his hands opening and closing at his sides. "This relationship, how long has it been going on?"
"It was a one-time thing...until..." He stopped and pinned me down with his signature death glare. "Until Vancouver. Then it started up again and has been pretty much ongoing until yesterday."
"And on the company premises? Did you fuck her in your office?"
I swallowed. "Yeah."
He shook his head, muttered something under his breath and started pacing again. "Screwing an intern in your goddamn office. Who the fuck do you think you are, Bill Clinton?"
"That's not--"
"No, it's perfectly accurate," he cut me off, raising his voice. "You're the goddamn CFO of the company. A founder. An officer. You took advantage of her. Even before you sat through that sexual harassment training, you knew better, Jordan."
My throat closed up. I had nothing to say. He was absolutely right. With a shaky hand, I lifted the Scotch to my lips and knocked it back.
He hissed out a breath, shaking his head. "And to make it all that much worse, David will probably be our board chair. Jesus Christ, Jordan, when you fuck up, you fuck up big." He ran a hand through his hair, his lip curling with disgust. "You've lied to me this entire time. From the beginning. And you dug yourself in deeper with more lies. Not only is that disturbing, it's a massive disappointment."
You're a disappointment. I'd heard those words out of the old man's mouth often in my formative years, and I'd hardened myself to their effects. But similar words coming from my best friend...hearing Adam utter them was like a bludgeon to the chest. I let out a long breath and set down the glass.
Yes, I was a disappointment. To my father. To my best friend. To her.
"This is why you have to fire me," I said in a voice that was too shaky for my own comfort.
He shook his head. "I'm not firing you."
"You have to. You fired her. You have to fire me, too. If this got out--"
"It's not going to get out."
"Not from her, no. She wanted to go to you and let you know, prepare you in case this got out. I told her not to. It's not fair to make her pay for what both of us did."
Adam rubbed at the throbbing vein on his forehead, his eyes rolling in exasperation. "Well, you've succeeded in getting my nuts in a vise. Is this the part where you start tightening it?"
"I'm sorry, Adam. I fucked up. Believe me, if I'd known what all would have come from this... I--I wanted her gone first thing, remember? I asked you to move her--"
"But you didn't tell me why."
I took a breath and let it go. "No."
"Fucking hell," he said, rubbing his forehead again. "We'll deal with this when we get back to California. I'm not doing this now. We have a company to take to the market. After tomorrow, we'll get on the plane and we'll iron this out at home."
My fists tightened. He was giving me an out. Over and over again he'd offered it to me. It was more than I deserved. "Adam, you have to--"
"I don't have to do anything. Do you understand me?" he yelled. "This is my company and I'm the goddamn CEO and I'm not firing you!"
"Then I quit."
He froze. We stared at each other for a long stretch of minutes. From the look on his face, I could tell he wanted to reach out with his bare hands and strangle me. I did have his nuts in a vise and I wasn't loosening it. I couldn't...I wouldn't.
He shook his head. "Five years. Five years we've worked our asses off. Hundreds, thousands of hours of time, energy, brainpower. You are throwing that all away, over what exactly? A newfound principle?"
I couldn't answer. All I could think about was April, her pale, beautiful, tear-stained face, that look of betrayal in her dark blue eyes. Those lips uttering that condemnation of me, calling me a hypocrite, even if I didn't know that's what she was saying. As much as Adam's admonition had hurt, disappointing her felt so much worse. Because she'd believed in me.
Until I'd let her down.
"I don't even know who the fuck you are anymore." Adam snatched up his jacket and tie, spun and stormed out of the door.
When it shut, I let out the breath I'd been holding, a little dizzy, more than a little sick over what I'd just done. But also, if I cared to examine the feeling closely enough, relieved.
A few hours later, I made my way through John F. Kennedy airport, bag slung over my arm, on the way to my gate. I had two hours before the red-eye flight I'd managed to book at the last minute. I wandered into a bookstore and went straight to the classics section.
It took some searching because I kept forgetting the name of the author, but a clerk helped me find it. I found an empty seat in the first-class lounge, plugged my phone in to charge and cracked open The Scarlet Letter. From the looks of it, I would have it finished by the time the plane touched down.
I could have stayed. I could have been there on the floor of the exchange to answer press questions by Adam's side, but the victory was hollow without her.
I'd watch them ring the bell on the Internet instead.
Chapter 27
Adam
By the time I'd climbed the few floors from Jordan's room to our suite, I was more pissed off instead of less. My mind raced, wondering what the hell to do with all the information he'd given me. This was a clusterfuck of epic proportions.
I pulled my card out and keyed into the room. Emilia looked up from her textbook, her highlighter poised in her hand, ready to mark up more passages. Her eyes widened when she saw me.
"What?" I asked, pausing in the entryway.
Her brows rose. "What do you mean, what? Your hair is sticking up like you ran your hands through it a few hundred times, and you usually only do that when you're upset."
Self-consciously, I smoothed my hand over my hair. Then I took a breath, let it out slowly and tossed my jacket on the couch. She capped her pen and set it down. "You okay? Did you get some bad news about the opening tomorrow?"
I sat against the back of the couch, rubbing my jaw, and gave a sharp shake of my head. I pondered how much of this was confidential, how much I should share with her. I closed my eyes. I wanted to tell her everything, like always, but there were professional lines I couldn't cross, weren't there?
"Oh shit, do you have another one of your headaches?" She stood and approached me. I hooked my arm around her waist and pulled her against me, shaking my head again.
"Jordan just quit."
She drew back to look in my face, likely trying to determine if I was joking or not. "What? Why?"
"I'm not sure how much I can tell you."
"Company stuff?"
I licked my lips. "It's company stuff but also personal to him. I--" I cut off, staring at the ground and frowning.
She wrapped her arms around my waist. "What does this mean for tomorrow? Is he not coming to the opening of trade? I can't believe that. He's been obsessed with the IPO."
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