‘What do you mean, Takashi?’ asked Haruka.
‘Well, I’ve cut my long hair short again. I’ve stripped the blonde out of it and now I have a hairstyle just like I used to wear it in my junior high school days.’
‘I like it either way,’ said Haruka.
‘Thanks,’ Takashi said. ‘But I feel that my faded jeans and lumberjack boots look stupid with this conservative hairstyle. What makes it even worse is that my mother is delighted with the new look and she said that I look like my father, minus the grey!’ They both threw their heads back at the same time and laughed together at his comment.
‘It’s not all bad, though, Haruka,’ said Takashi. ‘I don’t really care if I’ve started to resemble my father. I suppose it’s time that I started growing up. I knew that I’d have to conform for the future. My mother says I need to consider my responsibilities.’
‘You might start wearing a very conservative shirt and tie and then go out and buy a people carrier!’ said Haruka. They laughed again as Takashi tried to imagine this.
Takashi lowered his voice and went on to tell Haruka that his only regret was that he already felt a slight distance between his high school friends and himself. Akira had been abroad for three years now; he was studying in America. Masaya had just opened a tavern in Shimokitazawa financed by his father, and Kenji was working full time at his family’s restaurant in the exclusive Ginza district. All three of his friends had much more exciting lives, and they were doing exactly what they wanted to do whenever they wanted to do it.
‘When I started at university, I had high hopes of doing really well and enjoying my course,’ Takashi said. ‘But I didn’t expect the Marketing exams to be so difficult. I try to prepare for them, but on the days I plan to do a lot of study, I realise by the evening that I’ve only completed a small part of what I’d hoped to get through.’
Takashi had never been a shy or reserved person, but in contrast to the spirited enthusiasm he shared with his high school friends, he now felt that the burden of his studies had taken away his hopes for a brighter future.
‘I’m sure you’ll be fine,’ said Haruka. ‘I remember you doing really well in first year at university. Do you remember the time you helped me prepare for a Logistics exam? You spent hours going through it in the university library with me and you grasped the concepts so much better than I did. I think you’re being too hard on yourself.’
‘Thanks, Haruka. What are your plans for the future?’ he asked her. Every girl Takashi had dated over the last couple of years either wanted to travel or start a course of study. Haruka was a modern girl. Surely she, too, had exciting plans for the next few years.
‘I’ve decided that I want to settle down, get married and have children,’ replied Haruka with such surety that it took him by surprise.
Marriage and children! Takashi was impressed – very impressed. This girl was not into playing games with him or anyone else. He looked into her eyes and saw a maturity and warmth. Up until now, he’d seen Haruka as a very pretty girl that he’d wanted to take out even show off to his friends, but now, looking into her eyes, he wondered whether he wanted more than that. There was a connection here that made him feel closer to her, and for the first time he felt completely at ease with a woman.
‘Do you want to know what I dream about when I think about the future?’ Haruka asked him.
‘Definitely, tell me,’ Takashi replied.
‘Like a lot of girls, I have big dreams for my wedding day. I’d really like to get married in a Western-style Vera Wang wedding dress or maybe a gown by Eri Matsui – I went with a friend who was getting married to her studio in Aoyama and I was blown away by some of her designs. They’re mathematically engineered, so the dresses have an ethereal, floating effect. I’ve put a lot of thought into this, Takashi, and I think I’d also like to wear a pure white silk shiro-maku wedding kimono for the ceremony. Afterwards, I’d put on a colourful and elaborate red uchikake for the wedding reception … maybe embroidered with plum blossoms or cranes,’ she said.
‘I think you’d look beautiful in a kimono,’ Takashi told her.
‘On top of this, I’d like the long silk obi sash to be made from intricate brocade,’ she continued, ‘and it would be so fine that it would cost at least twice as much as the kimono.’
‘Very expensive, but I’m sure that would be very nice … and where would you like to live?’ Takashi asked.
‘As you know, I’ve grown up in fune so I’m not sure if I’d like to live right in the centre of Tokyo, but I would like a house in a good area where I could easily get into Tokyo.’
‘I completely understand that, having grown up in Yokosuka,’ he replied.
‘And I’d like to live in a two-storey detached house with a pretty Japanese garden – I don’t mind if the garden is small,’ continued Haruka.
‘A garage would be good, too – somewhere to park the car,’ said Takashi.
‘Yes, and there would be a tall, thick hedge around the garden to protect our privacy, and the house would have all the conveniences of a Western house, but it would also have some Japanese features. There would be Western-style furniture in some of the rooms, but there would also be two or three tatami rooms, and in the bathroom, there would be a Japanese ofuro bath.’
Takashi’s heart was beating loudly in his chest. He was sure Haruka had just said the garden hedge in her dream house needed to protect their privacy. Maybe she could see him in her future, just as he could see her in his.
‘Haruka, how about you and I….’
Haruka interrupted. ‘Did you feel that? It felt like an earthquake.’ She held onto the edge of the table with one hand and grabbed Takashi’s hand with the other.
‘Yes, you’re right,’ said Takashi. The floor beneath them had definitely shuddered. He’d wanted to talk about their friendship moving on to the next level, but he was just as happy to be holding Haruka’s hand, if only for a couple of minutes. Her fingers felt soft and fragile. Her gentle clutch made him feel like her protector. The room vibrated once again, but not enough to scare Takashi. He looked at Haruka’s concerned face and smiled at her with reassurance. Everyone in the café was tense, and the room fell silent for a minute as they all waited to see what might happen next. The rumbling soon dissipated and Haruka took back her hand. Takashi would have liked to hold onto her hand for the rest of the evening.
‘I’ll be back in a moment,’ Haruka said, nodding towards the ladies’ room.
‘Okay,’ Takashi said softly. ‘But come straight back if you feel any more tremors.’
The waiter came over to fill up their glasses of water and as he did so, Takashi noticed a white envelope on the floor by his feet. Junko – Shibuya was written across it. It was open and he picked it up and counted five ¥10,000 notes inside. It must have belonged to Haruka and fallen out of her bag when she tripped.
Five minutes later, Haruka came back to the table. Takashi looked up to see her, her mouth open with disbelief, staring at the envelope that he was waving in the air from the lounge where he was waiting for her.
‘Does this belong to you?’ Takashi asked her with a grin.
‘Yes, it’s really important,’ she replied. ‘I have to take it to Shibuya in the morning before work. Where’d you find it?’
‘I just picked it up off the floor. It must have fallen out of your bag when you tripped.’
‘You’re the best, Takashi, thanks so much,’ she said to him.
Anyone loves flattery, but because it came from Haruka, he was delighted.
‘It looks like there won’t be any major earthquakes tonight. Are you okay now?’ he asked her.
‘I’m fine, thanks,’ she replied.
Takashi still wanted to talk to her further about matters of the heart. He really wanted her to fill in the details about the ex-boyfriend and also find out about how she felt about him.
‘Tell me, what are you doing on the weekend?’ he asked, hoping she might shine a li
ght on this mystery man from Kyoto and if she was planning to go out with him. ‘Are you spending time with anyone interesting?’
‘My mother and I have our Ikebana flower arrangement class on Saturday,’ she replied. ‘What about you, Takashi? What are your plans for the weekend?’
It was going to be more difficult than he thought trying to find out about this guy from Kyoto. He’d have to be more direct, but in doing so, he’d have to gently steer the conversation away from his life in order to find out more about her plans.
‘I have to go out to Yokosuka and visit my grandmother,’ said Takashi, realising as he said this that it would be difficult to change the flow of conversation from grandmothers to her love interests.
‘Didn’t you once tell me that your grandmother in Yokosuka is your only surviving grandparent?’ asked Haruka.
‘Yes, you have a good memory, Haruka,’ said Takashi. ‘I guess I feel a sense of duty towards her. I never enjoy visiting her, but I feel I’m forced to by my parents. Last time I went to see her, she looked so fragile and I felt sorry for her, but it’s always so difficult to please her. Even though my mother and I bend over backwards to try and make her happy, we can never do anything right in her eyes. She’s not all bad though, she does dote on my father, so she is capable of kindness. Anyway, that’s my plans for the weekend. It will be pretty boring.’
‘I understand, Takashi. Neither of us has brothers nor sisters, so I suppose the duties fall more heavily on us where family is concerned,’ said Haruka.
‘It’s difficult growing up without a brother or sister,’ Takashi continued. He’d never told Haruka about his brother, who’d passed away when he was a lot younger. ‘One day I’d like to have at least two children with the right woman – someone who is kind and caring.’ He placed his hand over hers. ‘Haruka, you’re so special,’ he started to say. ‘I hope that you feel the same way about me.’
Haruka looked surprised and pulled gently away from him, and he regretted having said those words. ‘I like you too, Takashi, but….’
Haruka hesitated, so Takashi couldn’t help finishing her sentence. ‘There’s someone else?’ He started to ask, with a quiet hope that she would correct him, but she didn’t.
Oh no, Takashi thought to himself. He’d been too direct and now he’d embarrassed her. He thought that he should really change the subject. But he couldn’t help himself and he continued to push Haruka for a more definitive answer. ‘So … there’s no one else, is there?’ he asked her, realising how pathetic he must have sounded and wishing that he’d never said anything.
Haruka’s face went bright red. Takashi scratched his left ear furiously. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably. He wondered why she didn’t reassure him.
Instead, she awkwardly changed the direction of this conversation with a statement that surprised him.
‘I think you’d like to go out with me because you pity me,’ she said to him abruptly.
‘Of course not, why would I pity you?’ he put to her with some indignation.
‘Because I had to look after my father and I couldn’t continue at university,’ she said, with sadness and also with humiliation.
Takashi was confused, but he thought that this was a good time to tell Haruka about his brother. He had to explain this because he certainly didn’t want her to think that he felt this way about her because of pity.
‘I don’t pity you at all,’ Takashi tried to assure her. ‘I understand what you went through because I had a similar situation with my older brother.’
‘An older brother!’ she exclaimed. ‘I’ve never heard you speak about him. I thought that you were an only child.’ Haruka leaned forward and showed Takashi that she was listening intently.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so difficult for him to explain to her about what had happened to his brother Yasuo, Takashi thought to himself.
‘I had an older brother, but he passed away. He would have been twenty-six this year if he was still with us. He was sick for quite a long time. He had Hodgkin’s disease,’ he told her.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry, Takashi,’ she replied. ‘I didn’t know.’
‘It’s okay. I just know that it’s difficult to look after a sick family member. Yasuo – that was his name – went through a lot before he died. He lost a lot of weight, his lymph nodes were enlarged, his whole body was itchy all the time and then he went through radiation therapy and chemotherapy. At one point, we thought he was going to recover, but the disease claimed him and he passed away when he was fifteen. I didn’t understand a lot at the time. I was only ten, but it was difficult,’ Takashi told her.
Haruka looked at him with compassion. He knew that she would understand. ‘Thanks for telling me this. It’s obviously difficult for you to talk about,’ she said.
Haruka’s beautiful eyes that looked at him now so kindly somehow helped him feel better about his brother.
‘I have some news to share with you, Takashi. The English conversation school that I work for has a management position available and they think that I should apply. It would mean I would have a lot more responsibilities, which I’ve always wanted, and my salary would be considerably better. There’s a catch though, Takashi. The job is in Kyoto,’ Haruka said to him. She watched his face lose its happy expression and the colour in his cheeks disappear.
‘You must be really excited,’ Takashi said quietly, looking down at his shoes. He tried to balance his feelings of upset with how he knew she needed him to share in her excitement. He tried to force out a smile, but Haruka caught his disappointment and placed her hand on his knee.
‘I know you work really hard and you love your job, so you deserve it,’ Takashi said to her without a lot of enthusiasm. He really wanted to tell her not to take the job, but he knew it would be difficult to convince her to stay in Tokyo if this was something she really wanted. ‘Isn’t there a management position in Tokyo that you could take? Your company has branches in every major town here,’ said Takashi.
‘I’m afraid not,’ said Haruka.
‘Well, when would you have to start if you took the job in Kyoto? Is it a permanent position?’ he asked.
‘I’m not sure when they’d like me to start or whether it would be permanent,’ said Haruka. ‘My manager talked with me a couple of days ago about the job and I know that she went to quite a lot of trouble to get me an interview with the manager in Kyoto. She has given me a couple of weeks to think about it and talk it over with my family, as she knows I still live at home.’
Takashi was lost for words. Just when they’d started to meet up again and he could see their relationship advancing to the next stage; it looked like he was going to lose his chance of getting closer to his dream woman. He looked at his watch and realised that they’d been sitting there for over ninety minutes. It was funny how the time always flew by when he was with Haruka.
It was just after eight p.m. and Takashi started to feel a chill, sitting in this air-conditioned café. He looked around and the faces had changed around him; the younger groups that had surrounded him an hour before had been replaced by an older, more sophisticated set. Knowing that Haruka had a long journey ahead of her on the Yokosuka line back to fune, he suggested that they should head home. He helped her into her jacket and they headed out into the street.
The rain had stopped and the air did not feel as heavy and dense now. Takashi suggested that they walk past the shops to Harajuku station. He walked as closely as he could to Haruka without their hands touching. It felt like he was moving in slow motion. Whether it was the weather or being with Haruka, he wasn’t quite sure. It just felt like he was walking in a trance. He would have liked to hold her hand, but she was clutching her handbag on her right shoulder and carrying the Yohji Yamamoto shopping bag on her left wrist. It would have looked awkward and unnatural for him to even try and reach out to her.
Every time a breeze lifted, Takashi inhaled deeply, but not noticeably, trying to catch the floral scent of Haruka’s perfum
e. He wanted to remember that sweet smell of jasmine over the next few days until they would meet again the following week.
They reached Harajuku train station. Haruka had a train pass, but waited as Takashi bought a ticket from the machine. He turned and thanked her for meeting him and told her he was already looking forward to the following week and she gave him the sweetest smile. Haruka turned and disappeared through the barrier into the crowd of commuters looking for her platform.
Often it is quite obvious to others when you’re in love. Your complexion is clearer and your face lights up. A lot of people looked at Takashi as he stood watching Haruka leave that day. A lot of people looked at him and smiled.
But it wasn’t long before Takashi’s dreamlike state went to pieces after he boarded his train. Reality set in and he realised Haruka had never answered his question properly when he’d asked her if there was someone else she was interested in. Not knowing the answer to this hurt, and he didn’t like the feelings of jealousy welling up inside of him. On top of this, the news of Haruka applying for a job in Kyoto meant he was moving backwards instead of forwards, and all his plans for the dream life that he’d envisioned were no longer a foreseeable reality. He vowed to himself that he would make every effort the following Thursday to rectify the situation and show Haruka how much he cared about her.
CHAPTER 2
He carries two faces under one hood
Haruka changed trains at Shinagawa and took the Yokosuka line for fune. She was pleased to find a seat next to the door after stepping into the carriage. A much older lady with a lined face, hinting of a long life full of a thousand stories, sat down next to her. Haruka had a lengthy journey ahead of her – it was at least an hour before she would arrive at her stop. She sat with her knees touching and her heels together and smoothed out her skirt, resting her handbag on her lap. Six years of ballet lessons until the age of twelve had taught her good posture. She was proud of the fact that she’d trained her body to sit, stand, walk and lie in positions that would ensure she’d never suffer from back pain.
Tokyo Hearts: A Japanese Love Story Page 2
