by Robbi McCoy
Kelly was skeptical, imagining some prankster with a penknife. But she kept her thoughts to herself and looked at the other photos. There were a few more of the runes and a couple of a pile of rocks.
“That’s where the baby’s buried,” Pippa announced. “It gives me goose bumps just thinking about it. That’s what I want the archaeologist for, mainly. To dig it up. Then you’ll see!”
Mrs. Arensen appeared in the open doorway with an armful of bedding. “Here are your clean sheets.” She saw Pippa and looked startled. “Where did you come from? I did not hear the doorbell.”
“I came in the back way,” Pippa said, trying unsuccessfully to suppress a giggle.
“The back—”
“Thank you,” Kelly interjected, taking two sheets from the top of her pile.
Mrs. Arensen wordlessly removed herself and moved off. Kelly dropped the sheets on the bed just as a piercing scream emanated from the end of the hall. She darted to the hallway to see Mrs. Arensen standing in the open doorway of Annalise’s room, a heap of sheets at her feet. Pippa stuck her head out under Kelly’s arm to get a look.
Mrs. Arensen launched into a Danish tirade, luring Chuck out of his room next door. Bare-legged and wearing a T-shirt and boxer shorts, he peered into the hallway. Mrs. Arensen continued her incomprehensible harangue, waving her arms vigorously, until a skinny, smooth-chested young man emerged from Annalise’s room. He wore thick glasses, no shirt, unfastened trousers, no shoes and socks, and carried a bundle of wadded up clothes in his arms as he dashed past them down the hallway, sprinting out the front door.
Mrs. Arensen trod stiffly after him, still railing. The only words Kelly understood were “hanky and panky.” Just like that, as a phrase: “Hanky and panky!” She didn’t need to understand more than that to know what was being said. The rest of them hung halfway into the hall to watch their landlady slam the front door and bolt it. Then she shook her fist at the ceiling and strode into the kitchen.
Annalise appeared in her bedroom doorway wearing a bathrobe. She looked defiantly at her audience, knit her thick eyebrows into one long tobacco-colored unibrow, then bent to pick up her sheets, taking them into her room and soundlessly shutting the door.
“Woo-whee!” Chuck whistled. “Who would have guessed?” He ducked back into his room.
Kelly and Pippa did the same. Pippa appeared to be wildly stimulated by the excitement. She ran and bounced on the bed, tumbling over and springing off to land on her feet on the floor like a gymnast.
“That Annalise is in big trouble!” she announced gleefully. “Do you think she’ll get kicked out?”
“I guess it’s possible.”
“Do you think Mrs. Arensen was suspicious to find me in your room?”
“Why would she be?”
“She might think I’d been here all night like Annalise’s boyfriend.” Pippa looked thrilled with the idea. “She might think we had a secret rendezvous.” She pronounced the last word lingeringly, as though savoring it.
Kelly frowned. “I’m sure she wouldn’t think that.”
“Why not?”
Kelly opened her mouth to speak, but realized any explanation she could come up with was a little insulting to Pippa. She shrugged and changed the subject. “I didn’t tell you about the amazing day I had yesterday out at Camp Tootega. There was this sinkhole in the ice with a waterfall in it and I went down inside it.”
“You did?”
“Let me show you.” Kelly returned to the computer and brought up a photo of herself inside the eerie blue depths of the sinkhole, dangling at the end of a rope, her camera held in front of her. “Isn’t that cool?”
“Wow! That’s awesome! Majorly awesome!”
Looking at the monitor over Kelly’s shoulder, Pippa leaned in closer and planted an unexpected kiss on her cheek before jumping back. Kelly spun around in her chair to see Pippa looking wide-eyed and expectant, a crooked grin on her face.
“You’re so lucky,” she said breathlessly, “to go all over the world and see so many amazing things. I wish I could go somewhere.”
“You can,” Kelly said. “Eventually. I wasn’t traveling around the world at your age either.”
“If I had a friend in some awesome place, it would be easy to travel. Like Colorado, for instance.”
Kelly laughed at Pippa’s poorly-disguised request for an invitation. “You’re welcome to come visit me any time, Pippa.”
Pippa’s mouth fell open. “For reals?”
Kelly nodded.
Pippa bolted toward her and put her arms around Kelly’s neck, hugging her tightly. Then she knelt in front of her chair with her arms crossed over Kelly’s knees.
“Well, then,” she said with finality. “That will be my goal for next year, to come to America and visit you. It’ll be my graduation present to myself.”
“Terrific. I’ll look forward to it.”
After a moment, during which Pippa didn’t seem inclined to move, Kelly squirmed away from her grasp and stood. Pippa stayed on the floor.
“Do you think I’m pretty?” she asked suddenly.
“Of course. You’re beautiful. Don’t you think so?”
“I guess.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“I just wanted to know what you thought. If you find me attractive.”
Kelly balked, trying to read Pippa’s meaning. “You’re a pretty girl,” she repeated, unsure where this was going.
Pippa jumped up and ran to the door, shut it, then leaned against it facing Kelly with a broad smile and a sense of purpose.
“What are you doing?” Kelly asked, starting to worry.
“Just giving us a little privacy.”
“Uh, well, I don’t—”
“I think you’re beautiful,” Pippa said. “And amazing. You’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met.”
Kelly laughed nervously. “That’s nice of you, Pippa, but once you get out in the world, you’ll meet lots of people more interesting than me. Believe me, you will.”
“I can’t imagine that. Now that I’ve met you, it doesn’t matter anyway.”
Pippa lunged across the room and pulled Kelly into a tight embrace, wrapping her arms around her and leaning her head against her shoulder. Kelly stood with her arms limp at her sides, afraid to move.
“I don’t know what I’ll do when you leave in a couple weeks,” Pippa said mournfully. “But if I know I’ll be able to visit you next year, I can bear it.”
“Pippa,” Kelly said gently, “remember that theoretical other lesbian in town you’ve had your eye out for?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Are you still looking for her?”
Pippa didn’t reply for an uncomfortably long time, then finally said, “No.”
Kelly swallowed hard. “Why not?”
Pippa lifted her head so she was looking directly into Kelly’s eyes. “Because of you, of course.”
Oh, God! Kelly thought, suddenly understanding the full impact of the situation. She put her hands on Pippa’s shoulders and pushed her gently away. “I think you should keep looking for her.”
“She probably doesn’t even exist. It’s okay. I can take the loneliness now because I’ll know you’re out there somewhere and I’ll get to see you again.”
“I think you might have gotten the wrong idea about what’s happening here. Between us.”
Pippa looked up at her inquiringly.
“I think of you as a friend,” Kelly said cautiously. “It sounds like you think I might be interested in you some other way. Like romantically.”
“I hoped you might,” Pippa admitted. “You still might, right? We’re friends. You like me. I adore you. That seems like a good beginning.”
Kelly winced, trying to conjure up the right words. “I do like you, Pippa. But not like a girlfriend. More like a kid sister.”
Pippa’s shoulders slumped and her smile faded. “But that can change, right? I’m not a kid. I’m a grown woman.
Look.” Pippa stepped back and held out her arms to display herself.
“You are a grown woman,” Kelly agreed. “Physically. But you’re still a lot younger than I am. And inexperienced.”
“We can fix that!” She rushed in to embrace Kelly again, but this time, she pressed herself closer so that Kelly could feel the pressure of her thighs against her own and the full round pliable softness of her breasts against her ribs. There was no doubt Pippa was sexually excited at this close contact. She closed her eyes, raising her face toward Kelly’s, her lips parted, indulging her fantasy. Her eager, hormonally-charged body quivered with its unambiguous need, begging to be plucked from its chaste solitude.
Kelly bit her bottom lip, staring down at that glistening, anxious mouth with a combination of compassion and alarm.
“That’s not what I mean,” she finally said, pulling away. “I didn’t mean sexually inexperienced, although that’s part of it.”
“Then what do you mean?”
“I mean inexperienced with people and with life. You’re so innocent and trusting and full of happy dreams. You need to find someone else like that. You need to go to college and meet a girl your age and spend your days holding hands and learning about life together.”
Pippa looked downcast. “That isn’t going to happen.”
“It will happen. You just have to be patient. I know it’s hard, but it will be worth waiting for.”
“But I love you.” Her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes, teared up and her lip began to quiver.
Kelly was at a total loss. She sputtered, trying to think how to respond. “I’m sorry, Pippa,” she finally said, “but I can’t return those feelings.”
After a moment during which Pippa got her sobs under control, she said, “Could you just teach me, then, without being in love? I don’t mind. One person in love is better than nobody. It will still be wonderful. I know it will. Just once? Then I’ll have that for the rest of my life to remember.”
Kelly shook her head. “No.”
“Why not?” She seemed suddenly very childlike.
“Because it wouldn’t be right. You’re not really in love, you know. You’ve got a crush on me because you’re lonely and isolated and I’m the first lesbian you’ve known.” At the sound of her own words, Kelly was transported several years back to the moment she had confessed her love to Jordan. She’d heard the same thing. These words, she realized, would offer no comfort. “Believe me, this isn’t a good idea.”
“Isn’t that for me to decide? I can make my own decisions. And I want you, however it turns out.”
“It’s not going to happen,” Kelly said more firmly. “I’m happy to be your friend, but we aren’t going to be lovers.”
Pippa choked back another sob, then screwed up her face and said, “Because I’m pathetic and you feel sorry for me? You think I’m a stupid child!”
She grabbed her camera off the bed, then streaked across the room. She was through the window and running away before Kelly had a chance to say a word.
She remembered all too well what it felt like to be rejected by a woman she adored. I didn’t handle that very well, she thought. She suddenly had a tremendous appreciation and sympathy for Jordan’s position all those years ago.
She closed the window and went to the kitchen where Mrs. Arensen was at the stove, stirring a large pot.
“Where is Pippa?” she asked.
“She left.”
“I did not see her come by.”
“She went out the back way.”
Mrs. Arensen stared for a moment, her mouth held in a thin, hard line. She was clearly still fuming over Annalise’s indiscretion.
“What are you making?” Kelly asked.
“Reindeer stew.”
Kelly sighed.
“Oh, you will like it!” Mrs. Arensen said defensively. “Ja, it is like coq au vin.”
Kelly smiled to herself. It wasn’t the reindeer stew she had sighed over, though it easily could have been. It was poor Pippa. She hoped she wasn’t hurt too badly. Kelly berated herself for not having seen this coming. She’d been too preoccupied with her own romantic longings to notice Pippa’s increasing attachment to her.
Chuck appeared in the doorway, wearing a pair of shorts and flip-flops, his hair damp.
“Elsa, what is that?” he asked, sweeping past Kelly on his way to the stove. “Don’t tell me you’re cooking up your famous reindeer stew!” He hovered over the steaming pot as Mrs. Arensen broke into a beaming smile.
“Ja, sure,” she confirmed. “Special for you.”
He put his wide palm on her back. “Aren’t you a sweetheart? I can hardly wait!” He turned to face Kelly. “You’re gonna love this. It tastes just like—”
“Coq au vin, yeah, I know.”
He shook his head. “No, nothing like that. Not everything tastes like chicken, Sheffield.”
Mrs. Arensen held the spoon up for him to taste the broth. “Ummm,” he said. “Perfect. Can’t wait.”
Kelly left the kitchen and returned to her room and her computer where she noticed Pippa’s photo card was still in her machine. Good, she thought. That would give her an excuse to visit Pippa. Maybe tomorrow after she had a chance to think things over.
Despite what Pippa had said about being willing to settle for a loveless sexual encounter, what she really wanted was a true- blue love affair with all the bells and whistles, and there was no way she could get that from Kelly. Ultimately, she must know that herself. A summer fling or, even worse, an initiation ritual, would end in devastation for her. Not that Kelly was in the business of doling out initiation rituals. Once Pippa reflected on it, surely she would see that Kelly was merely trying to protect her.
As Jordan had once done for her.
The photos from yesterday were still on the screen. She clicked on one of the thumbnails to enlarge it. Of the several candid shots of Jordan she had snapped, this was her favorite. Jordan’s body was relaxed, yet held an edge of wariness. Like a wild animal, she was ready to flee from danger. Her expression, too, reflected a slight restlessness. Her eyes were just shy of fully open, the slight squint creating a ridge in the center of her forehead. Kelly didn’t know what she was looking at or looking for, but she seemed to be watching for something.
What she liked about the photo was how well it captured the essence of Jordan, a woman standing at the top of the metaphorical ladder, surveying her domain with serene self-satisfaction, but expecting at any moment for someone to dash in and knock the ladder out from under her. Nobody would guess that last part unless they looked past the bearing of her body, past her calm face and unrevealing expression to the subtle hint of fear in the depths of her eyes.
This was the sort of photo she was always after, the one that captured something you would never see with the naked eye. Some pictures were like that, revealing something that happened too fast or was too small or too indistinct to notice otherwise. That was where the real value of a photo lay. With her mother, despite her smile, the camera captured her air of defeat. With Jordan, it probed below her exterior confidence. A single frame of time and space, frozen, allows you to see the subtleties in a way you couldn’t do during the unfolding of real time. In real time, too much happened too fast. This expression of Jordan’s happened in an instant and nobody saw it, not even Kelly. But her camera had.
In a sense, this photo revealed what Kelly had always known about Jordan, that at the core of her was a mild but ever-present fear. Though Kelly had sensed the fear, she didn’t know what caused it.
She stared into the dove-colored eyes on her screen, trying to tease out the mystery of Jordan’s unease, but even the truest photo couldn’t reveal that.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jordan pulled on her shirt and buttoned the first two buttons as she walked toward the opening of her tent. She pushed through the flap and nearly collided with Pippa. Jordan yelped and clutched her open shirt to her chest.
“Oh,” she said, relaxing. �
�Pippa! You scared me.”
“Sorry,” Pippa said. “Where is everyone?”
“Up on the glacier, setting out geopebbles.”
“Geopebbles?”
“It’s a GPS tracking device.” She buttoned her shirt the rest of the way. “I was taking advantage of being alone to have a shower. The feeling of clean won’t last long, but it sure feels good while it does.” She glanced around. “Did Kelly come with you?”
“No. I’m here alone.”
“I was just going to make a cup of herbal tea. Do you want one?”
“Sure.”
After Jordan turned on the stove to heat water, she sat at the table where an in-progress domino game was laid out. Pippa sat in the chair next to her and folded her hands together primly in front of her on the table.
“I guess I should have called first,” she said apologetically.
“Who are you here to see?”
“You.”
“Oh! Well, then, you’re in luck.”
“Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
Jordan shrugged. “Depends.”
“It’s about Kelly.”
Jordan nodded, feeling uncomfortable. She wondered yet again what Kelly was doing with this girl. It boggled her mind. Not that Pippa wasn’t cute and likable, but there was no escaping her youth and lack of sophistication.
“Do you like her?” Pippa asked pointedly.
Jordan adopted her most casual tone. “Sure, I like her.”
Pippa shook her head impatiently. “I mean, you know…like her.”
“Why would you ask me that?”
“She told me about you, about how she felt about you before, that she used to be in love with you.”
Jordan stared, wondering why Pippa was interrogating her. What was she worried about? Had Kelly said anything to make her think there was still something between them? Finally, she smiled and said, “She was my student and I was her teacher. She had a schoolgirl crush on me, and that was a long time ago. I’d have to say I barely know her now. But, you, clearly, are in love with her.”
Pippa stiffened, her mouth falling open. “How did you know that?”
