by Melissa Hill
“OK,” she said cheerfully as the traffic moved off again, “I’d be happy to give you the grand tour and, if you behave yourself, I just might make you dinner.”
Ken grinned across at her. “Now that,” he said, “is an invitation I can’t refuse.”
Barney was always delighted with new visitors – but seemed completely enthralled with Ken. The feeling was obviously mutual, Nicola thought, smiling at them both. Barney jumped up on his hind legs and Ken dropped to the floor to tickle him, the dog eagerly licking Ken’s ears.
“Hey, he’s great!” Ken enthused. “Aren’t you, boy? Yeah!” Ken began to chase him from one end of the room to the other, Barney thrilled with the attention.
“Make yourself at home, why don’t you?” Nicola said wryly.
Recalling her earlier promise of making dinner, she went into the kitchen to check the gastronomic contents of the fridge-freezer. Blast it! One shrivelled carrot, two onions, a half-used pepper and a six-pack of outdated Petit Filous. Not even Jamie Oliver could get excited over that lot, she thought, throwing the yoghurts and parsnips into the bin. And not a Marks frozen dinner in sight.
“Nice place,” Ken commented from behind, “obviously custom-built.”
She followed his gaze. “Yes. The Wheelchair Association were a great help in finding contractors and they did a great job with it. I used to love cooking, but these days I don’t cook anything particularly elaborate. It’s not worth all the effort for one, but it’s great to know that if I want to, I can.”
“So you eat out a lot?”
She gave a short laugh. “No, I order out a lot.”
“Oh. Well, look, I know you said you’d make dinner, but don’t go putting yourself out on my account. A Chinese or an Indian would do me.”
Nicola grimaced and nodded towards the contents of the fridge. “I’m afraid it’ll have to.”
She phoned for a takeaway and while they waited in the living-room she and Ken talked easily about work, family and the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
“I loved it,” Ken said. “Saw it five times.”
“What?”
“Yep, an absolute masterpiece – the best film I’ve ever seen.”
“Well, it was good, but I wouldn’t go that far.”
“OK, what’s the best film you’ve ever seen?”
Nicola thought about it for a minute. “Planet of the Apes,” she said.
“Really?”
“Yeah, it was great – why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because I wouldn’t have pegged you as the sci-fi type,” he said, sitting back comfortably on her couch.
“Oh, and what would you have pegged me for?”
Ken’s eyes twinkled. “Probably the Pretty Woman or Dirty Dancing type.”
“What?”
Ken guffawed. “Well, all the girlies go for those kind of films, don’t they?” he teased. “You know, all ‘this happy ever after’ stuff.”
“Not this girlie.” Nicola feigned insult.
He laughed again. “No, probably not.”
“Well, what’s that supposed to mean?”
Ken held his hands up in surrender. “Nothing, nothing – Jeez, sorry I said anything!”
Nicola laughed. Despite herself she was really enjoying their banter. It seemed weird being like this – with Ken of all people.
Just then, the sound of Barney barking in the hallway indicated the arrival of their Chinese takeaway. While Ken answered the door to the deliveryman, Nicola went into the kitchen and hovered by the open fridge, debating whether or not to open a bottle of wine. They couldn’t, not when Ken was driving. Anyway, it wasn’t as though he’d be staying long. It was only a lift home after all.
For some reason she felt vaguely disappointed. It had been ages since she’d had someone other than the girls around for dinner. OK, so it wasn’t dinner in the strictest sense but she was really enjoying the company.
“I’ll have a glass if you’re having one,” Ken said easily, as if reading her mind. He was busily opening doors, and locating plates and cutlery as if he did it on a regular basis. To her surprise, Nicola found that she didn’t really mind. Ken had such an easy-going way about him that it wasn’t too out of place to see him rummaging around in her kitchen. It was a strange feeling.
“Are you sure? What about your driving?”
“I’ll have one or two glasses and –” he paused looking at his watch, “sure, by the time EastEnders is over, I’ll be grand again!”
Nicola tried to bite back a smile. “You are not watching EastEnders on my television.”
“Ah, come on. I can’t miss it – it’s really good at the moment.”
Nicola positioned herself across from him at the kitchen table. “Ken, it’s the same storyline over and over again. He hates her, and she hates him, yet they end up having a raging affair, and then her husband, who hates him even more, gets revenge with the other guy’s wife, and they all end up fighting in that pub.”
“Exactly! It’s great!” Ken stuck a forkful of fried rice into his mouth. “Really true to life.”
Nicola laughed and shook her head.
They ate in comfortable silence for a while, until Ken eventually spoke.
“You know, it’s nice to see you having a laugh, Nicola.”
She looked at him, surprised. “What do you mean?” Was she that strait-laced at work? Nicola didn’t think so.
“Well, if you don’t mind my saying so, you haven’t been yourself lately.” When she didn’t answer, he continued, watching her warily. “Is it Dan?”
Her fork paused in mid-air. “What makes you think that?”
“Come on, Nicola. As I said, we’ve known each other for a long time now. When you came to work with us first you were great, very positive, full of enthusiasm, not a bother on you. But lately, you’ve gotten quite touchy, spiky even. The last time I saw you like that,” he reddened slightly, “well, you and Dan were going through a tough time. I just wondered if he’d been – I don’t know – hassling you or anything.”
Nicola was faintly touched. The way he said it, it was almost as though Ken was being protective of her. She slid pieces of green pepper around her plate. “Well, the divorce is due to come through shortly, and I suppose I’m feeling it a little.”
“Well, that’s understandable, of course, but . . .” Ken was hesitant.
“What?”
“Look, tell me to mind my own business if you like, but you’re doing just fine without him. I mean, look at you – you’re completely independent, you live alone, you drive yourself wherever you want to go and, of course,” he added grinning, “you’ve got a top job.”
“I know all that but . . .” Nicola gave him a watery smile, “that’s all well and good, but that’s exactly it.”
“Sorry?”
“That’s it. What you just said, my life in a nutshell. Sure I have a great life, considering, and I value my independence above everything else but – that’s it.”
“I don’t follow.”
“I mean, I know I have my friends and my family are great but . . .”
“Ah.” Ken seemed to understand. “The divorce is making you wonder where you’ll go from here.”
“Yes.” It was weird discussing something like this with him, and not with Laura or her mother – but he was so easy to talk to.
“I didn’t really care about anything like that before,” she explained. “When I was in London, I spent most of my time concentrating on getting my life back. When I came back, I was determined to prove to myself that I could live pretty much the way I had before the injury – well, within reason anyway!” she added with an easy smile. “But I’m not even thirty, my friends are only beginning to settle down, and I’m getting divorced.”
Ken sat back. “You’re wondering if this means you’re on your own from now on?”
“Well, yes. And I’m thinking things now that I’ve never really had to think about before – things I’ve nev
er had time to consider, really.”
“Like?”
“Well, I don’t think I need to spell it out that I’m hardly the ideal person to go out on the town with, so how am I supposed to find someone else? Where do I start?”
Ken looked at her. “You think that no one would be interested in you because of your disability?”
Nicola nodded and waited. Waited for him to tell her that of course people would be interested in her, that of course she wouldn’t spend the rest of her life on her own, not when she was so young, and with so much to offer and –
“You’re probably right,” he said, putting a forkful of food in his mouth.
“What?”
“Well, let’s be truthful about it,” Ken continued. “Say you go out on the town with the girls on a Saturday night, and you all go off to a club. Now, not wishing to point out the obvious but no matter how fabulous you are, you aren’t exactly going to be fighting them off with a stick.”
Nicola looked at him, shocked and hurt in equal measures. What was he trying to do? Make her feel worse!
“I see it with Dad all the time,” he added. “When he’s out and about, people see his disability, and that’s all they see. Nicola, if you go out at night to a pub or a nightclub, the fact is that most guys won’t even consider you as a potential date,” he paused, “despite the fact that you are extremely cute.”
Nicola suspected the compliment was an attempt to boost her spirits and she gave a slight smile.
“But most people don’t look beyond that – they can’t look beyond it. People are afraid of what they don’t know. And let’s be honest, most people – inevitably the ones you wouldn’t want to be with anyway – don’t need the hassle.”
“Hassle?”
“Yeah. Before my dad got injured he was like yourself – had an extremely active life. He used to go rock-climbing, hill walking, the odd bit of golf, and he and Mum were part of a huge social circle. But when he got injured –”
“People change,” Nicola knew the feeling well.
“It’s not that people change; it’s that you’ve changed, and they don’t know how to handle that. They’re afraid of it, and I suppose most people really don’t want to entertain that side of their personality. They’re possibly a little ashamed of themselves.”
Nicola nodded. She had had this conversation before with her mother. “The time will come when you have to start ‘putting yourself about’,” her mother had said, refreshingly ignorant of the connotations of that particular expression. Putting herself about indeed! At the time, Nicola hadn’t paid much heed to it. But sitting here now and listening to it from a male perspective, Nicola felt rather dispirited.
Ken seemed to sense her mood change. “Hey, don’t look like that.”
“Like what?”
He shook his head. “Look, I’m not trying to make you feel bad. All I’m saying is that if you’re hoping to find someone new, it certainly won’t happen in anywhere as shallow as a bar or a nightclub. God, it’s hard enough for able-bodied people to do that!” He laughed out loud. “When I think of the fortune I’ve spent buying drinks for all those good-time girls . . .”
Nicola raised a tiny smile. “I really can’t see you having problems with finding someone.”
“You’d be surprised,” he said, looking right at her.
Nicola’s heart skipped a beat and she quickly looked away.
“Oh, let’s not talk about this any more!” she announced suddenly. “Anyway, even if I did find someone, why would he be bothered with me? It’s not as though I could reenact the Karma Sutra with him!” Humour, she thought, the best form of defence.
Ken laughed. “There are ways, you know! I mean, where did my two younger sisters come from, then?” he said, eyes twinkling.
She laughed, the discussion no longer quite so disheartening. “Can we change the subject now, please?”
But Ken wasn’t giving up. “You really think that you have nothing to offer a guy?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. But even you have to admit, I am at a bit of a disadvantage – not to mention a whole lot of hard work.”
Ken looked at directly at her, his expression unreadable. “Do you know something, Nicola?” he said then. “You have absolutely no idea how wrong you are.”
* * *
Thinking back on it now, Nicola smiled. She should have realised it then, she supposed – if not long before – that Ken had feelings for her, had always had feelings for her. Things had happened very quickly after that. Ken began spending more and more time at her place, and soon had confessed his interest in her, and his feelings that day in his office when Dan walked in. It was wonderful at the time and it had been wonderful ever since. Ken was honest, loving and gentle and she knew instinctively that he would never let her down as Dan had.
Nicola checked the time at the corner of her computer screen. It was almost eight – Ken should definitely be in by now. She picked up the handset and dialled his extension, eager to find out how things went with the partners. No answer.
“Jack – did you see Ken come in yet?” she asked, checking with reception. “I thought he was back today.”
“He was back yesterday evening actually – he called in last night before closing. But he’s taken a day off today – didn’t he tell you?
She frowned. “Right . . . well, not to worry – how are you doing? Do you need any help down there?”
“Thanks but it’s very quiet so far – I’ll give you a shout if I need you.”
“OK.” Nicola replaced the handset. Day off? Ken was so wrapped up in this place he hardly ever took days off – hell, he rarely even took sick days! Oh, well, he was the boss, after all, Nicola thought affectionately, dialling his home number and wondering if, despite the last few months’ encouraging figures, things hadn’t gone as well in Galway as he’d expected.
A groggy-sounding Ken answered on the second ring.
“Hello?”
“Hi! You never told me you were planning on mitching off today! How was the meeting?”
There was a brief silence.
“Ken?”
“Why would I bother to tell you?” he answered brusquely. “You certainly don’t tell me everything.”
Nicola was taken aback. Ken sounded weird. “What?”
“Look, I can’t talk to you right now, okay? See you later.” With that he hung up, leaving Nicola staring open-mouthed at the receiver. What was the matter with him? Then she realised that it was just gone eight in the morning and he’d had a tough few days in Galway. If Ken needed a day off then he probably didn’t appreciate her interrupting his precious lie-in! She’d leave it a while and ring him again later, and, in the meantime, she’d input the wages and arrange next week’s roster.
But on her second attempt at conversation, Ken was equally grouchy.
“What’s the matter with you today?” she asked easily. It really wasn’t like Ken to be in bad form like this. “Didn’t things go well in Galway?”
“What’s the matter?” he repeated. “What’s the matter? I’ll tell you what the matter is, Nicola! The matter is that I can’t quite figure out how you managed to lead me on – so easily and for so bloody long!”
“What? What do you mean, Ken?” she asked in shock.
“I mean, when were you going to tell me? That’s if you were going to bother telling me at all!”
“What? Ken . . . I really don’t –” She was frightened now.
“What was the point, Nicola? Why spend all that bloody time with me, leading me to believe that we were going somewhere, that we had a future together, when you never had any intention – why bother?”
His voice sounded strange, like he’d been drinking or something. “Ken –”
“I mean, what’s the bloody attraction? Do you like being messed around – is that it? That you just can’t resist wankers – that bastards like him are just too damn attractive, is it?”
Now Nicola was really confus
ed. “Bastards like who?”
“Don’t play the innocent with me! Like Hunt, who do you think?”
“Dan? But I haven’t seen Dan in ages,” Immediately, Nicola was thrown off-guard. Stupidly, she hadn’t told Ken about her plans to invite Dan and Chloe to her house. It was a spur of the moment decision as it was, and she just didn’t think he’d agree with her interfering like that – and he certainly wouldn’t agree with the idea of her inviting Dan any where near her!
“I saw it, Nicola!” Ken said stonily, and Nicola’s blood ran cold. “I saw the two of you together! I can’t believe you would lie to me about it!”
Nicola was wrong-footed now. But how could he have seen? What would he have seen? Oh, shit, why hadn’t she told him about it beforehand? Now, it seemed he’d found out somehow. “Look, love, I don’t know why I didn’t tell you before but, the thing is, the other night I invited –”
“I’ve no bloody interest in hearing about it, Nicola. Just forget it. Forget the whole bloody thing. I thought the two of us had something, but all along you were just waiting, just hoping he would come back to you. Despite all your bullshit about wishing I had been the one you married. You’re full of it, Nicola, and I don’t know why I was so bloody stupid in the first place. After all, you went straight back to him the last time, didn’t you?”
What? Was he talking about her going back to Dan that first time? “But . . . he was my husband at the time and I didn’t know that you –” Nicola wasn’t sure how the conversation had suddenly turned to her going back to anyone, let alone Dan.
“Ah, forget it – I’ve wasted enough of my time on you already. Go back to Hunt, and good luck to you. God knows the two of you deserve one another.”
With that Ken disconnected.
Nicola stared unseeingly at her desk, her mind reeling. This was unreal. Ken must have seen Dan come to the house the other night. But he’d told her he wouldn’t see her on Monday evening as he was going to Galway early the next morning, so how would he have seen . . . ?
Shit, shit shit, she thought despondently. Why had she lied about it? Obviously he had seen something the other night but hadn’t seen enough to know that Dan wasn’t her only visitor. Now, it looked as though she was keeping the visit a secret from him – she’d be bloody annoyed herself, if he’d done the same. She’d have to talk to him, have to make him understand the situation from her point of view.
