To my surprise, I immediately saw Queen Tiye. She was walking down a corridor with a baby in her arms; she crooned to him quietly. Was that a desert song? Ah, a lady of the Red Lands. Then the scene changed, and she stood in a somber audience of people who surrounded a massive golden brazier. A man lay bound in the center of the altar—a sacrifice to some demanding god. I could see fear and regret in his dark eyes, but he did not cry out like a coward. I could feel his struggle. He wanted to cry out her name and tell her he loved her. Tell her that he would love her until the last flame licked away his flesh and bones. But he did not. He could see her on the edge of the brazier, weeping and crying over him. How strange he felt; he regretted drinking the water they gave him. It made him weak and compliant. Then he saw the face of the man he had considered his friend—a man who was like a brother. It was Amenhotep!
I spoke nonstop, describing every detail revealed to me. As Queen Tiye had asked me, I held nothing back. I heard her gasp beside me. Without waiting for permission she grabbed my hand, and I felt the vision transfer to her. I had never done this before, but I had heard it was possible.
“I see! I see!”
She laughed for joy, but soon her face twisted. “No! This cannot be! Sitamen!” I strained to see but could not. “My daughter! Sitamen! No!” the tiny queen cried. To my surprise she leaped to her feet and ran down the narrow path to wherever she intended to go. I did not have a chance to tell her that sometimes the seeing was in the past and at other times it was the future. Or a possible future. One could never be sure.
I sighed and stood, dusting myself off. I felt extremely tired. Empty. I was sure I could sleep now. I had had enough excitement for one day. Just as I turned to walk back to my quarters, I heard the scratching again. Feeling brave for only a second, I called in the direction of the noise.
“Now, spirit. Let us end this!”
I stared into the darkness toward the wall. I waited for a long while but saw nothing. I blinked against the blackness until I could see an arm, a pale, shining arm. It reached toward me from the wall. The small, grasping hand flexed its fingers as if to show me she was trying with all her might to reach me. To take her revenge. I walked toward the hand, closer and closer. My heart pounded and my skin crawled at the sight of the phantom struggling to reach me.
All my being hated every second of this experience, but I could not help but wonder what would happen if I reached out and touched the hand. Would she pull me away and take me to the Otherworld? What would happen to me? As I reached my hand toward hers, my fingers shook. How easy it would be to die now! I had nothing to live for anymore! I had cast off my child—lost my love—and was stolen from my tribe. There was nothing for me now.
Our fingers almost touched. As I got closer still, I heard whispers, whispers coaxing me to reach further, try harder, to come now…
“You, girl! Come away from there!” The guard’s voice startled me out of my trance. I blinked at him and then at the wall. There was nothing there. The hand had disappeared, and the strange whispering had ceased. I stood before the wall alone, the only movement the short scrubby brush that swayed slightly in the breeze.
I had almost done it. I had almost surrendered myself to her. I owed her a debt, and she demanded payment, but I realized one of the goddess’ servants had saved me.
“Yes,” I said, smiling at him as the relief washed over me, “I will come away.” The man stood holding his black spear and staring at me as if I were stupid. I did not care. I laughed at his expression. I had escaped death. The goddess had a plan for me—my work here in this world’s realm was not done. I ran ahead of the guard and down the narrow corridor that led to my sleeping chambers.
Silently I climbed into my bed and lay there trying to control my breathing. She had come for me, to take me, but I had been saved! At least for now. I had another chance at life. Another chance to hope and dream that I would see the one I loved. Someday.
Before I fell asleep, I whispered in the dark, not to Isis but to my mother. “Watch over him, Mother. He is my husband and my love. Stay close to him, please.”
With the sound of Margg snoring beside me, I fell asleep at last.
Chapter Nine
Nefertiti—The New Sister
I clapped and smiled at the sight of the collection of small animals led about on dainty silver chains by the children of the man who bowed before me. One animal, with a long neck and soft-looking fur, chattered away as he took his place on the small platform. A boy much younger than Paimu had been when she died led a similar animal to the opposite end of the toy. He made a whistling sound, and the two furry creatures—mongooses, they were called—began to bob up and down, making the tiny fulcrum move. I smiled at the children as they led the animals through their paces. When they had completed their performances, I tossed the animals the treats that the children provided me and gave the children handfuls of silver coins. Their dark eyes sparkled with excitement, and their father thanked me profusely.
“Thank you, lady queen,” the children said, amazed at their collection of coins.
“You are quite welcome. That was a wonderful show. Seeing these animals reminds me of a story I once heard about a white elephant who stole a rare fruit but had to stand on his tiptoes to reach it.” The children’s eyes widened with delight, and big smiles appeared in anticipation of the story. I straightened my gown and was prepared to invite them to sit—it had been so long since I had told a story—but our meeting was interrupted by Menmet. I sighed sadly, knowing I could not spend more time with the children. I had other tasks to attend to, and the day had just begun.
For the first time in a long time, I would see Pah. My trusted spies (friends of Menmet) informed me that Pah had built quite a reputation for herself in the temple. She was recognized as a gifted seer now, and people from all over Thebes came to the Green Temple to hear her words. If that was true, then it would seem Tadukhipa’s plan had not produced the desired effect. At least not for her. Perhaps Pah’s experience had been real and her goddess had saved her.
As the litter swung back and forth, I pulled the curtains back occasionally and waved at the gathering crowds who walked along beside us. Looking past their faces, I gazed up at the Green Temple of Isis in utter amazement. The glittering green columns shimmered in the sunshine. The columns and the building’s façade were made of an unusual stone that had a streak of gold throughout it. I could see why people from around the world came to see this temple. Although I rarely came here, the sight of it still took my breath away. And to think Pah lived here now.
As a courtesy to me, and to erase any doubts about my heritage, Tiye had quietly recognized Pah as a daughter of Isis. Technically she was a royal and entitled to all the benefits of her status. I sent her gifts and messages, hoping to measure her feelings for me before I arrived, but she had not responded.
A green-robed priestess greeted me on the steps and politely took me to an empty hall that led to an area where Pah and I could visit privately. Without a word the priestess left me standing in the open room, and I waited nervously for my sister.
I heard her bare feet slapping on the stones as she approached. Pah’s face was so pale it glowed, and she appeared gaunter than I had ever seen her. She looked so much older than her true seasons. Before all this, before Fate had had her way with us, looking upon her was like looking in a mirror. Even now our eyes remained the same, only mine were lined with kohl applied by Menmet’s deft hand. It was an ironic twist considering how much I had hated Egypt and she had wanted to embrace it. Yet now I represented the Two Lands in the most supreme way possible.
Pah’s short red hair gleamed in the light—the gown she wore was too large for her thin figure, as if it were not made for her at all but a giant. The sleeves were far too large, and it lacked any adornment. She did not wear the clothing I sent her or anything fine.
When last I saw my sister, she spoke to the invisible world and screamed and cried at random. Now here she was, q
uiet and composed, without a trace of her former confidence or haughtiness. Before I left Zerzura, Leela seemed convinced that Pah carried a child, but if she were pregnant she should be showing by now—as I was. I had long decided I would offer to care for her child since she could not do so here at the temple, but now that point was moot.
“I cast it out after I arrived here,” she answered my unspoken question. “It was my choice, sister. No one forced me.”
“Why would you do that? Children are our treasures!” The words fell from my lips before I could stop them. What a foolish thing to say to someone who had endured what Pah had. How could I pass judgment on her?
She did not rebuke me or defend herself. “I am sorry about the child,” she said in a low voice, her tired eyes never leaving mine. I could hear the heartbreak in her voice.
“I understand. Truly, I do. I have no right to tell you what to do.”
She shook her head sadly. “No, sister. You misunderstand me. It is your treasure I speak of. The girl—Paimu. What I did to her. I robbed you of her love and took her life when it was not mine to take. The deed weighs on me, and I am sorry for it.”
I never thought to hear such a confession. A sob of surprise and pain escaped me as Paimu’s face came unbidden to my mind’s eye. I had put her away in my mind, unwilling to conjure up her sweet face, her cheerful laughter and playful spirit. I felt guilty for leaving her memory behind so easily. She had brought joy to my lonely life, as I hoped I had brought to hers.
“Why, Pah? Why did you do it? She was just a child and no threat to you.” My voice rose and echoed through the initiates’ hall, surprising the temple guards and my companions who waited for me in the hallway. Menmet could not enter this place. Only the servants or the daughters of Isis could enter here. Whatever happened here, we were by ourselves except for the onlookers’ watchful eyes.
Pah’s expression lacked her typical disdain and contempt. That had vanished like her haughty looks. Regret took its place. “Nothing I can say will satisfy your need to understand, for I myself do not understand why I did it.” Her pretty voice sounded empty of hope. “For a long time I could not think clearly—my mind was a hateful playground. It was as if a wrathful spirit lived inside me and would not go away. No matter how my heart broke, how much I wanted to reach out to someone, I could not. I did not seek Paimu, but when she crossed my path that morning I killed her. I do not even know why I carried the knife with me. I am sorry for this. With all my heart and soul, I am sorry.”
“I did not want to believe it. But now that I hear it from your lips, I know that it is true.”
“Why have you come here, Nefret?”
“I wanted to… I had to see you. I had to tell you that it was not my idea to bring you here.” I dropped my voice to a whisper and said quickly, “I believe my adversary, Tadukhipa, organized your abduction, but I do not know why. Can you identify your captors so that I can question them? I need to know what she has planned.”
“Ah, I see.”
“What is it you see?” I asked her.
“I see the fires of ambition burning in you, Nefret. I know those fires. They will burn you up if you allow them to.”
“You are wrong, sister. I am trying to help you. How did you get here?”
“I cannot remember. I have tried.” Suddenly she stepped toward me and said, “Please, Nefret. Let me go home. Home to Alexio. You have your husband. You are queen now. Please let me go.”
“I did not bring you here, Pah. The Great Queen’s steward, Huya, has been investigating your case. He says that you must have a special dispensation from the priestess here before you can go and that she is loath to release you.”
“Why? Why won’t they let me go? I want to go home.”
“You have been looking in the fire and water. You have seen what they cannot. As it always is, the one who can’t see wants to see more. Since you have proved you have skills and can see visions, they do not want to release you.”
“What must I do, Nefret? I want to go home. I had thought I would never leave. You did not come to me when I asked for you, but now I feel hope that I will escape. You will let me go, won’t you? You are queen now! You can do this!”
“I am trying, Pah. You must make it easier, though. Stop sharing the visions. When people ask you to see, tell them you cannot. Maybe then Nakmaa will release you.”
“You want me to lie?”
I took her hands. They were cool to the touch and almost lifeless. “If you want to go home, you are going to have to stop looking into the fire and water. When Pharaoh returns to Thebes, I will ask him to intercede for you. Until then, no more visions, Pah.”
She sighed—it was a hopeless sound. “It is Alexio, isn’t it? You still love him.”
In a whisper, I tried to reassure her, “I regret how I left things with him, but I love my husband. I love Amenhotep like I have never loved anyone. I swear to you, Pah. I did not bring you here, nor am I keeping you from Alexio. I will try to help you, but do as I ask.”
“Paimu. The girl,” she whispered back. With fearful eyes she scanned the room. Seeing no one she whispered again, “She dogs my steps, sister. I see her lingering outside the gate when the sun comes up and when it goes down. She has not breached the walls yet, but sometimes when I dive deep into the water she is there, waiting for me. I think she will drown me if she can. Sometimes when I look into the fire, her face appears, her eyes like flames of hatred. She wants her life back, and I cannot give it to her.” She stepped back quickly and withdrew her hand as if mine were two snakes. “Did you bring her here? Is that why you came? You and Farrah?”
“Paimu is dead, Pah. And in death or life she would never harm you. What you see is your own guilt.”
“So you say, but you do not see like I can. I see them both.”
“Farrah? Why would she come to Egypt?” I tried to tease her to keep her mind from dwelling on her evil deeds. She pulled away from me and gave me a wide-eyed stare. Her figure appeared so small as she stood in the middle of the sparse room, the looming stone statue of Isis behind her, a basin of water to the left of it, a brazier of fire on the right. She did not belong here, but I did not know what to do to help her. I needed more information—proof that Tadukhipa had arranged her appointment here, against her will. What did my enemy have planned for my sister and me?
With raw fierceness she said, “I killed Farrah, and I will not deny it. Nor do I regret it. She deserved to die. She betrayed Mother and left her to die in the desert. She betrayed you too, Nefret, whether you believe me or not. If she were standing before me now, I would kill her again. A hundred times over!”
“Pah, calm down! Farrah would harm no one! All she ever wanted to do was lead us home to Zerzura.”
“Well then, why didn’t she lead us home? I will tell you why—because she could not. Farrah did not remember the way, and she could not rely on the sight to lead her. She murdered an innocent, our mother, and her crime cost her. The gods saw fit to take her visions from her. The Old One lied to us when she said she could see. She saw nothing but shadows. It was I who saw!”
“But you have taken two lives, Pah, and you see.”
Her lovely eyes narrowed as she considered my words. She stepped toward me out, of the shadow of the hovering Isis. She did not lash out at me or show frustration with what she used to call my stupidity. Her eyes swept me up and down as if she were seeing me in a new light. It made me uncomfortable, but I did not shrink from her gaze. Let her look on me if she wanted to! I was the Queen of Egypt—Queen Nefertiti! All our lives my sister had done only what was beneficial for her, but I had chosen another route and had done what was right for the tribe. Who was she to judge me?
Somewhere in another room I heard bells tinkling and hands clapping. These were likely signs that worship was about to begin, but still Pah made no move to leave me. She continued her silent appraisal and then spoke with renewed clarity.
“I believed their lies—they told me th
at I was the better mekhma, the better leader. They knew how jealous I was, how unreasonable were my thoughts! You were right. We should have reigned together and dared anyone to stand against us. I cannot go back and change what I have done, but I can help you now. Help me leave here, and I will look for you—only you. I swear it.”
My insides melted like wax. I never imagined hearing these words from my sister, and now that I heard them I barely trusted myself to believe them. If only we could go back and change things. If only we could go back and rule together and defeat the Kiffians without making deals with Egypt. But things had changed. I loved Amenhotep, and even if I could change my position in life, I would never leave him; I never wanted to be away from him.
“My husband and I worship the Aten. We do not seek visions of the future. We will build a new Egypt, one free from the oppression of the priests and priestesses. I cannot imagine Isis would like me too well for it.”
“When I look at you, I see the shining one—yes, a Shining Man. He is near you now. I can see his image behind you, sister.”
I gasped in surprise. I had never shared with her my experiences with the Shining Man. How could she know of him? I was tempted to look behind me, so steady and powerful was her gaze, but I did not.
She wrapped her arms around me, but I stiffened. She whispered in my ear, “Forgive me, Nefret.” Try as I might I could not resist her embrace for long, and I hugged her back. Being the Queen of Egypt I had learned a few things from Queen Tiye, such as not letting emotions compromise you in any situation, but at this moment I did not care about those lessons. I heard the tinkling of the bells again and saw a priestess waiting in the opposite doorway. She whispered a word in a language I did not understand but evidently Pah did; my sister stepped back, squeezing my hands reassuringly.
The Kingdom of Nefertiti (The Desert Queen Book 3) Page 10
