I yelled at Paltiel that we had to stop at the houses of Rizpah and Merab, but he dragged me on without speaking or stopping.
“I won’t leave without my family!” I screamed.
He dug his nails into me. “Merab and Adriel are dead. I saw their bodies. Elhanan and Joel managed to take their little brothers and escape to Rizpah’s house. I told them to run to the back gate. We must get there. It’s our only chance.”
It was as if he were speaking a foreign language. I understood nothing.
Suddenly I heard a bang behind me. Paltiel looked toward the sound and froze. I looked back, too. Micah was lying on the stones, blood trickling from his head. His nursemaid tried to get him up, but he didn’t move.
Paltiel continued to drag me along, but I managed to release myself from his grip and reach Micah.
“He’s dead!” Paltiel yelled. “We have to get to the back gate.”
I leaned over the small body and heard a soft gurgling. I took him in my arms and continued running after Paltiel. I saw the back gate from a distance. There was no one there. The chariot hadn’t waited for us. I stopped running and held Micah close.
“They’re gone,” I said to Paltiel. “We have no way to escape.”
“Keep running!” he shouted. “Don’t stop for a moment.”
I suddenly realized that this was the day I would die. Twenty-eight years old, eight years older than Ishvi was when he died. I whispered a silent prayer to the God of Israel, asking that He allow me to do just one more thing before He took my soul: to save Micah, my brother Jonathan’s son.
I kept running, through the gate and outside. The chariot was waiting on the other side of the wall, and standing beside it were Rizpah and the boys. They hadn’t left without us.
Paltiel took the reins and we all crowded into the back. The chariot slowly made its way toward Gallim, the town where Laish, the father of my husband Paltiel, lived.
On the way, in flashes of clarity that broke through the dark fog I was in, I realized that I was the only remaining daughter of Saul and that the seven trembling children sitting around me in the chariot—the eldest was thirteen years old, and the youngest, who might never see the light of another day, was five—were the last of Saul’s line. I also realized that, from that moment on, Rizpah and I had become the children’s mothers, and Paltiel had become their father, and that we bore the responsibility for the survival of the House of Saul.
* * *
At night, after we reached the home of Laish, after we dressed Micah’s wounds and fed the boys, I came to Paltiel’s bed.
“My husband,” I whispered.
He didn’t move.
“I want to bear your child,” I continued.
His limbs remained cold and rigid.
“Give me seed,” I begged. “I want a son of your seed.”
In the moonlight, I could see the wrinkles fade away from his forehead. He took me in his arms, and for one single, brief moment he was once again that long-haired, chiseled soldier I’d seen at the edge of the convoy.
He’d waited for me for fourteen years, twice as long as Jacob had waited for Rachel.
Seventeen
Micah remained paralyzed from the waist down, but he did not remain trapped in the house. The six other boys made sure to include him in their games and took him everywhere. They brought him down to the stream in a special wheelbarrow designed by the elderly Laish, Paltiel’s father, and they took turns pushing him on the swing that Rizpah put up for them in the yard. They even managed to carry him up to the house that Paltiel built for them high up in the carob tree.
And when evening came, as I sat in the garden with Paltiel and Rizpah watching the boys at play, their good looks and great height announcing even from far away that they were sons of Saul, I marveled at the power of the flow of life, which is able to break through loss.
Even my will returned. For many years I had wanted nothing, but the day I lost my sister and we became refugees in Gallim was actually the day that I felt that distant craving knocking on the locked doors of my heart, demanding that I make room for it again. It began with the desire for a child and continued with other desires, which grew more frequent and imbued me with a lust for life the likes of which I hadn’t known since I was a girl of fifteen. I wanted to play with the seven boys and to make Micah laugh, to chat with Rizpah, to be pretty, to eat, to drink, and to live. Most of all, I wanted to lie with Paltiel. Not only for his seed, but also to feel his arms around my neck, to take in the scent of his body, to hear his breath in my ears, to sense his love.
The image of my first husband grew hazier and hazier, and if it hadn’t been for the many stories about him that reached Gallim, I might have been able to wipe him away entirely. I asked Paltiel to pass along no information about David son of Jesse. I don’t care about his incredible military successes, or the palace he’s built in Hebron, or how many more wives he has taken, or the names he’s given his many children.
But rumors of his coronation ceremony reached me against my will. I couldn’t avoid them. All across the land, people were talking about the celebrations for the restoration of the kingdom that were to be held in Hebron, at which representatives from all the tribes would swear their allegiance to David son of Jesse, who would no longer be the king of Judah alone, but the king of a united Israel.
And then Abner arrived.
More than five years had passed since Ishvi had banished him from the palace, and I never imagined that I would ever again see his thick figure with the cruel smile. He stood in the doorway and gave me a deep bow.
“Queen Michal, I’m glad to see that you are still the most beautiful woman in the world.”
The paralyzing waves of terror returned all at once. I tried to control the trembling of my legs, but I knew that he could tell I was afraid. If he could terrorize me when I was a safe and protected princess in my father’s palace, he would certainly be able to do so now.
My eyes hurt from the effort, but I didn’t lower my gaze. “I am not a queen. I was once a princess, but now I am a farmer’s wife.”
He tried to enter, but I blocked the door with my body. “My husband is working out in the fields,” I told him. “Come back in the evening.”
His broad shoulder cleared a path between my body and the doorframe. He apologized for his lack of manners and stood across from Rizpah, who had come into the room at that very moment, carrying Micah and breathing hard from the effort. It wasn’t easy for such a small woman to carry a crippled boy of seven on her own. The smile disappeared from Abner’s face. He was unable to look at her directly. But she actually did manage to look at him.
“Abner son of Ner,” she said, and I admired the restraint in her quiet voice. “To what do we owe the pleasure of receiving such an honored guest in our humble abode?”
“The home of two queens is no humble abode.”
“Two queens?” She raised her eyebrows and set Micah down on the rug, his back against the wall. “I am the king’s widow, and Michal is a princess. There are no queens here.”
Micah examined Abner with his intelligent eyes and asked us who the guest was.
“He was once your grandfather’s army commander,” Rizpah said contemptuously in a teasing tone of voice. “And now he is the commander of the army of Judah.”
“Joab son of Zeruiah is the commander of the army,” Abner said, the sourness in his voice sending a rush of pleasure through my body and momentarily distracting me from the unceasing shaking of my legs. “And in three days, after our king’s second coronation ceremony, he will be the commander of the army of the united Kingdom of Israel.”
Then Abner looked back at me. “I’ve come to take you back to your husband.”
Painful flashes of light flickered in my eyes. “My husband is here with me,” I whispered.
“You’ve waited many years for your husband to fulfill his promise and take you back.”
“My husband is Paltiel son of Laish.”
/> Abner looked over at Rizpah and then at the ground. “Our king will marry you as well. It’s as I said, there are two queens in this house.”
I collapsed onto the rug. My teeth were chattering. I couldn’t see a thing. My trembling hands groped in the darkness and found Micah. I hugged his shoulders, trying to draw strength from the heat of his body.
But Rizpah did not lose her wits. Her clear voice rang out through the room, increasing my adoration of this gentle woman, who could transform herself into a lioness when she needed to. “If you try to drag us out to your carriage against our will, we’ll scream as loud as we can, and the residents of Gallim will come and see for themselves how David son of Jesse takes his women by force.”
“My carriage? What are you thinking, my queen? A golden chariot awaits you outside the house. You’re welcome to look and see it for yourself. Beautiful queens cannot travel in a simple carriage. And as for the residents of Gallim, they are already gathering around the chariot, eagerly awaiting your arrival. This town has never had such an honor before.”
“Abner son of Ner,” I said, able to speak, though my teeth were still chattering, “do you not fear our God?”
He rolled his eyes. “My entire life is dedicated to His people, Israel. When God chose your father, I served him with devotion and was prepared to give my life for him. He didn’t have a more loyal servant than me. But when God rejected Saul and chose David, I followed God’s will. The man chosen by God is my king.”
The words “God rejected Saul” revolted me. I couldn’t believe that people were saying that about Father. But Rizpah, who was more well versed in the Judean tales than I was, took the opportunity to run outside and call for help. Abner showed no concern about her flight and continued to calmly describe David’s astounding successes, how he was going from strength to strength, and his plans to conquer all the lands in the region and turn the Kingdom of Israel into a power without rival.
Suddenly, the sounds of screaming pierced the air. I raced for the door, but guards appeared to block my way. From where I stood, I could see Rizpah being dragged to the chariot by soldiers. Mephiel and Armoni screamed at the tops of their lungs while the soldiers held them back at a distance from their mother. Then I saw Paltiel. Two armed soldiers were standing on either side of him, holding his arms and not letting him move. He stood opposite me and wept. I’d never seen him cry before. Even at the worst moments, when everyone around him had broken down and collapsed, he always kept his cool, never shedding a tear, like on the day Gibeah was conquered.
And now there he was, my strong husband, weeping.
The two guards bowed deeply and asked me to accompany them to the chariot. Paltiel’s sobbing grew louder. The people of Gallim watched in horror. Many of them were wiping tears from their eyes. I looked back at Abner. “Let me take my leave from my husband,” I said, “and I promise to get into the chariot without resisting.”
Abner spat scornfully that my husband was King David son of Jesse, but that he had no problem with my exchanging a few words with the whimpering farmer who’d once been an officer in the king’s army and was now a blubbering female. The soldiers let go of me and let me approach him. Silence fell all around us. Everyone watched me with bated breath.
I came near to my husband and buried my head in his chest and put my arms around his waist. His hands were shaking, but he was able to hug me back. “I’ll return to you,” I told him. “David son of Jesse owes me his life. He’ll release me. Rizpah will return to her boys. It will be his reward for the benevolence I showed him. I’m sure of it. Besides—” I ran my lips over his chiseled cheek and put them to his ear. “Besides,” I whispered quietly, so that no one else could hear, “your child is sprouting in my womb.”
As I got in and sat beside Rizpah in the chariot, he was still frozen, but as the chariot began moving, he gave a great shudder and began to walk after us.
Weeping as he went, my husband followed me, weeping as he went.
All along the road people gaped at the strange sight of a golden chariot riding along in regal splendor, accompanied by the king’s horsemen, and behind them a tall, long-haired man walking alone and wailing.
Abner son of Ner, who was riding on his horse alongside us, called for the coachman to speed up, but it did no good. My husband ran after us and managed to catch up.
When we reached the village of Bahurim at the outskirts of Judah, Abner lost his temper. He stopped his horse, jumped off, and attacked Paltiel with his large body.
“Go back home!” he yelled.
My husband did not fall. I stuck my head out the window and looked at him. He looked back at me. The chariot drove on.
That was the last time I ever saw him.
Eighteen
Fifteen years ago, I met a ruddy boy with beautiful eyes. An aura of light surrounded his curly hair. Everyone who saw him was enchanted. Some were afraid. I loved him.
Now that boy is a man in his prime. Life has turned us into enemies. He is the reason my father is dead, my mother is dead, my five siblings are dead, my brother’s little boy is crippled, and our kingdom is destroyed.
Do I still love him?
His red curls have faded, the wrinkles around his eyes have deepened, his jawline has hardened, but his charm is ever present, perhaps even stronger. I can see the enchantment in the faces of his ministers and advisors. I can feel it inside of me.
Did the man I once loved plan his betrayal of my father, or did things just become complicated and get out of hand? That question has plagued me ever since the battle of Mount Gilboa. At times, I believed it had been merely bad luck that sent David down a slippery slope from which he could not return, dragging him into the army of the enemy. At other times, I was certain it had all been carefully planned, step by step: playing music in the palace, marrying the princess, appearing before the people, defecting to the Philistine army, the war, the occupation, the coronation.
And now, as I stand before him, the question still nags at me, but I know that whatever the answer, he still makes my heart flutter.
“My queen.” His voice is the same, but it’s firmer now. “I’ve brought you back to me, just as I promised.”
He rises from his seat and holds out his hands. I recoil instinctively. He puts his arm around my shoulders and says in a festive tone to his ministers and advisors, “Bow to Queen Michal, daughter of King Saul, anointed of God.”
They bow before me as one, their foreheads touching the ground. No one has ever bowed to me this way. David notices my embarrassment and tightens his grip. “My queen,” he whispers, “I’ll come to you tonight.”
* * *
There are so many questions I want to ask him, but the wall I’ve built around myself might crumble if I do. I must stay close to the window and harden my body. I mustn’t look at him. “Return me to my husband!”
He is quiet, but a moment later I hear his firm voice behind me. “I am your husband. I betrothed you with a hundred Philistine foreskins.”
I turn to face him. His expression is serious, devoid of any smile.
“My husband is Paltiel son of Laish. Return me to him! Return Rizpah to her sons! That will be my reward for saving your life. I will ask you for nothing more. I swear it.”
“Jonathan is the one who saved my life. His messengers brought me regular reports on your father’s movements. If it hadn’t been for his warnings, the soldiers would have trapped me. I will never forget what he did for me.”
His words make my skin crawl. I examine his face in astonishment, looking for a hint that he is joking. His expression remains serious, though, and he says in a tone of appeasement that he feels no ill will toward me. True, it was my fault that he lost my father’s affection, but he forgave me for that long ago, and now that he has fulfilled his promise to bring me back to him, we can put the past behind us and revive our marriage.
The tears burst out of me all at once, along with all those questions I swore I wouldn’t ask: Why didn’t
you give me your seed? Why did you marry other women? Why did you give them your seed? Why did you wait so many years to bring me back?
He comes closer, wrapping his arms around my waist, looking into my eyes, and he answers my questions one by one. For a long time, he had been looking forward to the moment when he could bring me back, but by fleeing from him when we were making appearances before the people, I showed him that I couldn’t handle the difficult conditions of the road. Only now, as a king, could he finally grant me a life of luxury befitting a refined princess like myself. He remembers the promise he made before our marriage—he always has—but our lives didn’t go according to plan, and the terrible loneliness forced on him during his long years as a fugitive led him into the arms of other women. And as to the hardest question of them all, he wishes he’d had a son with me. He would have made him the crown prince. But God prevented me from becoming pregnant. In spite of my barrenness, however, I would always be the wife of his youth, his favorite.
Just as suddenly as my tears had burst forth, laughter erupts out of me. At first it is a quiet laughter of sharp broken breaths, but by the end it has become a roiling wave that washes over my body and makes my shoulders shake. My entire body takes part in this laughter. “Barren? Me? What are you thinking? My womb is bearing fruit even now. The son of my husband Paltiel is sprouting within me.”
He looks down and gives my belly a glassy-eyed look. “I mustn’t come to you. I will make Rizpah my wife. You will remain a celibate widow till the day you die. That is the law.”
“Return me to my husband!”
The Secret Book of Kings: A Novel Page 25
