"I wonder if she ever once thought about what might happen to her own child. Or if she cared."
Nadine thought about Martina, but the one joy was that she would be going away, for a long while. She wouldn't have to put up with her. But, another part of her wanted to try to forgive her. She knew she should but maybe in time she could. Not now. It was just too soon.
"Gabe said I might have to testify." Nadine gripped Ma's hand.
"Now listen here, you be strong. Don't let her walk all over you. She did wrong, and she needs to pay for that wrong. It ain't easy testifying against someone, especially a woman I would reckon, but it has to be done." Ma encouraged her. "It's a sad thing, when a person does something so wrong, but they must pay for that wrong, no matter what we feel. Because if they don't, others might try the same thing. She may be a woman, a pregnant woman, but she needs to know she can't do that, ever again."
"I don't understand her. She acted as though she loved Gabe. But the baby she carries belongs to John. She seems to deny it. Perhaps because John denies it too. I feel sorry for her in a way. She claims to love Gabe, and yet she made love with John. And it is John's baby, he knows that. Whether he ever claims it or not."
The mention of John had both their heads turning.
"It's okay, I’m over him. I knew you were bound to know about us. But when I found out that Martina and he were having an affair too, I realized my folly. I am well over him. I only feel shame for my part. And my life now is so good, even with a burned down house and a lost baby. I still have Gabe. I love him dearly and we will make a life together." Nadine cried. "I'm determined."
Suddenly Nadine grabbed for them both and cried. "Oh but how I wanted this child. For Gabe and I. I will miss it all the days of my life."
"I wonder if Gabe has arranged the funeral?" Ma asked softly.
"In cases like this, there is usually a covered casket and it is done a day or two after the mother recovers. You could bury it in the church cemetery. Many times they are buried with another poor soul. But that's up to you. We will all be there, no matter what you decide."
Nadine sat up in bed and nodded. "Well, Gabe and I talked about it. He wants to build a small cemetery on our land and bury the baby there. That's where Gerty is buried. The baby should rest beside her. He said he'll make the casket himself. I'm sure that's where he's gone now. I don't want my baby buried with someone that he doesn't know." Nadine's voice weakened and her eyes misted once more.
"I can understand that. I'd probably feel the same way. And your Gabe is a good man for seeing to this right away. We would need the funeral tomorrow probably. Did you have a name picked out for the baby?"
Nadine smile mystically. "Gabe was named after the angels. So I wanted to name the baby Michael. That is if it was a boy."
"That's a good Christian name. Well, we'll have fixin's for a big meal at the boardinghouse afterwards, and then the town's people are comin' out there to help start on a new house for you and Gabe." Ma announced.
Nadine's eyes widened is total surprise. "Oh Ma…that's a beautiful gift."
She couldn't talk anymore as the tears flowed freely and their emotions got the best of them.
As they were leaving Ma patted her on the shoulder. "Now don't you worry. We'll have that house up before you know it, and you can get back to livin' again. If we can do anything, anything at all before…let us know."
"Your so kind…" Nadine cried.
"God loves you Nadine." Jo Ella cried too.
Nadine was then alone for a while, and the tears flowed freely, for her baby, for Gabe and for the wonderful people in their lives who were doing everything they could for them.
But after an hour of nothing but tears, she wiped her eyes and saw the doctor at the door.
"How are you feeling this morning?"
"I'm okay, doc." She murmured.
"Of course you are. I think we need to get you up and about as tomorrow is liable to be a hectic and emotional day for you. So today we must get up and walk about so you can be strong." He encouraged her.
Nadine shook her head with a sad smile. "Everyone here has been so good to me. Vada is my home. Mine and Gabe's now. He's building the casket and making a small cemetery on our land today. He will be busy most of the day. But our baby is in the hands of the Lord now and all is well. I will be strong. And I will have many more babies."
The doc seemed touched by her inner strength. "Nadine you are a pillar of strength. I know you will make a good life with Gabe. He's a good man. And you are a remarkable woman."
So Nadine got up out of bed, and put her clothes on and walked around the doctor's cottage. She looked up at the birds in the air, the fresh sunshine, the beautiful flowers that blanketed the earth and smiled. "Tomorrow is another day, and Gabe and I will be there livin' it."
Life goes on, she realized. And the sadness that came with it, only made a body stronger!
Chapter Seventeen
The next morning there was a mist in the air, but it cleared quickly and the sun broke out in vivid rays. Nadine gathered her strength and opened the curtains to the room.
She wouldn't see her baby, nor hold it, but she rested easy knowing God had taken care of it.
Gabe came and got her early and they ate breakfast with Ma and Jo Ella. Harry and Gabe talked privately for a while as the girls cleaned up the kitchen.
"She'll have to testify, I'm sure of that. But there is no doubt Martina will be put away for a good long while." Harry assured him.
"You know, I'm sorry for her, and yet deep down inside me, I want justice too. What she did…is hard to forgive. But I have to think she wasn't of right mind."
"Don't say anything like that to her lawyer, or he'll be using insanity as his plea bargain."
Gabe nodded. "Don't worry. I want her locked up and put away good. She knew what she was doin' when she hit Nadine where she hit her. She meant to kill our baby. I know that as sure as I'm standin' here. That is something I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive."
"Maybe in time you will. At least you still have each other and you can still have more children." Harry offered.
"Yes, thank God for that. And I think the sooner the better."
People from all over town brought food and well wishes. White people.
The black community began to straggle in too.
It was all over town what had happened and everyone was talking about how Martina had done so much damage. But as the women expressed their sorrow, Nadine shook her head.
"Hard times only makes a body stronger. Not weaker. Gabe and I, we'll be alright. And our baby rests in the arms of the Lord. With good friends like all of you, I face the day with a smile." Nadine gathered all that was in her for what was to come.
She knew Gabe was feeling the same. She saw the sadness in him, and felt it.
He'd made the casket and he had to show her. After breakfast, he told the others he wanted to take Nadine home and show her where the baby would lay.
There would be no wake. No time with the baby, but she could take heart that it would lie in peace.
As they pulled up to the yard, Nadine bit back tears of the memories. For only a second she hesitated getting out of the buggy he had borrowed.
"Come on darlin', I've got something to show you."
He took her hand and guided her to the shed that still stood. Inside he had made a coffin. It was carved from oak, and it had the baby's name and dates on it. But it also had the picture of a dove flying to heaven, Gabe and told her.
Nadine ran her hands over the casket, as new tears sprang up.
"Oh God…make me strong for today…" Nadine whispered as her hand glided slowly over the intricate work.
Gabe gathered her to him. "Do you like it?"
She looked at him as tears rolled down her cheek, "I love it. I just wish…."
"I know darlin' but we can't look back. We've got to look forward, and remember that Michael will always be with us in our hearts, and that we loved him. Just like we
love each other. Sometimes hard times are put upon you to strengthen you. We'll never forget him, but the hurt and sorrow will pass. We have to believe that."
The doc himself prepared the baby and brought him out wrapped in a small cotton cloth. He laid the baby in the casket and nailed it shut. Nadine had been completely distracted during that time by Ma. Gabe had watched the doc and stared at the small coffin as though he just now realized his baby was dead.
Then the doc took Nadine and Gabe aside. He had brought Joe to give them some words of peace. Joe had a mild manner about him that soothed and Nadine and Gabe gathered their strength about them. Joe gathered the people around them, in a large circle and holding hands they all prayed for strength and forgiveness.
Some of the black community began to wander over. Although Nadine hadn't gotten close to them like she had Ma and the girls, they had accepted her into their community and they didn't hesitate to express their sorrow. They all remembered how Nadine had helped them with the Scarlet Fever.
Most of them came with food, Joe and Sarah sat up a wagon with the food and would later transport it to Ma's. Covering it with a large tablecloth so the bugs wouldn't bother it.
Everyone gathered around as about two o'clock the small funeral began.
Joe said many beautiful words over the baby and blessed him. Ma and Jo Ella held Nadine up several times as she went to say goodbye to her son.
Harry took care of Gabe.
It was over in an hour, after words of praise, prayer, and singing. Nadine and Gabe knew this was the hardest day of their life, one they would never forget.
At Ma's the parlor and the kitchen were set up for the food and the house was packed with people.
Some of their neighbors promised to help them in the building. Joe had collected a fund for them to live on for a while and Harry had managed to get the supplies out to the property that afternoon.
It was one of the first occasions where the black and the white community worked together for the good of all. The town of Vada had evolved somehow. The coming together of people, black, white, and even a couple of Indians was a sight that rarely happened. But it built an invisible bond between them.
Everyone worked until dark and then Gabe and Nadine went to Ma's to rest.
"I won't have you layin' out here on the ground. You come stay with us. We'll have this house up in a couple of days and you can move in. Until then, you stay with us." Ma instructed.
Gabe shook her hand. "I don't know how to say thank you enough…."
Harry patted him on the shoulder. "You don't have to, we're all family here."
It was a time for tears of joy now, Ma announced.
But before they left, Nadine and Gabe went to pay one last respect to their child.
Gabe stood holding Nadine. "Michael, you didn't get a start in life, nor a chance for it. But you will always be in our hearts. May God hold you in his arms…."
"Amen…" Nadine cried and laid her head on Gabe's shoulder. She stood there for a long time, wondering if the future held something better, and if they could ever let go of the past. She cried until there were no more tears, as Gabe just held her.
Chapter Eighteen
The house took nearly a week to construct, but Gabe and Nadine had been patient. People came every day to help finish it. They asked nothing and gave their all. There was lots of fellowship and good times. The yard was full of people until it was finished.
When it was finished the people had a party to celebrate. There was music and lots of food and everyone gathered for fellowship in Gabe's yard.
Although the house wouldn't contain all the people they celebrated in the yard, and all around the new house. There was so much food, they had to rig a long table outside to hold it all. Several of them brought their instruments and provided music. Before long, they began to dance.
Joe brought some chairs from the church for people to sit around and talk.
Nadine wandered through the small cabin with delight. Although it was only a little bigger than the last one, it had more shelving, and looked so nicely made with real logs.
"It's beautiful, just beautiful." Nadine cried as she twirled around in the room. "I can't believe it's ours."
"It's a new beginning. With friends and neighbors like we have, we can't lose. Now we just got to put our backs up and work real hard. We can make something of this place, I know it, Nadine." Gabe picked her up and twirled her in the air. "Gerty meant for this place to be a home, and that's what it is going to be."
She laughed and when he set her down, their lips met in an explosion of heated kisses. She wanted it to go on, because this was what she needed, to be close to Gabe. Nothing reassured her like his love.
"Can we have another baby?" Nadine asked as he set her down once more.
His eyes widened, and he was quiet a moment. "Another baby? Well honey, sure we can. But, let's talk about that later. We got a yard full of guests right now."
"I know…but…I want to talk about it now. I want a baby, Gabe. I want to make you a family. I want that right away. Now…"
Gabe leaned against the kitchen table, his hands facing backward, his face a wad of emotions.
"You will, but your body needs time to heal. You want to be healthy and strong and it's gonna take some time. The doc said you needed to take it easy for a while. I aim to see you do." Gabe warned her. "I want a family just as bad as you do, honey, but not at the expense of your health. You've been through a lot and you need some time to rebuild strength."
She tried to smile, but it fell flat. "I guess you're right, but I just wish…"
He pulled her into his arms and held her tight. "I know you want a child, so do I, but we don't want to rush things. Do we?"
"Does this mean you won't touch me?" She asked with a tear in her eye.
Gabe kissed her hard, his lips trying to assuage all the hurt inside her. Then he whispered against her ear. "It only took once to get you pregnant." He moved his body close so she could feel the heat, feel him.
She sighed and smiled into his eyes. She knew he wanted her, she could feel his readiness, but she also knew he wouldn't act upon those wants.
"I want my husband…I need you." She looked into his eyes. "We need to make love….I've missed you so."
"We gotta go easy. I want to make sure you are strong and can carry the baby. I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to you."
About to refute his words, Sarah came up to them. "Do you like your new place, Nadine?"
It broke the spell she was weaving over him and she wanted to throw something at Sarah for interrupting, but she couldn't. Everyone had been so nice, she had to show her gratitude and respect.
Gabe smiled brightly. "It is more than I ever dreamed for, Sarah. This is a home we can be proud of…and we owe it to all of you…I never knew we had so many friends."
Nadine had to recover from her emotional outbursts. Her body was responding to the need of his and she stepped in front of him so Sarah couldn't see just how aroused he was.
"And are you pleased?" Sarah prodded her.
"It's beautiful…" Nadine whispered. "I never imagined anything so nice. You've all been so wonderful to me and Gabe, I can't tell you how I feel with words."
"Well come on, let's go out there and celebrate. This is a night to celebrate." Sarah smiled at the two of them.
Gabe took Nadine's hand, and led her out in the yard and while the fiddle played they danced.
She moved seductively closer to him, needing him to need her. But interruptions kept happening every few minutes. Obviously she had picked a bad day to try to get Gabe's full attention.
Frustration climbed all over Nadine.
When someone pulled Gabe aside, Joe and Harry came to talk to him, Nadine felt abandoned. She should be talking with Ma, and Jo Ella, but her heart wasn't in idle conversations.
Finally Gabe came back to her and they played a waltz. Once more she insinuated herself close to him and she felt the de
sire she stirred in him.
"I love you Nadine, and we will have more children. I promise. As soon as I know you've gotten your strength back." Gabe squeezed her close to let her know he did want her too.
"Then let's not wait…" She started pulling him back to the house once more.
Again they were interrupted by the fiddle player, "Gabe come on up here and say a few words, will ya."
Gabe began to back away from Nadine and get himself back into control as he stood before all of them.
"You have no idea, how much me and Nadine appreciate what all of you have done for us. Words can't express our happiness. We only hope we can do the same for you someday."
Nadine went into the house, closing the door and cried.
She didn't know exactly what she was crying for, she just knew she had to let it out. She sat there on the floor in the corner and she let out the frustration and hurts.
~*~
Gabe went after her and found her crying in the dark.
He started to wrap his arms around her, but then thought better of it. He'd give her time, and then they would have another baby.
But Gabe realized the darkness of what had happened wasn't over yet. Nadine hadn't reconciled herself with the death of her child. And until they could have another, her life was on some kind of hold. He wanted to grant all her wishes and dreams, but right now they both needed some patience.
That night they slept in their new house, and he held her close to him. Nadine tried several times to turn into him and make love, but he tried distracting her. He knew what she wanted and why. He wanted a baby as much as she did, but now was not the right time for them. He had to stay strong.
"Don't you love me anymore?" She cried frustrated with his attempts to calm her.
"I love you more today than I did yesterday."
"Then why can't we make love…? When something this bad happens, it's when you need each other the most. I need your arms around me. I need to be close, to know that everything is going to be alright. Instead you distance yourself from me. It hurts."
Last Bride, Last Man (Book Three of the Red River Valley Brides Series) Page 15
