“No.”
He nods. “I told him the truth about all those years ago. I told him why you were like you were. That it was my fault.”
My mind goes back to our fight in the park.
“Dad.” I reach over and grab his hand.
“I take full blame for that, Little Miss. I was a mess, and you were there to see it all. For that, I couldn’t be sorrier.”
I bend down and put my coffee on the porch, bringing my knee up and resting my chin on it.
“It was rough. I'm not going to pretend like it wasn't, but I know you were sad. You were hurt, and sometimes those feelings can't be hidden. We got through it, though. Together. I'm doing better, and you seem to be doing better.” I give him a loving smile.
He shakes his head. “I still miss her. Sometimes I miss her so much it's like a jagged knife is being pulled from my chest.” He lets out a shaky breath. “But Piper makes me happy, and I am better than I once was.” He looks off before turning back to me with sorrow in his eyes. “People are right when they say time is the only thing that helps with a broken heart, but even time doesn’t cure it. Regardless, I'd do it all over again because every moment I had with your mom was the best of my life. She was my life…she and you.”
I give him a tight-lipped smile. “I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, Little Miss.” He wraps his arms around me, and I put my leg down and place my nose in the crook of his neck, breathing in the sweet comfort that is my dad––cologne and coffee grinds, a hard day’s work and more love than time.
*
I adjust the heat in Old Blue when I pull onto the small gravel driveway. Removing my foot from the gas pedal, I let the truck roll slowly down the hill that leads to my mama's grave. Hitting the brake, I turn the wheel and pull over to the side. I situate my knit hat on my head and grab my gloves from beside me before I open the door and step out.
We got our first snow last night as I was wrapped in Tommy. We lay with my leg over his and his fingers running up and down my thigh. The curtains were pulled back, and that was when it happened. One small flake drifted downward and then another. I smiled against his warm skin.
“Look, baby,” he said so softly. His voice was husky and almost sleep-like. “It's snowing.”
I peered up at him, watching his face as he watched the snow fall. In that moment, something clicked. I can't pinpoint exactly what it was. Comfort? An urge? Content? I'm not sure, but I knew I'd never felt this way before with any other guy, and I also knew I never would. Tommy was my home.
He felt me looking and gave me a lazy smile. I didn't return it, though. I swallowed and my eyes danced between his before moving down to his mouth and back up again.
“I love you, Tommy Kingsley. I think I always have.” I reached up and ran my finger across the stubble on his jaw.
“I know,” he replied. “I've always known.” He put his hand over mine and pulled me on top of his warm body. I kissed him then, showing him just how much I loved him and how sorry I was for all the pain I’d caused. I had never wanted to hurt him. I just didn't want myself to get hurt more. Call me selfish. Call me a coward. I knew these things already.
He flipped us over, and as he spread my legs with his, settling in between my thighs, I told him I'd never run again. And at that moment I meant it. I truly did.
Now that I've had a taste, a real taste of Tommy, I never want anything else. He’s like a fine dish, and anything less would be dissatisfying.
I wipe my glove-covered hand over the bench near my mama’s grave and take a seat. The coldness seeps through my jeans, and the wind causes me to wrap my coat around me tighter. I look up at the clear sky and inhale a deep breath.
“I’ve been gone a long time, Mama.” I look at her gravestone and sigh. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back for good, but I’m not running anymore.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Tommy
Yesterday’s snow crunches under our feet as I hold my girl’s hand. We walk in the field behind her dad’s house, and she curls up beside me when we sit down on the bench beneath the only tree out here. I reach into my pocket and pull out a little black box.
“Merry Christmas,” I whisper to her.
She looks up at me and then down at the box in my hand. She takes it in hers and sits up.
“What is it?” she asks with a curious smile.
“Open it and see.”
She bites her lip and flips it open. A silver charm bracelet stands out against the black velvet it sits on. She picks it up and lays it in her palm, skimming her finger over each charm. A silver dog, a bridge, a poker card from when we used to play all the time, a fishing pole, and a little truck. All the things that remind her of home, of her dad…of me.
“Put it on me,” she says.
I take it and place it around her wrist, looking at her after I snap it together.
“Do you like it?” I ask, searching her eyes.
“I love it.” She gives me a sincere smile and her eyes go to my mouth. I lean in to taste her, always wanting more. A small peck, just a little kiss. She grins against my lips and I simper against hers.
“I love you, Tommy Kingsley,” she murmurs.
“I love you.” I grab her and lift her onto my lap. She straddles my legs as I take control of her mouth. I rest my hands on her hips as she pulls my lip in with her teeth.
“Come on,” I say, pulling back, lifting her as I stand.
She laughs. “Where are we going?”
“My place.”
*
Her fingers move to the button on my jeans and mine move to hers. We take each other’s clothes off piece by piece. I steal kisses in between tossing cotton onto the floor. She climbs onto my bed, and I crawl up after her. Dragging her panties down her thighs, I take hold of her hips as she glances back at me.
I grasp her hair and wrap it around my hand, pulling back just a little as I sink inside. She moans, and I drive forward. Dropping locks of curls, I watch as she stretches her arms out in front of her, arching her back more as I pull and push.
“You’re perfect.” I kiss her back and pull out.
Flipping her over, I climb between her thighs and rock back into her. Her eyes close, and her lips part. I take what I want and give her everything I have. She whispers my name as she lets go, and I hold on to her as I do the same.
“I’m gonna fucking marry you,” I tell her. “One day you’ll have my last name.”
*
The snow dissolves, and winter transitions into spring. Ellie left after Christmas, and I haven’t seen her since. Time apart isn’t easy and it tests us, just like she said it would, but I’m learning to deal.
“Hey, grab some gloves. You’re gonna cut your damn hands up doing it that way,” I yell over to a crew member who just started two days ago. No one wants to take orders from me because I’m younger than most of these sorry asses, but I’m smarter too and that’s why I’m their boss. I slide my gloves off and grab my Camels from the plywood table.
“Goddamn, Tommy Kingsley.” I hear and turn to look.
“The hell? Jessie?” I smile at my old buddy from Chicago.
“Yours truly.” He grins, embracing me in a hug, slapping me on the back as he does it.
“The hell you doing out here?” I ask when I pull away. I haven’t seen this boy in years. I learned a while back that he stole a car and got sent off to juvie not too long after we moved here.
“I’m doing contract work in the city. They sent me way the hell out here.”
“You still living in Chicago?” I ask, pulling a smoke from my pack.
“You know it. Became an electrician. I heard you were running your own construction crew. I see it’s true.”
“Yeah, man. Trying to do something with my life.” I offer him one, and he shakes his head no.
“Quit those a while back.”
“Good for you,” I say as I light mine.
He nods. “Look, I gotta get this
done. I’ve got five other places to go to after this. You ever make it back to the city, give me a call.” He grabs his wallet and pulls out a card. I take it.
“Will do, man. It was good to see you.”
“You too. Remember now, call me if you’re in town,” he says. I lift my chin as I hit my smoke.
*
I jump out the shower and wrap my towel around my waist. I hear my phone ringing when I walk out of the bathroom.
“Yo, college girl,” I answer as I look for a T-shirt and jeans to throw on.
“Hey, college boy. How was your day?”
“Ran into an old buddy of mine from Chicago.”
“Really? That’s cool.”
“Yeah, we got into a lot of shit when we were kids.”
She laughs. “I’m sure you did. What are the plans for tonight?”
“I’m about to head to Banner’s for a drink. You know how we rowdy Green Ridge people get down.”
She giggles. “You’re crazy, Tommy. Tell everybody hello for me.”
“Will do, baby.” I find a pair of clean jeans on the floor beside my bed. “So, what about you?”
“Day was okay. I’ve got a study group in a few minutes and wanted to call you before we get started.”
“Party,” I say sarcastically.
“Yeah.” She scoffs.
I hit the speaker button on my phone and toss it onto the bed.
“When are we going to see each other again?” I ask as I slide my boxers on.
“Spring break is right around the corner. I can taste it.” I hear her smile.
“You’re coming home, right?” I slide my legs through my jeans, not buttoning them just yet. I grab the phone to walk to the bathroom. Swiping the fog from the mirror with my hand, I grab a comb and run it through my hair.
“That’s the plan.”
“It better be the fucking plan. I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
I hear a voice in the back and it sounds like a dude. “I’ll be right there,” Ellie says to whomever.
“Who’s that?” I ask.
“Just a study buddy.”
“A dude?”
“Yeah, he’s a guy, Tommy.” She laughs. “Guys do go here, ya know?”
“Yeah. They better be keeping their hands to themselves, though.”
“No worries, baby. I’ve gotta go. Call you tonight.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“I love you, Tommy.”
“Me too.” I hang up the phone and stare at the screen as I rub my chin. I hate being so far away from her. Those lucky shits get to see her every day and I’m here. She better bring her ass home for spring break or I’m coming up there.
*
I walk into Banner’s, and the first thing I see is Ronnie with Uncle Joe beside him.
“My boy!” he yells toward me.
Everyone looks my way, and I roll my eyes. I slide onto a barstool as Banner walks up.
“What’ll ya have, kid?” he asks.
“Just a beer,” I reply.
I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder. Turning around, I see Ronnie.
“You never come by and see your old man,” he says as he takes a seat beside me.
“Why the hell would I do that?” I ask, grabbing my beer as Banner sets it down. “Ellie says hey,” I tell him.
“Tell her we asked about her,” he says.
I nod and look over at Ronnie when he speaks, “Because I’m your father.”
I scoff. “Some father.”
“Yo, is this a family reunion?”
I look toward the door and see Hudson walking in with his arms spread out, smiling wide at us.
“I didn’t plan it,” I reply to my brother. I stand and slap my hand in his.
“We live in the same town and I haven’t see your ass in weeks,” he says, taking a seat beside me.
“Yeah, been busy out of town. How’s the restaurant?”
Billy stepped back and gave Hudson full say over the kitchen. He’s running that place now and making a good salary doing it.
“Going well. You’d know that if you came in to eat.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“That’s what you keep saying.” He winks. “Banner, give my brother and me a couple shots.”
“Hey, what about me?” Ronnie asks.
“What about you?” Hudson replies.
Laughing, I look over and see a faint smile on Banner’s face too. The man hardly ever shows emotion.
“I swear you boys forget who raised you.”
I look at Hudson who shrugs. Hudson isn’t as forgiving when it comes to Ronnie as I am. Even though he’s only a year older than me, he was stuck trying to take care of us both while Ronnie went and did what Ronnie does best––get high or drunk. Either made him difficult to live with and sometimes he’d stay gone for a few days leaving us alone and having to find food.
“Give Ronnie a shot glass too,” I say reluctantly to Banner.
“Now we’re talking,” Ronnie says as he pats my shoulder.
“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get used to it,” I grumble.
“How’s Ellie?” Hudson asks.
“She’s good. Busy with school.”
“You guys really making it work, huh?”
“Trying,” I say. I grab the shot glass Banner just filled as Hudson and Ronnie do the same.
“To making it work,” Ronnie toasts, lifting his glass.
I nod and down mine.
“You boys come by and see your aunt and cousins.” Uncle Joe stands up to leave.
“Will do,” I reply.
He nods and pats our shoulders. “I’ll see you, brother,” he says to Ronnie.
“Yeah, tell Elizabeth I said hello.” He waves and gives a big mocking smile.
“I ain’t trying to hear her mouth,” Joe says. “I mention your name and she goes ballistic.”
“Yeah, well, I never liked her anyway,” Ronnie mumbles.
“See you, boys.” Uncle Joe walks out, and I look back at Hudson.
“Damn badass kids he’s got.”
“Yeah,” Hudson agrees. “We weren’t that bad, were we?”
“Eh, Chicago was a little rough.” I laugh.
He laughs too. “Yeah, we were worse for sure.”
“You boys were almost as corrupt as Lucky Luciano when he was a teenager. Hell, I’m surprised you didn’t start your own street gang too.” Ronnie puts his finger up, signaling for another drink.
I grin over at my brother, thinking about our younger days. We were terrible kids, but it wasn’t our fault entirely. We had shit for parents, and you had to be tough growing up on the south side of Chicago. We’re lucky we did move to Green Ridge. We’d probably have ended up dead or incarcerated.
“How’s Rose?” I ask, changing the subject and getting my mind off of long ago.
“Pregnant.”
I turn to my brother in shock, almost choking on my sip of beer.
“No shit?”
“Yep.” Hudson smiles proudly. His grin reaches his eyes, and I swear it’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. He turns around to the rest of the bar, with his arms spread wide. “I’m gonna be a fucking dad, boys,” he yells to all the people in the bar, which is only a handful of guys. Everyone cheers.
“How about a round of shots for everyone in here?” Ronnie says loudly.
“You paying?” Banner asks with a lift of his brow.
“Just put it on my tab,” he says with a wave of his hand.
“You mean the tab that you never pay?”
“I’ll get you your money,” Ronnie says. “Come on. It’s a special occasion. My boy’s gonna be a dad.”
I lift my chin at Banner, like put it on my tab. He nods and gets the glasses. We all toast up and down one for the soon-to-be father.
*
I park the truck outside the house I’m renting. It’s small, but it’s my own place. Away from Ronnie’s ass. I look down at my phone and see it’
s past eleven. Ellie never called like she said she would and I’ve called her twice. Study group with another guy. When she doesn’t answer, it makes me question shit, and I don’t like feeling this way. I hit Call on her number and let it ring.
“Tommy, hey!” she yells into the phone, making me pull it away from my ear. It’s loud as hell wherever she is.
“Ellie, where are you?”
“I can’t hear you.”
“Go somewhere quiet.”
“Hold on. Let me go somewhere quiet.”
I shake my head as she repeats what I just said.
“Hey,” she says a few minutes later.
“Hey, yourself. I’ve tried to call you several times.”
“Sorry, baby. I didn’t know. My phone died, and I’m just now getting to a charger.”
“You at a party?” I ask her as I toss my keys onto the coffee table and sit down. I kick my boots off and rub my eyes.
“Umm, just a little get-together. A few of us decided to go out after all that studying.” She isn’t telling the truth. I’ve never been to a get-together as loud as that.
“We don’t do that, remember?”
“Do what?’ she plays dumb.
“Lie. That’s a party, Ellie.”
She doesn’t say anything for a moment. I run a hand through my hair, leaning back and looking up at the ceiling.
“I just don’t want you to be upset.”
“You going to a party doesn’t upset me. Lying to me about it does.”
“Sorry.”
“Hey, Ellie, what are you doing out here?” I hear a girl in the background.
“Talking to Tommy,” Ellie says. “I’ll be inside in a minute.”
“We’ve got a round of shots waiting. Come on.”
Ellie doesn’t respond.
“Well, you sound like you’re needed, so I guess we’ll talk tomorrow.”
“I wish you were here,” she says, but it’s meaningless when you say it after a lie.
“Yeah, me too.” I hang up the phone and throw it onto the coffee table. Leaning up, I rub my face and snatch my smokes from in front of me. I light one and lie back on the couch, propping my feet up and blowing smoke rings. I think about her until I put my smoke out and head to bed.
Chasing Ellie: A Chasing Fireflies Spin Off Page 18
