Sniffing, I rub under my eyes and say, “Yeah?” My door opens, and it’s Jenny.
“Your study group is in the living room. Tell them they’ll have to do it in here. I’ve got an important game going on.” She doesn’t pay any attention to how I must look because she shuts the door as quick as she opened it. Sighing, I run a hand down my face.
“Look, I hate to do this, but—”
“You’ve got to go,” he interrupts me.
I swallow and rub my temple.
“We’ll talk later, okay?”
“Yeah.” He hangs up before I do. No I love you. Nothing.
*
I’m lying in bed watching reruns of The Dick Van Dyke Show when Binny peeks in.
“Hey, you aren’t dressed.” She walks in and flips the light switch on.
“I’m aware,” I reply, looking over at her with squinted eyes.
“Well, it’s Saturday night and that end-of-the-semester party is happening.”
“I’m not going.”
“What? Why?”
“Just don’t feel like it.”
“Is it your boyfriend?” The mattress creaks when she sits and my remote control falls onto the floor. She leans down to get it, blowing her hair out of her face after.
“No, I’m just tired.”
“Since when have you turned down a good party? You’ve been lying around your room for weeks. This isn’t like you.”
“I guess I’m a boring person now.”
“You’re far from boring.” Her hair looks cute when she pulls it up. A thick ponytail of midnight black cascades down her back and she bends her knee, propping her foot up on the bed.
“Look, this is just my opinion. We’re only young once. We’ve got to live it up. Make some crazy memories to look back on.”
I ponder her words and remember saying them to my dad years ago. Who have I turned into? I don’t do this. I’m Ellie Williams. I’m the girl who jumps off bridges and starts field parties with fireworks. Goes skydiving and drives racecars. I’m not going to sit here and sulk all night because Tommy and I aren’t seeing eye to eye right now. I told him it would be this way, and he agreed to do it anyway. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun. I’m in college.
“Okay, give me five minutes and I’ll be ready,” I say, throwing my blanket off me.
“That’s my girl,” Binny says, standing up.
*
Red Solo cups filled with beer get little white balls tossed into them while drunk college girls stand around and giggle. The guys think this is a big deal, and I couldn’t be more bored and over this music. Why did I want to come to this thing again? When I stand up, I realize how drunk I am and I fall back onto the couch that has a smell I can’t describe. Caleb walks over with a drink for himself and another one for me. I set it down, though, done with drinking and done with this party.
“Have you seen Binny?” I ask.
“She was out back with some people.”
I nod. “I think I’m going to go find her and head back.” I hold on to the armrest and lift myself up again, but I step on something and fall back into Caleb.
“You okay?” He chuckles, and I look down at a lighter and his hand on my waist.
“Someone lost their lighter,” I say, moving. I barely make it off his lap before someone tackles Caleb. The couch falls back, and we three go with it. I try to focus my eyes and quickly slide out of the way. I look over at Caleb and…Tommy?
“Tommy, stop!” I yell as he draws back and punches Caleb. Caleb shoves him off, and Tommy jumps up. My boyfriend seethes at Caleb, and the one who wishes we were more wipes blood from his nose.
“What the hell, man?” He looks at his bloody hand with wide eyes.
“Keep your fucking hands to yourself,” Tommy spits out. Everyone is staring at the scene, and he looks over at me on the floor.
“Come on.” He reaches for my hand. I hesitate to take it, and he notices, narrowing his eyes and tilting his head slightly. He leans down farther and grabs my hand, pulling me on two legs. The music starts up again, and I look back at Caleb as he stands. Tommy doesn’t say anything as he drags me out of the party, and I have no choice it seems but to go with him.
He lets me go as I slide my key out of my jacket and unlock the door. I look back at him. He shoves his hands into his pockets, looking sure of something and hurt. I swallow before I twist the knob and walk in. He follows me, and I hear the door shut behind him.
Walking into the kitchen, I grab a water bottle out of the fridge and twist the cap off. Tommy still doesn’t speak, only leans against the wall and looks down in front of him. His body is tense and his jaw is ticking. I see busted knuckles as they peek out from his pockets. Taking a much-needed sip of my water, I rub my face before finally breaking the silence between us.
“Tommy, what the hell were you thinking?”
His eyes shoot up to mine. “What was I thinking?”
“Yes,” I say.
“You were sitting on his lap. He had his hand on your waist.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
He scoffs and shakes his head. “Tell me. What was it like then?”
I realize anything I say at this point he won’t believe and what happened sounds so stupid and like an excuse.
“You can’t just come up to my school and start a fight with someone.” I put the cap back on my water and cross my arms.
“I came to see you!” He moves from the wall and splays his fingers together over his forehead in frustration. “I came all this way to see you, and you’re at a party getting shit-faced while sitting on some dude’s lap.”
“I fell back onto his lap. It was an accident. I was actually just leaving.”
“Oh, so his hand on your hip was an accident too?” he questions with a lift of his brow.
I sigh and roll my eyes, uncrossing my arms and throwing them in the air before grabbing the side of my head.
“You’ve got to stop this.” I look over at him. “You’ve got to stop. I can’t deal with your jealousy!”
He laughs once. “My jealousy?” Binny walks in, and we look over. “My jealousy, huh?” Tommy says again, and without letting a second pass he walks up to her, grabs the back of her neck, and plants his lips right on hers, kissing her with force but without any emotion. I stand there, too stunned to do anything but watch. He lets her go and turns back to me. “There’s your fucking jealousy.” He moves past her and slams the door on the way out, leaving both Binny and me in shock.
“What the hell was that?” she says with wide eyes.
I shake my head. “Fucking Tommy Kingsley.”
*
I lie in bed playing with the bracelet Tommy got me for Christmas, wondering why we always fight, and once again how we got to this point. I hit Call for the fifteenth time, and to my surprise, this time he answers.
“Hey, Ellie,” he says, sounding slurred.
“Tommy?” I question.
“That’s me. What do you want?”
“Where are you?” I ask, trying to hear over the loud music in the back.
“I’m at a party with a buddy of mine.”
“Who do you know in Chicago?” I sit up in my bed and cross my legs.
“Oh, you care now?” he asks, his south side of Chicago accent coming through.
“I always care.” He’s silent for a moment, and all I hear is the music in the background. “You still at home?” he finally asks.
“Yeah.”
“Be ready. Jessie and I are coming to get you.”
*
Thirty minutes later, I’m being pulled down an alleyway. It’s dark and I’d be a little wary if Tommy wasn’t the one holding my hand. He entices me, and even though we have been on the outs, just being beside him makes me feel more like myself. I hold his hand tighter as we round the corner. It’s a dump—this place we’re at—but it’s intriguing, and when Jessie knocks on the door three times, pauses a beat, and knocks two
more, I grow anxious to see what’s on the other side.
A man bigger than a house appears, and I’m sure my eyes grow wide. Tommy looks over at me with a smirk. He hasn’t said more than a few words to me this whole time. I can’t tell if he’s still mad or just not in the talking mood.
“Yes?” the man who’s almost seven foot tall says.
“Seven hundred seventy-six,” Jessie slow talks.
The man links his fingers in front of him and says nothing.
Tommy sighs. “He meant to say seventy-five.”
“Yeah, that’s it.” Jessie smiles back at us and gives me a wink.
“Seventy hundred seventy-five rooms.”
The man looks at all three of us, and I quirk a brow because I don’t think seventy hundred is a thing. He turns around and motions for us to step inside the door. We do and we stop. I’m confused because there is a long hallway in front of us, but Tommy and Jessie turn around as the big guy closes the door and presses a button. It surprises me when we start to descend.
“I always forget that there are seventy-eight bathrooms, not seventy-seven,” Jessie says to Mr. Seven Foot.
I see him smirk and Jessie leans back against what I now realize is a wall with a 3-D picture of a hallway. I look up at Tommy beside me who appears stiff.
“What’s up with the numbers?” I ask.
“It’s code.”
“I get that, but what does it mean?”
“The amount of rooms in Buckingham Palace.”
“Holy shit, there are that many rooms!”
“It’s a big place.” His tone is off, and he seems annoyed. I’m wondering why he came to get me. We come to a stop and the door opens, revealing a foggy hallway with dark purple lights. I can’t help the excitement that bubbles inside me. I’ve seen some cool things living in the city, but nothing as cool as this.
“Enjoy,” the big guy says with no smile.
Jessie steps out first. You can hear faint music and a crowd as we make our way down the hallway. Jessie throws his hands up and disappears as we round the corner, and my eyes grow as I take in the enormous space. An underground speakeasy, but this is no small bar. This is a party room!
Huge colorful balls get tossed into the air, and techno blasts through the massive speakers. People surround every inch of the floor, dancing with smiling faces and high swinging arms. Glow sticks are twirled around, catching my eye as the neon green, orange, and blue sticks spin. Jessie appears with three drinks and hands them to us.
“Drink up, motherfuckers. Let’s party!”
I laugh and look over at Tommy who takes a big gulp from the glass. He doesn’t smile, just holds my hand and leads us to the dance floor. I swallow my drink as Tommy takes it from my hand and sets both glasses down on a nearby table.
Pulling me close, he moves us to the music and places his face into my neck. We’re dancing to our own song, not following the lead of everyone else. Tommy’s still acting strange, but I go with it as he moves us. His lips press against my neck, and his hand is splayed out on my backside. He kisses below my ear, and his teeth pull on skin as he grips me tighter.
Hours later, Tommy still holds me. Sweat slides down my back, and the base moves through my body like the alcohol swimming throughout my veins. My lover is drunk, but so am I. He kisses me slowly, but something is different with his kiss, and it makes my chest ache.
“What’s wrong?” I whisper into his ear.
He shakes his head with no expression on his handsome face. I can tell something is on his mind, but he isn’t saying. I move my hand through his hair to the back of his neck, watching his eyes as they watch mine. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Ellie. Always.”
I kiss him, trying to make him understand that he is all I need. My hands go to his face, bringing him closer. He presses against me, and I feel him below.
“Tommy,” I breathe.
“What is it, L?” he asks against my lips. Brown-golden eyes challenge my blue.
“I want you.”
He puts his tongue to the roof of his mouth, and with a slight smirk he says, “Come on.”
The closet door slams shut behind us, and Tommy pushes me against it. Lifting my hands above my head as his tongue brushes past my needy lips, I close my eyes as he presses closer. His hand goes below my waist, and he lifts my dress up, rubbing over soft cotton. I cry out, but nobody can hear us because the music is so loud.
“You weren’t lying,” he says smugly.
I moan and drop my head back. The roughness from his five o’clock shadow stings my skin and sends shivers down my spine. Reaching down, I unbutton his belt and jeans, and he lifts me up. Wrapping my legs around his waist, he pulls his pants down just low enough. Cotton goes to the side, and in one move he is where I want him.
He pushes, and I gasp. With a hand gently on my throat, rough and steady makes the room glow a deep purple and my eyes adjust to the darkness. Blue and red light shine under the doorway, and Tommy doesn’t let up. I hold on to his shoulders as he loves me hard and fast.
He’s out of breath, and my legs start to tremble. When I finish, he follows and we both stay still, breathing hard and shaking. Tommy kisses my neck before he lets me go to fix my dress as he buttons up.
Opening the door, he lets me walk out first. I take his hand when he holds it out.
“I’m going to go grab some water, okay?”
“Okay,” he says.
“I’ll be back.”
He lets go of me and points to the couches. I nod and move through the crowd to get a cup from the bar. I’m dancing in place and waiting to be seen when a guy comes up behind me. I move to the side, but he follows.
“Guy, can’t you get the hint?” I ask.
“What?” he says closer to my face than I like.
“Get lost.” I move again, but he grabs my hips. “Move your hands,” I say, yanking them off me. A fist lands against the guy’s face and behind it is Tommy. He shoves the guy after punching him once more. The creep lands on the floor.
“Tommy!”
He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “We’re leaving.” He grabs my hand and all but drags me out of the place. I yank my hand out of his when we get out of the building.
“I can’t leave you alone for two seconds!” he says.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I ask. “You can’t keep doing that.”
“What? Keeping creeps off you?”
“No! Punching people, Tommy!”
He seethes at me, “So, you’re mad at me because I hit a guy for putting his hands on you? For fuck’s sake, I can’t imagine what goes on when I’m not around.”
I drag my hands through my hair. “What?” Anger rolls off me, and I narrow my eyes at his underlying accusation. “You’re crazy, Tommy. You start fights. You keep accusing me of cheating on you. You’ve been acting strange all night. This isn’t like you.”
He laughs once. “This isn’t like me,” he repeats my words, seeming to taste them on his tongue. Turning away from me, I watch his shirt expand from his breathing.
“You’re right.” He looks back at me with a sober expression. “This isn’t me. You made me like this,” he says it like he’s spitting venom, and I flinch at his harsh tone. “You make me crazy.” His appearance turns bleak, his demeanor unfamiliar to me. “I can’t do this anymore,” he says as pain covers his face. “I can’t do this.” He shakes his head and turns to walk.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“Home. The place you don’t wanna be, remember?” he answers. I watch his back as he moves away from me.
“Tommy,” I say, but he doesn’t respond. “Tommy!” I yell. I jog toward him and step in front. “I’m sorry. Just come back with me. We can talk about this.”
“No, I’m done talking about our problems.” He moves around me and keeps walking. “You were right,” he says more so to himself. I’m walking beside him, trying to keep up with his fast pace. “This can’
t work. We can’t do this anymore. It’s not healthy for either of us. One minute we’re fucking in a closet and the next we’re at each other’s throats.”
I follow in a panic, wondering why now? Why after all this time? This isn’t what I want. I know I’ve always had doubts, but I love Tommy. I know this more than I know anything.
“Tommy, it’s fine. This is us. We fight and then we get over it.”
“No,” he says, stopping mid-step. His eyes burn when he turns to me. “You get over it.” He points. “I don’t. I think about it until I’m sick.” He shoves a finger into the side of his head. “I think about you here with all these guys. Every time you don’t answer the phone, I think about why. It’s making me crazy.”
I shake my head and blink. “What are you saying?” My voice quivers as tears fill my eyes, and a heart I’ve tried to keep from pain plunges to the pit of my stomach.
He looks away. “I’m done,” he repeats.
Brown eyes I love and trust without question shut a moment, and when he opens them, his gaze tells me what I fear the most. His mind is made up.
“I’m done chasing you, Ellie,” he says solemnly.
I watch the black in his pupils as he stares back at me. I see him take a breath, and then before I can think…he walks away. I watch him leave me. I stand, too shocked to do anything but watch his back disappear from my sight. I think, this will be okay. We always do this. He always comes back. He’ll come back. I’m just going to go home and sleep this alcohol off, and then I’ll call him in the morning. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll call him when all this blows over.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ellie
Two years later.
If I’d known that fight would be our last I would have run after him. I’d have begged him to think everything over. I would have held on to him and made him drag me to wherever he was headed. But I didn’t know, and I couldn’t have known that all this time later Tommy Kingsley would be just a memory to me now.
Tommy moved away a few weeks after our big fight. He moved away and didn’t tell anyone but his brother and father where he was going, and apparently, they promised to not tell me a damn thing.
Chasing Ellie: A Chasing Fireflies Spin Off Page 21
