by Vivian Wood
“When did this happen?”
“Oh, in the middle of the freaking night.”
Olive eyes me. “Let me get this straight. You are stupid in love with this guy, who happens to have been trying to knock you up.”
“I—“
“Let me finish,” she says sternly. “Instead of saying that, you woke him up—“
“I didn’t wake him up on purpose though—“
She swats my arm. “You woke him in the middle of the night to say that you were pregnant. No talk of feelings, just cold hard facts. Then you were surprised when he didn’t respond how you wanted him to?”
“He told me that I was a people user,” I say stubbornly.
“What was the context, though? That’s the point I’m trying to make here.”
I sip my coffee to give myself some time to think. “I said I was moving to Seattle. He asked when I was planning to tell him. And then he implied that I’ve been using him for his sperm.”
Olive gives me this no DUH face. “Cady, I swear, you are so damn thick sometimes. He obviously feels strongly about you, and was probably really put off by your take no prisoners attitude.”
“I was just trying to give him an out,” I protest weakly.
Olive sets down her pastry and pats my arm.
“I know that we don’t normally talk about this, but… I think you are treating him as if he was your family. Like, you see it as giving him a free pass to walk away… but I don’t think he sees it that way. I mean, I could be wrong, but… I don’t think I am.”
“So you’re saying… what?”
“Tell him how you feel, dummy,” Olive says.
“But—“
“No buts! If you’re going to be devastated, at least make sure it’s not the result of a miscommunication.” She picks up her danish and takes a huge bite. She mmmmms at the taste of it, crumbs all over her mouth.
“I don’t know…” I say, setting my danish aside.
She swallows for a second. “Seriously? Don’t be stupid. You’re obviously in love with him. He is probably in love with you… there is literally no reason not to just say something.”
I gather my hair with my free hand, tugging on it. “You think so?”
“I’m going to put all of this,” she gestures to me. “Down to pregnancy hormones. You have never been so indecisive, ever.”
“If what you say is true, and Jett feels… whatever he feels for me,” I say. “Then why didn’t he just say so?”
“The same reason you didn’t tell him you love him. You guys are both chicken shit.” Olive sighs. “I’m sure that he is damaged in some way, just like you. Otherwise you wouldn’t even like… find him attractive.”
“Oh, I don’t know. Have you seen him? He’s tall, handsome, and tattooed.”
Olive cracks a smile. “I have seen him. I didn’t mean to imply that he’s physically unattractive, he’s obviously a dream boat. It’s just… it’s important that your insides match as well as your outsides.”
I sigh. “Well, if you mean that we both have damage from our shitty childhoods, you’re right.”
She puts her arm around me. “Listen. You’re going to get through this. You have me on your side, no matter what. You have the promotion. You have the baby.”
“Yeah, but… what if I don’t have Jett?” I say, tearing up again.
“Well, you won’t know until you talk to him properly.” She shrugs. “I think that’s all you can do.”
“Ughhhhh, you’re right. I have to talk to him.” I suddenly feel thirsty.
I get up, and see spots before my eyes. Everything is fuzzy and hazy.
That’s the last memory I have before I black out.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jett
I’m hiking uphill at full steam, a dozen yards ahead of Mason and Alex. There’s nothing to focus on but my breathing and the trees on either side of the trail, and I kind of like it that way. It’s peaceful here, just the dark brown and vivid green of the foliage, the dark brown clay underfoot as I climb.
If I go hard enough, I can’t think about Cady. So that’s nice, I guess.
Eventually I realize that I’ve left Alex and Mason behind, so I slow down and wait for them. I find a tree and lean against it, breathing hard.
A few minutes later, the guys come up the path.
“I was wondering if we would ever see you again, or if you would just keep rocketing to outer space,” Alex jokes.
I push off of the tree. “Yeah, sorry about that. I am just really worked up.”
Mason takes a sip of his water. “You said that you and Cady had a fight. What was it about?”
“She’s pregnant,” I say, scrunching my face up.
“It was my understanding that that was the goal,” Alex says.
“Right. She told me in the middle of the night, and then she said she might move to Seattle.” I start walking uphill again, and my friends follow me.
“Whoa, what?” Mason asks. “I assume that she realizes that’s across the whole damn country?”
“Yeah, I think so,” I say, shaking my head.
Alex looks at me. “How do you feel about her maybe leaving?”
“Honestly? I fucking hate the idea of Cady and my unborn child leaving. I kind of get the sense that if they go, I won’t see them again.”
“You think she would do that?” Alex says, his brow furrowing.
“I don’t know. I’m trying to wrap my head around what she might do or think,” I say.
We reach the tree line, and emerge from the woods. I look around; the reddish-brown clay has receded, leaving only the bare dark grey stone underfoot.
Here and there, clumps of shrubbery grow in little nooks and crannies, but otherwise there’s nothing before us but a climbing dome of rock. The bare stone is streaked with lime, marking wide swaths light green-blue.
We’ve reached the summit, where we can’t go further without doing some serious rock climbing.
“Fuck,” I say, turning to the guys. “What now?”
“We should rest a little,” Mason suggests. “Then we can go back down.”
I squint as I look around. “How about over there, on that rock formation? It kind of looks like a bench.”
“Sounds good,” Alex says, leading the way.
Alex and Mason sit down, but I can’t be still, even for such a small space of time. I stretch my quads out instead.
“You are wired,” Mason observes. “What are you going to do?”
“About Cady?”
He nods.
“I don’t know, man.”
“You can’t let her go without talking to her,” Alex says. “It’s as simple as that.”
“And what am I going to say, exactly?”
“Say what you feel,” Mason suggests.
“Yeah, but what if what I feel is… complicated?”
“Like what?” Mason asks, crossing his arms.
I look off into the distance. “I just feel like… I embarked on this whole adventure because I thought she was hot… and then I started to actually like her. And just when I thought that I felt more for her, she started to pull back. Then she drops this bomb on me…”
“The fact that she’s going to Seattle, or the pregnancy?” Alex asks.
“Both of them!” I say, throwing my arms up in the air.
“Do you think that maybe she’s trying to give you an out by bringing up the whole Seattle thing?” Mason says, looking speculative.
“Why would she do that?” I ask.
“Because you clearly haven’t talked about your feelings,” he shrugs. “Otherwise, we wouldn’t be here right now, trying to figure things out.”
“Yeah. It would all be a lot easier if you and Cady just talked really frankly,” Alex adds.
I look around for a second, trying to get my bearings.
“Should we head back down?” I ask.
“Seriously, dude?” Mason says, shaking his head. “No, we’re no
t going back down until you face facts. You made a lot of progress as a person after Emily left, but at the first sign of trouble with Cady, you’re going to bail?”
“Yeah,” Alex says, nodding emphatically. “You need to figure out what the worst thing is that can happen.”
I cross my arms. “The worst thing? Cady decides that she doesn’t want me. Or… actually, the worst thing is that Jax was right, and Cady’s a people user, just like my mom. I don’t want to chase Cady around the country and continue that cycle.”
That throws Mason and Alex for a loop.
“That is dark,” Mason says. “I think… I think the only thing you can do is be honest with her.”
“He’s right,” Alex says. “If things aren’t going how you had hoped, I think the next step is to figure out how you want them to go.”
I rub the back of my neck. “Ideally?”
“Yeah, assuming everything goes perfectly,” Alex answers.
I think about it for a second. “I mean, ideally Cady stays put. She doesn’t move to Seattle, and we… like, raise the baby together.”
Mason grins. “That’s your ideal scenario?”
“Yeah. If I’m honest.”
Mason looks at Alex. “I think Jett’s in love.”
I get defensive. “So? So what?”
“Mason is just being immature. What he should have said is that you should tell her that you love her, man. That’s the only way to know her feelings for sure. Just… admit your own,” Alex says.
“Yeah, what he said.” Mason looks pleased.
“Yeah, but what if—“ I start.
“Nope!” Alex says. “No more of this. You’re a grown-ass man. Go show Cady that you have a backbone made of steel. In fact, call her right now.”
“Can’t. I left my phone in the car,” I shrug.
“Well, now would be an appropriate time to insist that we head back down, then,” Mason says. He and Alex stand up. “Come on, let’s race to the bottom.”
He tears off down the trail. Alex looks at me for a beat, then follows suit. I have no choice but to head down the trail after them, picking up speed as I go.
Although the way down is much easier and faster than the way up was, I am glad for the fifteen minutes of silence. I need to psych myself up if I’m going to talk to Cady.
If I’m going to be open and truthful with her, I have a lot to say.
Or… not a lot, actually. I just have to say the three magic words.
I love you.
Preferably I will demand that she stays here in Atlanta… and she will simper.
Yeah, right, I think. Alright, so no simpering. It’s not Cady’s bag. Her strength is actually one of the things I like most about her.
And then… the rest is up to her. I swallow as I lope down the trail after my friends, my muscles burning.
When we get back to Alex’s Suburban, the first thing I do is check my phone. Not that I will say what I have to say over the phone, but maybe Cady has called me in the past hour an a half.
When I check my phone, I see three missed calls from a number I don’t recognize. We hop in the car and head back into the city, and I check the lone voicemail that came from the number I don’t know.
I open a bottle of water and chug most of it down as I listen.
“Hey Jett,” a familiar sounding woman says. “It’s Olive, Cady’s friend. Cady and I are heading to Peachtree General right now…”
I do an honest to god spit take.
“She passed out at her apartment. I just thought maybe you would want to know that she’s there? Call me if you want…”
I hang up and look up at Mason, who is watching me with concern.
“We have to get to Peachtree General. Something happened to Cady,” I say, starting to tremble.
Alex glances at me in the rearview mirror, then presses on the gas. “Alright. I hope everyone is wearing a seat belt…”
As the scenery outside my window starts to whiz by, I dial Olive’s number, praying.
Please let Cady be okay.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Cady
I am in the emergency room, laying on the hospital bed, and I am embarrassed. I sigh heavily, and crane my neck to try to see around the big green hospital curtains that have been pulled for my privacy.
I look down at my right arm, wishing that I could scratch the sterile tape that holds my IV in place. Instead, I make do with scratching the skin right next to it, but it’s not very satisfying. I grunt at the tape.
“I’m sorry that they’re keeping you for observation tonight,” Olive says, for probably the tenth time. “I just freaked out when you fainted.”
“It’s okay,” I say, shrugging. “Better safe than sorry. Besides, with this IV, I should be super hydrated. Who knew that a little vomiting could upset my electrolytes enough to make me pass out?”
“Yeah. I was just thinking that with you being… you know, pregnant, I shouldn’t take any chances.”
“You were being a good friend,” I say with a tight smile. “I just wish that they would release me.”
Olive’s phone buzzes, and she checks it. She glances at me nervously.
“Okay, who has been texting you?” I ask, exasperated.
“Uhhh…. don’t get mad…” she says.
“At what, exactly?” I narrow my eyes at her.
“I might have called Jett?” she says, making a don’t-kill-me face.
“You WHAT?” I say, stunned.
“Well, you are his girlfriend,” she says. “And you are carrying his baby…”
Tears prick my eyes. “I don’t want to see him.”
“No no, we’d just finished talking about how you were going to talk to him—“
“I don’t want him to come running because he feels bad!” I say, my face crumpling.
Her phone buzzes again. “I’m sure that’s not why he’s coming.”
“Wait, he’s coming here?! Now??” I howl, tears streaming down my face. “No! No way!”
She looks at me for a second, then gets frank with me. “Look, I know you don’t like people seeing you cry. I get that. But you’re about to tell this guy you love him. Do you think that maybe you can take your foot off the gas a little, just for him?”
I sniffle. “I— I don’t know…”
“Well, he’s here. I’m about to go get him, okay?” She moves toward the curtain-covered door.
“Wait!” When she glances back, I beseech her. “Just Jett, okay?”
Olive smiles. “I promise.”
She pulls open the curtains and vanishes. I’m left on the hospital bed, itchy and uncomfortable and pretty much just wishing I was anywhere else. Jett pokes his head in a minute later, dressed in workout clothes.
His brow is furrowed. “Hey.”
“Hi,” I say, squirming in the bed. I’m acutely aware that I’m only wearing a hospital gown on my top half. I cross my one good arm over my chest.
“Can I come in?” he says.
I nod. He pushes the curtains aside, and then closes them after himself.
“You’re okay?” he says. I nod, unsure how to even begin to tell him how I feel.
I look at him for a second, all six feet and three inches of bearded, tattooed bad boy. He’s looking at me with a concerned expression, dark brows hunched over dark blue eyes.
I’m conscious of every breath I draw. For a second, we just look at each other, taking one another’s measure. I start to open my mouth, but he just shakes his head.
“No. No talking,” he says, striding over to the bed. He leans down and brushes some of my hair out of my face. It feels so natural and so right that I lean against his hand for a second.
Then he kisses me, placing every single ounce of emotion that he has in the meeting of our lips, our tongues dancing together. He tastes a little salty; I think he just came from working out. I reach my free hand up to cup the back of his neck and bring him closer, and he buries his fingers in my hair.
<
br /> I didn’t even realize how much I need this, need his kiss, his scent, until he touches me. A needy sound comes out of the back of my throat, and I can feel tears welling up. I feel utterly vulnerable to him, like my heart is exposed for all to see.
But at the same time, I know in my heart that he will wrap me in his arms and protect me. That feeling of my heart squeezing, every time I look into his eyes?
I know what that is. I just have to have the courage to say it.
When we finally pause for breath, he leans his forehead against mine.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “You have to know that I… I love you, Cady.”
My tears overflow. “I love you too, Jett. I figured that out a while ago, but I felt like…”
“Like you didn’t want to say anything, because you were risking everything?”
“Yes,” I say, nodding my head. My voice is thick with emotion. “I’m sorry.”
“Whatever happens, I want you to know that I do want you in my life. And the baby too. I want to take care of you both.”
I don’t know how to respond to that, so I just reach up for another kiss. I move over a little, and he sits down a bit awkwardly on the edge of the hospital bed.
Slowly, Jett pulls away from the kiss, running his thumb along my jawline. “I want to rip up the contract terminating my parental rights.”
“Oh! I mean… I guess that isn’t really needed anymore, is it?”
“No. Not only is it not needed, it’s not wanted. I want to make sure that my intentions are crystal clear this time.”
I purse my lips. “And what are your intentions, exactly?”
He grins. “Why, I plan to make you mine, in every sense of the word. Marriage, a house together… I’ve already done a good job of knocking you up…”
His smile is infectious. I grin.
“We can talk about those things, in time.”
“I’m ripping up that contract as soon as I get my hands on it,” he says. “That’s that.”
I make a little hmm sound, but I’m pleased. He looks around the room, his grin fading.
“Why did you come here? It isn’t anything serious, is it?”
