by Vivian Wood
She ran through potential ways to start the conversation with Cade as she drove home, but came up with nothing. When she saw his Mustang parked on the street, her heart began to flutter.
Just do it. Just tell him. Get it over with.
Every step up toward her apartment felt like it took all the strength she had. Lily opened the door and saw Cade’s back in the kitchen. He was bent over the stove, the scent of grilled cheese all around him.
“Hey!” he said with a smile. “How was your appointment?”
“Fine,” she said. Lily tossed her bag onto the couch and moved into the doorway to the kitchen. She watched his broad back as he grilled the thick slices of bread. I can’t believe I messed it all up.
“So, I talked to Aiden today,” Cade said. “Smoothed things over. And Elijah—”
“You talked to Elijah?” she broke in.
“Well, he walked in on Aiden and me—”
“Don’t you think you could have told me before you talk to my own brothers? About us?” she asked.
He turned slowly and looked at her. “I thought we agreed—”
“Yeah, we agreed that we need to tell them, but not that you were going to take on the whole thing yourself!”
She felt the displacement of her anger, but she couldn’t help it. It felt too good, to buy some time. To redirect the rage at someone besides herself.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” he asked. Confusion clouded his eyes.
“What’s the matter is that you always have to be the freaking hero, and leave me on the sidelines just waiting for you to tell me when to jump. How high, all of that!”
“Lily, calm down—”
“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down.” Her voice shook with fear, and it sounded just like rage. “You don’t get to do that.”
She stormed into her bedroom, grabbed her jacket and shoved her feet into her wornout hiking boots. As she stomped toward the front door, she felt his eyes on her.
“Where are you going?”
“Out!” she yelled. “I need to be alone.”
“But I made dinner—”
“Oh, eat it your freaking self,” she said.
She slammed the door behind her with everything in her and made it all the way to the car before she burst into tears.
29
Cade
Cade waited for three hours, but Lily never came back. He’d never seen her like that before—picking fights and freaking out over nothing.
What the hell was that appointment about?
When she’d told him she had a quick appointment, he didn’t think much of it. Now, Cade realized he should have dug deeper. It wasn’t like Lily to keep secrets.
Had she gone to talk to Elijah?
By the time Cade had given up on her returning, he left the cold sandwiches on the kitchen counter and stormed downstairs to the parking lot. Tucked under the windshield of his car, he saw a yellow note in her familiar scrawl.
Went hiking at Northgate. Needed fresh air. Sorry, L.
Cade slammed the door shut and crumpled up the note.
What the hell is her problem?
His phone vibrated and he scrambled for it. Lily had turned off her phone, but maybe she was finally coming back to her senses. But it was Elijah’s name that lit up his screen.
“Hello?” he asked quietly. Cade didn’t know what to expect. What if Lily was with him? What if this was Elijah calling with a death threat?
“Hey!” Elijah said. His voice was light, happy. “Where are you?”
“Uh… just getting some gas,” Cade said as he glanced at the single pump the mechanic shop used.
“You nearby? Want to grab some coffee?”
“Sure,” Cade said. The last thing he wanted to do was get some coffee, but at least being around people would keep his mind off Lily. “Where are you thinking?”
Elijah laughed. “Where do you think? The usual. I have a craving for eclairs.”
“Uh, okay. See you there in ten?”
The last thing he wanted to do was go into Lily’s place of work with Elijah, but there weren’t any plausible excuses at the ready. He pulled the Mustang onto the main road and started toward the bakery.
Elijah was already there. He leaned casually against the truck with sunglasses perched on his nose. His eyes were impossible to read.
“Real hog, huh?” Elijah asked when Cade approached him.
“What?”
“The Mustang,” Elijah said. He slipped his glasses off. “It’s a real gas hog, right?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s not too bad,” Cade said.
“Come on. I need some caffeine. And sugar.”
The bell chimed as they entered, and Cade locked eyes with Jean-Michel at the register.
“Lily’s not working today?” Elijah asked, disappointed.
“No,” Jean-Michel said slowly. He looked at Cade curiously. “Wouldn’t he know—”
“That’s alright, we’re just taking some stuff to go. Right?” Cade interrupted.
Elijah looked at him strangely. “Are you in a rush? I thought we could eat here—”
“Young love, is always in a rush,” Jean-Michel said. “What can I get you?”
“Young love?” Elijah asked with a chuckle. “Sorry, Cade and I are just friends. Uh, half a dozen eclairs, two for here, and two Americanos.”
“Americanos,” Jean-Michel said with a sigh. “Terrible name. You should try the espresso. Or French press,” he said.
“Sure, we’ll try that,” Elijah said as he took out his wallet.
Cade felt the guilt settle in deeper as he watched Elijah pay. Secrets weighed an enormous lot. He felt the secret he kept from Elijah grow heavier every time they were together. It was almost impossible to keep himself from spilling it right on the spot.
But now? When Lily was freaking out? Obviously she didn’t say anything to Elijah, but then what else could it be? Is she having second thoughts?
The last thing he wanted to do was go and tell Elijah when Lily had come to her senses and realized she could do better.
What does she want with a broken guy who’s all messed up in the head, anyway?
“What did you say?” Cade snapped out of his thoughts at the tone in Elijah’s voice. Elijah stared at Jean-Michel in disbelief.
“I tell your friend, he better treat the young lady right.”
“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Elijah demanded.
Shit. All this planning, and the fucking Frenchman goes and spills the beans?
Jean-Michel’s eyes widened as he realized what he’d done.
“I mean nothing,” Jean-Michel said. “Just tease.”
Cade turned to Elijah.
“Come with me,” he said.
“But the eclairs!” Jean-Michel called from behind.
Cade followed Elijah dutifully out of the shop. The parking lot was deserted. Cars zipped by. Anything could happen here, anything, and nobody would see it.
“You want to tell me what the hell that guy was talking about?” Elijah demanded. His arms folded across his broad chest.
This is it. Just tell him. Tell him.
“I, uh, I don’t know what Jean-Michel knows—”
“I don’t give a fuck what he knows or doesn’t know. I want you to tell me the truth.”
“Elijah… Lily and I, we’ve been—well, we’re together.”
“And what the hell does that mean?”
Cade drew in a deep breath. At least he hasn’t kicked my ass yet.
“I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you,” he said quietly. “And, please believe me, we didn’t plan it—”
“How long has this been going on?”
“A few weeks?”
Elijah nodded. “And what do you mean by together?”
“We—”
“Are you fucking her?”
“Elijah, please—”
“Are you fucking my baby sister?” Elijah dropped his arms and Cade s
aw the balled-up fists.
“It’s not like that.” It is like that. “I—Jesus, Elijah, I have real feelings for her. Okay? We’re in a relationship, and it’s pretty serious—”
“Fuck, Cade! The one thing I told you not to do! The one thing! And you can’t even keep it in your pants. She’s my goddamned sister—”
“I know! I know, and I’m sorry! I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to lose you as my best friend. You’re like my brother—”
“Yeah, and Lily’s supposed to be like your sister! Or at least she was. I can’t believe you’d do this to me—”
“To you?” Cade asked in disbelief. “This … our relationship has nothing to do with you.”
For the first time, Cade realized that was true. What does it matter if Lily and I love each other? What does that mean to Elijah?
“She was the one person… what the fuck? What is wrong with you?” Elijah screamed. He lunged at Cade, who let his body go limp as his best defense.
“Hit me back!” Elijah screamed in his face. “Come on, you fucker, fight!”
Cade dropped to one knee and accepted the fists that showered his back. When Elijah hit his ear, he heard a sharp ringing and felt a sting that shook him to the core.
“What the fuck?” Cade looked up. Aiden raced around the corner. “Hey! Hey, both of you! I don’t know what the hell you’re doing, but a huge fire just broke out near Northgate.”
“Northgate?” Cade was breathless.
“Some idiot let a fire get out of control at the barbeque pits,” Aiden said. “You need to finish this shit about Lily some other time.”
“How do you know this is about Lily?” Elijah asked. “Shit, Aiden, if you knew—”
“Lily’s at Northgate,” Cade burst out. Both Elijah and Aiden turned to him.
“Fuck,” Elijah said. “Let’s go.” He reached down automatically for Cade and lifted him up.
“What are the reports?” Cade asked as he raced behind Aiden and Elijah toward the fire truck Aiden had parked at the end of the lot.
“Uh … up to twenty hikers are trapped,” he said. “And it’s only going to get worse if it spreads. I didn’t know. I didn’t know she was there—”
“It’s not your fault,” Cade said as he jumped into the cab.
It’s mine. Whatever happened, it’s my fault she’s out there. I didn’t stop her. I just let her go.
The helicopter was prepped and ready as they pulled into the station. No matter what had happened, as they climbed in they naturally assumed their roles. Cade slipped on his headphones and listened as the reports rolled in.
“Looking like closer to twenty-five hikers trapped at Northgate …”
“Are you sure that’s where she is?” Elijah asked loudly over the helicopter.
“Yeah,” Cade said. He gazed down as the helicopter brought them closer to the flames that licked across the park below.
I’m sorry.
The captain’s voice boomed in their ears. Cade made eye contact with Elijah. All the anger had drained out of him.
“Sorry,” Elijah mouthed.
Cade just nodded. He didn’t want apologies, or even Elijah’s acceptance. All he wanted was to know that Lily was alright. The chopper hovered above the worst of the fire and Cade gripped the rappelling rope.
As he descended into the heat, the adrenaline flooded him. Any linger of the pain from the beating Elijah had given him was gone. All that mattered was finding Lily, saving Lily.
When his boots crunched into the fallen branches, he looked up and saw Elijah and Aiden above him.
This isn’t Montana, he told himself. Breathe.
The three of them made their way into the smoke while his radio crackled at his chest. This is it. Your chance of redemption.
Maybe saving Lily wouldn’t make up for what had happened in Montana. Nothing would. But it was the best he could do.
This time, with Elijah and Aiden flanking him, for once he felt like he wasn’t alone. It wasn’t him against the flames, it was all of them.
Knowing they loved her just as much as he did, would do anything for her just like he would, Cade felt a safety and security that he’d never known.
Firefighters, we don’t run away from the flames. We run straight toward them, embrace the heat. Trust that the smoke won’t blind us forever. Lily, we’re coming for you.
30
Lily
Lily slung the light backpack she kept in her trunk off her shoulders. It was one of her favorite resting points on the gentle mountain. She sniffed at the air.
A campfire? At Northgate?
That wasn’t right. The only legal fire areas were down at the barbeque pits, but there was no denying the smell. She focused on steady breathing and climbed up onto the old fallen log that offered the best, but dangerous, view of the surroundings. Lily clung to a sturdy branch and leaned out over the precipice. Below her, flames and black smoke climbed skyward.
“Oh my God,” she said under her breath.
Shit, how could I not notice that? Am I really so all up in my own head that I don’t notice a freaking fire?
She reached for her phone, though she knew it was pointless. There was no service, and hadn’t been for the past two miles. How many times have I hiked this trail?
Lily pressed her hand to her abdomen. Even though her stomach was still taut and flat, she could feel the tiny life that grew inside her.
Move. Move! she commanded herself. There were two options. Descend down the sheer rock face on the opposite side of the mountain, or keep hiking upward.
You couldn’t handle the rock face when you weren’t pregnant, she admonished herself. Lily had only ever known one hiker who could do it, and he was the guy who trained her at the rock climbing gym.
And how high are you going to hike? she asked herself as she pulled the backpack on.
“What happens when I reach the top?” she asked aloud as she started on the switchbacks.
She was tempted to take a shortcut straight up the mountain, but the life that glowed inside her told her to stick to the trails. The last thing you need is to get hurt on top of being stranded.
As Lily picked up her pace, she felt cold sweat pool at the small of her back.
Maybe if I get high enough, there won’t be enough vegetation or oxygen for the fire to survive. She tried to remember all the facts her brothers and Cade had memorized when they were recruits.
What would a firefighter do in this situation? she wondered. Higher it is.
Part of her knew that she was just taking up time. But hiking upward gave her something to think about—something besides Cade. Something besides their baby.
Where the hell are Cade and my brothers? Are they close? God, what if Cade never got the note?
She’d scribbled it quickly and couldn’t remember how well she’d snapped it under the windshield wiper. Maybe it blew away. Maybe some punk kid took it as a joke.
I’m sorry, I take it back. I should have never picked that fight, she thought to herself. Just keep going. Higher. Higher.
A part of Lily wished desperately that she’d run into other hikers. Find some sense of hope. But a bigger part of her hated herself for wishing this on anyone else.
She remembered Elijah always talked about how it was the smoke, not the fire, that usually killed a person. So does that make it a better way to go?
Lily looked back once, but it seemed like the smoke was thicker. Closer.
Don’t turn around, she told herself. As she rounded a switchback, she stumbled over a root that shot out of the ground.
Shit! Already her ankle started to swell. She pushed herself up from the ground, brushed small stones and debris from her palms, and willed herself forward.
What the hell am I supposed to do now that I can’t outrun the fire?
She made it a few more yards before even she could tell she was doing more harm than good. A log along the rim of the trail beckoned to her.
So, wha
t? I’m just supposed to wait here to die?
Lily thought she could see the flames as they reached up the trail toward her, but she couldn’t be certain. The air was so thick with smoke, she wasn’t sure what she was seeing. She pulled her jacket up to cover her mouth and nose and started to cough.
Lily was desperate for oxygen, but with every breath she remembered their baby breathed in the same air. Instead, she took light sips of air through the nose and prayed that it was clean enough.
A crackle filled the air. There was no way to deny it. The flames were visible, and they raced up the trail at a speed she couldn’t have outrun even if she hadn’t messed up her ankle.
Lily slid the backpack off as tears streamed down her face. She couldn’t tell if it was from the smoke, from all the regrets, from the life with Cade and their child she saw falling away, or all three.
She pulled off her jacket and peeled away her sweatshirt to use as a bandana.
Heat rises. Smoke must, too. Lily positioned herself behind the log and lay down flat on a sprawling fern. As she wrapped the sweatshirt around her face as a makeshift mask, she splayed the bright green jacket over her. If they’re looking for me, if anyone’s looking for me, please, God, let them see this.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered into the smoky air.
She didn’t know if it was to Cade, to their baby, or to herself. She’d barely had time to even process the fact that she was pregnant.
And see what you did when you found out? You ran away—just like you always do.
Her head swam with pieced-together thoughts. Lily remembered her mother, and how good that buttery toast tasted at two in the morning while they waited for her dad. She saw Jean-Michel, a perpetual smear of flour across his face.
“Love is never free.”
In the distance, she heard another voice. They all blended together, but this one was soothing, deep and steady. Cade?
Lily forced herself up onto her elbows. She coughed violently into the sweatshirt, but when she tried to remove it, that made it worse.
“Lily!” the voice called in the distance.
