by Mandy Harbin
She did, and he hit it again. She exploded around him, grabbing his shoulders and opening her mouth on a silent scream as she kept her eyes glued to his. He thrust a little faster, then stilled, groaning with his gaze still locked onto hers.
After they came, they held each other and made love again, continuing the pattern several times throughout the night.
And Krista wondered how she’d ever find the strength to walk away from him.
* * * *
Over the past two days, Toby and Krista had been inseparable. Even during the workday. Mikaela had closed on the purchase of the Caldwell Tree Farm and didn’t need Krista in the office. Toby’s father and brothers understood his need to spend every second with Krista, so they hadn’t pressured him into working either. Toby knew the clock was ticking, but he did his best to embrace Krista while he had her and not think the ugly thoughts about her boyfriend that’d instigated his rough taking of her a couple of weeks ago.
Happy thoughts. He’d tried to force himself to have only happy thoughts, putting most of his energy on creating pleasant memories with her to sustain him for the rest of his life. He’d remembered wondering if somehow Josh just knew Mikaela was his mate when he’d first been with her, and now Toby understood. His lion understood.
Krista was his mate; as unavailable as she was, she was still the only woman for him. He also got a new understanding of why his dad had never tried finding another woman after Toby’s mother had died. It seemed so obvious to him now. Once one of their kind found his mate, that was it. There were no second chances with a runner-up.
Even though Toby had tried his best to be happy, no matter how strong of a front he’d put up, he still went through the emotions of grief because he was losing his one true love. He’d considered confessing his feelings and hoping she felt the same way for him, but then he knew he couldn’t risk her life like that if she wavered with indecision. And he couldn’t take the heartache if she reasserted her feelings for her boyfriend. So, while he’d enjoyed every moment with her externally, he’d grieved silently.
Now he was at the acceptance stage of his grief because there was no other choice but to accept what had to happen.
He stayed lost in his thoughts as he helped Krista pack, and he felt numb, the pain deadening all feeling in his skin. Krista walked with him on each trip out to Mikaela’s truck. She’d tried carrying some of her bags, but he begged her off, feigning a silly macho act he didn’t really feel. When in reality he was dragging each second, stretching each minute with her.
With the last bag loaded, Josh stood by the driver side saying good-bye to his wife, and Toby stood around staring at Krista.
“I will never forget you,” he whispered.
She blinked, her eyes tearing up, and he had to keep himself from grabbing his chest to assuage the ache there.
“Me, too.”
“You touched my life, Krista. I—” Shit, he would not tell her he loved her. He would not do that to her. He took a deep breath and caressed her arms. “I’m going to miss you.”
Her breath caught as a tear slid down her cheek. He reached up and brushed it away before leaning in and kissing her softly. She wrapped her arms around him, held him tightly, and he drank her in. One last time.
He ended the kiss and held her. He wasn’t sure how long they stood beside the big truck, but he finally willed his arms to let go, his legs to move back a few steps.
“Good-bye,” she breathed as she opened the door. And he just couldn’t say it back. Instead he brought his fingers up to his lips and kissed them before angling them in her direction and dropping his hands limply.
He watched them leave, keeping his eyes on Krista until he couldn’t see her anymore. Then he’d watched the truck until it’d turned out of sight. Then he listened to the truck as it traveled down the road until he couldn’t hear it anymore.
She was gone.
He looked up to see Josh watching him sympathetically. He couldn’t take that. Not pity. Not right now. When his brother took a step toward him, Toby shook his head frantically as he backed away. Then he turned and shifted into his bestial side, running as fast and as far away as his feline legs would take him. He knew no one could see him.
But he had no misconceptions about the agonized roars tearing through his throat.
Chapter Ten
It had been almost two weeks since Krista returned home. Mikaela hadn’t stayed, preferring to take a much-needed vacation. It was just as well. Krista worried that being so close to her friend right now would just be a reminder of what she’d lost.
After crying for several days, she’d turned stoic. Going through the motions of everyday life like some zombie and lying awake at night, just staring at the ceiling. When she allowed herself to think about her time with Toby, she realized she was a different person now. When she’d arrived on the Woods estate, she’d been a timid, sexually inexperienced lady. Now she was a woman, more secure in her skin. If only she’d allow herself the opportunity to embrace the change that being with Toby had ignited. But she wasn’t ready yet. In time she would be, but right now she just couldn’t go there.
It was late when she heard her phone ringing. Her heart raced as she jumped out of bed to grab it, but then she saw the caller ID, and her fragile hopes plummeted. Ariel. Not Toby. God, she missed him so much she ached. This was madness. She didn’t have a boyfriend. She should be with the man she loved. Why was she not giving him a chance to be with her? Was it because she was scared of becoming a mountain lion like Mikaela?
When the phone wouldn’t stop ringing, Krista finally answered. “Hello?”
“Hey, sis. Long time, no talk. I got your message and called you back, but I never heard from you. Everything okay?”
Hell, no! But she wouldn’t burden her sister with the drama of her private life. If she could get Ariel to help Toby and his brothers break free from the prison of their estate, then her heartache would serve a healthy purpose. “I have a job for you. This is going to sound crazy, but just hear me out.”
After getting her sister’s promise to secrecy, Krista explained the Woods family secret, their dilemma caused by their urge to mate, and her theories about suppressing those instincts enough for them to socialize with society again.
Ariel listened with rapt fascination, asking excited questions whenever Krista paused long enough to take a breath. She’d have rolled her eyes if she’d been in a better mood. Her sister had always loved the unexplained and was more open to seemingly unexplainable phenomena than Krista had ever been.
“I just finished a project that was funded by a grant, so I’m actually free for an indefinite period. When can I meet everyone?”
“Er, um, how about next week?”
“I was thinking this weekend?”
“That’s in two days!” Krista squeaked. But just as soon as she said the words, she felt a long-forgotten calm wash over her. She’d see Toby again. She wasn’t letting Ariel do this on her own, even if her sister was a professional scientist. Okay, Krista knew the excuse was flimsy, but it was a lifeline to her. She cleared her throat. “I have to make some calls. If I can work it, how about Sunday?” At least that’d give her an extra day.
“Sunday’s good. I’ll see you then.”
Krista hung up, her mind racing. She’d see Toby again by Sunday. It was three days away.
Too far away.
She paced, clutching her phone. The thought of what she wanted in life dominated all others. She’d always wanted to be an attorney, but since she’d returned from the Woods estate, that dream paled in comparison to the one she had about belonging to Toby forever. She could have both. Mikaela was a prime example. And she was happy.
Krista could be happy, too. As she thought about it, she felt her resolve settling in. She didn’t know if Toby would have her after she lied about having a boyfriend, but she’d find a way to come clean without jeopardizing their lives. If she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he wanted her above all other
s, she’d take that leap with him.
But she couldn’t find out here. She had to go to him.
And Sunday was too damn long to wait. Thinking well into the night, she decided she’d much rather inquire in person than make those calls on Ariel’s behalf. And if she booked her flight now, she could be back on the Woods estate by lunchtime.
* * * *
Toby walked into the kitchen with his brothers during their lunch break on Friday. Their dad was interviewing prospective employees now that they had the adjacent Caldwell Tree Farm, so his brothers were excitedly talking about finally getting the help they needed.
But Toby didn’t give a shit. Work was a distraction for him. It always would be since he had nothing else in his life. No woman. No wife. No mate. And he never would. It was a wonder how he was able to drag himself from his bed every morning. As he remembered those first few days without her, he knew he hadn’t. It wasn’t until the third day of drinking and passing out in his bed when his brothers rallied around him, forcing him to join the land of the living. So he got up, not always showering, and when he did, not always shaving—like this morning—and worked, visited with his brothers, ran at night. But his heart wasn’t in anything he did.
Because his heart was in St. Louis, encased in his beautiful mate, where it belonged.
He ate and joined the conversation when he was prompted to, staring into space when he wasn’t.
“. . . meet in ten minutes.”
Toby looked over at Josh, who’d been speaking. “What did you say?”
Josh sighed and gave Toby’s shoulder a squeeze. “Mikaela had to run into town. She’s on her way back and wants to meet with everyone in ten minutes.”
“What about?” Jack asked, with the natural scowl on his face. Toby figured in time he’d be giving Jack a run for his money in the frowning department.
“She has some ideas about our mountain lion side. She didn’t really elaborate, but she sounded excited about it when I spoke to her a few minutes ago.”
The hum of the guys’ voices drifted into the background as Toby went back to eating. This was just one more thing for his brothers to be excited about, and he wasn’t in the right mind to join in the fun discussion about all the possibilities of what their sister-in-law was up to. He didn’t care. It wasn’t that he was an asshole about it. He just couldn’t muster up the energy to be excited about anything.
After he finished eating, he walked to the back of the room to look out the window that overlooked their backyard. He stood there, staring at the thousands of trees in the vicinity but not really seeing them. It was her he saw. He didn’t think of her name. He hadn’t said it aloud since she left, and he didn’t let it slip in his mind for fear he’d cry it out. But that didn’t stop him from thinking about her.
Hell, he had no choice. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. If he stopped thinking about her, he’d forget what she looked like, and that was unacceptable.
As he stared through the trees and into her beautiful eyes, he heard a door shut in the distance. A familiar smell assaulted his senses, and he almost buckled. It had to be the female scent of Mikaela reminding him of his mate, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept. When he heard her walk and her voice in the kitchen talking, he turned to look at her.
The air locked in his lungs.
She wasn’t alone.
She was with his mate.
All of his brothers shot their eyes to him and back to her before Josh cleared his throat.
“Hi, kitten. What’s going on?” Josh asked his wife as he walked over and kissed her. “You said you had some ideas about our mountain lion sides.”
Mikaela smiled, but Toby wasn’t watching her. As soon as his eyes locked with his mate’s he wasn’t going to look away for fear she’d disappear.
“Actually, this was Krista’s idea. After she learned our little secret, she mentioned her sister is a scientist and wondered if there was something that could be done to subdue the urge to mate with any available female.” She looked over at the beautiful woman standing next to her. “Isn’t that right, Krista?”
She cleared her throat. “Yeah.” Oh, God, her voice.
“Krista,” Toby breathed, unable to keep it from slipping out of his mouth. She was really here, really talking.
She gave him a tentative smile. “Yeah, I called Ariel, my sister, when I was here, and she called me back last night. She understands the need for secrecy and is eager to meet with you all to see if she can help. She’ll be here on Sunday if you agree.” She was asking everyone, but she hadn’t taken her eyes off Toby.
“Whatever you want, baby,” he responded automatically. He’d give her whatever she wanted for the rest of his life.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Jack said, rolling his eyes. “Just what the hell do you expect her to do?” Krista flinched, breaking eye contact with Toby and looking at Jack.
Toby growled, shooting his gaze to his overbearing brother. “Back off.”
“No, no, it’s okay, Toby. He has a right to understand this. You all do. I’m not sure what she’s planning on doing because I’m not a scientist, chemist, and all those other things she is. I think she’ll formulate some drug for you, but she’s a professional. She won’t just throw a bunch of dangerous stuff together and shove it down your throats. At this point, all I’m offering is the opportunity to see if she can help.”
“Well, I think it’s a hellacious idea!” Rob said, gleaming. “Is she single?” He wagged his eyebrows.
Krista smiled at Rob. “No, she’s married to her high-school sweetheart.”
“Well, damn.” He rubbed his chin. “I still think she should come try her voodoo out on us. Couldn’t hurt.”
“Fine,” Jack grumbled.
Mikaela clapped her hands. “Good. Then it’s settled.”
Nobody spoke for several seconds, the silence almost deafening. Toby was worried now that Krista had spoken her news, she’d be leaving. His skin felt tight as panic set in. His mate was here. He couldn’t let her go. Oh, God, not yet. Please not yet.
“Josh, honey, can you call Jeffery and have him bring Krista’s bags in? She’ll be staying until her sister arrives on Sunday. He can put them in the second-floor guest room.”
“No!” The word was out before Toby could stop it. He searched Krista’s eyes. Were they sad because she didn’t want to stay with him, or did she think he didn’t want her staying here at all? He couldn’t let her worry. “Have him take them to my cabin.”
The relief that flashed in her eyes was almost his undoing. She still wanted him. No matter what their lives were like, she still wanted him. The joy that flooded him was damn-near overwhelming.
Mikaela turned to Krista for confirmation, and she gave his sister-in-law a quick nod. “Okay, then. Rob, Jack, I need to speak with you in my office. Honey, you can come, too,” she said to her husband.
The people in the room slowly filtered out, but Toby was frozen in place. He wanted to yank Krista in his arms and never let her go, but he couldn’t seem to move his feet.
“You look like hell,” she whispered.
“I’ve felt like hell.”
She nodded as she clasped her hands in front of her and twisted them nervously. “Can we, er, go back to your place and talk? I’d like a little privacy.”
“Of course.” He walked toward her, passing her to open the door for her, and led the way to his cabin in silence. He’d let her speak her mind before he said or did anything. Although he had no idea what he’d say or do given the opportunity. He was still reeling with the reality of her being here.
When they walked into his cabin, he winced. God, it reeked of booze in here. He quickly opened up the windows to get the air circulating and gathered the empty bottles while she sat down on the couch. He tossed the evidence of his weakness into the trash and turned to face her, resting on the wall for several seconds as he gathered his strength to sit next to her. When he finally couldn’t stand the distance an
y longer, he took his seat and turned to her, their knees brushing against each other—it was the first physical contact he’d had with her since she’d left, and he immediately wanted more. So he rested his elbows on his knees and buried his head in his hands to stave off the urge to touch her just yet.
“How do you feel about me?”
His head shot up. How the hell was he supposed to answer that?
“I want the truth, Toby. No matter what it is.”
“I love you.” He said the words in a rush and felt relieved that they were finally free. “I love you,” he said softer, slower, nodding his head to affirm the confession.
She reached over and took his hand. Her trembling fingers stroked his skin. “I love you, too.”
He groaned, swooping in and kissing her heatedly. God, she loved him. His mate loved him. She kissed him back but pushed away after several seconds.
“I need to know if you can forgive me lying to you if I promise never to do it again.”
“Baby, neither one of us is perfect.” His heart was still racing with her words of love. “You can talk to me about anything.”
She nodded and seemed to be bracing herself as she leveled a stare at him. “I’m not getting married.”
Toby’s brow furrowed as he looked at her. “So, you lied about getting married? That doesn’t matter, baby. I understand if you wanted to protect your relationship with that man—”
“No, Toby. There is no man.” His eyes got big as she continued speaking. “There’s only you. Mikaela told me that I had to pretend to be involved with someone when I come out here to work. There never was a boyfriend.”
“You’re not taken?” He felt the words strain past his lips
“No, sweetheart.”
He jumped from the couch, roaring, his fangs descending. “Why didn’t you tell me this over the phone? You need to leave right now.” He stalked closer to her, fighting every step. He wouldn’t hurt her again. He’d die before he let that happen.
“No.”
He bellowed, grabbing his head and doubling over as he fought the pain, the need to take her, knowing that it was his love for her that bought him this measly time. If he hadn’t been in love with her, he’d have already forced her into submission by now. He realized he was moving closer to her, so he looked up.
