by New Yorker
Parker Merrow and Walter the Winch,
Ernest Lindley, Gertrude Macy,
Leggett Brown and Spencer Tracy.
Give out some Christmas propaganda
For Veloz and his pal Yolanda,
For Johnny Cheever and Wickham Steed,
McKinlay Kantor, Senator Mead,
The John Roys, Don Beddoe,
The McIntoshes, Blanche and Neddo,
Dorothy Stickney, Miriam Doyle,
Rebecca West, Selena Royle,
John Hadfield of J. M. Dent,
Paul Robeson and Silas Bent.
God rest the G. O. Pachyderm,
But give us Frank for another term!
Thus having disposed of politics,
I clasp to my arms the Sheldon Dicks.
Assuming a more surly vein,
Let’s wish a whacking Yule chilblain
To Father Coughlin, the clerical wowser,
And every other rabble-rouser.
And then, in doggerel-cum-verse,
Let’s launch a hearty Christmas curse
On the Nazi-minded everywhere,
Whether here or over there;
In our midst or oversea,
All Kuhns look alike to me.
So raise your mugs and drink distress
To Rosenberg and Rudolf Hess;
Dismay to Comrade Molotoff—
For Czar: Prince Michael Romanoff!
Here’s hoping something dire may happen
To Goebbels, Himmler, and von Papen,
To Goring and von Dribblepuss,
And their whilom sidekick, Benny the Muss!
Wise Men who are really wise
Will keep one eye upon the skies,
For the Holy Night is rent by bomb
As Ouija reads the Führer’s palm.
Lebensraum he wants? So! Well,
Let’s hope he gets it soon, in hell.
And his Kremlin crony, Joe the Tricky—
Give him a Finn, but make it a Mickey!
Of all these knaves we crave surcease;
What this world needs is a good Blitzpeace.
1939
GREETINGS, FRIENDS!
FRANK SULLIVAN
The début of this Christmas stanza,
This annual Yule extravaganza,
Took place in 1932,
So silver greetings, friends, to you,
And frankincense and myrrh and nard
From your aging but still frisky bard.
For Ike, three rousing Christmas cheers
And vigor through the coming years.
A New Year bow to Borden Deal,
Edith McCarty, and Howard Keel.
We’ll roar out a couple of gladsome staves
To whoop it up for the doughty Braves,
And hymn the glory of Fortune’s Pet—
Who else but Selva Lewis Burdette?
Charge your glasses and drink to the health
Of Good Queen Bess and her Commonwealth!
Nab the nearest Christmas mummer;
Get him to mum for Christopher Plummer,
And do his stuff for Dick Surrette,
Romney Brent, Carol Burnett,
Ruth Anderson, Niels Bohr,
Ted Atkinson, and Senator Gore.
Minnesingers, sound your A!
Launch a paean for Dorothy Day,
For Ed Wynn, Carmel Quinn,
Ellin Berlin, and all their kin;
And add a toast to all the kith
Of Master Joseph Michael Smith.
Noël, Noël to Coco Chanel,
Hunt Bradley, Maria Schell,
And a bend of the knee from this genuflector
To Captain and Mrs. William Waechter.
Peace to thee, O Matt McDade!
Joy to Banker Katie McQuade!
Minstrels, raise a stout hosanna
For Herbert Erb and Charlie Manna;
Sing noisily, yet civilly,
For Saul Bellow of Tivoli;
And belt out a carol for Buff Donelli,
For George Hemstead and his consort, Ellie,
For Polly Hanson, Frank Lary,
And the Atlantic, on its centenary.
Buon Natale, Carmen Basilio!
Long may you champ it, mio figlio!
Nancy Walker! Jane Morgan!
Love from me and Paul Horgan!
Peace to tycoon Cyrus Eaton,
Cantinflas, and Cecil Beaton!
Wassail to Borough President Cashmore,
Arkansas Editor Harry Ashmore,
And a genial, cozy, cricket-on-the-hearthy
Kind of Yule for Kevin McCarthy.
Tootle an anthem for Conrad Janis,
Edmund Gilligan, and Marya Mannes;
Trill a Christmas obbligato
To serenade Jockey Frank Lovato;
And sound the rebeck and the hautboy
For that old reliable rider No Boy.
Sing tooraloo for Shirley MacLaine;
Sing hi-de-ho for John Ruane,
Terry Brennan, Eddie De Hass,
Lester Pearson, and Peggy Cass.
Vintner, spike the Christmas brew
For Stork Sanford and the Cornell crew;
Pass the port to Ezra Benson,
Harold Craig, and May Swenson.
We’ll dance the lancers with Jo Van Fleet,
Gargle a brandy with Cabell Greet,
And with seasonal zeal we’ll ululate
For Pauline Sadlon, Sam Slate,
Percy Waram, Jane Greer,
And Altrincham, the Prickly Peer.
We’ll sing in praise of Nigel Dennis;
We’ll ascertain where Leo Penn is,
And crack a bottle of rare champagne
For Leo, and for Eddie Lane.
Thomas Chalmers, of Firenze—
Love from me and Gisele MacKenzie!
Gerald, Constance, and Archie Moore—
Love to you from Charlie Poore!
Bake a Christmas cake for Quincy Porter;
Send a Christmas tie to Enos Slaughter;
Send opulent gifts to Anthony Quayle
And a Broun by the name of Heywood Hale.
Choir, please warble a New Year glee
For André Laguerre and Nathalie,
And lift your voices in sweet accord
To gladden the spirits of Benson Ford.
A Merry Christmas to Dorothy Quick,
To Connie B. Gay, of Lizard Lick,
And the dolciest kind of far niente
To Bambi Linn and Tony Parenti.
Now let us sit with Rudolf Bing
And tell glad stories of Nicholas King,
And raise a glass of vintage hock
To the Herald Trib and Ambassador Jock.
We’ll paint the town with Frank Lloyd Wright
From New Year’s Eve until Twelfth Night;
We’ll go on a high old Yule carouse
With Kathy Crosby and her spouse,
With Sterling North and Anthony West
And Gerald Green and Denzil Best.
The year is going. Let it go.
It hasn’t brought us much but woe—
Khrushchev, Faubus, flu, and frights,
Inflation, Nasser, satellites,
And other plagues from Pandora’s box.
But are we therefore on the rocks?
Not so, my hearties! With cautious tread
We’ll enter the year that lies ahead,
Not elated, not downcast,
Glad to be rid of the year that’s past,
Hoping the coming year of grace
Will bring Peace on Earth and Peace in Space.
1957
GREETINGS, FRIENDS!
ROGER ANGELL
Rap, rap! To order! May we dispense
With last year’s minutes, whose trifling sense
Proposed immediate end to woe
And a party neath the mistletoe—
A plan I trust will bear repeating
&
nbsp; At this, our latest Yuletide meeting?
Faithful readers, God rest you well
And give you each a sweet Noël.
Who knows? Perhaps the muse will send a
Hug to you in our agenda;
Would there were rhymes enough for all
Within this dogged caterwaul!
Karol Wojtyla! Well, that’s a rhyme
We won’t hunt up this Christmastime,
Now that there is hardly call to—
Happy Christmas, Pope John Paul II!
And happy hols, dear Claudia Weill,
Cornell MacNeil, and Kitty Carlisle.
Season’s greetings, Allegra Kent!
Hail to Jimmy, our President!
Wassail to Rosalynn, the President’s spouse,
And Fred Astaire and Timothy Crouse!
Ring out, carillons, for the sake
Of Carmine Peppe and Eubie Blake,
Then chime in a more dulcet strain
For lovely Queen Noor al-Hussein;
Now let some joyous bongs be heard
For Justice Rose Elizabeth Bird,
And next a brassy triple bob
For Alydar and Rusty Staub,
And then tack on a cheerful coda
For Cyrus Vance and Ron Swoboda!
I wish a Yule right out of Boz
For Henny Youngman and Amos Oz;
Let Fezziwigian bliss befall
Tito Gaona and Tom T. Hall.
May Christmas Eve be brisk and snowy
For Heinrich Böll and David Bowie,
And the morn break all crisp and tingly
For Swoosie Kurtz and Darryl Stingley;
And may the Day itself go gladly
For Sen.-elect and Ms. Bill Bradley!
Hello, Santa? Hold that sleigh!
I have some toys for Nora Kaye,
Valerie Harper, Jerry Rafshoon,
And our man in Moscow, Malcolm Toon.
Hello, Bekins? Will you cart in
Crates of presents for Ned Martin,
Zubin Mehta, Sissela Bok,
Samuel Beckett, and Pete LaCock?
I’m here to state that naught can alter
My deep esteem for Stephanie Salter;
I want it known that what I harbor
Are friendly thoughts for Myron Farber,
Ellsworth Kelly, Nick Nolte,
George Balanchine, and Sir Georg Solti.
Adeste, shoppers! Let costs go hang!
Let’s do up Christmas with a bang!
To arms against Old Man Inflation!
We’ll spend with more imagination
And seek out true epiphanies
At Bloomingdale’s and Tiffany’s
With lavish gifts for Crystal Gayle,
Günter Grass, and Clamma Dale.
Come, seed a storm of Christmas bills
With things to cheer up Garry Wills,
Walter Matthau, Kathleen Raine,
Viktor Korchnoi, and Frank MacShane!
With friends like these, there’s no tomorrow,
Twixt shop and bank we’ll spend and borrow,
Get stocking toys by Fabergé
For Cheryl Tiegs and Jack Macrae,
Find diamonds like the Koh-i-noor
For Gemma Jones and Melba Moore,
And a nice blue Maserati
For Yale’s A. Bartlett Giamatti.
Then quickly we’ll snap up a set
Of Lalique bowls at Parke Bernet
For Andrew Young, Paloma Picasso,
Hildegard Behrens, and Ella Grasso,
And a golden trinket by Cellini
To please Maurizio Pollini;
Then cases of some modest wine
(Like Château Margaux ’29)
For John Belushi, Seymour Krim,
Laz Barrera, Barbara Pym,
Governor Carey, Claiborne Pell,
Nancy Teeters, and Tom Carvel!
On New Year’s Eve, we’ll share a schnapps
With the Martin Mulls and the Joseph Papps,
Then sip a delicious crème de moka
With Meat Loaf and Lee Iacocca;
We’ll crack a bottle of muscatel
With Wolfman Jack and Quentin Bell,
And clink a glass of vin du pays
With D. D. Lewis and I. M. Pei;
We’ll quaff some cups of antifreeze
With Janet Guthrie and Parton Keese,
And toss off a brandy smash
With Louise Bourgeois and Johnny Cash.
Nancy Kassebaum, Bernadine Morris,
Will ye nae sup a wee doch-an-dorris?
Well supped, ladies! Now gie us a glee
For Anwar Sadat and Muhammad Ali!
A toast to Tsenator Paul E. Tsongas!
A toast to the whole damn U.S. Congras!
To Truth and Beauty! To Helen Reddy!3
To the next Prime Rate and Crazy Eddie!
Good friends, we’ve come to our envoi,
Which bids you each a year of joy,
And invokes, to close these greetings,
The spirit of Camp David’s meetings—
Peace to us all, that is to say,
Upon this ancient holiday!
1978
GREETINGS, FRIENDS!
ROGER ANGELL
Good reader, ho, it’s me once more,
Your careworn super at the door,
With mop in hand and heated face:
The work I do around this place—
Sweep out the bygone Christmastimes,
Unkink the twisted lights and rhymes,
Dig out the trusty metaphors,
Re-Fezziwig the chimes and floors,
And make this joint look nearly new
For partyings (though déjà vu)
With friends and neighbors we wish well
On the occasion of Noël.
No tip! My pleasure! Let’s begin
With hugs for Ursula K. Le Guin.
Fellow-creatures, near or far,
We hail you each, and Caleb Carr.
How neat it is to be the bearer
Of greetings for our friend Jim Lehrer;
Happy days, Hideo Nomo,
Sheryl Crow, and Andrew Cuomo.
Ah, there, Dr. Rudy Crew,
David Hare, Elisabeth Shue—
Peace, you chaps, and also pax on
Miranda Weese, Samuel L. Jackson,
Ivan Klíma, and (though sadly)
Departing Senators Nunn and Bradley.
Warm wishes from this august bureau
To Kazuo Ishiguro;
The same to you, Tegla Loroupe,
Joanna Trollope, and Quincy Troupe.
Let blessings rain, all touchy-feely,
To cheer up Hurricane McNeeley,
And laurel leaves in heaps or layers
Around Cal Ripken, prince of stayers;
And with him Tim Biakabutuka,
Young Marzoratis (Guy and Luca),
Jon Bon Jovi, Susan Lucci,
Jenny Jones, and Leo Nucci.
Descend, bright angels, in a band,
Upon Viswanathan Anand,
With Christmas music just for him
And Jane Smiley and Mary Grimm.
Tweet the flute and sound the oboe
For Dr. Ruth, Rebecca Lobo,
Joseph Volpe, Jose Mesa,
Joan Chen, and Mother Teresa,
All whilst some higher heralds—hark!—
Let drop their chords on Marcia Clark.
And carols (or enhanced CDs)
For Jeanne Calment and Morris Dees,
Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, the brave Nobelist,
And Yo Yo Ma, cherubic cellist.
Come Christmas, gang, it’s understood,
We rollerblade the neighborhood—
Arm-in-arming, happy campers
Bearing toys or laden hampers.
Here a wreath and there a parcel,
Now a fractured metatarsal!
Back
ward! Sidewise! What can match it?
Each of us a flying Cratchit
Spreading gifts and some dismay
Among our friends this special day.
Bill Gates (Wie geht’s?), strap on your skates
And we’ll go sweep up Kathy Bates,
Julie Just, Andie MacDowell,
David Bouley, and Alma Powell.
Without ado, without a care,
We’ll grab the hand of Deirdre Bair
And chain along in cheerful flow
To drop a toy on Coolio,
A negligee for (yay) Fay Wray,
Some tricks from Schwarz for Ricky Jay,
Plus geese to grace the groaning board
Of Geoffrey Beene or Geoffrey Ward,
Unless, by luscious scents beguiled,
We press a call on Julia Child—
Though pausing first to just say hi
To B. B. King, R. B. Kitaj,
Isaac Mizrahi, Sharon Stone,
Fiona Shaw, and John Malone.
Home from these amusing labors,
We’ll bask in asked-in Labs and neighbors
And, circled round by lights and kith,
Toss down a warming noggin with
Lauren Holly, Beverly Cleary,
Christopher Reeve, and Timothy Leary.
Then party on in larger units
Around the tree with Stanley Kunitz,
Mo Vaughn and Mira Sorvino,
Daniel Okrent, Dan Marino,
Jimmy Smits, Lois Smith Brady,
Ridley Scott, and Scott O’Grady.
To fling the old year’s glooms away,
We’ll bring in Penny Hardaway,
King Hussein, and Suzanne Farrell,
Cigar, Pixar, and Crate & Barrel,
Each Met and Jet, Rockette, et cet.,
And da Guarneri String Quartet!
The clock’s run down, our verse is done:
A happy New Year, everyone!
Rhymees, readers (gentle alisome!)—
Pals, we pine for you and balsam
At Christmastide and through the fleeting
Hours until our next year’s meeting.
Till then, old friends, what we beseech
Is peace and blessings, all and each.
1995
THE MODERN LIBRARY EDITORIAL BORAD
Maya Angelou
•
A. S. Byatt
•
Caleb Carr
•
Christopher Cerf
•
Charles Frazier
•
Vartan Gregorian
•
Richard Howard
•
Charles Johnson
•
Jon Krakauer
•
Edmund Morris
•
Azar Nafisi
•
Joyce Carol Oates
•
Elaine Pagels
