by LJ Maas
Gabrielle moved her hand forward to cup my cheek and I was lost in the air of self-confidence the girl suddenly exuded.
"Xena, whether this be the only encounter, or we have to face down your demons a thousand more times, I promise, I'll stand my ground and challenge any man or beast that tries to take you from me."
Her voice caught, choking with emotion and the tears that welled up in her eyes, matched my own. I knew that I had finally come to love and care for Gabrielle. I even came to a place where I could admit as much, to myself as well as others. However, I honestly don't think I truly believed that Gabrielle loved me the same way until this moment. She may have been repeating my own words to me, but this young woman, who has seen so much of life in her limited years, used them with such conviction and purpose that I indeed felt their power. Gabrielle loved me and yet some unknown fear inside of me wouldn't allow me to accept it completely.
The emotional world held so much fear for me. In the physical realm, I could touch and taste. If I could see it before me it became easier to believe, but these affairs of the heart… they left me in a state of confusion that wreaked havoc with my brain. How could I entirely accept what I wasn't sure I could give in return? What I not only didn't feel worthy of, but what I could not see?
Gabrielle moved her body over me and I immediately spread my legs, allowing her to position herself between them. I groaned as she slid her body along the length of my own, hovering just above me, letting her nipples rub against mine. The sensation caused my hips to jerk upward and I reached behind her to grab her backside and pull her tightly against me. Gabrielle's kisses were sultry and soft, her tongue dancing with my own, me allowing her to lead wherever she had a mind to take me.
"I love you, Xena," Gabrielle whispered. She lowered her head running her tongue along the corded muscles of my neck, down to the uppermost swell of my breast.
"I love you too, little one," I responded breathlessly.
She continued to use her lips and her tongue until she reached a hardened nipple. She tenderly kissed the darkened flesh around the elongated nub. Her caresses so gentle as to be infuriating. I was panting quite heavily by this time, but it was her gentleness that aroused me above all else. Her warm lips enveloped a hard nipple, but the sucking motion was light and easy. She worked the area over with her tongue, looking for all the world as if she were making a feast out of my body, savoring every bite, each caress.
I swear it was candlemarks later by the time Gabrielle was kissing her way down my belly, her chin resting atop the silky, black curls. She looked up at me and I honestly wondered how she knew all that I thought, my fears, as well as my passions.
"Let me, Xena," she murmured against my skin. "Let me love you."
Gods, did she know that was what I'd been thinking or was it an innocent comment about pleasuring me? Did she realize how frightened I was at allowing anyone to truly love me, knowing she would ultimately demand the same from me? I looked on as she rubbed her cheek against the triangle of dark curls, me lifting my hips slightly to prolong the contact. I groaned again and opened my eyes wide, taking in the site of her kissing my parted thighs, looking up at me in delight.
"May I, Xena?" she pleaded. I could do no more than nod my acceptance at such an offer, trepidation filling my soul at the implication of my surrender.
Her head dipped low and just as I felt her warm breath blow against the very wet flesh between my legs, I stopped her with a hand to the top of her head.
"Please, baby… I need to see you," I pleaded.
Always waiting for her to think me a pervert in some way, I wasn't prepared when she rose quickly and brought back an armful of soft cushions from our bed. She piled them in a heap beside me and patted the mound of pillows with one hand, a delightful smile on her lips.
"Sit here," she commanded and I moved over.
She pushed a few more pillows behind my back and used her hands to again open my thighs. She used her tongue along the insides of each leg, stopping just when she reached the tender flesh between thigh and labia. Then she ran her tongue along the path of that juncture.
I raised myself up, leaning on one arm to see her.
"I want to watch you," I said hoarsely. "I want to see everything… everything you do," I insisted.
I believe the thought excited her and I watched as those green eyes darkened with desire, then twinkled up at me in a combination of seduction and mischievousness.
"Your wish is my command, my Conqueror."
Gabrielle used her fingers to gently spread my sex open to her feasting eyes, and soon to be, tongue. She brought the fingers of one hand to her lips and licked my own essence from each digit, never taking her eyes off mine. Returning her fingers to my sex, she parted the slick folds, holding them open so that I might see all she would do. She lowered her head and dipped her tongue in to taste the overflowing wetness that I offered.
It was otherworldly, the amazing sensation of seeing that pink tongue slide along the length of my sex, watching as the nerve endings in my cunt fired repeatedly from Gabrielle's lapping at my center. I was mesmerized, lost in a haze of physical pleasure as I watched her swirl her tongue around and over the hard nub of flesh, now swollen and aching for her touch. She let her tongue run softly along each fold, only to speed up her movement, rougher and faster each time she arrived at my clit. The tip of her tongue gently spread inner folds apart and she lovingly explored each crease and crevice. All the while, I watched what she was doing to my body; my breath coming in short, audible exhales. I observed while her tongue's strokes became shorter, harder, the muscles in my belly twitching and jumping.
I leaned back on one hand, my other hand pressed atop the golden head between my thighs. Gabrielle wrapped her arms around my legs and pressed herself deeper. Her tongue found its way to a very sensitive clit. She simply pressed the flat of her tongue against the tender bundle of nerves and I could feel my orgasm begin. I spread trembling thighs wider and Gabrielle took the nub of flesh between her lips and sucked hard, releasing it to let it slide against her tongue.
"Sweet Athena! Please... unh, please, Gabrielle... don't stop." I begged without shame as Gabrielle began to concentrate on the tight nub of flesh where my whole world concentrated at this moment.
The pleasure washing over me was far from enough, even after the intense climax. Gabrielle must have sensed it, or read it in the way my hips continued their slow grind against her face. She moved her attentions away from the pulsating bit of flesh. She continued her tongue's well-placed caresses until I could hear myself whimpering, the sounds quickly changing to throaty moans, and my hips beginning to thrust against the tongue that she slipped inside of me.
I writhed and drove my hips to the rhythm of the strokes from Gabrielle's tongue; faster and deeper I could feel the muscle fill me until I couldn't prolong the pleasure any longer. The penetration brought me to the verge of another release. I could feel my body, as well as my soul, giving in to the absolute surrender Gabrielle demanded of me.
"Oh, Gods, yes! Gabrielle... Gabrielle!" I cried out.
I continued to stare, hypnotized at the combination of sensory delights, watching as well as feeling. I could see Gabrielle pull back, then move forward, me, leaning back on both hands now to thrust my hips forward, to impale myself further as she plunged her tongue deeply inside of me.
"Don't stop," I begged hoarsely, even as I fell back into the cushions, my hips still working to draw every last bit of the pleasure into and around me. Convulsive spasms took my body as they rolled throughout my frame like a never-ending wave. I finally cried out, as I exploded in orgasm, my whole body tensing, then releasing in jerks and shudders.
Gabrielle ran her tongue tenderly around the still quivering flesh, gathering the juices my climax produced. It was so soft and soothing, not meant to arouse, but to gentle. She was working her magic on me, but I was in no position to resist. A part of me still wanted to reciprocate the pleasure, but my desire to make lov
e to Gabrielle was overwhelmed by a flood of post release emotions.
I felt her move to lie beside me, suddenly my head on her shoulder, my lips nuzzling her neck. He arms, always so delicate, held me in a strong embrace. I found I could do no more than release additional tears, so overcome with it all. Thankfully, Gabrielle either knew why I cried, or had the good sense not to ask. There were so many reasons, I wasn't sure I knew them all myself. I certainly knew I wasn't in any shape to explain them. As always, Gabrielle said the exact words my heart needed to hear.
"It's all right, my love. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still here, Xena," she whispered, placing a gentle kiss against my temple. "I'm still here, my love, and I always will be."
She ran her fingers through my hair. "Do you love me, Xena?" she asked.
I pulled my head back to look up into her face. She wiped my tears away with her fingertips, and I knew I looked so vulnerable like this. There was no one in the known world, however, that I was willing to look more exposed or defenseless for than Gabrielle.
"I never thought I could let someone love me like that because it meant that I would have to return it the same way. I've never felt myself capable of feeling that way . . . that much . . . until you. I do love you, Gabrielle, with all that I am."
Her tears matched my own just then, but her smile told me it was happiness. I reached up to lightly brush my lips against her own.
She hugged me tightly and I heard her whisper in my ear, "No man, or woman, could possibly need more."
She settled against me then, lying on the cushions before the fire, the heavy fur robe draped over us. She seemed content to drift off, while I continued to struggle to keep myself awake.
"Gabrielle . . . little one, we still need to talk about this evening . . . what happened with Solan." I felt the bile rise in my throat when I thought of it, but the sound of Gabrielle's voice eased my ire.
"I have an idea, if you'll permit me, but tomorrow… I'm so sleepy just now." She snuggled against me and we repositioned ourselves so that now my small lover felt herself cradled within my embrace.
"I hope your idea involves me kicking his scrawny ass at some point," I murmured.
She chuckled and I felt her smile against my skin. "If you wish," she yawned. "My idea does involve you stretching your muscles against him. I think if Solan wants to act like a child, he should be treated like one. Good night, Xena."
I waited for more information, but the next sounds I heard were the tiny, gentle snores that indicated my lover was fast asleep. "Sweet dreams, my love."
I smiled to myself, placing a kiss on top of her head. I wondered what Gabrielle had in mind. Just before Morpheus claimed me, I thought about the fact that Atrius had walked back with Gabrielle to the banquet hall, then proceeded to scowl the rest of the time. I wondered what his part was in Gabrielle's attempt to conceal what had happened to her. I made a mental note to speak with my Captain first thing upon rising. It wouldn't do for my most loyal man to withhold information from me. Again, I smiled to myself. However, if Atrius would lie to me, simply for Gabrielle's honor, then I had a position within this palace such a man could fill.
I think I chuckled lightly just before I fell asleep.
CHAPTER 5
A LION FIGHTING-MAD WITH RAGE
IF I HAD TO point out one thing about myself that has changed the most, as I have grown older, it is that facing the morning is so much more difficult now. In days past, I could have gone on a three-day binge, drinking, whoring, and satisfying my more hedonistic nature. When I would awake, after the three days were over, I wouldn't have a thought about what I done. I would no more have thought about repercussions to my actions than I would have asked a slave to share in my wealth. Oh, the things that change, once you develop a conscience.
The sky was just entering its pre-dawn, gray stage when my eyes, feeling gritty and dry, blinked open. I was not one of those to awake incoherently, needing to shake off the last vestiges of Morpheus's spell before I could think. The moment I opened my eyes, I was alert. Whether it was something I inherited from my parent's blood or some gift the Gods blessed me with, along with my other attributes and skills, I do not know. I simply know that the moment I opened my eyes, I was assailed by guilt over my actions last night. Even more, I was damned angry, secretly plotting the ways I would make young Solan pay for his attack on Gabrielle.
The warm body I held rather tightly against me caused me to become aware of my actions of the previous evening, but the smile on Gabrielle's face, even as she slept, reminded me also of the happiness that came to me last evening. I was in love, and I loved. The thought brought a ridiculous grin to my face. I switched emotions quickly, my anger dissolving. I felt that I had been in love with Gabrielle from the very first. Well, after I figured out what love was. Her manner, heart, and beauty; the better question might have been, how could one not have fallen in love with her? Something changed last night, however. I was unsure as to whether it was Gabrielle or myself who had been transformed, but an intelligent guess said that it was, perhaps, a little of both of us.
Gabrielle stood up to, not only my physical self, but also the entity, the darkness, within me. She was willing to suffer pain, even death, so that I might not lose myself. I remember thinking in the banquet hall that Gabrielle might be the one, the one to save me from myself. Truer words were never uttered. Last night, if I had gone through with my course of action, I surely would have killed Solan. I'm not sure if I could live with the death of one more of my family hanging over me, especially a killing that I would have committed with my own hands. The young man with no regard for others had no idea how close he came to meeting Hades in person.
I know for a fact that part of the change is from within me. I had been able to tell Gabrielle I loved her, showed her, even given up much of my infamous control. I'd never had the thought that I couldn't live without someone, though. I remember looking into Gabrielle's eyes last evening, just before she made love to me. I knew right then that I would never be able to go on without her. I would have no inclination to take another breath without her love surrounding me. I was willing to do anything, give anything, in order to love her. I finally realized that true love meant giving all that you are to someone else. Letting them see the dark as well as the light that existed in your soul, accepting, and trusting that they would handle anything they saw hiding in the recesses of your battered soul. I finally understood this truth and gave all of myself to Gabrielle.
I quiet murmur pulled me from my musing and brought my attention to the woman still sleeping in my arms. I must admit, a certain warmth washed over me to watch Gabrielle sleep. When she first came to be with me, her sleep was often interrupted by nightmares, some of which never even woke her. Her cries of pain and abandonment kept me up through the night on more than one occasion. I held her through the hours of darkness, afraid to let go of the girl lest her nighttime terrors return. Now, as I looked down on the smiling face, I found myself grinning in return. The small blonde was the only person I'd ever heard laugh in their dreams. In the last fortnight or so, Gabrielle chuckled softly in her dreams. I only hoped it was a good sign. I know it certainly lightened my heart.
Try as I might, I could lie there no longer, and I didn't wish to disturb Gabrielle's rest. I slipped from the bed as gently as I could, but even then, my consort made a noise in her sleep at the loss of my body next to hers. I pushed a pillow against her and saw that familiar smile as she wrapped her arms around the cushion where my scent still lingered. I washed and dressed; a frown crossed my face when I realized what Gabrielle might think when she awoke. Would she worry, thinking that I might still have revenge on my mind in regards to young Solan? Would she be hurt after having made love to me, then finding me gone at first light?
The day brightened just as I thought of the perfect item to leave my lover in my stead. I hurried downstairs and outside the castle to my private gardens. In the garden closest to the castle, were my roses. I could see th
e garden from the windows of my private chambers. The roses bloomed nearly all year in this area nestled against the palace wall. I walked across the stone paved path directly to my favorite flower. It was a deep red color, the hue so concentrated as to be almost black. Its petals felt like velvet against my skin. It came up from the ground as an accident, a cross between two other blooms. Accident or not, it had a striking beauty all its own.
I was laughed at and teased quite often in my younger days for this rose garden. Well, that is until men realized what I did to people who laughed at me. No matter how cruel, and bloodthirsty a warrior I was, back then, I always had an eye for beauty. Whether it was a woman, a fine horse, or a talented artisan, I appreciated the skills that set these people apart. I pulled my dagger from my belt, preparing to cut a perfect bloom from the plant before me. I had to pause as I remembered again that first moment, the moment in time when a child of all people, first brought the beauty of the rose to me.
I moved a step off the path and sat down on a stone bench, staring at the rose bush in front of me, but in my mind, I was leagues away. I guessed that I was nearly 30 summers in age, but I couldn't remember exactly. I was always at war, on some campaign or another, and time, along with birthdays, had a way of passing without much notice. It was before I captured Athens. I had been traveling through the region of Chalcidice. After Potidaea revolted against the Athenian-controlled Delian League, its neighboring city, Olynthus became a major stronghold against an Athenian attack. They formed their own federation, known as the Chalcidic League. When forced to swear allegiance to either Athens or me, the inhabitants chose to fight. In one of my more shameful displays of temper and force, I razed Olynthus to the ground. In a final fit of anger, I got drunk, then ordered that all the city's inhabitants be sold as slaves. As I said, it was one of my more shameful moments. Tears still come to my eyes when I think of what I destroyed on that day.
