That decided, she made herself a cup of tea and drank it then went to get changed. June opened a bleary eye as she crept into the bedroom.
‘Have you only just got back?’
‘No. I’ve been back for a while but I fell asleep in the sitting room,’ Kasey whispered, opening a drawer. ‘Sorry about waking you up but I needed some clean clothes.’
‘Th’s OK,’ June mumbled, and promptly went back to sleep.
Kasey collected what she needed and took a shower. It was still only five-thirty by the time she’d finished getting ready, far too early to go back to the hospital, so she went downstairs and unlocked the front door. There was a faint mist rising off the trees when she let herself out and the air smelt wonderfully fresh. It struck her all of a sudden just how much she was going to miss being there. There might be many problems in this country but she’d grown to love it in the short time she’d been there and would like to return at some point in the future…
Or maybe even sooner because what was to stop her volunteering to join the new team the agency was putting together? It wasn’t as though there was anything to keep her in England. Her parents had retired to Portugal a few years ago and Keiran had gone to live in Ireland, so it might be just what she needed. She’d been drifting for far too long and this could be the start of a new phase in her life, so long as the agency agreed to let her return.
Would they? Or would they refuse to send her back to Mwuranda because she’d left before her present contract had run out? It didn’t seem fair that her plans might be scuppered because of the problems she and Adam had been experiencing, so she made up her mind to talk to him about it as soon as she got the chance. If he would agree to vouch for her, there shouldn’t be a problem about her securing a place on the new team, but would he do that for her?
She sighed. Each time she came up with a solution, another problem followed it. Nothing was ever cut and dried. Every single thing seemed to hinge on Adam and it wasn’t just the effect he’d had on her professional life either. Her personal life had been greatly influenced by him, too. Although she’d been out with several men in the last few years, she’d never met anyone who’d made her feel the way Adam had done. With a sudden flash of insight she realised that it had been the yardstick by which she’d measured every new relationship: she’d compared every man she’d dated to Adam and had found every one of them lacking—and she always would.
Her heart began to race because there was no way she could lie to herself any longer. She was still in love with him and that was why she’d never wanted anyone else. She might have buried her feelings in the past few years but they were still just as strong. It scared her to admit it but what was worse was knowing that he would never feel the same about her. She’d hurt him far too much for him to fall in love with her a second time.
Adam sat on the steps and watched the sun coming up. Sunrise in Africa was always spectacular but he derived very little pleasure that day as he watched the sky turn from shimmering lemon to vibrant orange. He felt completely drained, as though someone had turned on a tap and allowed every drop of energy to pour out of him.
He got up, feeling tiredness dragging at him as he made his way back inside the hospital. His body was desperately trying to tell him that it needed to rest but he refused to listen. He needed to keep busy, needed to fill his mind to stop himself thinking about what Kasey had told him last night…
He groaned when his thoughts immediately whizzed back to that conversation they’d had. Cursing softly, he made his way to the side room where Matthias was sleeping and took the chart off the end of the bed, staring at the notes the night staff had written until the words danced like dervishes before his eyes.
What on earth was he going to do? Should he talk to Kasey about what she’d said or just ignore it?
It all depended on what he hoped to achieve, of course, and he still hadn’t made up his mind about that. Did he want Kasey back—with all the risks that might entail—or did he want her out of his life for good so he could restore a modicum of normality to his life? His mind twisted this way and that, and he sighed wearily because it was impossible to know what the answers should be.
‘Should I be worried?’
‘What?’ He swung round when Matthias’s voice suddenly interrupted his musings.
‘I assume there must be something very wrong if you feel it necessary to study my notes with such concentration,’ his friend observed dryly, wincing as he eased himself up against the pillows.
‘Oh! No, no. Everything’s fine.’ Adam quickly replaced the chart, feigning a nonchalance he didn’t feel. He desperately wanted to believe that Kasey had been telling him the truth but he was terrified of getting hurt again.
‘That is good to know,’ Matthias agreed calmly. ‘So now that we have established I am not about to meet my Maker in the foreseeable future, why don’t you tell me what’s really worrying you?’
‘Nothing.’ Adam strode to the door because he certainly didn’t want to discuss the situation with anyone else. No amount of well-meant advice was going to solve this problem! ‘I’ll call back later to see you—’
‘If you love her then tell her that.’
‘I beg your pardon?’ He turned and glowered at Matthias.
‘You heard me the first time but I’m more than happy to repeat it if it will help you see sense.’ Matthias looked him squarely in the eyes. ‘If you love Kasey, tell her how you feel.’
‘I don’t know where you got that idea from.’
‘From you. You, my friend, are exhibiting all the classic symptoms.’ Matthias held up his hand and began checking off points on his fingers. ‘You’re short-tempered and constantly on edge. You appear more than a little abstracted at times. You react violently whenever the lovely Dr Harris’s name is mentioned…’
‘And that’s supposed to convince me, is it?’ Adam snorted.
‘Knowing you, I very much doubt it. You always were too stubborn for your own good, Adam. However, just ask yourself why you are sending her home if you don’t have any feelings for her.’
‘I already explained why,’ he snapped, reaching for the doorhandle.
‘I know. And we both know it was a pack of lies.’ Matthias looked reproachfully at him. ‘I expected better of you, my friend. I thought you had the courage of your convictions, yet you refuse to admit how you feel.’
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about. All right, so at one time Kasey and I did have something going for us, but it’s all in the past and I’m certainly not in love with her now!’
‘The same as she isn’t in love with you?’ Matthias smiled. ‘I may be confined to this bed but I have eyes in my head and I’ve seen the way you two behave around one another. There’s definitely something there, believe me.’
‘I really don’t have the time for this,’ Adam said abruptly, wrenching open the door. ‘The sooner you’re back on your feet the better. Maybe it will stop you fantasising about things you know nothing about!’
He left the room, closing his ears to Matthias’s mocking laughter. The night staff were getting ready to leave, yawning tiredly as they cleared up in readiness for the change-over. The truck arrived and the day staff climbed out, chattering away as they entered the hospital. It was the start of another day and he should have been pleased that in such a short time they’d managed to get things running so smoothly, but it was difficult to focus on everyday matters when his mind kept switching track.
He made a determined effort as he greeted June, said hello to Joan, then frowned when he spotted Kasey walking up the steps because he’d not expected to see her in work that day. He went to the door, holding up his hand when she murmured good morning and went to slip past him.
‘What are you doing here?’
‘Coming in to work.’
She tossed back her hair and his hands clenched when he saw pale she looked. It was obvious that she’d been brooding about what had happened and it didn’t make him f
eel any better to know that it had been playing on her mind as well as his.
‘There’s no need for you to work today,’ he said curtly, because he didn’t need this kind of pressure. He was having enough trouble sorting out his own emotions without worrying about her! ‘You did enough last night so you can take the day off.’
‘I did no more than anyone else,’ she stated coolly. ‘I don’t expect any special favours, Adam, so if you’ll excuse me…’
She looked pointedly at the door, leaving him no choice apart from ordering her to leave. The thought of creating a scene was more than he could bear so he stepped aside, promising himself that he would keep things low-key from now until she left. Matthias had sounded so sure of himself but Adam refused to believe that he was still in love with her. Maybe he did still desire her but that was all it was—physical need—and his friend had picked up on it. Love needed trust to survive and that was the one thing he could never do—trust Kasey again.
It was a sobering thought and he tried not to dwell on it as he made a start on the ward rounds. Both of the men who’d been stabbed the previous night were now stable, although they were still heavily sedated. None of the local staff knew who they were so they would have to wait until they regained consciousness before their relatives could be traced. The same applied to the man with the ruptured spleen—they couldn’t inform his relatives that he’d died until they knew who he was but, hopefully, they should be able to sort everything out fairly soon.
Adam finished his round and had a quick lunch then went to Theatre and found that he was working with Kasey again. He didn’t comment on it as he got ready, determined that he wasn’t going to do anything to create a disruption. There were just three days to get through until the plane arrived and took her back to England, and he could hold out that long.
It was a long and particularly gruelling session and Adam was exhausted by the time they finished. He’d been on his feet for almost thirty-six hours and every muscle in his body was demanding a rest. Mary shot him a worried look as they cleared up.
‘You need to get yourself to bed. You’re absolutely dead on your feet.’
‘You’re right. I am,’ he agreed, because there was no point trying to pretend he was Superman. ‘I’m going straight back to the hostel after I’ve finished up here.’
He swung round only to grind to a halt when he almost cannoned into Kasey who’d been on her way out. ‘Sorry,’ he said, politely stepping aside.
‘My fault,’ she countered, and he sighed because they were both behaving like guests at a vicarage tea party. He guessed that she was feeling as wary as he was after last night, but knowing that didn’t help very much. Had she told him the truth? Or had it been another pack of lies?
The questions nagged away at him as he followed her into the scrub room. Stripping off his gown, he dumped it into a sack then reached for a towel at the same moment as Kasey went to take it off the shelf.
‘Sorry,’ he muttered, hastily withdrawing his hand.
‘It’s OK. You have it.’
‘No, you take it. I insist,’ he said in exasperation, because all this politeness was starting to get on his nerves.
‘Thank you.’
She lifted the towel off the rack and Adam frowned when he spotted the red lump on the inside of her right wrist.
‘Is that an insect bite?’
‘What…? Oh, yes. I noticed it yesterday and meant to have a word with Joan about it.’ She ran her finger over the lump and grimaced. ‘I’m not sure if it is a bite, though. It looks more like a boil to me.’
‘Let me see.’ Adam took hold of her hand so he could examine the lump, sighing when he saw a tiny hole in the centre of the swelling. ‘It’s not a boil. It looks like you’ve got something in there.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’ve seen lumps like this before and they’re usually caused by the larvae of various flies. The flies lay their eggs in the seams of clothing that’s been left outside to dry and when the eggs hatch, the larvae burrow under the skin.’
‘Ugh! Oh, that is so gross. You mean I’ve got a creepy-crawly living in there?’ She stared in revulsion at her wrist and he chuckled.
‘It’s pretty easy to get rid of it so don’t panic. Have your shower then come to the treatment room and I’ll sort it out for you.’
He picked up a towel and went into one of the stalls. Kasey was already dressed by the time he finished so they walked back to the hospital together. The treatment room was empty for once so he waved her to the couch.
‘Sit down while I find some oil.’
‘Oil?’ she repeated in surprise as she perched herself on the edge of the couch. ‘What do you need oil for?’
‘The simplest way to get rid of these little beggars is to cover the swelling with oil. The larva can’t breathe so it pokes its head out and you can remove it then with a needle.’
‘It’s just so disgusting. To think I’ve been walking round for the past day with that thing in my wrist!’
‘It could have been worse. You could have had more than one little freeloader tagging along for the ride,’ he consoled her with a grin.
‘Thank you very much for those words of comfort,’ she retorted as he came back with a small bottle of oil and a sterile needle still in its wrapper.
‘You’re welcome.’ He sat down beside her, placing her arm across his lap while he dribbled a little oil onto the lump.
‘What happens now?’
‘We wait for it to pop its head out so I can remove it.’
‘And I was seriously thinking about volunteering to come back here, too,’ she said with a shudder. ‘I may need to have a rethink!’
He looked up in surprise. ‘What do you mean, come back here?’
‘With that new team the agency is getting together. I thought I’d ask if I could be part of it, although I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed to return because I’m having to leave before my present contract has ended.’
‘Shiloh won’t hold that against you. He understands that your return has nothing to do with your ability to do the job.’
‘So you would support my request to be part of the new team?’
‘I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to come back here,’ he said slowly, because he hated the thought of her returning to Mwuranda without him. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe she would make a valuable contribution to the new team—it was the idea of her putting herself in danger again that worried him more.
‘Why not?’
‘Because it’s still very volatile over here,’ he said, choosing his words with care. Maybe it was silly to imagine that he could protect her but he didn’t know how he would cope with the thought of her being here while he was back in England, although he wasn’t sure if it would be wise to tell her that. ‘I doubt the situation will settle down for a while yet, so it seems silly to put yourself at risk again.’
‘It would be no more risky than this visit has been,’ she pointed out reasonably. ‘In fact, I’d say it will probably be less dangerous because the locals will have got used to the idea of us working here.’
‘I still don’t think it’s a good idea.’
‘Well, I do. There’s nothing to keep me in England and I know I can make a valuable contribution here. It’s what I want to do and I just need to know if you will support my request to join the new team.’
‘If it’s what you want, but you could change your mind when you get home.’ He shrugged when she looked sceptical. ‘Once you’re back in the swing of things, you may have a change of heart. It’s not unknown for people to be struck by a burning desire to do good only to have second thoughts when they’re back at home.’
‘I’m sure it isn’t but I know what I want to do.’
‘In that case, I’ll have a word with Shiloh for you,’ he agreed flatly. There was no way he could keep on objecting without explaining why he was so against her returning to Mwuranda. After all, she was a grown woman a
nd free to make up her own mind…
But surely not if it placed her in unnecessary danger?
His heart jolted painfully at the thought of anything happening to her, but there was little he could do to dissuade her if she was determined to return. He couldn’t explain his fears to her because it would only lead to more questions, and he could hardly tell her that he didn’t want her coming back because he couldn’t bear the thought of her getting hurt.
‘Oh, look!’
He glanced down and nodded when he saw the head of the larva poking out of the lump. ‘Good. I’ll get it out with this needle. Just hold still for a moment.’
It only took a few seconds to remove the larva then he cleaned the area and taped a dressing over it. ‘That should be fine now but if you have any problems let me know,’ he instructed, going over to the sink to wash his hands.
‘I will. And I’ll check my clothes for any little visitors, too, from now on.’
She shuddered as she got down off the couch and he summoned a smile, hoping she couldn’t tell how confused he felt. He’d never imagined he would feel this ambivalent towards her. When he’d found out that she was going to be on the team, his feelings had been very clear, but somewhere along the way they’d changed. He could no longer put his hand on his heart and swear that all he felt was anger. For five long years he’d told himself that he was glad to be rid of her but that was no longer true. How could he want to be rid of her when he loved her so much?
The thought slid into his head before he could stop it and pain shot through him. There was no point denying it any longer. He’d never stopped loving Kasey and that was why he’d behaved the way he had of late. It was little wonder that he’d never formed another relationship since they’d split up; he’d given his heart and all that he was to her and there’d been nothing left for anyone else. He wanted her now, for ever and always, but did he dare tell her that?
Last night she’d said she’d loved him but it had been past tense, not present, and he had no idea how she felt about him now. She might still have feelings for him but was it love or something else, like nostalgia, or even pity? He’d already decided that her feelings couldn’t have been as deep as his had been and they could easily have changed to some lesser emotion, so was he prepared to take that risk? Could he accept second best if that was all she was able to offer him?
The Forever Assignment Page 14
