by Debra Kayn
"I don't know," he muttered. "How the fuck could it happen on Monday? I saw her earlier that day."
"Babies come out when they come out." Jett pushed him forward.
Ten feet from the clubhouse, the door swung open, and Chief stood in the opening. Olin stopped, taking in everything about his father. His size. His stance. His strength.
"Come on, son. Let us figure this out for you." Chief stepped back, letting Jackie slip out of the clubhouse and run toward the house.
Olin stepped forward on his own accord. He took the shot of whiskey handed to him. Then, he took another.
Labor. Monday.
Ashley. Baby.
"I'll call our contacts and find out what hospital she was at." Jett sat down at the nearest table. "We'll go from there."
"Doesn't the prison give any information?" asked Thorn.
"They're not required to." Chief eyed Olin and poured another shot for him.
Olin tipped back the drink and grunted through the burn, the pressure in his chest still beating down on him. "They said she's in the Living Unit. That means Ashley's okay, right?"
Chief's gaze softened. Olin's chin dipped. Relief washed through him, and he closed his eyes. He couldn't go on if something had happened to Ashley.
She was his life.
Chapter Twenty Eight
The baby cried in Ashley's arms. She used her hand to put her nipple near the tiny mouth, but the baby ignored the offer for food.
Tears streamed down her face. "Please, baby."
"You're going to have to calm down and relax." Susan stood beside one of the cribs in Ashley's new cell in the Living Unit pod. "Your milk isn't in yet, but he will suck if you're not stressing out."
"He won't even do that." She stood from the bunk, groaning from the discomfort between her legs. "They have to let me see a doctor. I think something is wrong with me."
The baby, startled from the movement, stopped crying. Ashley's tears weren't as easy to shut off.
"They ain't going to let you see the prison doctor yet. If you go to the guard for help, they're going to give you formula for your kid." Susan left her sleeping daughter's side and stepped closer. "They can also take your child away from you if they don't believe he's thriving or you're neglectful."
She cradled her son to her chest. Nobody was going to take her child from her. "He needs my milk."
"And, he will. If you calm down." Susan held out her hands. "Let me hold him while you take a few minutes and catch your breath."
She backed away, holding her son tighter. "No, I'm fine."
The females in the new pod were all mothers. Either they had their children while incarcerated or had infants that were under two years old when they were arrested and were allowed to bring their child with them into the double cells equipped with cribs.
Her baby boy hiccupped, sucking on his fist. She swayed side to side, even though her body was depleted of energy and every movement hurt.
"Maybe he needs his diaper changed," she muttered to herself.
She stepped over and picked up a disposable diaper. If someone could tell her what to do or help her until her milk came in, she could keep her baby happy.
Olin had placed money into an account the prison made for her after she delivered the baby. Unlike the rations put into JPay, she could use any amount of money for diapers, blankets, formula, onesies, soap, cream, pacifiers, baby wipes, and small toys like teething rings and plastic rattles. Of course, everything but the diapers was used items handed around within the unit.
She had to trust that they were sterilized and safe.
WCCW provided a co-cell for her and the baby but gave no personal support or advice because after all, they were all inmates of the state.
She put the baby on the cot and removed his legs from the outfit eliciting a stuttering cry from her son that brought more tears to her eyes. What she wouldn't give to have Johanna's help and experience with children. Or, Sydney telling her ways of making the baby happy.
Opening the diaper, she sighed in relief at finding it slightly soiled. "Is that your problem, hm?"
She collected his two tiny legs in one hand and reached for the wipes. Cleaning his little rump, he stopped crying. Her personal victory at comforting him and finally doing something right was short lived at the announcement to line up for visiting hours.
She taped the front of the diaper and snapped his too big onesie between his legs. Her body flashed hot, leaving her shaking with chills.
"I didn't sign up for visitation." She looked at Susan. "I was at the hospital, and I don't remember asking for a new form from the guard when I was placed in the Living Unit."
Susan ran a plastic comb over her young daughter's head. "It's okay."
"But, I can't go." She glanced down at the baby, who'd fallen asleep. "Ol—my baby's dad doesn't even know I had him and I really need to see him. My JPay account hasn't been transferred yet."
"Girl, I said it's okay." Susan picked up her daughter. "I forged your name while you were sleeping yesterday. You can go see your man." Her cellmate grinned. "Maybe together, you can pick out a name, and we can stop calling that child baby. A fine looking little man like him needs a proper name."
Grateful to have someone looking out for her, Ashley dashed away the tears on her cheeks. In prison, nothing was given for free.
"What do I owe you?" Ashley wrapped the worn blanket around her son and picked him up.
"Let's just say this one is a gift." Susan smooched her daughter's cheek. "Welcome to the Living Unit."
Her cellmate walked, carrying the child she'd had on the outside and brought with her to prison. Ashley pressed her lips against her son's soft head. She had no idea what Susan had done to get incarcerated. Truthfully, she didn't want to know.
She walked slowly on trembling legs, hoping once she got into the room, and waited for Olin, the baby would try to nurse off her. From the second she'd found out she was pregnant, she only wanted the best for her child. Breast milk would be something she could provide for the next year while Olin took care of their baby.
Chapter Twenty Nine
Olin walked through the visiting room door, leading Chief, Ashley's mom and sister, and Johanna. Unfamiliar with the new room, he scanned the area and spotted the back of Ashley's head at the center table.
Her bowed back hid everything from him. He needed to see her face. Make sure it was her. That she was okay.
He walked forward, stopping behind her. "Ash?"
She raised her head and looked over her shoulder. "Come meet your son."
He started to bend over and squat beside her chair to touch her when Chief nudged him on the back. Reassuring himself that she'd survived, that she wasn't hurt, would have to wait. There were rules to follow.
Clearing his throat, he said, "A son?"
Ashley shifted slightly on the chair, flinching at the movement, and stood. It was only then that he could see the tiny bundle wrapped in a blanket with his face cradled against his momma's breast.
"He was able to suck while I waited for you, and he fell asleep." Her eyes glistened. "You can hold him. The rules allow you and everyone else to hold the baby."
He put his arms out wide, wanting to bring her to his chest for his hug and was afraid of squishing the baby. His chest expanded. He had a son.
Olin leaned down and kissed her lightly. "Love you, Ash."
She glanced down at her baby without replying and said, "Put your arms out."
He bent his arms. She placed the child against his chest. He held his son, studying every little detail.
The baby weighed no more than the blanket wrapped around him. His throat spasmed. A soft tuff of thin black hair covered his tiny head. His son had his hair color.
But, those puckered lips.
He looked at Ashley. "He's got your mouth."
She reached over and caressed the baby's head. "Do you think?"
"Hell, I don't know. He looks like a good mix of us, huh?" He ch
uckled and grew serious, looking into her tired eyes. "You're okay?"
She shrugged. "Feels like I had a baby."
"God, Ash," he muttered, his heart pounding.
He should've been there in the room while she had the baby. Even if he would've known ahead of time, he wouldn't have been allowed to support her. Instead, she was forced to deliver their child by herself at the hospital.
"What can I do?" He looked down at his son before looking back at Ashley. "I need to do something."
She shook her head. "Nothing."
Ashley's mom, having waited long enough, stepped between him and Ashley and hugged her daughter. There were words exchanged, but the little guy in his arms moved and grabbed his attention.
"He's adorable." Johanna moved closer to him. "I think he looks a lot like Gunnar when he was born."
That made sense. Rollo's genes ran fast and hard through the male's in the family.
"We all need to move to the other side of the table before we're dragged out of here." Chief led the others to chairs. "Ashley, sit down before you fall down, sweetheart."
Not wanting to sit because as soon as his ass hit the chair, there would be a timer. A limit on how much time he could spend with Ashley and his son.
His family.
He alternated between looking at the wonder in his arms and keeping an eye on Ashley, who spoke with her mom and answered Johanna's questions, while Lindsay, in an unusual mood for her, remained quiet, taking everything in.
Overwhelmed at finally holding his son, Olin realized this could've been a family meeting at the clubhouse or in his backyard. Everyone pretended that in a little over two hours, he wouldn't have to leave Ashley. He wouldn't have to leave his baby.
After an hour passed, Chief brought back snacks from the vending machine. Olin sat down, and the shift of his body woke his son.
"Uh." He looked to Ashley when soft cries came from the baby. "What's he need?"
She pressed her hand to her chest. He stood, remembered where he was, and asked, "Can I come to that side of the table and pass you our son?"
"There are no restrictions on children. Visitors and prisoners can mingle around the room." She sat straighter. "You can bring him to me."
After transferring his son to Ashley, his arms hung at his sides empty. While the kid weighed nothing, the heaviness of his responsibility toward his family weakened him.
Chief escorted everyone to the other side of the room. He remained behind at the table, fascinated as Ashley lifted her T-shirt and put the baby at her breast.
Except, his son had worked himself into a regular snit and wasn't having anything to do with the nipple brushing his lips. He ran his hand down his beard taking in the frustration etched on Ashley's face.
Without makeup to give the illusion of perfection, Ashley's pale complexion and dark eye circles were more pronounced than he'd ever seen. Having never paid attention when his sister-in-law breastfed his nieces and nephews, he'd assumed all kids took to the tit like a starving man.
"Come on, little one," whispered Ashley, her cheeks growing flush. "You just did this earlier. You can do it again."
Olin rubbed his thighs, wanting to go around the table and show his son how to do it. Ashley was tired and trying to do everything alone. She needed help. She needed to be home in a quiet house where she could rest and relax.
"Why doesn't he want to drink?" he asked.
"Because he doesn't know how."
"Can't you just stick it in his mouth?"
"I'm trying," she snapped.
The tendrils around Ashley's face grew damp from her perspiring. He wiped his forehead, feeling the struggle she was going through alone.
His son cried harder until his whole face scrunched up and he sounded like an old Harley on its last leg. Olin's tension level escalated.
"Maybe try the other side," he suggested.
Ashley groaned, looking up. "Can you leave me alone?"
Verbally punched, he scooted back his chair and joined the others by the vending machines. He sought out Johanna and motioned her away from the others.
"Everything okay?" Johanna lowered her voice. "You look like you're about ready to pass out or something.
"You need to help her." He rubbed the back of his neck. "The baby won't suck her...nurse."
Johanna's mouth softened. "It takes a while for the baby to learn to latch on, especially with this being Ashley's first-born."
"Can't you do something?" He looked across the room and could tell Ashley still struggled. "Tell her the tricks."
Johanna put her hand on his forearm. "I'll go sit with her."
He exhaled loudly as Johanna left and damned the situation. Everyone in prison claimed they were innocent, but in Ashley's case, she was guilty because of her innocence.
Chief put his hand on Olin's shoulder. "We've never had anyone in minimum security prison before. It appears she's got some freedom while serving her time."
"It's not enough," muttered Olin. "Being here is killing her. She just had a baby, and she looks too skinny. There's no one to help her with the baby or give her ten minutes to herself."
His dad squeezed his shoulder. "Keep looking forward. Ashley's stronger than any of us imagined. She's got a little over two more years. One day, all this will be in the past."
Olin's gut tightened. Time played with his head every second.
"She's mentioned sending the baby home with me in a week," he said.
Chief grunted. "It's best for the baby to be with the mother."
"Told her that. She thinks it's best for the kid."
Across the room, Ashley looked up at Johanna beside her and smiled. One part of him envied Johanna for bringing calmness and relief to Ashley. Another part of him was glad Ashley resolved the problem with their son not eating.
Ashley had pulled away from him since the first time he visited her in prison. Having gone through Chief and Jett's incarcerations, he'd expected her to distance herself and be hardened from her environment.
But, she was his woman. His Ashley. The mother of his child. Nothing should separate them. They'd fought each other, fought as a team, and nothing had come between them before. That connection. That love. That need was always present.
Until her incarceration. His chest ached. The only thing he wanted was to bring her back to him and take care of his family.
Ashley's mom and Lindsay walked across the room and sat back at the table. All the turned women animated, talking with Ashley and admiring the baby.
He wasn't needed. There wasn't anything he could do to help her.
"Are you going to be able to go on the next ride?" Jett stepped closer, bringing his vending machine coffee to his lips. "I can make sure someone visits Ashley each day while you're gone."
He held up his hand. "I can't do this right now."
"Rolling the road might clear your head now that one bump is behind you," said Jett, softly. "I'm trying to help, brother."
He watched Ashley's mom take the sleeping baby and sit down.
He could take a week off. Ashley seemed to relax around the others more than him lately, and that would be good for her and his boy.
A young child cried from the other side of the room. Olin watched what appeared to be the grandmother try to console the child. The kid wasn't having any of it.
Finally, the female inmate grabbed the boy and shook him by the arm. Over the noise, he could make out her telling him to shut-up, or he was going to get kicked out.
The kid couldn't be any older than four or five years old. A two-and-a-half-hour visit was too long to expect someone that young to sit quietly.
He looked around the room. Every table had at least one young child present. Most of them had three or four kids visiting their mother. He cupped his jaw, pressing down on his beard. These were all mothers locked up. Mothers who had a family.
Mothers who cuddled and kissed their children constantly. Others seemed more interested in talking to the adults in the r
oom and ignored their children. He wondered how many of the kids would grow up and spend their own stint in the slammer.
His own father and brother had done their time. Any of the Brikken members could be arrested during a run. The next time he hit the road with the club, he could be headed right to the Federal prison if the Feds received a whiff of what was going down.
He wasn't invincible.
His chest ached, and he rubbed the deep scar that remained from the stabbing when an enemy tried to take him out.
His son needed a mother and a father.
An announcement came over the intercom noting a half hour left for visitations. He walked across the room. Lindsay cradled his son, gazing down at him, and Johanna held her finger to her lips to signal him to be quiet. He sat in the nearest chair, almost a yard away from Ashley, and found her asleep sitting up in the chair, her chin rested on her chest.
He looked at Johanna. "Is she okay?" he whispered.
"She's exhausted." Johanna reached over her shoulder for Chief's hand. "We should let her sleep."
Chief leaned down and quietly said, "Between taking care of the baby all day and night, she probably hovers over him to protect him from the others in the unit."
"Not to mention she's forty years old. This can't be easy," whispered Ashley's mom. "I remember how hard it was to take care of her as a newborn, and I was twenty-three years old at the time."
He rubbed his hands over his face. The changes in Ashley's life were unacceptable. She deserved so much more than the hardships she was suffering through.
Lindsay nudged his arm. "Here, Olin. Hold and enjoy your sweet son."
He took the baby, cradling him against his chest, and watched Ashley sleep. Conversations went on around him, and he heard nothing but his heart pounding out the love he had for his family.
As the alarm sounded and the announcement came for visitors to leave, Ashley startled awake, looking frantically around her until she found him holding their child. He stood and walked around the table.
"I've got him. He's safe," he whispered.
Ashley stood. He turned sideways and held his son with one hand, bringing Ashley to the other side of his chest. For that moment, he had his family under his control. He could protect them.
