“Did you try her apartment?”
“I tried that last night and this morning.”
“You might check with her neighbor, Jamar—”
“Pretty sure I met him. Big black dude with Down Syndrome?”
Kellie nodded. “That would be Jamar. He’s protective of Autumn.”
“Yeah, I got that much. Pounded on the door so long he came charging out of his apartment and I thought he was going to tackle me. I reminded him who I was and that I was worried about her. He has my number. Any other ideas where she could be?”
“She didn’t call one of us and if she’s not at home I have no idea where she would be. This is weird. What did you fight about?” Kellie’s eyes narrowed.
Sammi wrestled with what to say, weighing his options. “I get the feeling that what we fought about no one knows. I wasn’t supposed to find out, so I don’t want to tell you.”
Kellie nodded. “Autumn’s had a rough life and not all of it was her making. I know a lot, but I’m pretty sure I don’t know it all.”
“I know.” God, did he ever get it now.
“If you hurt her over what I think you’re fighting about, I’m going to kick your ass.” Kellie spoke with such conviction, and considering her boyfriend was a mixed martial arts coach, Sammi didn’t doubt for one second she would be able to.
“I might deserve it.” He sank onto a sofa and cradled his face in his hands. Where did he even begin to start looking for her?
Kellie perched on the armrest. “If you find her, tell her to get her ass back in here. She and Pandora are supposed to be working today. I came in because Pandora was slammed out of the gate, but I’m leaving soon to go to a tournament with Quin in Austin. She can’t keep skipping work because life gets tough. I understand to some degree needing time off, but if she keeps missing like this, there’s nothing I’ll be able to do to keep Mary from firing her.”
Sammi nodded, guilt eating a hole through his stomach.
Kellie shook her head and sighed. “Being in love with someone drives you crazy. Don’t let it drive you apart.”
* * * * *
Autumn slumped in the passenger-side seat and stared out the window at the well-manicured lawn, a group of people doing yoga and the ten-foot-tall brick wall. The last forty-eight-some-odd hours felt like a blur. Fighting with Sammi. His bitch mother. And reapplying for rehab.
Leaving her mother at the center the second time hadn’t been as bad as the first. Or maybe Autumn had grown deaf to the yelling, curses and hatred her mother spewed when she realized Autumn wasn’t going to cave this time.
“You’re doing the right thing,” Isaac said.
Autumn turned toward her driver and smiled, but there was no feeling behind it. “I know. I just wonder if it’ll make a difference. It’s not like she wants to get better. What do I do when she checks herself out, runs away or disappears again?”
Isaac didn’t reply for a moment. He turned onto the main street and headed back toward the highway. “Love her. Keep loving her. I don’t know what to tell you, honestly. If you were asking me for legal advice I’d have something to draw on, but what you’re going through is beyond me.”
“Thank you for doing all this. I know I crashed at your place the last two days, and I’m really sorry.” Autumn had called Sammi’s best friends out of desperation, and the couple had answered. They’d helped her get Cathy calmed down and even spent the whole day getting her readmitted.
“Don’t even apologize. I’m glad you called us. Oh, Ester texted when we were leaving that she’s starting dinner. We’ll have a nice quiet Shabbat, just the three of us.”
“I can leave.” Without her mother, Autumn had more options for how to go about handling the mess she’d made of her life.
“Ester would kill me if you left tonight.”
“Okay—”
“Incoming call from Sammi,” the computerized voice of the car spoke.
Autumn’s heart leapt into her throat. She wasn’t ready to talk to him yet.
Isaac glanced at her. “Do you want me to wait to call him back later?”
“Nah, take it.” Autumn stared out the window and steeled her heart against his voice.
The call enabled with a beep.
“What’s going on, man?” Isaac asked.
“I can’t find Autumn.” Sammi’s voice was strained, maybe even distraught, and damn her if she didn’t want to hold him, make everything better. She felt Isaac’s gaze on her but she watched the cars inch along in traffic.
“What happened?”
“My mom dug up some dirt on her and I reacted poorly in the moment.”
Autumn snorted. Poorly, her foot up his ass.
“I’m guessing your mom found out about her police record?” Isaac asked as if he were inquiring about the weather.
Autumn whipped around, staring at Isaac in shock. He knows?
“Wait, you know about that?” Sammi asked, echoing her thoughts.
Isaac didn’t glance at her, but the set of his jaw was tense. “Yeah, I saw the redacted version, but I connected the dots. When you said you were going to marry her I wanted to know that you were making a good decision.”
There were a few moments of silence.
“What did you find out?” Sammi asked.
“She had a horrible childhood, abused by her mother, taken advantage of by every adult she came into contact with until she was put into juvenile detention where the case workers did some real magic. There’re a couple years I can’t account for, but the people at the juvie center had nothing but good things to say about her. She comes in and talks to the kids about how to turn their lives around.”
To hear Isaac rattle off her worst secrets as if it were a grocery list stripped away the last shreds of dignity she’d been holding on to. Tears fell, one by one, down her cheek and into her lap. She’d never wanted the life she had, she just didn’t know any other way. She wasn’t smart, didn’t have a good family or a lot of money.
The silence in the car stretched on.
“You still there?” Isaac asked.
“Yeah. I didn’t know about that last part.” Sammi’s voice was hoarse. She hoped he felt a tiny bit of shame. Just a drop.
“I was probably her worst critic until I researched her. Considering what she’s been through and how she’s chosen to live her life, I’m impressed.” Though Isaac spoke to Sammi, Autumn felt the approval of his words. She wasn’t invisible. The changes mattered.
“She is pretty damn amazing.” Sammi sighed. “I screwed up, Isaac, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
All the pain in Sammi’s voice wasn’t enough to make her respond. She couldn’t. He’d despised her in those moments and she’d felt worthless. Just because he said a few things about how he could have reacted better didn’t change that.
“It sounds like you did.” Isaac eased into the HOV lane and hit the gas.
“Thanks for the sympathy.”
“I’m pretty sure you’ve given yourself enough of that lately. Let me make some calls. I might be able to find something out for you.”
“Thanks. If you turn up anyone who knows where she is, I’d appreciate it.”
“Don’t thank me yet. I’m pretty sure you’re going to be in the doghouse.”
“So long as I find her and make things right, I’m okay with that.”
They ended the call after a little banter. The car was eerily quiet except for the air conditioner blowing on high.
“How long have you known all that about me?” Autumn swiped her hands over her cheeks.
“There’s some napkins in the glove box.” He adjusted the radio volume and glanced at her, probably when he figured she wasn’t looking. “It was pretty easy to find out. People were willing to say a lot of good things about you.” They rode for a few minutes in silence. “Are you going to talk to Sammi?”
“Tomorrow. Not today.” There were only so many hits she could take, and she was done.
* * * * *
Autumn wandered into the condo living room and gazed out the windows. She’d stood in this very same spot three weeks ago.
Three weeks and her life was so very different.
Footsteps behind her heralded Isaac, her accomplice in this breaking and entering. Except in this case he had a key and she had the legal right to be here since Sammi was her husband.
“You sure you want to do this here?” Isaac leaned against the piano and gazed out at the lake.
“Too late, I already called him.” Autumn shoved her hands into her pockets. The call had lasted less than two minutes though Sammi had tried several times to talk over her, apologize or engage her.
“Do you want me to stay?”
“No. Go do something fun with your weekend. I’m sorry I crashed your Shabbat.” And yet there was a calmness to Isaac and Ester’s life that had soothed her hurt and comforted her.
“We’re not going anywhere today. If you need anything we’re just a few doors down, okay?”
“Thank you. You guys have been great to me. I don’t even deserve all this.” Autumn touched the necklace Ester had given her yesterday morning. It was a simple gold chain with a Star of David. There hadn’t been any ceremony, she’d just slid it over during breakfast and said it was a gift. At that moment Autumn had been so stressed about Cathy she hadn’t thought about it, but last night, in the guest room by herself, she’d taken it out of the velvet bag and held it. She knew enough to realize it was a significant religious symbol. To her it had become a light in the dark. When she’d needed help most, someone had been there for her.
“Come on, give me a hug and I’ll get out of here.” Isaac enveloped her in a tight squeeze. Isaac and Ester felt as if they could be her siblings, which was a new kind of relationship for her.
“Seriously, thank you.”
“Call us and let us know how stuff goes, and if Sammi needs a smack upside the head, I’m here for you.” Isaac squeezed her one last time and let her go.
“I know. I think I can handle him myself.”
She hoped so.
Isaac showed himself out, leaving her alone to pace the length of the living room.
Autumn didn’t know how the pieces were going to fall with Sammi. The sense of betrayal was still a gaping hole in her chest, but she loved him. The conversation she’d overheard yesterday hadn’t sunk in until hours later, and even then she didn’t know if it would be enough. There were some serious boundary issues where his mother was concerned, and their lives were so different.
The front door banged open and shut with a loud thud.
“Autumn?” Was that a thread of concern, maybe worry in his voice?
His footsteps were loud as he searched through the condo. She could tell the moment he approached the living room entry because for a few beats there was no sound. She didn’t turn around but listened, catching the sound of a breath exhaled followed by slow footsteps across the hardwood to her.
“Have you been here the whole time?” he asked just over her shoulder.
Autumn turned, her arms wrapped around her, steeled for this moment. His face was pale, sweat dotted his brow and there were dark circles under his eyes. Was it his health? Or had he really been worried about her? Did he feel as wretched as she’d felt on Friday?
“No.”
“Where’s your mom? Is she here?” He glanced around.
“I took her back to the rehab center yesterday.”
“Is she going to be okay?”
Autumn shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry.” He cupped her shoulders and stroked his hands down her arms.
“You should be.” She pulled out of his grasp when all she wanted to do was lean against his chest and let him hug her, tell her it was going to be okay.
“I am.”
“Do you even know what you’re sorry for?” She backed up when he would have closed the distance between them.
“All of it.”
“That’s not good enough, Sammi. You can’t just say I’m sorry for everything that hurt me, because do you really know what you did or why you’re sorry?”
“Okay.” He dropped his hands to his sides and studied her for a moment. He seemed exhausted, worn out, and part of her felt like a raging bitch for not accepting the blanket apology. “I’m sorry I let my mother talk us into going on Friday. I should have realized when it was so easy to get her to agree that she didn’t really know you, something was up. I shouldn’t have believed her side of the story when I knew she didn’t like you.”
She blew out a breath and blinked back the tears. “Did you rehearse that?”
“Maybe a little bit. I’m sorry, Sunshine. I knew I was wrong, and I’m sorry I hurt you. What my mother did was—”
“What your mother did was wrong and disgusting. I have no idea what she gave Cathy. I don’t want to see that woman for a very long time. I’m serious about this, Sammi.” The mere thought of his mother made her blood boil.
In order for Cathy to be that lucid, that compliant, Tamara had to have dosed her with something. Whatever it was had worn off before they could get her back to the center and she’d been a screaming, crying wreck.
“I can’t argue that what she did was wrong, but she’s my mom.”
“And that’s fine, for you. But I want nothing to do with her if we’re staying together.”
“If? Hold up. If we’re staying together?” Sammi’s eyes grew large, his voice rising.
“I don’t know. How do you feel about being married to a stripper?” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him, daring him to hold her past against her.
“You aren’t a stripper anymore. Whatever you did, whatever you had to do, that’s in the past. It made you who you are, and I’m still married to the person you are.”
God, he was going to make her heart go all melty. She sucked in a deep breath and her lungs shuddered, turning it into a sob. She swiped at her cheeks and found them damp with tears. “Fuck, I’m crying again.”
“Oh babe.” Sammi took advantage of her moment of vulnerability and wrapped her in his arms, tucking her head under his chin and hugging her tight.
Fuck him and his bullet list of apology items.
She didn’t want to let go of the anger so fast.
But it was gone, and exhaustion weighed on her.
Sammi smoothed her hair away from her face and kissed her brow. He swayed gently back and forth while her tears were soaked up by his t-shirt. She hugged him back and let it all go. Her anger, the hurt, all the tension she’d been holding on to since Friday. She could stay upset and be justified, or she could move on.
“Come on, let’s sit down,” he murmured into her hair.
She let him guide her to the sofa. They sank into the cushions and she curled up against his side, letting him comfort her.
“I’m still sorry.” Sammi stroked her hair, lulling her into a more relaxed state.
“I know. Thank you.”
He swiped his finger over the necklace. “Where’d you get this?”
“Ester gave it to me.”
“Ester? As in Isaac’s wife Ester?”
Autumn sat up, curling one leg under her and facing her husband. “Yeah, I’ve kinda been staying with them.”
Sammi gaped at her, jaw slack, brows lifted. “What? I talked to that jackass yesterday.”
“Yeah, I was kind of in the car.”
“You aren’t serious.”
“Afraid so. I wasn’t ready to talk to you. We’d literally just pulled out of the rehab place and I hadn’t even begun to think about you. Sorry about that.”
Sammi shook his head. “You know what? I deserved that, but if something happens again, can you please at least tell me where you’re going? I’ve been really worried about you and your mother.”
“I can’t promise that I’ll remember. I get emotional and just act sometimes.” Emotion and rationality were water and oil to her.
“I know.
So did they treat you well?”
“Fantastic. Isaac really argued for Cathy to get back in the center. They didn’t want to let her back in, but he worked on them for a few hours. I can’t say thank you enough to them. They’re really amazing people.”
“Yeah, they’re some of the good ones.” He lifted her hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.
“You don’t look so good,” she dared to say.
“Haven’t been sleeping well and I was worried.”
“Yeah, but how are you feeling?” She bit her lip. Any mention of his health made her nervous.
“I’ve felt better. So what do you say? Are you coming home with me? Or do I need to beg?”
“No begging.”
Autumn looped her arms around his neck and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. They were going to be okay.
This time.
* * * * *
Sammi followed Autumn into their house, his palms still damp. She’d said they were okay, but it was as if someone had turned down the dimmer on her and he didn’t know how to amp her back up.
“Are you hungry? Need anything?” he asked as they entered the den.
“Oh, I can’t eat for a week. Every time I popped out of the guest room Ester wanted me to eat something else.” She flopped on the couch and curled her legs up under her.
“It’s a Jewish trait, for sure. Every wife, mother, aunt, grandmother, you name it, and if she’s a Jewish woman she’ll try to make sure you get fed.” Sammi sat on the other end of the sofa and studied her. It soothed something deep inside him to have her back under this roof. Sleeping here without her had been an exercise in futility.
They watched each other for several moments. How did they begin again? What was the correct next step?
He couldn’t cut his mother out of his life. That was asking too much, but maybe it was time to set boundaries with her. He reached out and linked his fingers with Autumn’s.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi.”
“What have you been up to the last few days?”
“Not enough. Transitioned some responsibility to my employees. They think it’s temporary, but I’m feeling them out for how to organize stuff without me.” It was earlier than he’d intended to make this move, but he’d been worried about her and unable to do much. “What about you?”
HisMarriageBargain Page 24
