Through the windows she could see Quin, Kellie’s boyfriend, at his station on the grill. The back patio was full of friends, his employees and the team of mixed martial arts fighters, drinking more beer and watching the four grills set up to provide food enough for everyone. The house was relatively empty except for Quin’s daughter Josie and her mother Penny, busy coloring in the living room, and the So Inked girls.
Autumn caught sight of Brian and Quin, their heads together and gazes trained on the window. Pandora and Kellie were each unaware of the audience, but it was clear that in their own way each man was in love.
It was unmistakable to see it in the way Brian was never far from Pandora, ready to come to her defense or hold her back from kicking ass.
Quin was willing to take on the world for Kellie, and together they were a powerhouse couple, with more drive and willpower than a team of people.
They each loved in their own way, and though they were far from perfect, they were good guys.
Autumn’s gaze flicked over their shoulders to where Jacob stood next to his wife, apart from everyone else, neither speaking. They even looked awkward together. While Sammi would never stay with her out of obligation, did she want a marriage without love?
No, she didn’t, and it was tearing her up into little tiny bits.
“Earth to Autumn.” Pandora waved her hand in front of Autumn’s face.
Autumn shook her head. “Sorry, spaced out for a minute.”
“Noticed.” Pandora grinned, pulled a magazine out of her purse and spread it out on the lower kitchen counter. “Okay, now that I have your attention, what would you guys think about being my bridesmaids?”
“What?” Carly yelped.
“Hell yes!” Autumn pumped her fist even as her heart crumbled.
“Only catch is the dresses are pink gingham.” She pointed at a glossy, full-page ad for a new, retro swing dress from a popular website. “I’m thinking teal jewelry and shoes, pink dresses. What do you guys say?” Pandora glanced between the four girls.
“Do you seriously have to ask?” Autumn blurted out.
“Of course. I’m so happy for you,” Mary said, hugging Pandora.
“Fine, I’ll wear pink,” Kellie pretended to grumble, but her smile won out.
Autumn wrapped her arms around Mary and Pandora, clinging to her friends. The next few minutes were a blur of wedding details and plans Pandora had been sitting on but hadn’t shared. Autumn cared but her insides were growing numb.
“I’ll be right back,” she muttered and slipped away from the group, down the hall to the bathroom, but it was locked.
She leaned against the wall and stared at the light hanging from the ceiling. No crying. There’d been enough tears.
The bathroom door opened suddenly and Quin stood there surveying her barely-held-together mess. When had he slipped inside?
“You okay?” he asked.
“Rough week.” She mustered a smile and sipped the beer, hoping he’d leave her to hiding in the bathroom for a few minutes.
“Kellie said you were having some problems with your man.” Quin leaned against the doorframe.
He was choosing now of all times to be involved? Quin was a dude, a guy, a man’s man, and he wanted to know about her relationship issues? Why her? Why now?
The truth was on the tip of her tongue. She was tired of everyone believing she’d had a secret romance when everything was a lie except her love.
“Yeah, I’m just starting to think we jumped in too fast,” she said as honestly as she could. Story of her life, a failure to think everything through.
“You might not want my advice, but give it time. Guys can be stupid and slow. Sammi’s a good guy. You deserve someone who’s going to be there for you.”
Once Jake had tried to steal her paycheck right from under her nose, except Quin had seen the theft and called Jake on it. It had been an embarrassing situation that played out at the bar across from the shop, but they’d come out on the other side a little closer, she and Quin.
Autumn pushed her hair back and blew out a breath. “It’s hard though. I love him and he doesn’t love me.”
His gaze narrowed. “Then why’d you get married?”
She shrugged. “He asked me.”
“If he asked you to marry him he must have had feelings. You don’t get married for the hell of it.”
Except we did! she wanted to scream.
“Kellie said Sammi came up to the shop yesterday and he was really upset. I know she’s in your corner because you girls have been tight for so long, but don’t make the poor guy suffer. If he didn’t love you he’d have let you go.” He held his hands up. “That’s all I’ll say. Go ahead.”
He stepped aside and she rushed into the bathroom, shutting the door and leaning against it.
She dug out her phone. With no charger she had to turn it on sparingly. Did she dare?
Curiosity won out and she powered it on, holding her breath.
Had her silence chased him away?
Had she pushed him too far?
The phone vibrated and she breathed a sigh of relief.
She brought the messages up and scrolled through the new ones, covering her mouth with her hand.
You are my sunshine.
Tears slid down her cheeks.
What was she doing?
She loved him, and even though it might not be enough, was she willing to walk away from him like this?
Autumn slid to the ground, too confused to make an actual decision.
The last text message was hours ago, but he’d sent her at least fifty since she left. On top of that were missed calls and voice mails. She hadn’t known he’d go to the shop, but it had been a possibility. Jamar had called to tell her Sammi had been back by her apartment, but she wasn’t staying there either.
A tiny knock on the door brought her out of her pity party.
“Just a second.” She shoved to her feet and dashed tears from her face.
“I need to pee-pee,” a little girl’s voice said through the door.
“I’m almost done.” Autumn hastily ran her hands through the tap and patted her face.
She threw the door open and Josie dashed in, followed by Kellie.
“Josie, pull your pants down first.” Kellie slid on her knees, making a mad grab for the little girl.
Autumn vacated as fast as she could, snatching her purse from the couch.
“Where you going?” Carly pivoted toward her.
“Home. I’ll call you later.” Autumn jogged out the front door and down the street to where she’d left her car, flip-flops slapping the pavement with each step.
Please let him be home.
The drive from Kellie and Quin’s house to the home she shared with Sammi was mired in construction traffic. She beat a rhythm against the steering wheel as her Buick crept forward little by little. It was a relief to be able to exit and weave her way on side streets toward the subdivision with its unique homes and older style.
Her tires squealed as she turned into the driveway and jammed the brakes. She jumped out of the car, ran up the walk and threw the door open.
“Sammi?” she yelled, glancing from the living room to the office.
She ducked her head into the kitchen and peered into the den.
Nothing.
“Sammi?” She tossed her purse on the sofa as she passed, making a quick round of the bedroom and bathroom.
What did she do now?
Autumn stood at the foot of the bed and chewed her fingernail. It was Saturday. She hadn’t been home since Wednesday. He could be out doing anything.
She circled to her side of the bed and plugged her dying phone in. As it started, she bounced her knees and chewed her lip.
There were no new messages this time.
Autumn dialed Sammi’s phone, unsure what she’d say to him.
Sorry I left in a rush and childishly refused to talk to you for days on end.
The ring she heard
via the phone echoed through the house.
She frowned and pulled the phone away from her face.
The ring sounded again, coming from the other side of the house, if she wasn’t mistaken.
Autumn left her phone on the bed and walked through the den and living room, all the way to the bathroom that was adjacent her studio and pantry.
She gasped and her blood ran cold.
“Oh my god, Sammi!”
Sammi lay facedown on the bathroom tiles. Between the smell and smears on the floor it wasn’t hard to guess what had happened.
Autumn dropped to her knees and tried to roll him over.
What were you supposed to do at a time like this?
Hot tears splashed her teeth.
Why had she left?
She could have been here for him.
The phone continued to ring.
Autumn snatched his phone up and ignored her call. She dialed 9-1-1 and clutched his clammy, lifeless hand to her chest.
Chapter Twenty
Tongue Tattoo—Simple designs or words tattooed on the tongue. Inks that will include taste are under development.
Sammi started awake, aware only of pain and light. The world swam around him in colors, some of them moving as if they were people, but his eyes were unable to focus on any one thing.
He tried to speak, to ask for help, but he couldn’t form words.
“He’s waking up,” someone said.
A chorus of beeping drove invisible nails into his skull.
Just make the pain stop, he wanted to beg.
“Put him under,” another voice snapped.
He tried to reach toward the voice. If these were his final moments, he couldn’t go now. Not when he’d finally realized the truth.
Sammi clutched fabric, maybe attached to a person, maybe not, but Autumn needed to know.
I love you.
He really did.
* * * * *
Autumn bounced her knees, hugging herself, trying not to listen to the late-night ER visitors. She’d lost track of the hours sitting in the plastic chair, one fading into the next with little to no information being passed to her after the first hour.
“Autumn Zimmerman?”
She shook her head and sat up.
“Zimmerman?” A doctor in a long white coat with silver hair stood near the reception desk, clipboard in hand.
“Oh, that’s me.” Autumn snatched her purse and sprang to her feet.
The doctor caught sight of her and gave her a tight smile.
“Sorry, not used to that last name yet.” She accepted the doctor’s hand.
“I can imagine. I’m Dr. Minowitz. Step in here please?” He gestured to a private room she’d watched families before her enter. Kellie and Pandora had taken to calling the rooms fishbowls after the last year. She didn’t know if that was supposed to be funny or disturbing. “Have a seat.”
“How is he?” Autumn sank into one of the plush chairs, a welcome change from the hard plastic furnishings of the ER waiting room.
“Well, we’re still trying to get a better grasp on the big picture. I’m actually not a doctor here at the hospital, but since you told the nurses I’ve been seeing Samuel recently, they called me in. Now I have to be honest with you.” He folded his hands over the files in front of him. “I haven’t seen Samuel in probably a year or more.”
Autumn stared at the man. “I’m sorry, what?”
Dr. Minowitz shifted in his seat. What she’d taken for a disapproving attitude toward her seemed more like genuine puzzlement and even discomfort now. “I’ve been Samuel’s doctor since he was a teenager. My predecessor was the doctor who delivered him, so I’m fully aware of his medical history. Can you give me some more information on what’s been going on lately?”
“He told me he was dying from Guillain-Barré syndrome,” she blurted.
Again the doctor’s face grew more perplexed, the lines around his mouth and on his forehead deepening. “To the best of my knowledge that is not the case.”
“But he told me he’s been going to see you regularly. He’s had at least a dozen doctor’s appointments in the last month.” Her mind was reeling. What was going on here? “If he hasn’t been seeing you, who has he been seeing?”
“I don’t know.”
He’d lied to her about going to the doctor when he’d had lunch with his mother. Had he lied about more than just the one visit? Was it possible?
“Can you tell me anything at all about his recent health?”
Autumn stared at the doctor, the sick feeling in her stomach giving over to an all-encompassing sense of numbness. She started at the beginning, when Sammi had proposed the marriage bargain to her, everything he’d relayed about his medical history, how his health would decline and all his illness since they’d move in together. The doctor didn’t take notes, he simply sat and listened to her. At the end he blew out a breath and shook his head.
Dr. Minowitz removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know who he has been seeing, but I’m going to get to the bottom of this. Have you spoken to his mother? What has she said?”
“Shit.” Autumn rubbed her temples. “I hadn’t even thought about her. We don’t get along very well and the last time I saw her it didn’t end on good terms.”
“I’m going to give her a call and talk to her. They are going to be moving him from the ER to ICU until we learn more. Right now they’re waiting for a room to become available. One of the nurses will let you know where he’s being moved.” His manner softened and he even smiled at her. “If you can think of anything else, here’s my card. I’m going to write my personal cell phone on the back. Since Samuel’s father passed I’ve thought a lot about this family. I’d hate to see anything else happen to them.”
Autumn nodded and made the appropriate sounds at the right time, but her head was swimming with the information bomb he’d just dropped on her. What was going on with her husband?
She returned to the waiting room but the seat she’d occupied for the last few hours was taken. Autumn wandered outside and blinked at the stars. She hadn’t realized how late it was. At a loss for what to do, she followed the sidewalk to a collection of metal benches and the familiar scent of cigarette smoke.
Autumn’s fingers itched to pull one out, except she hadn’t smoked in close to three, maybe even four years when they’d banded together to quit.
What the hell did she have left to lose?
“Hey, any chance I could bum one?” she asked a trio of nurses.
The nurses glanced at her, their noses turning up.
“I’ll pay five bucks for one cigarette.”
That got their attention. One of the women offered her a special blend, long, even allowed Autumn to use her lighter.
Autumn took her bounty to the other side of the smoking area, sat on the back of the bench and took the first hit of nicotine to her system in years. She coughed and shook her head but it felt good. It didn’t make the world right, but for now she had something to hold on to.
* * * * *
Autumn ran her fingers over Sammi’s knuckles. The dim room only made her grogginess worse, but her snatches of time with him were short. The visiting spans were every other hour for thirty minutes. It wasn’t enough time.
She hated the respirator, the beeping machines, everything that seemed to hold him down. Except as far as she could tell they were keeping him alive. So far, no one could tell her what was wrong. Every time she turned around they were running more tests.
“Knock, knock.” Someone tapped on the door.
Autumn glanced over her shoulder. “Isaac, hi.”
She stood and let Isaac fold her into a hug. “Where’s Ester?”
“They only allow a few people back at once. She’s out in the waiting room with some of our other friends. How’s he doing?” He squeezed her before letting her go and turning to survey Sammi.
“He’s hanging in there. No change really. They’re k
eeping him sedated and on the respirator.” She took several deep breaths. Even saying those words made her come close to tears.
“Hey, guys.” Michael followed by his brother Aaron strolled through the door with Ester in tow.
“Hey. Did they let you guys back?” Isaac frowned and held his hand out to Ester, but she bypassed him and threw her arms around Autumn.
“I’m so sorry. You should have called us,” she murmured into Autumn’s ear.
Autumn held on to Ester, soaking up her strength and ignoring the unwanted visitors. Sammi didn’t even like the two creeps, why they were there was beyond her.
“We just walked back,” Michael said.
“Yeah, they aren’t going to do anything. It’s not like we’re packing twenty people in here.” Aaron leaned over the hospital bed and peered at Sammi’s face. “He’s still breathing.”
Autumn wanted to push him back, to make them leave. Isaac and Ester could stay, but these other people had no right to be concerned about him.
“Excuse me.” The nurse assigned to Sammi stood in the doorway. She had a very stern, no-nonsense expression. “There are only supposed to be two visitors back at a time.”
For a moment no one moved. The unwanted visitors didn’t leave. And the last thing Autumn wanted was more questions she didn’t have the answers for.
“I’ll be in the waiting room,” she announced and snatched up her purse.
“Don’t go, Autumn,” Ester pleaded.
“No, it’s okay. I’ve been here all night. I’ll grab something to eat and catch the last few minutes.” She headed down the hall, around the nurses’ station and out into the waiting area. Families were set up in sections, settled in for the long haul while their loved ones recovered. Or didn’t.
Autumn couldn’t think about the last option. Sammi would get better. Whatever was going on would be cured, and then she’d lay into him.
She began to pace. She had no appetite and the only thing that sounded appealing was another cigarette. Her one indulgence had gotten under her skin and now it was on her mind.
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