She grasped his hand and pulled it away from her face. Squeezing it, she placed it onto the bed beside him and stood. Her face contorted with pain, she looked down at him.
“I can’t stand by and watch you self-destruct, Gage. It hurts too much. Whatever’s driving you...I hope you talk to someone about it, because eventually it’s going to kill you.”
She paused at the door, glancing over her shoulder to look at him one last time.
He wanted to jump out of the bed and stop her. To haul her back against him and explain that the restlessness that drove him disappeared when she was close.
But his body wouldn’t listen. The room started graying around the edges. Right before his eyes slammed shut he watched her walk away.
* * *
THE MOMENT HE RESURFACED, he rolled over to pull at the tube lodged into his vein. It tied him here and he needed to go after Hope. It was damn difficult considering his right arm had been immobilized against his chest and every movement sent pain lancing through his shoulder. Somehow he managed to fumble the tape off and pull the thing out.
He was one-arming a pair of gray sweats, grumbling beneath his breath the whole time, when his dad walked in the room.
Gage looked up from the string on the sweatpants he was trying to tie with one hand. His dad, big burly man that he was, filled the doorway.
Arms crossed over his chest, the man glared at him. Gage remembered that expression, had seen it more than he liked as a teenager. Had expected it to greet him when he’d arrived home, an undeserving war hero.
“Getting captured and tortured wasn’t enough for you? You had to attempt to wrap my Harley around a tree?”
Oh, yeah, his dad was pissed. Although, Gage supposed he really couldn’t blame the man. That Harley had been his baby for almost twenty years and he’d totaled the sucker.
With a scowl, his dad crossed the room, swept his hands out of the way and tied his pants for him.
“I think I just lost a million man points.” Gage grimaced exaggeratedly, hoping he might be able to joke his way out of this one. “Please don’t ever do that again. I’ll have the Harley fixed, or replaced, I promise.”
“Do you really think I care about the damn bike?”
Gage sank onto the side of the bed, bone-deep exhausted. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. He’d been through a lot in the past couple of months and it was finally catching up with him.
“Yes, I think you care about the bike and I think you have every right to care about it. I know how much time and money you put into it.”
“Hope was right, you really are an idiot.”
Gage’s gaze shot to his father’s. “You’ve seen Hope?”
His dad nodded. “She was here to do a piece on the Wilson girl, she has leukemia and needs a bone marrow transplant. They’re trying to find a donor.”
“Right.” Gage’s heart sank.
His dad propped against the bed beside him. They were a pair, two grown men, gingerly perched on the edge of a hospital bed, their arms crossed over their chests, staring at the pale green wall rather than look at each other.
“I love you, son.”
“I know that, Dad.”
“No, apparently you don’t. There is nothing in this world, including that damn motorcycle, which I never want to see again, that matters more than you and your sister.”
Gage cut his eyes over to his dad. The man was watching him, his face tight and drawn with pointed sincerity. Well.
“When they came to tell us you’d been captured...it was what I’d always expected. Although I imagined it’d be Sheriff Grant making the visit. You were such a difficult boy, always testing boundaries and then leaping flat over them just to prove that you could. I have to admit I was surprised when you made it to eighteen and I thought the army might drive some of that wild outta you.”
“Boy, were you wrong.”
His dad grunted with wry humor. “Tell me about it. They just paid you to walk that razor’s edge. The thing is, you’re damn good at doing it, son, and I know that. Doesn’t make sitting by and watching any easier to take, though.”
“That’s just about what Hope said.”
“Always thought she was a smart girl. Good to her daddy, too. That’s one you should marry.”
“You been talking to Mama?”
“No. Hope. She loves you and is struggling with the same thing your mama and I have been dealing with since you blew past walking and started runnin’ everywhere.”
They both chuckled.
“I’m proud of you, son.”
The words he’d been waiting his entire life to hear sobered him. Suddenly they weren’t enough. Probably because he knew he didn’t deserve them.
“You have no idea what I’ve done,” Gage said gutturally.
“I don’t need to. I know you. You’re a good man.”
“I’ve made mistakes.”
“We all do. It’s what we do afterward that matters.”
They sat there in a charged silence. Gage let his father’s words sink in, so similar to what Hope had told him just two nights ago. He wanted to follow their advice, but it was so difficult.
Everyone—including his superior officers and Tanner—had cleared him. He was the only one holding on to the mistake.
Apparently forgiving himself was the hardest part of letting go.
16
HOPE WENT THROUGH the motions. It was Saturday morning and there were several weddings planned for today. The weekends bracketing Valentine’s Day were their busiest days. Luckily, the unpredictable South Carolina weather had cooperated and the skies were clear. It also helped that spring was finally starting to poke its head out and the temperature was already in the low 60s. Really pleasant.
She was glad. The brides who’d been waiting for this day deserved everything to be perfect.
The fact that she was having trouble getting into the spirit of things was her problem, not theirs. Luckily, all she had to do was cover the events for the newspaper.
After leaving the hospital, she’d sat her dad down and they’d had a heart-to-heart. She’d told him how unhappy she was running the paper and that she really wanted to spend more time writing.
Her dad admitted that he’d stopped showing up at the office and started letting her handle more at the paper in the hope that she wouldn’t be able to go. He was afraid she’d leave.
They’d agreed that he’d take back more responsibility, which freed her up for other things. And she’d thrown herself right into her new duties, writing a piece on a local leukemia patient searching for a bone marrow donor. Covering weddings wasn’t exactly what she’d anticipated, but they’d needed someone to do it so she’d volunteered.
If she wasn’t willing to take any assignment then she didn’t deserve the job.
Jenna and Lexi were catering three events today. Willow had designed two of the gowns and the shop she shared with Macey had supplied dresses and tuxes for all of the bridal parties. Tatum was doing all of the flowers at the ceremony and receptions, which meant changing arrangements three times at the gazebo alone.
All of her friends were busy, which she was happy about because all of them could use the business. But it also meant that no one had time to deal with the breakdown she desperately needed.
Walking out of Gage’s hospital room yesterday had been the most difficult thing she’d ever done.
Even now, she wasn’t entirely certain it had been the right thing to do. But she knew she couldn’t survive another visit like Lexi’s, thinking he was dead. Like her mother.
It had been too much.
Although, this felt pretty damn terrifying, too.
“Hope,” Willow said, walking up beside her and nudging her softly. Until that moment, she hadn’t realized the bride and groom were about to start the vows. The ceremony was half-over. How had she missed it? And what was she supposed to write about?
“Everything all right?” Willow whispered.
Hope nodded.
This wasn’t the time or place to unload her problems.
Willow gave her a hard look, but shrugged her shoulders and walked away, apparently coming to the same conclusion.
For the next thirty minutes Hope managed to concentrate on the rest of the wedding. The couple was from Hilton Head, so it would be okay if the story was on the short side.
The bride and groom had just walked down the aisle as husband and wife when a commotion broke out at the back of the crowd.
One of the benefits of living in Sweetheart was the opportunity to see all the weddings performed. The raised platform of the gazebo offered everyone a great view of the couple. When the town had decided to build on the image of Sweetheart, a white wood overhang with hand-carved gingerbread had been erected to cover the large area used for an aisle and guests.
Citizens were welcome to attend all weddings performed at the park. That was part of the agreement between the town and the bride and groom. However, everyone was careful to stay on the outskirts of the event, behind the half wall built around the guest area.
Her official capacity as representative from the newspaper allowed her access inside the wall so she wasn’t back with everyone else. While weddings at other times of the year weren’t always this well-attended, part of the Valentine’s festivities included the weddings.
Unfortunately the uproar came from the other side of that wall. Everyone, including the bride and groom, stopped to stare.
Mayor Harper was not going to be happy.
When Gage pushed through a knot of people trying to bar him from entering the guest area, Hope revised her previous statement. Mayor Harper was going to be pissed. Gage knew better.
Despite the frown that twisted her lips, Hope couldn’t stop her heart from jerking painfully against her chest. She wondered when the unwelcome reaction would go away.
Gage pushed at someone’s hand. Hope was startled when she noticed that his dad was behind him, stopping one of the town council members from reaching for Gage again.
What was going on?
A feeling of dread settled over Hope when Gage vaulted over the wall onto the aisle runner and grimaced in pain. Stupid man. His eyes scanned the crowd. Hope knew before his gaze settled on her that he was looking for her. She wanted to blend into the intricate column behind her, but it was too late to use it as camouflage.
The laser edge of his gaze locked on to her and he moved purposefully through the crowd. At least he paused for a second to speak softly to the bride and groom. They murmured something back to him, but she couldn’t hear. Whatever it was, they both turned to look at her. Every head in the place followed them, until she was the focus of hundreds of eyes.
Her face flared with heat, but before she could do anything about it Gage was standing in front of her.
He took the pad of paper she’d been using to make notes and handed it to a woman sitting in the front row. Grasping both of her hands, he pulled her close.
He bent his knees so he could look her straight in the eye and without any preamble said, “I love you.” Several people in the front rows clapped, but the response quickly died when she didn’t say anything.
Hope could feel the heat of him, warm and tempting. It would be so easy to give in to what she wanted, to just accept what he was offering her. But the words weren’t enough and she wasn’t sure they ever would be.
“Did you hear me?” he asked. “I love you.”
“I heard you,” she said from between numb lips.
“I love you, Hope Rawlings. Will you marry me?”
Oh, God. Every girl dreams about hearing those words. Hope certainly had, although the guy asking them had always been fuzzy. In none of the scenarios that she’d played with had she ever felt it necessary to say no. But she did.
The same people that had clapped now gasped.
“What do you mean ‘no’?”
Frustrated with him and with herself, Hope pulled her hands away from him and threw them up into the air. “You’ve been home for less than two weeks, Gage.”
“Okay,” he said in an agreeable voice that grated against her already-frayed nerves. “I don’t care what circumstances brought us together. I want the chance to prove to us both that this is real. Will you let me do that?”
Hope could practically feel every person crowded into the space take a collective breath and hold it. They were waiting. Gage was waiting. Her chest hurt, so tight with the tension fighting a battle inside her. She wanted to say yes, but she just couldn’t.
The same fear and sense of self-preservation she’d used against him all those years ago made her say, “No.”
Gage’s wounded eyes nearly killed her. She almost took the word back...but she couldn’t.
“Why are you doing this? I know you love me. Why is it so hard for you to take a chance? To say yes?”
Pain, fear and unhappiness mixed inside her. They made her want to tear her own skin off. She didn’t like living inside this person, but she couldn’t... “I hate myself for saying no, Gage, but I have to. I can’t live waiting for the next phone call or visit to tell me that you’re dead. I want to be strong enough to handle that. But I’m not. There are only two ways this ends.”
She held up two fingers and ticked them off. “You dead and me absolutely destroyed. Or both of us miserable because I can’t live with who you are. Neither of those scenarios is worth the agony and risk.”
* * *
A GLIMMER OF HOPE LIT the center of his chest. Maybe, just maybe, he could diffuse this situation and fix everything.
Reaching for her, he pulled Hope into the shelter of his arms and whispered into her ear, “I called you a coward once.”
She stiffened.
“I take it back. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Hope. I know you think you’re making the right decision—the tough decision—but you aren’t.”
She struggled in his arms, but he refused to relinquish his hold. After years of wanting and fighting for her, he wasn’t letting Hope get away that easily. She was scared. He got that. He’d been there, uncertain that he could take one more cut, needle prick or blow to the face. But he’d found the strength, somewhere. And he’d do it again, find that reserve that lurked deep inside and give it all to her. Because he loved her. Because she needed it.
“And I’ll tell you why. That thing that drives me, that craves the risk and the danger and the reward, it disappears when I’m with you, Hope. You...quiet everything inside of me. When you’re near I don’t need anything but you.”
Hope buried her head against his good shoulder and made a muffled sound. He tried to pull her away so he could see her face, but with only one arm he couldn’t do it. So he let her rest there, against him. Slowly, the warmth of her seeped inside of him and the panic he’d been fighting since she walked out of his hospital room dimmed.
“What about the army, Gage? I want to tell you I can deal with it, but I can’t. I just...can’t.” Her words were hidden against him, as if she didn’t want to face them or the fear they represented.
“I’ve already decided not to re-up and that had nothing to do with you. It’s time. I won’t let men put their lives in my hands if I can’t promise them everything I have to protect them. And after what happened...I’m too unpredictable out there. I might be willing to risk my own life, but I won’t risk anyone else’s.”
Her arms tightened around him, slowly she pulled away to stare up at him, a mix of hope and fear clouding her eyes.
Gage ran his thumb down her cheek. “Risking everything was easy before you. Now I have too much to lose—you, a life together, a chance at something solid and happy.”
Gage willed her to hear him, to really listen to what he was telling her.
“I have something strong and real with you, Hope. The only thing that scares me is losing it. Losing you. Please don’t throw away what we have. Not now. Not after everything we’ve been through to get here.”
Hope swallowed. Her eyes welled with
tears and Gage thought he’d really lost.
Until in a tremulous voice she said, “Yes.”
Someone at the back of the crowd whooped.
Gage said, “Would you say that again?”
Hope grinned, the corners of her eyes wrinkling even as the tears fell. “Yes,” she yelled, throwing back her head and raising her voice so that everyone could hear her.
“Yes, what?” he asked.
“Yes, I want a life with you. Yes, I love you.”
“Yes, you’ll marry me?”
She paused for several seconds, searching his face. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
With one arm, Gage pulled her close. Everyone around them erupted with laughter and applause. The sound nearly drowned out his last question, but the only person who mattered heard it.
“Yes, you’ll never tell me no again?”
“Don’t push it,” Hope whispered back, a wicked gleam filling her eyes.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard. Agony burned through his shoulder and Gage couldn’t bite back a gasp of pain. Hope’s eyes widened with horror. He collapsed onto the nearest chair, dropping his head and cradling his wounded shoulder until the throb subsided.
“Gage!” she groaned, remorse thickening her voice. Bending down to him, she hovered. “What can I do?”
He looked up at her, freshly overwhelmed by the realization that she was his. Finally.
“Come here.”
Hope shrieked with surprise when he reached for her and tumbled her into his lap. Her body sprawled across him. She immediately started to squirm, no doubt afraid that she was hurting him more. Even if she had been, the ache would have been worth it.
He joined their mouths again, diving into her and taking exactly what he wanted. Her body melted against him. Her hands searched, finding purchase in the hair at the nape of his neck. She tugged, finding a better angle to bring them together. Although this time she was careful not to touch his bad shoulder.
Around them people coughed, whistled and mumbled crude suggestions.
After several seconds, Hope pulled away, breathless. She trembled, the fine quiver something only he could feel. Her skin was pink, with desire and embarrassment, as she buried her face into the crook of his good shoulder.
The Risk-Taker Page 17
