Suzie, Matt, and I exchanged amused glances.
Matt openly laughed. “Dude, is that your best insult? That she’s not into football? Not everyone at this school is into sports, you know.”
“I hate football,” one of the computer science guys called out.
“Then what are you doing here?” Joel headed over toward us and the tension rose by about twenty notches. The senior class advisor was nowhere to be seen—most likely off napping in the teachers’ lounge rather than endure babysitting a bunch of seniors wielding duct tape.
I glanced over at Jason but he didn’t seem to notice. Of course he didn’t. How could he when he was laughing it up with Julia over there by their stupidly perfect float? I mean, who even knew how to decorate floats like that? Only someone who’d been in training for this day since kindergarten.
Someone exactly like Julia.
“Take it easy, Joel,” Luke said.
“They don’t even belong here.” Joel was turning a funny shade of red. Honestly, if I wasn’t mildly terrified that Matt was going to get punched, I would have burst out laughing.
“We don’t belong here?” Suzie said. Most people in this gymnasium didn’t realize that Suzie had so much more going on beneath that quiet exterior of hers and I caught more than a few shocked glances when she challenged the big guy. She took two steps toward him until her nose nearly touched his chest. “This is our school, too. You know that, right? I mean, we might not have been on your radar all these years, but we’ve been here at this school just as long as you have.”
“Longer,” Matt helpfully pointed out. “Joel here transferred in junior high, remember?”
I shot him a glare. “Very helpful, Matthew.” I turned to Joel. “Look,” I said, trying to be calm, trying to keep the peace. “We’re all here to do a job, right? Let’s just get it done.”
Joel smirked as his gaze raked over me making me shudder. I had no doubt he was imagining me half naked again and it was with effort that I refrained from crossing my arms over my boobs to block his view.
“We’re doing our job,” he said with that self-satisfied smirk. “I don’t know what you’re doing here, Margo. Everyone knows you were only nominated as a joke.”
This had Cara and her friends smothering laughs, or at least making the pretense of smothering them. In all reality they were laughing. At me.
They all were.
Humiliation sliced through me and it was the final straw. This was the last time I’d stand here and let this group of morons make me feel like less. Like I was somehow inferior. I took one look at Jason and saw him looking over, but whether he’d heard what Joel had said, I couldn’t tell.
I didn’t care.
It didn’t matter because when push came to shove, who would he pick? Not me. I’d learned that lesson over and over again. Just because he was nice didn’t mean anything. Just because he’d kissed me…well, that meant less than nothing. It was all for show, just like this stupid homecoming float and just like the crown.
“You’re right,” I said, tossing the can of spray paint I’d been holding so it fell at Luke’s feet. “You can finish this up if you want to, Luke, but personally I couldn’t care less if we don’t have the prettiest float, just like I couldn’t care less if I win.” I headed toward the door. “Come on, guys, let’s go do something that’s actually fun.”
We’d made it as far as the parking lot before Jason caught up to us. “Hey!” he called after me.
I slowed down and told Suzie and Matt to go on ahead. Our other friends were already filing out of the building. The novelty of being part of spirit week had officially ended hours ago.
He jogged up beside me, a frown creasing that perfect forehead of his. “Where are you headed?”
“Home.” I glanced over my shoulder toward Matt who was climbing into his car. “It’s okay, Jason, Matt’s giving me a ride.”
His brows drew together as though he was confused. “What? Why? What happened back there?”
I met his gaze evenly. “Your friends happened.”
His eyes widened at my tone. He reached out to cup my shoulders but I took a step back out of reach. I knew now what kind of mind-muddling effect he had on me. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to keep my head on straight if he touched me and I needed sanity right now. My stupid old crush had wreaked enough havoc on my emotions and this whole viral hashtag turned homecoming competition was only making me more confused.
But really, there was nothing to be confused about. Nothing had changed here between us, not really.
“I’ll tell them to find you a new tutor.” I swallowed as his confusion turned to understanding and his face fell. “This just isn’t working.”
He shook his head. “What isn’t working?”
I gestured between us. “This. Us. You faking some sort of relationship with me to make me cool—”
“I wasn’t faking a relationship,” he started.
I waved him off. I had to get this out and I had to do it now, before something horrible happened. Like tears.
“Fine, faking a friendship then,” I said.
He opened his mouth as if to interrupt but I didn’t give him a chance.
“Look, I get where you were coming from. I do. And you know what? Like always, you had good intentions. But I’m not one of your friends.” I gestured inside. “Your friends are in there, and they’re picking on sweet little Suzie, and kind, sensitive Matt, and—”
“Who’s picking on Suzie?” he said. His expression had turned fierce and I knew the leader in him, the heroic part of him, would give hell to whoever had threatened Suzie.
But in the end? He’d still stand by their side. He was still part of their crowd, part of that world.
A world that had only included me as a joke.
“I don’t care about winning the crown,” I said. “Not for me and not for anyone else. It’s meaningless.”
“I know that, but—”
I held up a hand. “And let’s face it. You and me playing nice? It hasn’t made any difference to people like Joel and Cara, and it never will. They don’t like us and we don’t like them. That’s all there is to it.”
He shook his head. “Us? Them? Now you sound like Cara.”
I took another step back because…ouch. Cara? Really? “You don’t get to judge,” I said. “It all came so easily to you. Your DNA made you attractive, you didn’t have to work for it, and yeah you’re good at football, and you stuck with it. Well, guess what? I kick butt at clarinet, and no one showers me with praise for it.”
“Maybe they should,” he started.
“But they don’t,” I said. “And I don’t expect everyone to. I don’t need them to.”
“You think I do?” he said.
I could hear the hurt in his voice and I felt a pang of regret. “I think you want everyone to like you,” I said. “You want everyone to think you’re perfect.”
He winced at the word like I’d just hit him.
“It’s true, isn’t it?” I said. “You want everyone to believe you’re good and nice and above all the popularity crap. Isn’t that why you went out of your way to talk to me after I got pissed with you for not sticking up for me?”
He opened his mouth and stopped. I took advantage. I was on a roll and I had to get it all out now because as soon as I walked away from him I just knew I would fall apart.
“And that’s why you kissed me, right?” I said. “You’re trying to help me, to help…everyone.” I gestured all around us to encompass the whole school.
“Margo, I didn’t—”
“But here’s the thing, Jason. I can’t fake this with you. Not anymore.”
He stared at me and I felt his piercing gaze to my core. I forced myself to continue anyway, despite the fact that the words physically hurt. “Because this—all this faking it—that’s not me. That’s not my friends.” I gestured inside toward his crowd of followers. “That’s your game. The reason we never fit in was because
we never tried. We didn’t need to because we had each other. I’m not going to start trying now.” I swallowed. “With my real friends, I don’t need to fake anything.”
If he was about to protest I’d never know. I whirled around abruptly and practically ran to jump into Matt’s car so Jason wouldn’t see that I was crying.
Chapter Nineteen
Jason
I was an idiot. I’d gone about this all wrong.
I knew this now, of course, but now it was too late. We were in the final stretch; the school’s halls were filled with homecoming signs and the festivities were all anyone could talk about.
If they were talking to you.
Which Margo was not.
Honestly, I hadn’t tried all that hard to talk to her either. I’d messed up. Royally. And now I had no idea how to fix it.
You see, my big bad plan to show Margo that we might actually be a couple had one epic problem. Well, multiple problems, but one that was so glaring that I couldn’t stop kicking myself for not seeing it sooner.
Margo was genuine. There was nothing fake about her. If there was one thing she’d hate, it was dishonesty. I’d been a coward and I’d taken the easy way out rather than face her like a man and tell her how I felt.
But here was the real kicker of it all. The fact that she expected more from me, that she would never settle for anything less than full honesty, which required a kind of strength I’d never had to think about—that was one of the reasons I loved her.
She made me stronger. She made me better.
Or at least, she made me want to try.
So, in short—what made Margo so great was also the reason that I was staring at the back of her head in homeroom, at a complete and total loss as to how to make this right. The bell rang, putting me out of my misery.
“You ready for the game tomorrow?” Julia asked. She’d fallen into step beside me as we headed out toward our first class.
“As ready as we’ll ever be, I guess.” My tone was distracted because I was still watching Margo as she rounded the corner up ahead.
“You’ve really got it bad for her, huh?”
That got my attention. It was the quiet laughter in her voice that got me more than anything. When I looked over, her smile was rueful. “It’s okay,” she said. “I’m not upset.”
I let out a sigh of relief. Julia really was a sweet girl. I’d never wanted to hurt her. But maybe I should have seen that she’d gotten over any ideas she’d had about the two of us. We’d been working together on homecoming events all week and the relationship between us was nothing but friendly. The kind of chemistry I shared with Margo just wasn’t there between us even though we’d spent more time than ever together since we were paired up as float-mates.
Floaties, that’s what Margo was calling her pairing with Luke as an inside joke between the two of them. Of course, Luke had told me that, not Margo. That would have required her to say more than one word at a time to me and it was starting to look like that would never happen again.
Julia gestured ahead of us to the corner where Margo disappeared. “If you like her so much, why don’t you go after her?”
I opened my mouth and then shut it again. She made it sound so easy. “Because she doesn’t feel the same way.”
She laughed, but it wasn’t mean. “I beg to differ.”
I shot her a look out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t want to feel hopeful. I honestly didn’t. I’d fallen harder than I’d even realized for Margo, and the moment I knew just how hard I’d fallen? The exact moment she’d turned and walked away from me.
I took a deep breath. “She doesn’t,” I said. “I don’t even think she likes me as a human being at this point, let alone as something more.”
She stopped and turned to face me, her pretty blue eyes fixed on me and unwavering. “Does she know how you feel?”
I shrugged but then I grudgingly admitted the truth. “No. She thinks I kissed her as some sort of ploy to get everyone to vote for her.”
I felt a stab of guilt because I’d just basically admitted that I’d been working against Julia to help Margo win the crown, but if Julia cared, it didn’t show. “And why did she think that?”
“Uh…” I rubbed at the back of my neck, shifting uncomfortably beneath Julia’s scrutinizing gaze. Man, when had Julia become so confrontational? I’d been expecting sympathy, not the third degree.
“You didn’t tell her, did you?” Julia said. “You let her believe that was true.”
“I, uh…” I cleared my throat. “I may have led her to believe that my attentions toward her were for a variety of reasons.”
She arched one brow and I flinched. Even I could hear how stilted and awkward I sounded. Also, how incredibly lame.
She shook her head slightly, closing her eyes in obvious exasperation before opening them again and staring straight at me. “Your attentions?” She shook her head again and I winced at hearing my own ludicrous words echoed back to me.
“Did you ask her to be your date for homecoming?” Her tone had taken on a teacherly tone that was simultaneously humiliating and amusing.
I shook my head, but added quickly in my defense, “She’d already told me she wanted to go with her friends. A group thing.”
She let out a huff and didn’t try to hide her disappointment in me. “Okay, fine. Have you made any attempts to make this right?”
I swallowed and apparently that was enough of an answer because she let out another exasperated sigh. “Jason, I love you but seriously…what is your problem?”
Once again, I couldn’t even think of a response. I’d always been a go-getter. A leader. I didn’t wuss out and kiss a girl under the guise of helping her become popular and I didn’t avoid confrontations when there were things that needed to be said.
But maybe I didn’t know what I wanted to say.
Or if she wanted to hear it.
I met Julia’s gaze. “Why do you think she likes me back?”
“Because I see the way she looks at you,” she said simply. Then she made a funny face, scrunching up her nose. “Plus, I’ve seen the way she looks at me.”
Oh. Awkward.
I cleared my throat, ready to man up for once this week and say what needed to be said. “Julia, you should know that I think you’re great but—”
She cut me off with a wave of her hand and an eye roll. “Please, spare me the speech.” She grinned, erasing any trace of bitterness. “It’s okay, really. I may have gotten it into my head that you and I might have potential to, you know…” She waved a hand. “Be something more. But that was before.”
“Before what?”
Her smile turned knowing. “That was before I saw how you look at her.”
Ah. I gave her a sheepish smile. “That obvious, huh?”
“Only to anyone with eyes.”
I let out a short humorless laugh. “Then apparently Margo is blind because she not only doesn’t see it, she seems determined to see the absolute worst in me.”
There was definitely some bitterness in my voice. It was time to admit that maybe it wasn’t just fear of rejection and guilt that had kept me from chasing after Margo. I was hurt. I was angry, even. I might not have been perfect—I’d never claimed to be. But I also wasn’t the big baddie she was so determined to make me out to be. She was judging me based on my friends—no, not even my friends, my teammates and acquaintances. The unfairness of that stung, as did her speech about how all I cared about was superficial concerns like how people saw me and whether or not I won a stupid crown.
I couldn’t tell if she really thought that or if she was just hurt by Joel and his cronies and taking it out on me. But it had clearly come from somewhere. She seemed to be harboring a world of resentment against me and I’d never even been given a chance to defend myself.
Then again, maybe she had her reasons for doubting me. I certainly hadn’t given her any reason to believe that I truly cared. I knew without a doubt that I’d handled t
hat kiss all wrong. I’d been disingenuous about the most real thing in my life.
Maybe it wasn’t as simple as who was right and who was wrong. But acknowledging the fact that I was angry too—that helped. At least now I knew what needed to be said, what issues we had to hash out…if only she’d speak to me.
Julia interrupted my thoughts with a shake of her head. “Oh Jason, you don’t get it. She’s not blind, just scared.”
“Scared?” Doubt and disbelief colored my voice because ‘scared’ and Margo just didn’t seem to go together.
“Falling for someone can be scary,” Julia said, that teacherly tone back in full force. “Especially if you’re not sure they feel the same way or if you think they’re just paying attention to you out of some sort of misguided attempt at charity.”
I flinched a bit at her words. I didn’t think of Margo that way. I never had.
“You should talk to her,” Julia said.
I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “She doesn’t want to talk to me. She doesn’t care what I have to say.”
Julia shook her head and her smile was only slightly condescending. “That is not apathy,” she said, jerking her head toward the spot where Margo and her cold shoulder had been. “That’s pain. My guess is she’s just as confused as you are.”
I stared off to that now-vacant spot too, ignoring the classmates who were forced to walk around us as Julia and I stood there in the middle of the hallway hashing out my love life. “Maybe,” I said. I wasn’t totally convinced, but I’d be lying if I said her words didn’t give me just a little bit of hope. Maybe if I explained things to her, maybe if I could make her see that I wasn’t the same kid I was in junior high, maybe if I could convince her to give me a chance…
I let out a long, slow breath and then nodded. “Okay, assuming you’re right,” I drew my brows together in abject confusion. “What do I do to make this right?”
She beamed at me like I’d just made her proud. “I’ll let you figure that out, but I will tell you this.” She clapped her hands on my shoulders like she was a coach giving me a pep talk. “It had better be big, and nothing short of romantic.”
Love at First Fight (Geeks Gone Wild Book 1) Page 15
