“Is that what you’re going to wear?”
I looked down at the old T-shirt and ratty sweatpants without much concern. “I’m not trying to look good for him. In fact, I’m pretty comfortable in this, and I’d rather be comfortable when I smack the hell out of him for doing this to me.”
“You’re not going to forgive him?”
I stilled, mouth agape. “Forgive him? First he sleeps with that whore, and now he’s telling everyone our private affairs on the air? I mean, honestly, I don’t have the first clue what’s going on in his mind, but I’m not going to let him paint himself the victim so everyone feels sorry for him. I’m the wronged party, here, or did you forget?”
“You need to stop and think.”
I stopped. I thought. I came to the same conclusion. “No, I’m still going to smack him.”
I left the apartment, ran down the stairs and to my car. Jamming my key into the ignition, I paused just long enough to tune the radio to KRAZ. Then I peeled out of the parking lot. An advertisement for a local stereo installation company played as I left the complex and steered onto the empty roads. At least that was in my favor: It was nearly midnight on a Tuesday; very few cars would be on the road.
I was idling at the longest red light in the universe when Ian’s calm voice filled the car’s interior.
“Welcome back to KRAZ. When I last left off, I was sharing the details that led to the ending of The Truths about Dating and Mating. In short, how I fell in love with my best friend and co-host, and made every possible mistake along the way. Last I left off, Ivy had left on a blind date after I tried making my move. So, she showed up later at the bar where our regular group was, alone, which is a story I’m not going to get into.”
“Come on, come on!” I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, cursing the red light. Three minutes had to have passed already and I was still at the stupid light. The fact that there wasn’t a single car on the road besides my own made it feel ten times longer.
“The entire time before she arrives I’m sweating buckets, anxious, promising God that if I can just take back that moment and if everything goes back to normal, I may actually go to church once in a while. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but you get the picture. I was nervous she’s falling in love with this guy, or… I don’t know, that I’ve screwed things up forever. You get the picture. So, she arrives – alone, like I said – and it was like a switch had been flipped. Not to go into too much detail, because none of this is really any of your damn business anyway, but instead of being freaked out, like I thought she would be, she seemed to have warmed up to the idea of at least testing the possibility of being more than friends.”
I bit my lip and tasted blood. Any moment he was going to reveal how I’d been all over him like a big slut, and here I was, stuck at an empty red light and completely powerless to stop him.
“Screw it,” I pressed my foot down on the accelerator and crossed the intersection.
The campus police cruiser appeared in my field of vision two seconds too late. Concealed behind the other wall of the Biological Sciences building’s parking lot, it looked to be lying in wait for students guilty of the crime I had just committed. My head dropped lower and I sucked in a breath, keeping my face forward and hoping against hope that my little maneuver had escaped the good officer’s attention.
That hope fled the minute I’d crossed over to the other side. A strobe of flashing red and blue lit the area.
“No, no, no, no!” I cried in defeat, steering the car to the curb. Just my luck! I’d never so much as trespassed in my life, not wanting to get a reputation for being a hellraiser like my mother. It didn’t seem fair that the first time I’d ever broken the law, I’d get caught. I lowered my head to the steering wheel and shook it slowly. How much worse could this night get?
Ian’s voice went on as the cruiser emerged from its spot and fell in line behind me.
“The two of us played pool and the things she was saying and even her body language…it was a total one-eighty compared to the moment at her front door hours earlier. She kept touching me, and throwing in these little flirtatious jabs at me.” He chuckled, low and deep. “I didn’t know what had gotten into her, but I wasn’t about to ask. I had learned my lesson the day before. Now, I was just going to enjoy it and see how far she’d take it.”
Hadn’t I had the very same thought? See how far he’d take it, even if it meant all the way?
Which, although it took another twenty-four hours to get there, was exactly what happened. And now, being stuck in my car without a shred of hope of stopping him, everybody listening was going to find out about it.
Lifting my head, I glanced in the rearview mirror to see the officer exiting his vehicle. I placed my hands on the steering wheel and waited.
The officer who arrived at my window was middle-aged and had a tired face. “Can you please turn off your engine?”
My eyes flashed to the stereo and I almost whimpered. “Do I have to?” Instead, I did as requested, hoping to expedite the process.
Silence filled the car. And in that moment, even though I dreaded what he was going to say, I desperately wished I’d at least get to hear it.
Ten minutes later and a $60 ticket later, I started the car and slowly pulled back onto the campus street. I could see the officer waiting for me to do so, and kept an eye on the rearview window as I drove away. I didn’t relax until I saw him steer the cruiser into his previous hiding place.
And even then, a large portion of the tension remained, strumming through my body in waves.
“It was the best night of my life. I mean, hell, you guys wanna know why the show is over? It’s because I have no clue what I’m talking about. I’m just as clueless as the rest of you. Even worse, sometimes, I think. I didn’t have the first clue how to act the next time we saw each other. I decided to play it cool, hoping she’d give me some hints about how she wanted to handle it, but, it just hurt her feelings. From there, it was like quicksand. One screw up led to another and that led to another, and so on and so forth.” He exhaled loudly in frustration.
He told the rest of the story from there, not leaving anything out. I remained in the car when I arrived at Manchester, listening to what he had to say. My stomach twisted when he told how much seeing me go out with Jayden had hurt him. He’d said as much, but I’d never really known how much damage my actions had inflicted on him.
My body tensed when he brought up what happened with Mallory. “I went out with my roommate, and I was drunk and passed out. I felt someone climb into the bed with me, and I thought it was Ivy. I was just too out of it, though, and the room kept spinning. I passed out again, and the next thing I know, Ivy’s standing in my doorway, and I’m trying to figure out that’s possible when she’s in bed with me.”
I rubbed my forehead, remembering him looking between us and his baffled expression.
“What can I say? I’m an idiot. A lot of guys are. But if I had known she wouldn’t talk to me again, I would have gone after her. I didn’t though, and now I think I’ve lost her forever.” He groaned, his voice growing agitated. “And if any of you had even the slightest idea how horrible a feeling that is, how much I’ve truly lost… I mean, if any of you had the slightest concept of how much she has always meant to me, or even the kind of person she really is, you could probably understand why that loss is killing me. I’m not saying she’s a saint – far from it, trust me. She’s loud and she overreacts and she gets excited about things I’ll never understand. But she’s always been there for me, even when I was trying to push her away. Growing up, there were plenty of times when I tried to shut the world out, but she always had her toe in the door, refusing to let me slam it shut against her and the world. She has repeatedly refused to give up on me, even when I’m sure I deserved it. Now, that I’ve blown that, I’d give almost anything to have her here, still looking at me so stubbornly and refusing to give up on me.”
“Ivy, if you’re listening, I’m s
orry. I’m so sorry about everything that’s happened. I’m sorry I didn’t know the right words to say, and that I didn’t trust you when you asked me to. I should have had more faith in you. If I could take everything I did wrong back, I would, in a heartbeat. Of course,” he added with a chuckle so bitter it sounded like he was gargling glass, “I’d probably make just as many mistakes, but hopefully not the ones that really counted. I just hope that you’ll be able to forgive me, someday.” Dead air followed for about ten seconds before a slow song I’d never heard before began to play.
“My God.” I turned off the engine. Sniffling, I wiped the tears from my eyes and left the car.
I couldn’t define one emotion from the other as the elevator carried me to the fifth floor. While I was still fuming over Ian’s decision to announce our private business on the air, a million other conflicting feelings raged within me. And seeing as how each new sentiment bubbled to the forefront every second, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say when I came face-to-face with Ian.
My legs moved on autopilot as I left the elevator and made my way to the studio. I stopped outside the studio door and stared at it indecisively. Now that I was here, I was even more at a loss for what I would say.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I opened the door and stepped inside.
Ian sat forward in his chair. By the way his hand was positioned over the switch, I assumed he was just about to go back on the air. He looked over when I entered, before returning his attention to the console. Then he did a double take, jumping up from his chair and spinning around. “Ivy!”
“Ian.”
I still had no idea what to say as we stared at each other across the short distance. At least he had the decency to look contrite. The seconds ticked by and, still, neither of us broke the silence. Finally, he stepped closer. “Ivy,” he said again.
The moment he was within striking distance, my hand flew out and I cuffed him upside the head. “Dumbass.”
“Guess I deserved that,” he said.
“Damn right, you did.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “What the hell were you thinking?”
He held out his hands. “You wouldn’t talk to me. I was desperate.”
“And this was your solution? Announce our private affairs on the air?”
“It got your attention, didn’t it?”
I shook my head. The impulsive display was so Ian. And now, seeing how clueless he was about what he’d done, I found amusement actually warring with all the other emotions swirling around in my chest. An exasperated smile twitched at the corners of my mouth.
“How could you be sure I'd even hear you tonight?” I asked, struggling to keep a straight face.
“Word moves fast. I figured someone would let you.”
My eyes trailed over his shoulder where I found Amery openly staring, her chin resting on her fist. The dopey smile on her face said she enjoying this whole thing way too much and wasn’t the least bit ashamed at her failure to give us privacy. “Oh, someone did.”
“So I was right.”
“I guess you were.”
His eyes were insecure and a little fearful, and part of me wanted to go to him and take that look away. But there was still too much to say. Instead, I cleared her throat. “So, I heard what you said,” I told him, shifting gears.
His facial-muscles shifted into open curiosity. “Yeah?”
“Were you telling the truth?”
“Yes.” His brows flickered cautiously. “About what?”
“You really didn’t sleep with Mallory?”
He rolled his eyes. “No.”
“I went out with Matt and got drunk. She came to me like that when I was passed out. Besides, I didn’t even know it was her. I thought it was you.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Yeah, I heard that. You can’t tell the difference between us?”
He winced and shook at one of his ears. “The room was dark and I really drunk,” he finally
answered. “Too drunk to get it up.”
“So, that’s how you blow off steam? By getting drunk?”
“I just wanted to stop thinking. The alcohol helped.”
“Yeah, but that was really stupid.”
He nodded. “Yeah, well I’ve never felt this way before. I’m emotionally-retarded, according to Amery.”
I smirked. Yeah, Amery would tell him that.
“Give me time; I’ll learn,” he promised.
I lifted an eyebrow. “What makes you think I’m going to give you another chance?”
His mouth quirked, and he suddenly looked amazingly self-assured. Which I found incredibly irritating and annoyingly sexy at the same time. “Why else would you be here?” He took a step forward.
“I came to smack the hell out of you.” I lifted my chin and took a step backward, keeping the same measure of distance between us. Or trying, at least. I hit the door mid-step, and had to resist the instinct to reach up and rub my head.
“Which you’ve already done,” he said. “You’re still here.”
I scowled at being so transparent. “Oh, shut up.”
“See, there you go again.” He stepped in even closer until our bodies almost touched. He rested his forearm on the door over my head. “You know, if we’re ever going to make this work, you’re going to have to stop telling me to shut up.”
He was so close, I could feel the heat of his body; feel his breath – spearmint-gum fresh – on my cheek. His face grew gravely serious as he gazed down into my eyes. “I really am sorry,” he said. His face was so open, so vulnerable in that moment that goose bumps broke out over my skin.
I nodded slowly. “You said that.”
“I said it on the air. Now, I’m saying it to you. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry I wouldn’t give you a chance to explain.”
“I’m sorry I’ve never told you how much I love you.”
My heart skipped a beat. “You tried. I think I told you to shut up.”
A ghost of grin floated over his mouth.
“I love you, too,” I said.
I couldn’t be sure who reached out first, but the next thing I knew, we were kissing. And what a kiss it was, I thought as my arms went around his neck. I’d almost forgotten how well-matched we were in that arena. All the nerves in my body tingled.
He broke the kiss to wrap me in his embrace. My eyes remained closed and I clung to him as his hands stroked my back. The most perfect sense of rightness washed over me. Everything we’d been through suddenly seemed so unimportant, so… stupid. But getting back here, where I belonged, brought me so much delight that tears prickled at my eyes.
When I was sure I’d knocked the tears back, I opened my eyes to find Amery waving her arms from the booth.
“Huh?” I frowned and shook my head. “What? I can’t—”
I broke off and followed Amery’s wild gesticulations with my eyes… right to the lit “On-Air” sign above Ian’s head.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
My jaw dropped.
Live! Every word!
Everything we just said was live. No wonder Amery had to wave to get my attention; her verbal communication with the studio was cut off, relegated to the computer the second that on-air light came on.
I jerked back from Ian. “I can’t believe you!”
“What?” he asked, eyes glazed.
“We’re on the air!”
“What?” he asked again, the haze clearing from his eyes. Slowly, as if he were drugged, his head rotated to look at the illuminated sign.
“We’re on the air,” I said again, “and everyone has heard everything we just said!”
“Oh, fuck me.” He turned and scrambled over his chair to flip the switch into the off position. The light went out.
"Did you do that on purpose?”
“No! I must have… I was about to turn on the microphone when you came in, and I must have accidentally nudged the switch.”
“Oh,
my God, I think I’m going to vomit.” I clutched at my stomach and doubled over.
Ian rubbed my back, trying to comfort me. “I’m sorry. It was an honest mistake.” He was practically pleading.
I breathed in and out several times, tying to regain my center. “I know,” I finally said, though I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to ever leave my apartment again. I stood tall. “I know.”
“The microphone isn’t that sensitive. I think we were quiet enough at the end there…”
While that remained to be seen, there was nothing I could do about it now. “Fine. I’m over it. Really.” Another deep breath to quell my rising nausea and the words rang mostly true to my own ears. I forced a faint smile, hoping he was right and I was just overreacting. It would hardly be the first time.
“You sure?” he asked. He stroked his palms up and down my arms, looking into my eyes. I could tell he was more worried about me than the fact that people heard what we shared.
I closed my eyes when he placed his mouth on my forehead.
“Yes,” I said.
He wrapped me in his arms and held me for a few more seconds before letting me go. Then, he glanced reluctantly at the console. “I really should finish the show. Or at least change the music.”
A look at the clock revealed he still had a half-hour to go before his timeslot ended. “Yeah, go ahead.”
“Are you going to wait?”
“No, I think I’m going to go home.”
“Oh.” His face clouded with disappointment.
I lifted up on my toes and placed a kiss on his jaw. “But come over when you’re done.”
The disappointment in his eyes faded in an instant. He smiled and gave me a soft, lingering kiss. “I’ll be there.”
***
“Say it again.”
“I love you.”
“Again.”
“I love you.”
“Again, again!” I demanded in a childish voice as I gazed up at Ian, where he was leaning over and peppering my face with kisses.
The Truths about Dating and Mating Page 30
