“Yes, I sold my house and stayed at a friend’s apartment in Manhattan. One day I surfed the net and stumbled upon this tiny house movement.” A smile lit up his face. “And I fell in love. This was the smallest house my agent had at the time and I jumped at the chance.”
“It’s not that tiny.”
“No, but I wanted simple, not to go off grid completely. Then I went down the rabbit hole with ‘how to’ videos.” Rob grinned. “I did most of the work on the house myself. That’s why Marge told you to let me help on the repairs over there. She thinks I’m some kind of expert.”
“You haven’t burned the house down; that’s expert level compared to me!”
“Come on, let me show you what I did.”
They went into the house through the back door.
“You’ve seen the kitchen already. I completely remodeled it, pulled everything out and started from scratch. This is all I need.”
The kitchen was small, but light and airy with a big window overlooking the front yard. Under the window was a small dining table with four chairs where the two of them spent so much time in the evenings. The cupboards were white with black marble countertops and there wasn’t a lot of clutter.
“Yeah, I’m already in love with your kitchen.”
He imagined Rob and him drinking morning coffee...
Stop!
He followed Rob to the hallway. Right across from the kitchen was the living room. It had the same big window that overlooked front yard. A big purple sectional was on the opposite wall with wide coffee table in the middle. The walls were light gray with white book shelves.
“No TV?” Zach asked.
“Oh, there is a TV. Hidden in the ceiling. It was a bitch to install.”
“Cool.”
“I don’t use it every day, so that was a luxury I didn’t mind having.” Rob moved along.
“OK, down this hallway on the left is a guest room and the guest bathroom. And on the right are two rooms connected by a big bathroom. Take words like big and small with caution,” Rob laughed.
The bedroom was big enough for a king-size bed and a large dresser. It was decorated in shades of purple and gray, with black and white details. The wood of the headboard was stained gray, and the comforter was a patchwork of purple, white, and black. On the left, there were doors that led to the bathroom. It had a double sink and a bathtub with the shower in white and gray marble.
From bathroom they went into the second room.
It was the same size as the bedroom, but it was divided with shelves. One half was a makeshift walk-in closet for Rob’s suits and other stuff. The other half of the room was filled with equipment, weights, a treadmill, a bike...
“Why don’t you run outside? The treadmill is for people who have nowhere to run.”
“Oh, you don’t want to see me running outside. I’m a hazard.” Rob said.
“Hazard?”
“Clumsy. You don’t want me out there with traffic and pedestrians and... you don’t want to know.”
Zach turned to walk out and stopped in his tracks. “What is that?” He stared wide eyed at the... What in the hell is this thing?
The custom display case covered the entire wall with the doors to the hallway. It was slim with a wooden frame, painted in white with white dividers forming small compartments, and covered by sliding glass windows.
And it was filled with ties. Hundreds of ties.
In what movie did I just walk into?
“Oh, that...”
“Yeah, that.” Zach pointed at the construction.
“It’s m-my tie collection.” Rob’s face was flushed, and he couldn’t look Zach in the eyes.
“What is it for?” Zach squealed, but then cleared his throat.
“For? What do you mean, what is it for?” Rob looked at him finally. “They are ties. You wear them around your neck. Ties. Suits. You know, clothes.” Rob was rambling.
“I know what ties are, I have a few. But this...” He waved both hand at the display case. “This is like a scene from some high budget BDSM movie!”
“I collect ties. Every tie in that display means something to me. That is the most valuable thing I own.”
“Wow... I apparently never met a serious collector before.”
“Yeah, don’t mess with my ties.”
“You got it.” Zach smiled.
“No, seriously, anything but the ties.”
He’s so cute.
They walked through the hallway and kitchen back to the porch.
“Wow, you did an amazing job! It’s beautiful, man. I would live in this house!” Oh, I would so live in this house. “I mean in a house like this,” he quickly corrected himself.
Why don’t you shut up, Zach?
“I did one room at a time, and I wasn’t in a hurry,” Rob said as he sat down on the loveseat. “Some things I had to do twice, but I’m happy with how everything turned out. It is exactly how I wanted it and it has everything I really need.”
“I can see why Marge thinks you are an expert. And I like that it’s just enough.” Rob smiled proudly at him and Zach forgot to breathe. Man, this is going to be hard.
“I will help you with repairs. I know where and what to buy. And most important thing.” Rob leaned toward Zach and grinned. “I know the easiest way to do it!”
Yes, this is going to be hard as hell. He was already hooked. He could recognize this man by his scent alone for Christ’s sake. Rob was all he could think about, and now he had to spend even more time with him. He would die or go crazy.
Why now? And why this man?
He couldn’t crush on a straight guy. He’d been down that road before and it never ended well. He had no more heartbreaks to waste, and Rob would break him whole if he let him.
Chapter 10
It was nice being able to cook for someone other than himself, Rob thought as he pulled the meat out of the oven. It was nice being able to cook for Zach. I like him. All this time spent with him and so much more time to look forward to. I forgot what this feels like.
Excitement was something Rob would need to get used to again.
He arranged veggies on a platter. Baby carrots first, then broccoli, then cauliflower.
He’s my friend. I can’t let my obsessions show.
Or I could just tell him and see where we’ll go from there. I’m scared.
He cut a tomato for salad. Small cubes, but not too small using a sharp knife that wouldn’t squeeze the juice out. He was mixing the salad when there was a knock on the door.
“Evening, neighbor.” Zach said.
“Evening. Please, come in.”
“I hope you didn’t go to too much trouble with dinner?”
“I did, and I enjoyed it. It’s always nice to have company for dinner. Besides, Marge would never forgive me if I let her boy starve.”
“Yup, Marge is a very dangerous woman.” Zach laughed and stole a baby carrot off the platter. Rob didn’t care.
“Dinner is ready. Would you help me set the table?”
“Sure.”
“There’s the tablecloth and plates are in this cupboard.” Zach opened the cupboard and blinked at the perfectly aligned plates but said nothing. Rob froze and shrunk back.
“I’ll get the glasses for wine,” Rob rushed, scrambling to do something, anything to avoid Zach’s gaze, but Zach showed no reaction.
After being alone for so long, it was strange to move with someone else around the kitchen. Strange, but comforting. Looking at Zach setting the table, he didn’t feel the need to snatch the plates and arrange them himself. It felt almost normal. He felt almost normal.
“Sit down, here comes the meal.”
“It looks amazing. I hope it tastes good, too,” Zach chuckled.
“Oh, shut up.”
“I’ll open the wine if you don’t mind.” Zach took the bottle, pulled the cork, and poured the wine into the glasses while Rob put meat and veggies on their plates.
This is nic
e. Is this what a date with Zach would look like? He is handsome and polite, a good person. Why is he single?
Zach moaned when he took the first bite and Rob’s heart swelled with pride. “Good?”
“This is the best roast beef I’ve ever had.” Zach said with his mouth full. “You clearly missed your calling, chef.”
“You’re wrong. There are a couple of dishes I can do, but I’m not really an expert.”
“This right here proves you wrong.” Zach pointed at his plate.
“I had to learn to cook if I didn’t want to starve to death, but numbers are still my thing.”
“You worked at the bank, right?”
“Yeah, Wall Street, investment banking. It was my dream job. I loved it.” Rob took a bite to hide trembling in his voice.
“Why did you leave then? Or is that intrusive question?”
“No, the question is fine. The answer, however, is a little hard.” He swallowed the rest of his wine.
“You don’t have to answer it.”
“It’s fine, Zach.” He slowly put the glass down. “When Rachel and Amy died, nothing seemed to matter anymore. My whole life changed in one night. And the hardest thing wasn’t what everyone else thought it was.”
“What was it?” Zach whispered.
Can I really tell him the truth? At least this truth.
“I grieved the loss of my wife and daughter, of course. But I lost myself too that night. I lost my identity.” He poured himself another glass of wine. Shame was eating him alive. He still felt like a monster for thinking about himself when his girls were gone forever. “I was a husband, a father, and a businessman. In one second, I lost two-thirds of what made me me, you know? I had to mourn myself and I couldn’t tell anybody. It seemed selfish, even to me. All the years I spent with Rach, all the dreams we had for Amy... just gone.”
And I’ll never get them back.
“It’s impossible to imagine...” Zach choked.
Rob looked up, fearing what he’d see in those gray eyes, but once again there was nothing but support and compassion. He kept things from Zach and got only kindness in return.
I need to tell him.
“I thought I could go one of two ways. I could turn to my job and become a workaholic. You know, live for the firm and sleep in my office. Lose my connection to the outside world and reality. And I thought about it.”
“But that’s not you,” Zach noted.
“No, that’s not me. After the funerals and the insanity that followed them, I went to my friend Marc and asked for the keys to his Manhattan penthouse.”
“Ooh, fancy...” Zach saluted him with his wine.
Rob smiled.
“Yeah, it really was fancy. I wanted to see how it would play out for me. The first tentative plan was to go back to work, buy an apartment in the city, somewhere close and in one of those towers with everything included.”
“Like?”
“Like maid service, a gym and restaurant in the building, maybe a bar...”
“So, you wouldn’t have to leave or see other people?”
“Yeah, that was the plan. Marc was against it.”
“Smart man.”
“He is. He gave me the keys, but he also subtly directed me to this life here.”
“How?”
“He dropped hints all over the place. He suggested I retire, and he was right. I really don’t need any more money. I do private consulting and give what I earn with that to charities.” Rob sighed. I have to address the big tied elephant in the spare room. “About the ties.”
Zach opened his mouth, but Rob waved him off.
“I developed this thing for ties while working in New York.” Don’t say obsession, don’t say it... “I bought them everywhere I went. Some were presents from Rachel and Amy or other people. When I moved here, I couldn’t give them up.” I can never give up my collection. “I made the case and—”
“You made it?!”
“Yes.” Rob’s cheeks were on fire. Stop with the compliments, I’ll die. “I’ll let you in on my top trade secret. I sit here at the table with my laptop and do business. When I have conference calls with my clients, I wear a shirt, a tie, and a suit jacket. Under the table I’m usually in shorts or sweats, even PJs if I’m in that kind of mood.” Rob snickered. “They don’t see it, they don’t know,” he whispered.
“I have to see that!” Zach grinned.
“So anyway, Marc was right. I get to do what I love and live here. I love this place.” He waved his hands trying to encompass everything around them.
Meow came into the kitchen screaming for attention.
“Excuse me.” Rob said standing up. “I have to feed the monster.”
He took a plate with diced meat and put it on the floor in front of the cat. ‘You’re taking too long, hooman,’ Meow’s big eyes were saying as he sat and waited.
“He’s spoiled rotten!” Zach laughed. “He owns you.”
“He does, and I’m not ashamed to admit that.” Rob glanced at Meow. “He deserves every ounce of love and affection, after everything...”
“Why? What happened?”
“The first night I slept in this house, he showed up on my porch in the middle of the night. I don’t know what happened to him, whether it was a car that had hit him or, and I can’t even think about it, someone beat him with something... anyway. He was in a real bad shape. I didn’t think he would live until the morning. I took him in, made him comfortable, and waited.”
“The whole night?”
“Yes. No one deserves to die alone.” Rob shivered and Zach patted his hand. “In the morning he was still here. In pain, but alive. He ate out of my palm and I did everything he needed. He had a broken leg that didn’t heal properly, so he has two elbows now, and he lost one fang that night. None of that is stopping him from owning my ass.” Rob laughed.
“Poor guy...” Zach shook his head.
“We’re family now.” The only family I have.
“You are amazing,” Zach said. Rob tried to brush it off, but Zach wouldn’t let him. “No, no... I’m glad you moved here.”
“No...”
“Yes, first, you were a great help to Mom. She told me so, and I’m very grateful for that.”
“It’s—” Zach lifted his hand.
“Second, in the city, I would have never met you. And that is sad. I really like you and enjoy your company.”
What is wrong with New York men? Do they not see him?
“Thank you, Zach. That is very kind of you.”
He thinks of me as a friend. What will he say when he finds out the truth?
“Let’s drink to that.” Zach lifted his glass and Rob touched it with his.
“I am grateful for meeting you, too. I am glad for having a friend like you in my life.” Rob said.
Zach snorted, but coughed right after.
“Sorry, this wine is a bit strong and you should cut me off.” Zach laughed.
“You’re OK. You’re not driving home so you might as well indulge.”
Robs eyes were constantly drawn to Zach. He couldn't have imagined that he could be this comfortable with a stranger. What would happen when Zach’s house sold, and he left?
With Zach, everything was easy. Rob wanted this friendship. To have someone to accept him for who he is would truly be a gift.
I need to tell him.
Chapter 11
Miranda needs to find me a buyer ASAP. If I don’t go back to New York soon, I’ll go mad.
For days, Zach had been packing stuff to send to Marge in New Haven, and Rob was fixing stupid little things around the house. Every day was the same. The same hell. He spent a big chunk of his time with Rob. He knew that face better than his own now.
I’m contained here with him. I need to go out and see someone else.
The doorbell startled him.
“Hello, Zachary.” Miranda pushed past him before he even opened the door all the way. Insanely sweet and flowery perfume f
ollowed her. God, it’ll take days to air this smell out of the house.
“I came to see how far you’ve gotten with the alterations.” She pushed her lime green coat into his hands. His eyes watered from the color of her power suit. What the fuck is the name of that color? Magenta? It should be illegal.
“I did everything you asked, Miranda.”
“We’ll see.” She went up the stairs, then down the hallway, her heels punching holes in the wood planks.
“Oh, this is good, very good.” Her voice was grating on his nerves. And honestly? He was proud of his restraint. “I see you found a good repairman to do the work. Grouting is excellent. And I see you changed the faucet. Good, good...”
She was tearing upstairs bathroom apart.
“Are you planning to bring someone?” Any time this century would be fine...
“You know, Zachary, the market is very slow these days and there are not many buyers for this type of house.” She left the bathroom and went down the stairs, Zach at her heels trying to keep up. “And those that have the money expect decent house.”
“This is a decent house, Miranda,” he said gritting his teeth. If I strangle her, I’ll go to jail and I won’t see Rob again.
“If you say so...”
I will bury her under this not decent house.
“What is the matter now?” Rob fixed the upstairs bathroom, so whatever she found wrong now Zach would have to do himself. It would be too much to ask Rob for anything else.
“You see these walls in the living room—”
“My parents redid the living room last year, right before my father's cancer progressed.”
“I know, but the color is just wrong, and I think you could do better.” Miranda glanced at him over her shoulder cocking her eyebrow.
Fine, I’ll play along.
“OK, I’ll paint the living room. We will now go through the house one more time and you can tell me everything that is wrong. And, Miranda, this time everything.” He frowned. “I don’t want to have this conversation with you again.”
She smoothed her eye-burning blazer and sighed.
“Fine.” She snapped her fingers. “Let’s go.”
Maybe I can bury her under the back porch.
What We Want Page 4
